Comments on: Is your ex getting remarried?

By: Mamap

Mamap — Tue, 07 May 2013 01:57:27 +0000

I found out my ex is getting remarried by a workmate of his, so I checked the local county court website and sure enough, they had filed for their marriage license. It has not been quite two years since the divorce and yes, she is the woman he was having an affair with during our marriage. To make matters worse, he told our adult sons to keep it a secret from me.

By: Ggirl

Ggirl — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 03:46:15 +0000

I thought I was the only one who felt like the mature responsible one. My ex was and quite possibly still is a drug addict. We had our first child and I was unaware of his drug habit. The next six years we were on and off, but his drug addiction, his inability to keep a job or show me a paycheck, continued… He faced several serious issues because of his addiction. I, on the other hand, felt that I could change him and make him realize that he needed to get help. We lost two homes in the process (both of which were under my name). In 2007, we had our 2nd child. He seemed to be there for her more than he was for my son years earlier. When he was born, he left me in my hospital room and disappeared until the next morning. Anyway, I failed to mention that we did officially divorce after only 1 year of marriage. I caught him with another woman in our bed… Needless to say, he ended up driving his one-night stand home as I called the police. Back to the present, he finally sought some serious help in 2010. He spent time trying to recover from his cocaine addiction. In that time the kids and I had to move in with my parents. He lost touch with us for a while except for some sporadic phone calls. Then all of a sudden he calls the kids one day and says he’s moved into his own apartment. (He had been in a home for recovering addicts.) Not a couple of dAys later, he calls to tell me he has a girlfriend and for me to go and get in a relationship. Go figure! So here we are just a couple of months later and today he got married to his new girlfriend. My older child was devastated by the one week in advance notice and he refused to go, but my young daughter doesn’t understand what’s going on, so with an unbelievably heavy heart, I let her go. I can’t stand the fact that he has made no attempt to repair his almost nonexistent relationship with our oldest. He was so high throughout the years, he has yet to figure out how to be a father. But with mu little one, he and his new wife manipulate her and make all of these great promises to win her over. It makes me physically ill! I have not dated or allowed anyone in my kids’ lives. I feel like I owe them every bit of attention I can give them and when they are grown I will put myself first. Someone’s gotta show these kids how a good parent puts their kids first – always! It also helps that I have very supportive parents and ex in-laws that love my kids so much! But, in the end, when my kids are asleep at night, I can’t help but wonder how he can live with himself! Totally disgusted!

By: StepMomof2

StepMomof2 — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 15:59:17 +0000

I am becoming a step mom of 2 and I can see both sides here. BUT I am experiencing the lack of maturity in my situation. I was introduced to my fiance’s children only after she had a live-in boyfriend. We were trying to keep things separate for the sake of not confusing the kids, but clearly our sense of maturity compared to their mothers was evident. She didn’t tell their father about her new bf or that he was living with his kids, but flips out when we moved in together 2 years later and engaged a year after that. She knew we were dating and that was not a secret. It’s a double standard for the biological moms sometimes because THEY have the kids and THEY need to know. I think it’s more of a jealousy and sense of entitlement feeling. Dad has moved on, is happy, has a partner that gets along with his kids and takes good care of them and their mother hates that. I guess she’d prefer that I ill-treat her children…I don’t know. I don’t get it. But it’s ok for her to move on, have several bfs after that but its not ok for him to have one solid relationship since their split (over 7 years ago) and happily settle down.

I have attempted the ‘let’s get everything out there’ but she’s not mature about it. I have repeatedly spoken to the kids about not replacing their mom but just expect respect in Dad’s household, abide by house rules, etc. Nothing crazy that kids shouldn’t know. But the bitterness and bashing continues because the word ‘wedding’ is coming up more frequently. She gets financial support, they get clothes, food, school supplies, help with homework, activities paid for all by Dad…she just a scornful gold digger at this point.

I get where some of you are coming from as being the mother and wanting to protect your children, and that is your natural instinct, but attacking Dad because he has moved on is tasteless and makes you look like you are jealous even if you aren’t. I do wish that I was dealing with a mature human being to balance and coparent and coordinate schedules but that’s never going to happen. After 10 years, my fiance has told me not to hold my breathe. We’ll see what happens when I have a child with him and what monster will come out then. All I know is that our children won’t be results of entrapment and lies.

By: Kelly Dolan

Kelly Dolan — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 01:37:58 +0000

My ex got his mistress pregnant during our divorce. Hid the pregnancy until she was 6 months along. When he did tell her, he did it by showing off the belly on Skype. So 2 weeks before the baby was born they got married. I found out from an old mutual friend. I asked him if it was true and to please tell our daughter. I told him it is his responsibility to tell her. Then before the next visit I want to have a talk with the new wife about respecting me as the mother and her husband as the father. I want her to understand that she should not be a primary disciplinarian ( I will talk to the ex). I know what I am talking about because I was his other childrens step mother. I have a great relationship with the other kids and get along with their mother. He refuses to tell our daughter about being married. and it has been 3 months. She suspects something has happened and keeps asking if I would keep a secret from her and do I think her dad married the other woman. I am mad I am in the middle and wish he would tell her. Especially before she goes to visit him. I am debating on telling him to tell her by a certain date or I will. Or do I wait and see what happens. I am a single parent with sole custody and I have our daughter 315 days of the year. I will be 2 years since he actually visited her (the use Skype a lot). It will really upset her if she finds out he has bee lying and hiding something like this. HELP!!!!!

