Is your ex getting remarried?

by singlemomseeking on January 11, 2009

A single mom recently wrote to us at Singlemommyhood to let us know that her ex-husband is getting remarried.

Unfortunately, this mom got the wedding news second hand — from her daughter:

“My eight-year-old daughter came home from her dad’s this weekend and announced, ‘Daddy is getting married!’”

“I didn’t even know that he had a girlfriend!” CoastalGal99 wrote to us.

“My daughter explained that she was introduced to ‘Daddy’s new wife.’ Then she asked me if she should call her ‘Mommy, too.”

Have you ever received news like this second hand?

Has your ex gotten remarried? Have you recently gotten similar news?

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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

MC May 25, 2010 at 11:02 am

My ex-husband and the father of our two children got married to his live-in GF (and the woman who broke up our marriage), and our children were present at the ceremony–but he never told me! I just found out about it last week (almost a year later).

Last week I saw the kids’ school information where his GF was listed as his “wife”. I asked my kids “what, are they married?” and they said, yeah, he and the GF got married in the Caribbean when they went there on vacation with the kids last summer.

I asked my kids, “why didn’t you tell me? Did he tell you to keep it a secret?” The kids said they just “forgot” to tell me, but I wouldn’t put it past my ex to threaten them to not say anything to me about it.

It bothers me mostly because he treated marriage as something really minor, and as something that would have zero impact on our kids. He lives nearby and has the kids with him almost half the time–it’s not like he’s an absent father–so it’s weird of him to act like there would be no impact on them.

It’s also frustrating because I have been struggling and wondering myself whether if I married again would it be too big of a risk for our kids and for my own family finances, would it be too much of a big change in our lives, would it be “fair” to my kids to bring someone else into their lives?

Apparently, none of these thoughts have entered his head even once! I guess he doesn’t think of marriage as a big deal–but I already knew that, I guess, so I shouldn’t be surprised.


Sharron duffy June 21, 2014 at 3:48 pm

Just found out to day my ex is marrying the girl he cheated on me with and am feeling bitter about that it’s only recently av actually got my daughter to go and av a relationship with him since she was 2 av raised her on my own with not much finacel support for her off him or moral support and she 11 now just doesn’t seem fair that they get to be happy and am the one that’s mad all the sacrifices am not bothered that he’s getting married but wasn’t the one who told me my daughter did


Michelle May 21, 2010 at 7:24 am

The same thing actually just happened to me. I have been divorced two years, and just found out my ex is re marrying next month, from my eight year old. He wasnt even man enough to tell me, nor did he sit the children down and have a talk with them first to discuss there feelings. He really should have at least discussed it with the children first. He is building his own walls, and my guess it will backfire one day


singlemomseeking May 21, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Oh @Michelle, I’m sorry to hear that this is how you found out! How is your eight-year-old doing?


debbie May 17, 2010 at 8:10 am

Oh and I believe he had to file bankruptcy….thank god not my problem anymore, but all of it still hurts….karma will come into play at some point!


debbie May 17, 2010 at 8:08 am

I know how all of you feel (although we have no children). My ex filed for divorce in 2006 and was dragging the divorce on and on claiming he wanted to work things out (the whole time we lived in different states). He would fly out to see me, etc., but we still argued like crazy. This went on for 3 years! When things finally calmed down and we were getting along (at least on the surface) I had a feeling he wasn’t being honest with me about wanting to save our marriage. I found some interesting pics on his MySpace page of him and some ugly woman, many other girls and endless pics of him partying. When I confronted him about it, he said she was a “friend of a friend” – and not to worry about it. Also, his status stated that he was “single”. Hardly a man wanting to work on his marriage. I knew he was a liar. Then he tells me that he wants to move to be with me and we would renew our vows in HI, etc., and I fell for it although very skeptical. In listened to my head and told him no way can I ever trust him again…..he subsequently moved to AZ from CA, (due to his financial crisis he created for himself), married someone else within 5 months and left his stable job for what I don’t know. I found this out in property docs. I was devastated that he moved on just like that…..and I’m still struggling with all these feelings and feel like I can’t trust anyone. Why would he drag this out like this and carry on? The mind games were so senseless… only thought is the new wife has no clue she’s dealing with a complete sociopath….


Carol March 24, 2010 at 2:10 pm

I’ve been divorced 5 years. I’ve known my ex has a girlfriend and have been happy to have him out of my hair and psyche. Then two years ago our oldest got married. My ex – to whom I was not speaking – was mr charm at the wedding. Girlfriend follows me around trying to have conversations with me. AAARGH. Now this same couple is having a baby and girlfriend gets to go to baby shower and has an entire basket of presents. I tell you ladies and gentlemen I do not want here there. My ex was horrible to me and it’s so hard to know how to be with his new girlfriend. She keeps trying to be ever so friendly. I DON”T WANT TO.


