Come clean, please:
Do you always Google someone before a first — or second — date? (Because if you’ve met someone online, you usually don’t know his/her last name until after the first date, right?)
How long do you wait before you type in his/her name into your computer?
The last time I Googled a recent date, I was led to a long article about him and his former wife.
Did I really need to know how they’d decorated the home they once shared — and the name of their dog?
Uh, not yet.
I used to be a researcher in New York City, so my curiosity often gets the best of me. But all that information is just too much to swallow all at once. Do you know what I mean?
I’m vowing to put a stop to Googling dates. At least until we’ve gone on a few of them.
There’s something to be said for spontaneity. (Even if I’m itching to know how much money he contributed to the Obama campaign; and if we have any friends in common on Facebook.)
In a “Modern Love” column for the New York Times – “So, Tell Me Everything I Know About You” — writer Joanna Pearson put it this way:
“I realize it’s hard to resist the impulse when we live in an age of nonstop access… But in the long run it’s a little less interesting, isn’t it? Just as when you turn the corner and find yourself face to face with your cute new neighbor.”
On this note, Crazy Computer Dad also sent me Judy McGuire’s most recent piece on CNN, “Dating — what NOT to say when.”
“There are many things you should NOT talk about on the first few dates. Still, living in a post-privacy world begs the question: How much information is too much information? Negotiating the privacy line becomes especially crucial when dating someone new.”
(You can read Judy’s modern-day dating guidelines here.)
In the meantime, Do you always Google your date early on?
Or, do you refrain and try to get to know him/her in person first? If so, how long do you wait before you Google?
And if a man Googles me, oh Lordy, he’s in for some surprises, isn’t he?
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
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VJ just descibed a lot of my ex wife *L*. Except she didn’t resent women *L*. But if there was anything slightly amiss she was like a keg of nitro being hauled in a trailer with no shocks on a bumpy Alabama road in July or August. (and she frequently exploded).
Yep Mike, It’ll work reasonably well for both sexes. Some slightly different questions to refine the technique might be needed too. Me/ I’m sometimes known as a ‘hot reactor’. You hit the wrong button with me, (and I’ll freely admit it can look and seem like a mine field) and we’re off to the races. But it’s slightly quieter, a bit more on the argumentative side, and typically fairly polite. And I’ve always been fairly described as ’secretive’ and not wanting to reveal too much to anyone. And still I’ve been married to the same lovely very tolerant lady for quite awhile now!
So it can work, and probably better than much else, but it may also only tell you so much. The essence of the personality is what you want an early peek into, and sometimes that only comes with some time & more exposure. Hopefully just enough exposure to warn you off and not more than enough to get you injured, too deeply involved or worse! Here the Carolyn Warmus experience (for the guys) comes strangely to mind. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
I always google before the first date, some curiosity but also for safety sake. I have met too many people online that don’t tell the truth so I have found that it is better to at least find out a little bit about them.
I have also found that they google me to. A couple of them have even admitted it. Truth be told I think the guy I am dating now decided to ask me out when he saw the menu for my families restaurant online. Whats that saying the way to a mans heart is through their belly.
Emily´s last blog post…Hopin’ to Begin Scrappin’ Again
Thanks for this post, Rachel! As you know I blogged about my Google and dating stress recently. When you Google me a lot of random personal information comes up because of the public stance I have taken on certain issues. Luckily my blog does not come up when you google me as my name is not attached to it.
I really do appreciate everyone’s insights on this – it’s one of the new ethical conundrums of our 21st century lives.
I admit to Googling prospective dates myself. It has never turned up anything questionable or sketchy and usually I don’t discover anything I didn’t already know. I might try to back off from it for a while, and let things unfold the old-fashioned way. I do appreciate the desire to be safe, but there are practical ways to do that, as Rachel and others mentioned.
Mama Dharma´s last blog post…Once upon a potty…
I’ve searched a few dates, always well after the first date. I trust my instincts and intuition face-to-face much more than what’s online.
Lance´s last blog post…Filthy Butt Sex On New Years Eve
I enjoyed googling my new crushes when i had girlfriends over for dinner. In particular, we loved to google images. I was always impressed with the people you could actually find on google. A little worrisome if there’s nothing on them. Funny thing is that I was always sure the guy googled me too. That’s the world we live in!
ly´s last blog post…Keep the Flame Alive: Love & Sex after Baby
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