ly´s last blog post…Keep the Flame Alive: Love & Sex after Baby

Lance´s last blog post…Filthy Butt Sex On New Years Eve

I admit to Googling prospective dates myself. It has never turned up anything questionable or sketchy and usually I don’t discover anything I didn’t already know. I might try to back off from it for a while, and let things unfold the old-fashioned way. I do appreciate the desire to be safe, but there are practical ways to do that, as Rachel and others mentioned.

Mama Dharma´s last blog post…Once upon a potty…

I have also found that they google me to. A couple of them have even admitted it. Truth be told I think the guy I am dating now decided to ask me out when he saw the menu for my families restaurant online. Whats that saying the way to a mans heart is through their belly.

Emily´s last blog post…Hopin’ to Begin Scrappin’ Again

So it can work, and probably better than much else, but it may also only tell you so much. The essence of the personality is what you want an early peek into, and sometimes that only comes with some time & more exposure. Hopefully just enough exposure to warn you off and not more than enough to get you injured, too deeply involved or worse! Here the Carolyn Warmus experience (for the guys) comes strangely to mind. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

Be that as it may, it seems to be the coming trend, and many people really don’t want to consider the downsides of such folly. They almost never do. So I’m happy to be married to someone who always has.

The saftey question is always a substantial one, and one that can remain hidden for months, if not years. It’s one that concerns mothers especially naturally, but it’s also one of the great unknowns of clinical psychology too. We still can not accurately predict which Offenders will recommit crimes and be re-incarcerated as a result. No known test or instrument can accurately predict that currently. How on earth can a mere cursory search on the net meet or satisfy such requirements? Most of the real ‘criminal files’ for most states are Private and closely held data bases.

But this is something that in meeting and interacting with someone might be able to provide some valuable insights. Are they quick to anger? Seem Overly jealous? Not very self aware? Deeply resentful of most women, or just most (all?) of his ex’s? How’s his relationship with his family, parents & relations? Distant, estranged and/or confused somehow? How does he talk about his past relationships? Does he seem to understand what ‘might have gone wrong?’ Does he seem to have a pat & ready answer to all your questions? Does he Not have any real or ready answer to many of your simple & valid questions? Does he enjoy physically intimidating people? Would anyone describe him as the ‘bad boy’/bully type either now or way back when? What’s changed? can he explain in short simple sentences what he’s been up to for the last few years? Does it actually make sense? About why & how he dates?

All are clues that most women can garner within a few spare minutes of meeting Mr. Coulda Been Right. A half hour perhaps if you’re a sly diligent little ferret, perhaps by a 2nd date for those shy & retiring types who may be awed by pristine, impressively good looking physical specimens. I could go on. But by in large, the things you can do face to face, watching their real time reactions, are much more valuable than most of the stuff you’re likely to easily find on the net. That’s where anyone really ought to be investing their valuable time.

And gee, thanks for thinking about me and one of my fav ‘bugbears’! Grrr…. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’

I couldn’t agree more about this when it comes to dating:

“All anyone ever really wants to know is: Are you safe? Will you perhaps harm me in the future? And have you ever really endangered or substantially harmed anyone in the past? If so for what reasons, and what were the consequences & outcomes? Beyond that they’ll eventually want that W-2, or some reasonable facsimile thereof.”

Do you all agree?

Keep googling ladies…

But I really hate all the ‘self disclosure’ chic, esp. for guys. Yes, find out if he’s an offender, but much beyond that on a first date? It can be dangerous & counterproductive. You can imagine more about him/her even with what little info you’ve managed to ‘dig up’.

I think the ultra high expectations that everyone has for their dates/paramours/lusts is one of the reasons why we’ve got so many lonely & very frustrated folks online & elsewhere. Everyone’s looking for their very own Prince or Princess. Most of us are just mostly normal, with everyday flaws and not so photogenic (without at least some help from photoshop or make up).

Meeting someone is special. There’s either that instant ‘connection’ or mutual feelings of interest, or else it starts sliding backwards into ‘can’t we just be friends territory’. That takes about 7 seconds or under to assess. ‘Gee he/she’s really bigger/older/thinner/shorter than I imagined or they said!’ Instantly. You can judge at least what your eyes are telling you about the reality in front of you. You really can’t do that with Google, and you often can’t even come close.

So all too often we get the ‘drive by’s: You’re Googled by your prospective date and found somehow wanting! ‘She’s a writer with a Blog! Horrors! I’ll wind up there ID’d & mocked by this (possible) harpie for all of her bloggy pals to titter over! Just some grist for her entertainment’. Hence they bail. Before even meeting for the first time. Ditto for the guys. The gals Google them and find out that ‘being in education’ means that he actually teaches 3-4th Grade. (‘EWWWW! How Creepy!’ some gals will say…). Export-import means he’s shipping in crap from China (hey Everyone’s doing it), and you’re now less enamored of his decent salary & ‘lifestyle’. Or he’s not disclosed he’s got a few more kids than you do. And that one of them has a ‘hidden’ blog where they complain about all of daddy’s ‘GFs’ or even ‘Ho’s’. Despite there being only perhaps 2 in 3 years. (Kids can still feel resentful that way).

So really other than real safety reasons No One comes out ahead when you Google ahead of time. Into a couple months relationship that may be heading deeper perhaps? That may be the juncture where you really do a Professional ‘Joe Culligan’ on them. No fooling around there!

But very few people really need to know my history. Or even substantial chunks of it. I’m here, I’m now. I’ve got accomplishments I’m proud of, some minor actions I’ve regretted at my leisure, but few people really need to know (or actually want to know, really) all this. (It really bores them mostly, and then eventually annoys them!) All anyone ever really wants to know is: Are you safe? Will you perhaps harm me in the future? And have you ever really endangered or substantially harmed anyone in the past? If so for what reasons, and what were the consequences & outcomes? Beyond that they’ll eventually want that W-2, or some reasonable facsimile thereof. But you get the picture. Eventually. And most of the time Google is as likely to confuse or mislead you about all this morass as actually ‘inform’ you reasonably well enough to avoid such mistakes.

Cheers, ‘VJ’