Karen March 18, 2010 at 1:36 am

Just got the news one hour ago from my ex-sister-in-law, that my ex-husband just got married 3 weeks ago…we had been married for 22 years, and divorced for just over 1 year. My ex and I speak often, yet I didn’t know he was even dating…apparently his new wife looks like me. Right now I’m feeling as if I haven’t gone on with my life and everyone else has. It’s the strangest feeling ever to hear this news…wow, what a shocker.


jenna March 21, 2010 at 8:39 pm

i know how you feel. I dont understand how some people are able to move on so fast. My ex and I split in 2006 and I am still not “out there dating” ex married last year and never told me or our kids (still hasnt) and i only found out by reading his status on some recent court papers.


Jen March 13, 2010 at 7:53 pm

I think I may have found heaven here. I have never felt so relieved to know that I’m not the only one with an inconsiderate, trashy, immoral, irresponsibile ex husband who throws away one family for another.
I myself share most of the similarities here with the ex marrying the trashy succubus. The time line for all of this for me is quite short as well. 02/09:confront affair / summer/09:have affair with husband, yes “with” / 09/09:I divorce his ass / 02/10:they celebrate their one year anniversary and get engaged? Yep the anniversary of an affair…go figure.
Well ladies, my heart is with you all. But through all of the bad things we may have gone through with our exes, we have come out on top as strong, independent women. We just have to wait for the good old saying ‘ What goes around, comes around”


jenna March 6, 2010 at 10:19 pm

My ex asked for a divorce on my bday in 2006, it was finalized in Sept of 2008. He has been with “her” since summer of 2005. Moved out of our house and into a house with her immediately 2 months after he filed! I filed new papers to ask for one kid as a exemption on the taxes since everything is 50/50 now so that should be too. I got his declaration yesterday 3/5/10 and one little line hit me like a brick to the face: “i already filed my 2009 taxes Married Filing Single with _her name”….. I had no clue he married her last year and my kids obviously dont know either


singlemomseeking March 9, 2010 at 3:15 pm

Jenna: Thanks for writing. That sounds painful, and I hope you’re surrounded by lots of love right now. I wonder how old your kids are? Are they old enough to wonder if their Dad got remarried?


jenna March 9, 2010 at 9:39 pm

they are 6 and 9

Janet January 15, 2010 at 1:34 pm

I never post on blogs but I can relate so well to what these other women are feeling! I left my ex 6 years ago – he has a huge heart but was mentally cruel with a terrible drinking problem amongst other issues. I didnt leave because I didnt love him rather I just couldnt be neglecetd any longer. We have gotten along and I knew he had been seeing someone for 6 months or so after a long term relationship with a complete psycho. we had often spoke of reconsiliation, yet he we were both with other people.On December 24th 2009 I receieved my wedding album wrapped up and given back to me as a Christmas present from my ex and my children. On Christmas Day of this year I was at our old home (Where he still resides). I was sharing a glass of wine with him and celebrating Christmas with he and our children. later that night his GF called me to give me her pedigree, tell me she wasnt threatned by me or my children and that she and my ex became engaged on Christmas EVE! with the wind knocked completely out of me and throwing up in my backyard… I have survived. It was the worst holiday of my life. Yet I wish them luck.. fo they will need it. I have grown stronger then ever and I now know that my leaving was the best decision I ever made. watching an ex move on stirs up so many issues of abadonment, insecurity and lonliness.. facing these issues and knowing we are ok just as we are takes time, but it does arrive. I look forward to what lies ahead for my children and myself!


singlemomseeking January 15, 2010 at 3:07 pm

@Janet: Thank you for your honest comment here. Wow, that sounds like such a shock. I’m glad to know that you’re moving on — please surround yourself with good friends and family! Stay in touch.


Nancy January 11, 2010 at 8:50 pm

I want to thank everyone for their posts. It is nice to know I am not the only one going through this. My ex text paged me that he is getting married next month. My daughter will be gaining a 14 year old step sister. I have a mixed bag of emotions. They are very similar to what you have shared. My daughter was upset when I told her that he moved in with a female roommate. She will be crushed. Any ideas on how to tell her? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.


singlemomseeking January 12, 2010 at 8:21 am

@Nancy, thanks for the comment! I’m going to run this by Dr. Leah @singlemommyhood to see if we might post something about your situation.


Ashley January 3, 2010 at 5:13 am

Wow…this has been really helpful. I have been divorced for 5 years and my ex who was in a relationship for 4 1/2 years, broke up with that woman then immediately got with a woman and after 3 months they are engaged and moving into the house with her son. How did I find out, from my kids and by email after the fact from my ex. It has been pretty painful not because I want him back or anythign like that BUT probably because of my own personal situation, not moving on. I am in a real funk right now but reading all these posts has shown me I am not the only onefacing these issues. Good luck to all you courageous women and to the men who care enough and are sensitive enough on how to spin the news properly to their ex wives.


