When texting is a turn off

by singlemomseeking on February 5, 2009

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned.

Maybe I just need to get an iPhone and learn the fine art of texting.

It’s not like I’m a virgin when it comes to texting. I text to say that I’m running late. I text to check in about a play date.

I also love sending — and receiving — sweet, flirty texts. It feels good to know that someone is thinking about you, don’t you agree?

But what happens when a man tries to date you through texting? (No, this isn’t what happened to Dad’s House, when he and a woman were texting just to set up that first date. What work!)

[Ed. note: I ran this post by this “cute guy” to give him the head’s up about this post. I just took a deep breath.]

Here’s what happened:

I recently dragged Depot Dad to a party (thanks Jim!) where I met this cute guy, who was actually a friend-of-a-friend…. Anyway, I gave him my number. He called.

We had a sweet conversation — followed by a few fun, thoughtful dates. In between, we planned everything by email or text, all business and to the point. There was no flirting in between, and I didn’t really give much thought to the fact that we hadn’t talked on the phone.

I figured we were connecting slowly? Flash forward: I just had a super-packed weekend, including an author-friend visiting from NYC.

I had childcare for the evening — yes, for the Best Sex Writing of 2009 reading — so I emailed to invite him. (He was a brave man to say “yes”!)

After the reading, I explained (by email, again) that I wanted to check in with my friend to see what her plans were after the reading. Looking back, I just should have picked up the phone and called him.

Clearly, we were already in a texting/emailing mode.

That morning, there was a text from him:

“Have you talked with your friend about what’s happening after her reading? I’m still happy to hang and simply wanted to know if I should make my own plans afterward.”

I didn’t respond right away — morning rush! — but 20 minutes later, there was an email:

“Any word on post-reading activities tonight?… Just wanted to know so I could make other plans if needed.”

Maybe I was reading into things, but it seemed like he had a potential late night plan on the back burner, if you know what I mean?

Go ahead and tell me if I over-analyze everything, but why don’t grown ups call each other anymore if they really want to spend time together?

So, I called him.

I’m not trying to come down on this guy. This isn’t a deal breaker. (It’s not like the time I went on a date with my former UPS man and he texted another woman right in front of me!)

But when I read his text — and then email — I assumed that he that wanted to see which lucky woman might fill his “after hours” slot.

But that’s the problem with texting to set up dates: it’s so easy to misread.

As I said, I even called this handsome guy to discuss this post. “Texting and emailing is so easy to misinterpret,” he agreed. “You can’t hear the inflection in someone’s voice.”

Since all of you are (often) much savvier than me… let me have it.

When you’re planning a date — like above — do you set it up by texting each other?

Am I just making a big deal out of nothing here?


I’d love to know if you use texting for flirting only. Or, for business only? Or, for both?

While we’re on the topic, read Dr. Leah’s “Textiquette” at Singlemommyhood.

Good stuff! We’d love to know what you think!

Both of us are big fans of CREDO, a socially responsible ecofriendly phone company which donates a percentage of each customer’s phone bill to support nonprofits. You can sign up with Credo here.

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