Men with fur? I need your advice.

by singlemomseeking on February 8, 2009

Let’s just say that one man I recently went out with got a little more than a kiss. Mmm.

We got far enough, however, to know that he’s not lacking in the hair department. Don’t get me wrong. A bit of hair on a guy’s chest is sexy. I don’t mind some hair on his back, either.

In fact, I’ll take a little body hair over a waxed chest — and back — any day. A back that’s as smooth as a baby’s butt is a bit too metrosexual for me.

When I see a completely hairless shiny back, I can’t stop imagining how this guy must have sworn an awful lot of expletives, like the 40-year-old Virgin. (Jason Mesnick on The Bachelor SO waxes his back! A Jewish man without any hair on his back? C’mon now.)

Yet back to my date, this man’s back and chest are very hairy — the hairiest I’ve ever seen.

Kristin of Better Now recently asked, “Is fur a dealbreaker for any of you or am I just really, really messed up?”

No, this isn’t a deal breaker — as it is for some women who wrote into Kristin’s blog.

But still, I am having a hard time getting past it. I can shut my eyes, but I do have other senses at work.

Any advice about how I might get over this?

Women, is a hairy back a deal breaker for you?

And guys, please speak up. I need to hear what you think, too.

Photo from Globalspot

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

Jim Everson (Depot Dad) February 8, 2009 at 10:40 pm

Are you asking me if a hairy back a deal breaker for me? Um. Yes.

Jim Everson (Depot Dad)´s last blog post…Two House Discipline

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Shannon February 8, 2009 at 11:13 pm

Sorry no advice on how to get over it.

I have never dated a man with “fur”. It would more than likely be a deal breaker for me. I am not a fan of “fur”. I prefer very little hair on my men … I like to feel skin. Nice warm flesh!

The thought of kissing all over a hairy body kind of freaks me out. ;)

And Jims comment had me laughing so hard.

Shannon´s last blog post…How do I let go? …. Part 1

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Dr.Leah www.singlemommyhood.com February 9, 2009 at 4:35 am

I’m laughing at Jim’s comment, too.

I’ve never dated a furry guy either. My kids were alternately mesmerized/terrified by furry men at the beach. May-be that’s why I shy away from furry guys. I associate “fur” with “mommy explanations” involving the importance of not staring and using kind words only to describe people.

Dr.Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com´s last blog post…When YOU’RE just not that into him

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Kari February 9, 2009 at 4:41 am

I had a boyfriend mmmm over a year ago, that was very very hairy.

I felt the same as you at first “I can close my eyes but…” then all of a sudden before I realized it I found it sexy.

My new man shaves and I want to tell him that its okay and not to do that but it bugs him.

Back in the day, I wouldn’t have dated a man with any hair.

ha! Go figure.

My words of wisdom, as things progress and change your view of the fur will change too. It did for me anyway.

Kari´s last blog post…The Good Life

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Jenn February 9, 2009 at 6:19 am

I wouldn’t say a deal breaker for me but if I have a hard time getting turned on because of it or have a hard time thinking of anything else but running my fingers thru the hair on his back;) …. ummmmm that might be a problem.

At the same time I might be bothered by someone who couldn’t pick me up for lunch bc they had a back waxing appt. Hard one to call.

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Amy February 9, 2009 at 6:36 am

A smooth chest is a turn off for me. My ex’s chest looked like a 12 year olds by the time we split up. i much prefer some hair.

However, I don’t really like to see back hair creeping up out of some guys collar. But if I really liked a guy, it probably wouldn’t bother me that much if he had some back hair. (I probably wouldn’t encourage the heart cutout in the picture!). And he would have to be “clean” – no dirty hairiness going on.

This is kind of similar to women’s hair “down there”. I think guys who think there should be no hair or some prefectly manicured strip are crazy. If you are naturally a more “hairy” person I think that is part of you personal make up and charm. However, you should keep things maintained and not have errant hairs running down to your knees. So same with back hair – no way I’d want them to wax it all off – but they’d have to be aware and take action if it got so long I was getting tangled up in it.

Amy´s last blog post…Journal 123: February 2009 Making it All Better

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tanasie February 9, 2009 at 6:36 am

I absofuckinglutely love chest hair. The more the better. And back hair is often just the cost of doing business to get the amount of chest hair I want.
A chest-hair-less guy just makes me feel like I’m a lesbian.
I dated one guy, whose back was hair-free except for in the small of his back, he had a total shag rug (like three inches long, and really thick). But the deal breaker for us was that he was always sighing, staring at the ceiling and talking about how he might maybe someday meet someone better than me.

tanasie´s last blog post…Last Wishes

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Legal Editor Mom February 9, 2009 at 6:50 am

I can’t be of any help here because I’ve never been with a man who was very hairy. My friend now (wink, wink) has just the right amount for me…sexy hair on his chest and practically none on his back. If I liked this guy inother areas I’d try to cope, but I do agree if it made me uncomfortable during intimacy or distracted me from the moment, it probably could be a deal breaker. Keep us posted!