FGrog December 31, 2009 at 7:47 am

I just recently found out from my oldest daughter at our sons basketball game that “Dad proposed to his girlfriend and she said yes!” I was so devastated even after being divorced for 7 years. We have a great relationship and it is just hurtful for me to see him move on. Its my own fault that I have not. She is a very nice woman and she loves our 3 children. I guess its time for me to face the music!!


Kristin December 30, 2009 at 11:29 pm

I’ve been remarried for two years and tonight when my five year old daughter said “Guess what? I’m going to have a stepmom!” all of those old feelings of abandonment that I thought had faded away came bubbling back to the surface. I think I was more astounded at having those feelings than I was at the news of his supposedly pending remarriage. My ex’s girlfriend is the one who told my daughter, not my ex, and when I asked her when this was happening she said she didn’t know and that “they aren’t ready because they aren’t fully in love yet”, so I’m not entirely sure if they are actually getting married or not. But even if you’re remarried or in a relationship, it still affects you on some level.


carrie December 22, 2009 at 9:52 am

I am very puzzled with myself. I divorced my husband about a year ago. Our 4yr old daughter came home and told me she is going to be a flower girl!! I found out from my 4 yr old that he is remarrying. Now please explain to me why I am soo pissed? He never spends time with our child but once a month and he is always late on his child support (and now I know why). I have been praying for this day hoping he would avoid us all together but the fact that he is hiding it from me and the fact he did not ask me if it was okay for her to be in the wedding is foul… should i be mad?


mark September 19, 2009 at 8:53 am

Im on here trying to find out what to say to my ex before I ask my girlfriend to marry me. All I see is people not living for themselves its a shame. Being a “outsider” its easier for me to see some things, I dont think you girls understand some of the male mentality, These guys marrying girls 2 months after your divorce has nothing to do with you or your marrige its how he was raised and he persieves himself. He cant be alone plain and simple so dont get mad that he can “move along” so quickly. Ok now I got that out does any one have any ideas what I can say to my ex before I cause any problems. We did have a civil divorce and we do speak now, mostly about our son. Was there anything that you felt your ex should/could have said to you to make it easier?


Kristin December 30, 2009 at 11:17 pm

Props to you for being willing to communicate. My ex pretty much left it up to his fiance to tell my daughter, who in turn told me. If your ex knows you’ve been in a serious relationship she’s probably half expecting the news. Just be up front about it and let her know well ahead of time so she can come to terms with it. Hope that helps.


jenna March 21, 2010 at 8:44 pm

i just wish my ex had told me himself before it happened is all. But instead he still hasnt told me or told our two kids that we share 50/50 custody with. I wouldnt say that you have to talk to your ex before you propose but if she says yes, than do so quickly and give it time to sink in before you tell the kids. Whether or not its been a while, she may still have emotions to it and if she has a bit of time to work through them then it will be better when your kid approaches her with the issue.


Honey January 12, 2009 at 4:50 pm

None of my ex’s from LTRs are married (nor have they ever been) and, in fact, I don’t even know of any that are in serious relationships (though admittedly I don’t talk to them often enough to know). Guess that goes to show how unsuitable the guys I dated when younger actually were.

I do get an evil kick about the fact that the BF’s ex is still single and that he and I will probably get married before she will. It’s the evil girl in me…plus, I was supposed to be his “practice date” and I love the fact that I turned out to be the love of his life instead!!!

Honey´s last blog post…Snowboarding, Sickness, and a Breakdown at the Grocery Store


Kelly January 12, 2009 at 1:24 pm

First of all, I think it’s very uncool that the mother was kept out of the loop on her ex having a girlfriend who was around their child. Parents need to know who their children are being exposed to and be comfortable with that.

My daughter’s father is married to a woman that we both adore, and I pray that she never realizes she’s way too good for him, because we’d be really sad if she stopped being around. Because my 12 yo didn’t know her dad until she was 10 (he wanted nothing to do with her before that), she finds it awkward to spend time with him and so I have to go along for every meet up to support her, and I’m glad that his wife is there to make things a little less awkward and more pleasant.

It’s so funny to me that there was ever a time that the thought of him being with another woman broke my heart. I really don’t care at all now. Good to know we can get over these men with a little time to heal.

