My child asked to contact her father. Advice?

Something unexpected happened the night before Obama’s inauguration. (And no, it is not about dating!)

After my kickboxing class, I was driving home from the gym, talking to M, reminding her how historical January 20 was going to be. We were pumped.

I said, “You remember that Obama was raised by his mother and his grandparents, right?”

“Just like me!” she chimed in from the backseat.

Silence, and then she said:

“Mommy, you know how I was playing at my friend V.’s house and her Mommy has that special camera where you can talk to people?”

“Yes,” I said.

She was referring to one of my dear single mom friends, who “video Skypes” with her friends in Venezuela.

“Do you think that Eric has one of those?” M said.

Honestly, when she said “Eric,” I didn’t know who she was talking about. I have a friend named Eric, who designed my website. But then I got it.

“Eric?” I said. “Do you mean, your father?”

M: “Yeah, if he has a camera like that, I can talk to him, right?”

Me: “You want to talk to Eric on the camera?”

M: “Yes, because at V.’s house, her mom’s friend sent this High School Musical video over the Internet and we watched it. I want to do that.”

Me: Taking a deep breath.

She has never mentioned him.

I’ve brought him up many times, off and on, since she was a baby. I’ve showed her photos. I’ve told her funny stories. I’ve always talked about him positively. But she has changed the subject, or seemed disinterested.

Until now.

First, I’m fascinated by the fact that she called him “Eric,” and not “my father.”

In her book, The Complete Single Mother, Dr. Leah explains:

”It does not matter what your child calls an absentee dad, but do not be surprised if your kid(s) stops referring to him as ‘Dad’ and start calling him by his first name.”

Dr. Leah explains that this is “about the emotional distance your kids might be expressing.”

And what does The Sanity Fairy suggest?

“If your ex has any kind of permanent address, encourage your child to write or e-mail him, if you are reasonably sure he’ll respond.  It would be heart breaking to watch your kids expecting an instant reply or snail mail which never arrives.”

So, now what?

I don’t have an address. I don’t have a phone number, either. But I do have an email address.

Almost a week has passed since she brought him up. She hasn’t mentioned him again.

I have to do the right thing and contact him. Right?

There’s only one reason I dread this: I’m afraid he’ll disappoint her.

Of course, that’s ridiculous. That’s my baggage — not my kid’s.

Help. Any advice?

~~~

This week at Singlemommyhood.com, Dr. Leah gives another mom advice about bringing up “Daddy” with her preschooler.

“He will ask about his father,” says Dr. Leah. “This will probably happen at the most unlikely moment….”

(Yes, that’s really a photo of him, which I “photo-shopped.”)

Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style.

Tagged as: abandonment, absent father, asking for dad, missing dad, Obama, Parenting, single mom