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won February 9, 2009 at 7:03 am

Maybe I am a bit of a…well, I don’t know the word.

Having had a child who was different than the typcial, opened my eyes to what was obvious. It is really what is inside that would be a deal breaker or endearing. The rest is just “stuff” and that can come and go so quickly…

Hair or no hair?

For me, it’s heart or no heart.

won´s last blog post…Loose Ends Everywhere

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LeAnna in MN February 9, 2009 at 7:06 am

I used to have problems with it, and now I’m a bit more apathetic, having had a few lovers who were fabulous, and somewhat hairy. I see it as just the byproduct of all of those masculine hormones that do such crazy things to my brain when I’m around them. :P
As tanasie said, “the cost of doing business.” But I do think there are maintenance options short of shaving/waxing it all off, and they should be researched and utilized as needed. :)

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Amy Sue Nathan February 9, 2009 at 7:22 am

Deal breakers should be things that affect your health or well-being, not what you do or don’t like to look at.

Amy Sue Nathan´s last blog post…Chicago Tribune talks to single parents about dating

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Eathan February 9, 2009 at 7:35 am

I have to agree with Jim on this one…lol

The only words that come to my mind are, “Ch Chia!” as in Chia Pet.

I know we don’t agree Rachel.. but i’ll say it again.. i’m anti hair. :) But each his own.

I’m sure if you really like the guy, you’ll get past it or get over it.

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Mama Dharma February 9, 2009 at 8:03 am

You know, if he has enough other attributes that balance out the furriness, I bet you will get over it in time. We all have our flaws, right? However if it’s killing your desire, you may have to move on.

It’s a tough one because there’s not much in the way of compromise. It’s either fur, or wax. I once dated someone who used to shave his back. Um, yeah.

Mama Dharma´s last blog post…Metamorphosis

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Dr.Leah www.singlemommyhood.com February 9, 2009 at 8:19 am

Mama Dharma: How exactly does a guy shave his own back? I’m trying to get a mental picture . . .but, I’m distracted by that much potential “beard burn”. Ouch!

Dr.Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com´s last blog post…When YOU’RE just not that into him

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MindyMom February 9, 2009 at 8:26 am

There was a time when “fur” would have been a deal breaker, but my last boyfriend had a lot of chest hair, which he groomed regularly and a little back hair that he waxed.

I think whatever hair you have, men or women, should be groomed -and I mean eveywhere people.

MindyMom´s last blog post…Being a Parent

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Nancy February 9, 2009 at 8:27 am

Since it’s all personal preference, I come in at, I don’t like hair … anywhere. It’s only a deal breaker if they’re against wax and razors.

Who likes to floss WHILE they eat? [smirk]

Nancy´s last blog post…Wild and Crazy

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singlemomseeking February 9, 2009 at 8:33 am

Once I pick myself up off the floor after reading Jim’s comment… I’ll get to the rest of you.

Amazing how personal preference DOES vary so much. But that’s humanity, isn’t it?

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Mary February 9, 2009 at 9:18 am

To me there is no getting over it. I don’t want werewolf man, no matter his other attributes. Huge turnoff for me. I don’t want Clay Aiken hair on the guy, but I don’t want to sleep with a sheep dog either.
~Mary

Mary´s last blog post…I cursed the mountain before I climbed it

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T February 9, 2009 at 9:50 am

I love Jim. He’s so freakin’ funny.

I’m with you, Rachel. TOO much hair is just… TOO MUCH.

I didn’t realize that I would enjoy a smooth hairless body until I dated a few athletes who shave for sport. Its kind of sexy to me now.

Then again, I don’t mind a nice bit of hair on the chest.

Whatever. Maybe I’m with won… the heart speaks louder than the package. (and yes, I did mean the double entendre as well.)

T´s last blog post…This is what it would take

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Schvach February 9, 2009 at 11:30 am

I’m a Yiddische Hairless – what can I say? If you love hairy men, may I suggest you move to Olduvai Gorge; if not, then stay away from Olduvai Gorge. BTW, I like hairy women, but not the Stein-Leventhal variety – sorry!