By: Monica

Monica — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 01:39:09 +0000

Found out today from my daughter that my ex just got engaged a few days ago. Our divorce finalized about a month ago. I am not surprised I found out this way as my ex has not had the decency to do things the right way. It is hurtful sure but I am actually surprised and glad that I am not as devastated as I thought I would. If he wants to be an idiot and marry again after only a month of being officially divorced then more power to him. The only thing I wish is we did not have children that would have to go through his plethora of bad mistakes but in the end they are HIS mistakes. I do think an ex should have the decency to let their ex know of an engagement. It is just basic human decency. Particularly if you have kids this way you can be prepared for questions that may arise. But like I said I am not surprised my ex did not tell me. He is a coward and will continue to be one. Now he is someone elses coward, thank goodness!

By: Tammy

Tammy — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 12:45:38 +0000

I could not have said that better myself. I am currently going through the same situation, I have a 9 year o who is very affected by this. My ex from point of separation until now, has been an 18 month duration. He did not introduce the kids to his wife until two weeks before we got divorced. For almost a year the kids stayed at my inlaws house with him when they visited on the weekends, then in Sept the boys started staying at her house. Every other weekend they came home with new news, dads engaged, dad got married, dads having a baby girl, this past weekend my oldest saw the sonogram pictures, and did not do well with it. Began feeling like dad was not going to love him. I txt my ex to try to work together on this, but his new wife reads his text, and decides to tell me I am being negative and insulting about her and the baby, all I have done is ask him to be a father to his son. I am far from jealous of this woman. She is not younger, and is not at all skinnier, but that is not the point. The point is I have two emotionally damaged children that I am constantly trying to help. am disgusted by both my ex, his wife. For them they are selfish, they think its all about them.

By: anothersinglemom

anothersinglemom — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 02:14:28 +0000

KJ, I agree with Motherof3 and Janey. (other moms here as well) And it is a big deal to the kids. I can deal with my ex being married, dating or living with someone. (I’m not jealous) But, not to make lies up and hide the situation.. it has effected our kids, his other kids and other people I know and read about. Its not about control or owning him, its about respect for our kids. So the kids learn to hide things and lie as well when the other parent plays games like this. My father gave my sister and I time to meet and spend time with my soon to be step-mother ( now ex-stepmother) after he sat us down and told us about her. He said he loved her very much, she is nice we should get to know her and we will still have our one and only mom in our lives still. They did not move in together or spend nights until marriage. He also spoke with my mom before he spoke with us. We were able to deal with it and be a part of it. If he pulled it like these fathers are, I would not have a relationship with my father. Plus, if we the women pull what they do, we would be put down, but it seems like its ok for men? Sometimes you never really know what happened in the previous relationships, she could be jealous your right. But in most cases, that’s just not the case. Sorry so long, take care

By: Motherof 3

Motherof 3 — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 16:25:13 +0000

Its not controlling to want to know something as big as a new relationship in your ex life when you are CO-PARENTING with them. Any new relationship is a big deal to a child and both parents need to be aware of whats going on to help the child cope. Grown children are a totally different story.

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 00:33:23 +0000

I found out on facebook that my x-remarried back in March and never told his teenage children until a week ago. I went for a college visit yesterday with my daughter and he was there and hide the ring from me the whole time. When he broke the news to the kids, he got married, my 18 year old asked him who he married. It was really funny watching him eat and try and hide it. Talk about screwed up. I feel sorry for her and I am happy for me that I donot have that to deal with anymore

By: Janey

Janey — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 17:49:20 +0000

I have nothing but compassion for everyone here. But I have to disagree with KJ about parents not informing their ex’s about endgadgements or marriages to a new partner. Telling the other partner is not for the parents sake, but for the kids to adjust to the idea and reality of the situation. Breaking them in slow with the support of both biological parents is healthiest for the kids. I am a single mom. I have my kids 90% of the time and my ex lives out of state. He told the kids by phone he has a girlfriend but when they went for the visit they found out she is living with him. Younger kids may not get the reality of it, but teenagers know whats going on and they feel lied to if it’s just sprung on them. It also encourages the kids to dislike the new gf/bf because they found out under such sneeky circumstances. I did things differently, I slowly brought in the man I was dating and eventually married. My children where part of the process the whole way and I did tell my ex husband I was dating and when I got remarried. My kids love their stepdad and don’t feel like they didn’t have a say in the whole process. But, my oldest child is very angry about dad’s new girlfriend and the first impression is not to like her at all. It just put another nail in the coffin for him when it comes to how he feels for his dad. This just goes to confirm my opinion that not telling the kids or springing things on them only brings resintment and dislike for the new person in their parents lives. Why hide it from the kids/other parent if it is such a happy thing? Kids can move on from the divorce and develop strong relationships with step parents or live in gf/bf. But, only when the biological parent has taken the time to talk to the child and help them understand all that is going on. Grades won’t plument and behavior problems would be at a minimum. The term co parenting certainly applies to this topic. But as it seems so many still think their kid will just have to deal with mommy or daddy’s new mate. Sad only for the kids sake, and the honest parent gets stuck with the not only the label of being difficult or other names that can’t be mentioned here, but stuck with cleaning up the emotional damage it caused to the child(ren).