Dating outside your race

As far as I know, not many men have read Single Mom Seeking.

I’ve been told that it’s a “woman’s book” with its emotional ups and downs and steamy make-out sessions.

So whenever I get feedback from a male reader, I appreciate it. Most recently, Kevin from 5Ks and Cabernets emailed me a list of questions he had after reading my book. (Thanks Kev!)

For starters, Kevin said that he’d like “to know more about how you — part-Jewish, part-Irish Catholic — wound up attracted to men of color, and specifically, black men.”

“Were your parents or your surroundings so tolerant that dating out of your race was not even something you had to worry about?” Kevin asked.

“Did your parents/friends ever give you problems? (They all love M, so perhaps not).”

Talking about race isn’t easy — at least, not for me.

I’m afraid I might say something wrong, or sound narrow-minded. I’m afraid I might hurt someone’s feelings unconsciously.

But I’m doing my best to open up and learn more. I went to a high school in the suburbs where there was just a handful of African-American kids — but one of my first boyfriends in high school was black. We dating for two years, until he went off to college and married his college girlfriend (and, yes, we’re Facebook friends now!).

My parents, fortunately, were very open-minded about the race of anyone I dated. As long as he was respectful, reliable, smart, goal-oriented… (Although I’ve written a bit about my Jewish grandma, which is another story.)

It wasn’t until I had M that I got a bit mixed up about race.

Kevin pointed out that I’m fortunate to live in the open-minded Bay Area — and before that, New York City. Still, strangers have stopped me to ask where I adopted my daughter. (I’ve pointed to my belly and said, “She came from right here!”)

And kids will be kids: children have asked me straight out, “Are you her Mommy?” and “Why is your hair straight, and hers is curly?”

Many of you have biracial kids – and you’ve written about them here.

I wonder: have strangers ever made comments about your race? — or your kid’s?

Or, maybe the comments weren’t from strangers at all — but from your own family?

Many of you have commented about dating outside your own race: how did your family respond?

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P.S. The amazing Amy Sue Nathan is reviewing  Single Mom Seeking today at The Examiner.

Yes, I agree with Amy–  in her review — that I was too forgiving…. Thanks Amy!

Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style.

Tagged as: African American, biracial, black, Dating, Jewish, multiracial, race, single mom, strangers