Schvach´s last blog post…

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avigail74 February 9, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Ladies! I’m shocked at you! We complain that men want us to be skinny, hair-free (we’re always shaving our legs and underarms), waxing our lips, etc–and yet, aren’t we doing the same thing to men? I must also add–that a lot of men that I’ve dated all wanted me to look prettier–and I felt a lot of pressure from that (and hated it). I liked what Amy Sue Nathan said: heart or no heart! Much, much better and more real! I like all kinds of men–I really don’t discriminate between them–I’ve enjoy men who have very few hair on their chest to men have have a furry chest–they both feel pretty damn good–and more so if you like him! I’m going to tell most of you ladies the same thing our mama told us when we were kids: Treat people (men) the way you want to be treated.

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Amy February 9, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Another thing to think about – at least I have found this to be true – sometimes I think things like back hair, the way they chew, a word they use all the time, or some other little thing is often something that my mind gets focused on as a negative because the real connection isn’t there with them.

I think when you are REALLY into someone – you don’t notice the back har. Or maybe you do, but it is no longer a turn off – it is now a turn on.

I just wonder if its a way for our minds to say – “this isn’t a good match – for whatever cosmic reason – and so I am focused on that damn back hair and how it turns me off”

Amy´s last blog post…Journal 123: February 2009 Making it All Better

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SDMktg February 9, 2009 at 12:39 pm

It’s called grooming. No hair should ever rise above the collar of a shirt. There’s no way I’d shave my chest, arms, or legs for anyone. Or my head for that matter.

At the risk of being called “metro” a sideburn trimmer/hair clipper without the guard will take care of anything that starts to get to be too much along the shoulders. Waxing hurts and can cause breakouts and or skin irritation. If the hair is as thick as the guy in the picture that’s when you’re hosed.

SDMktg´s last blog post…Who would make a worse tailgate party guest…Christian Bale or Alec Baldwin?

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Erica February 9, 2009 at 12:58 pm

This is too funny, because I just went out with a guy who shaved his chest and back. This was a complete deal breaker for me. Horrible little pricklies all growing in and attacking me…

To me, fur = man. Grrrrr, baby, grrrr…

Erica´s last blog post…Dirty Thirty & Good-bye

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Bonnie February 9, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Clearly you live in Ca! We midwestern gals need a man with some fur to keep us warm all winter! Hairy Beasts are hot. Have you heard Will Oldham (aka Bonnie Prince Billy) sing? Plus, they just ooze manliness. i love when my man goes out to chop wood for our fireplace! And then lays around in front of the fire with me.

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GLSD February 9, 2009 at 1:39 pm

I think it definitely is a personal preference. A lil trim here or there w/ clippers will work. You don’t need to go totally crazy and wax :) I definitely don’t want to feel the pricklies growing in either. Some hair is ok. Hair coming out the collar def needs to be trimmed back LOL! Keep us posted!

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CasualEncountersBlog February 9, 2009 at 3:54 pm

Frankly if a woman can’t accept my three-inch-thick furry love-cover, then she isn’t worth my time.

It’s not like I ask chicks to shave their stuff. In fact, I like a woman who has something down there to cling onto. Guys? Back me up here!

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singlemomseeking February 9, 2009 at 4:10 pm

Now that Erica has me cracking up in the middle of a cafe with “Horrible little pricklies all growing in and attacking me…”

Those Amys are on the ball today!

Avigail (who happens to be a dear friend who takes the time to read my blog!) says: “Treat people (men) the way you want to be treated.”

Yes, Amy Sue, the heart-to-heart is what matters in the end.

And Amy from “It’s Just a Wish,” you are perceptive: “I just wonder if its a way for our minds to say ‘This isn’t a good match – for whatever cosmic reason – and so I am focused on that damn back hair and how it turns me off.”

Very perceptive….

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Canadian Bald Guy February 9, 2009 at 6:33 pm

I am one hairy bastard.

I’ve never really cared for it. In fact, there has been a time or two where I tried “trimming” the chest and back and….sigh. I absolutely HATE my hair (hence one reason I’m now bald…it’s a personal choice).

Thankfully, my girlfriend loves curling up to her “bear” at night. I don’t quite understand the interest, but I’m not going to complain.

I think it’s simply a matter of personal preference. Of course, me not being a woman, maybe it’s just not that simple.

Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog post…How do you tell your ex that you’re dating again?

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Alicia February 9, 2009 at 7:03 pm

Laughing my ass off @ all the comments!! But personally, the thought of a bunch of hair on or in my mouth is not a turn on. A little is okay, but I prefer smoooth & soft skin-that’s hot.

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