A man and his exes, Part II

by singlemomseeking on February 28, 2009


When I recently asked for your advice about going to a party with a man and his exes, you really gave it to me.

Apples suggested I tell him: “I can only handle meeting ONE ex at a time.” (Ha!)

Nancy suggested that I “just go, have fun, be the ‘new girl’ everyone is checking out.”

Judy said that she’d “feel icky about going” (I hear you!)

John F had the nerve to add, “We are in a horrible economy and hey–it’s a free meal.”

What really amused me was the number of you who suggested that I go just so I could write a juicy blog post (you’re all so bad!).

Amy Sue Nathan pointed out that this all sounded like a Sex and the City episode during which “Miranda is put in a similar situation, and the people at the table are really there to check her out and ask specific questions.”

“You’re not really selling this guy, you know,” added the very perceptive Single Parent Dad. “He doesn’t get your dry sense of humor? What’s all that about?”

On top of that, I ran into a childcare dilemma. My mom offered to take M earlier in the afternoon, but the party started at 7. The idea of driving to the suburbs, fetching her, and dropping her off somewhere else didn’t seem fair.

When I explained this to the date, he was sweet to say, “You can bring your daughter if you want.” (No, they’ve never met and she doesn’t know about him). That would be too weird.

So, alas, I did not go. Are you disappointed?

Today at Singlemommyhood, Dr. Leah clarifies what it really means when someone says that he/she is “still best friends” with an ex.

What do you think?

Read the Sanity Fairy’s great advice here.

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Crystal Monae March 2, 2009 at 9:47 am

I wanted to hear the juicy details, but I completely understand. M should not have been subjected to him and his drama. You did the right thing!

Crystal Monae´s last blog post…Drop the … ist


judy March 1, 2009 at 11:58 pm

Rachael now don’t start more making excuses for him..he doesn’t get my sense of humor..he hasn’t dated single mo(but i’m still pursuing him)…
honey is this the sequel to he’s not into you…”it’s not his fault, he just hasn’t..

again thank you for your vulnerability to us.

since it is not my blog you don;t need to hear about my dating faux pas this weekend but we can all learn from yours


GLSD March 1, 2009 at 8:53 pm

It sounded like you didn’t want to go, but was looking forward to reading the post 😉 It was nice that he offered you bring M, but I wouldn’t have especially if everyone were adults and she would’ve been the only child.


Eathan March 1, 2009 at 6:06 pm

I’m sad that ya didn’t go. I figured there would be some details. But I would never take one of my kids to this type of date.


SDMktg March 1, 2009 at 4:57 pm

I actually think the casual invite of your daughter either means he really wanted you to go so he threw that out there or potentially…you are in the “friend zone” and that’s why he was so casual about the exes and having your daughter come to an “intimate” dinner party. Hard to say without knowing him.

I hope you had a good weekend anyway.

SDMktg´s last blog post…Tale Gator – Sweet Seat for your tailgate


casualencounters.com/blog/ March 1, 2009 at 2:36 pm

I don’t think the kid needed to tag along. But the drunken exes-chat would have been worth at least a drop-in.

casualencounters.com/blog/´s last blog post…Casual Encounters Web TV Show, Episode 4


Yummy Mammy March 1, 2009 at 10:30 am

Nope, I think it was a good move not to go. Imagine the scene – child, introduce to Mum’s new friend and oh BTW here is his ex, oh and another, oh and another.

That would just be a bit too weird!

Yummy Mammy´s last blog post…Potential Outfit Disaster


won March 1, 2009 at 8:45 am

I am glad you didn’t go…for you. It didn’t really sound like you were too keen on the idea.

It sounded to me like it’d be inviting trouble. And you know, when you do that, it’s harder to complain about it when it arrives.

Glad your Sunday morning is more likely to be a peaceful one.

won´s last blog post…***Leavin’ the Light On***


MindyMom March 1, 2009 at 7:37 am

Sometimes (OK often) our kids determine our fate. Such is the life of a single mom.

Hope you two enjoyed your evening!

MindyMom´s last blog post…What’s Your Dating Age-Range?


Amy Sue Nathan March 1, 2009 at 6:52 am

What can I say but OY VEY?


singlemomseeking March 1, 2009 at 8:17 pm

You crack me up Amy Sue!!


John F March 1, 2009 at 6:50 am

Judy–good point, I never thought about it. Maybe he was just testing you out to see if you get along with the other exes in case you are invited to the nEXt party.


John F´s last blog post…Kitty Snot & Poision Control


judy February 28, 2009 at 11:47 pm

bring your young daughter whom I have never met so she can meet my parade of exs whom you have never met (and might be one of the participant soon)

He is clueless.


singlemomseeking March 1, 2009 at 8:18 pm

Judy, he has never really dated a single mom… Interestingly, that’s something I hope for these days: a man who has some single mom experience.


Apples February 28, 2009 at 11:46 pm

Aww and here I got the popcorn ready and everything.


singlemomseeking March 1, 2009 at 8:18 pm

You men and women really know how to rub it in, yes?


Mike February 28, 2009 at 8:51 pm

Not really. It might have made good blog fodder, but I don’t think it would have been worth the therapy to deal with it all. Also no way I would bring my child into something like that.

Mike´s last blog post…Damn You To Hell!!!


casualencounters.com/blog/ February 28, 2009 at 8:18 pm

I agree that you haven’t really been selling him. I mean a sense of humor is pretty much the one thing that lasts in a relationship, the one thing that will hold people together when the sex is over and their bodies and health and finances are falling apart. I can’t even countenance the idea of having any kind of long term relationship with someone who just didn’t get something so fundamental about me.

I’m also disappointed that you didn’t go, and yes, just because I’m sure there would have a been a decent blog post in it. Sue me I’m selfish.


Legal Editor Mom February 28, 2009 at 7:21 pm

I’m not disappointed that you didn’t go because it didn’t sound like you wanted to go anyway! (If you did, you would have found a way to make childcare work, and you know it!) I think it was nice of him to say that you could bring M, but THAT would have been too weird and I wouldn’t have done that, either (unless other children were going to be there.) Time will tell if you and this man have a future together, and hopefully his other invites will be more “normal.” 😉


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