Kelly´s last blog post…The Weekend


Denise September 8, 2009 at 7:02 am

I wish I could say that. My ex’s new troll tries to belittle my 7 year old and calls her liar in front of her dad. Thankfully, her dad didn’t put up with it, but it is going to be a long road, I can already tell.


ruth January 12, 2009 at 12:34 pm

wanted to add that he was really nice about telling her though (even though she flipped out.) he called and emailed her, told her he was getting serious with someone and would be introducing the children soon. and we are no where near getting married. but i definitely think he did it the right way letting her know first, weeks before i met his children.


ruth January 12, 2009 at 12:32 pm

You know, my ex started “dating” right away and it didn’t bother me. I felt a little weird when he moved his current GF into our house (we hadn’t settled the property yet) but I just laugh at the situation because she’s my polar opposite in almost every way. Its funny. Anyway they’re not married but they just had a baby and he felt the need to call me and text me from the hospital. I didn’t respond. I’m so over him (and have been since way before I filed for divorce) that I really don’t care what he does anymore.

On the flip side, I’m dating a guy whose ex is having a royal cow that he has moved on first. OMG she can’t handle herself at all. That to me is also funny. Its like, get over it lady you divorced him. LOL.


Kari January 12, 2009 at 10:13 am

Amy, I had many of the same feelings. I felt like a loser too because while I had no feelings left for him it appeared I hadn’t moved on because I wasn’t even dating then just too busy. Then my ex was a raging jerk and he did a lot of things to me that were just plain nasty it seemed unfair that he got to be happy while I just trudged along lonely.

Kari´s last blog post…Dental work, on the financial front


Denise September 8, 2009 at 7:00 am

Been there, feel like I am still there. Men make it look so easy. They move on to the next while the women mend their broken hearts and take care of the kids. Where is the justice?


Monica December 9, 2009 at 12:31 pm

I am going through the same thing. My husband was horrible to me – left my daughter and myself. Now 4 years later I am still struggling to understand why things happened the way they did and he’s already engaged to someone else. It’s like my daughter and I were completly disposable.

Patty January 12, 2009 at 7:25 am

My ex was married about 2 months after our divorce as well. I heard from my children. Actually, immediately after our divorce, he had two weeks with the kids before we all moved out of state and that is when the new wife shared the info and showed the ring to my oldest (8 yrs) daughter. Our divorce papers weren’t even signed off by the judge yet. I felt the same burn – how unfair that he just is able to move on…well not for long. 9 months later while kids were visiting for a long time, there was some domestic squabbles and kids spent last part of visit and grandparents house and Dad moved out to his own apartment – supposedly getting divorced already – (age 43 and already his 3rd…) – ooooh – now it seems like he got what he deserved! Even though I haven’t seen a legal divorce document yet ( you can check county court records)….Doesn’t sound like he moved on to such a happy after life after all……


Denise September 8, 2009 at 6:59 am

Glad to hear it, Karma is great!


Amy Sue Nathan January 12, 2009 at 7:08 am

My ex denied the getting married/baby thing and then when he told me he denied that he denied it.

When he told me though, I cried, and not because I missed him (I didn’t) or I wanted him (I didn’t) but because he wasn’t alone and I was. The unfairness of it all hit me like a ton of bricks. To give him an ounce of credit, he was nice about it — but having your ex throw “my wife” in your face after that was always weird.

The word of the baby was worse – I realized later that my kids knew and were instructed not to tell me. They had a secret from me which is something really wrong to do to kids – but of course – all that is kind of null and void now isn’t it? None of that matters when your ex dies – kind of makes you realize that any of the crap is better than not having it to deal with.


Denise September 8, 2009 at 6:58 am

I feel for you. I agree. My ex and I have been divorced for almost 4 years. I still have not moved on. Yet he basically cheated on me, lived with that girl for 3 years, then bed hopped. Now he got a girl pregnant he knew for a month and up and married her. I guess our marriage wasn’t worth saving for our daughter’s sake, but now, he wants to do the right thing. It is so hard not to be bitter. I don’t care about being with him, he is no good, but just the thought that he will make a home for another child, but his first wasn’t important enough. I hope he lives a miserable life, I really do.


Leah January 11, 2009 at 9:38 pm

That is so painful to read about! this post totally speaks to me: here is our timeline:

Nov 2007: Separation (he left me for another woman)
June 2008: Divorce
August 2008: Ex gets married
This month: he tells me she is pregnant.

I’m still coming to terms with all of it. Writing about it sure helps. So many fears, so much sadness. But my son keeps me smiling!

Leah´s last blog post…Impermanence


Jen January 11, 2009 at 8:37 pm

My ex remarried last spring. After months of denying there was even a relationship he told me via email while informing me they were able to plan in on a weekend our son was supposed to be with me. Sadly it wasn’t for the better because he now plays the same games she used to play with him (when they were not together) when it comes to our child. Other than that it really hasn’t affected much. The ex and I still don’t speak much (well regarding our son) and I have absolutely no contact with his wife.

Jen´s last blog post…Its the small things in life


Angie January 11, 2009 at 5:44 pm

OOh, that must have been an interesting look on her face!

My ex and I took some time apart when I was 5 months pregnant. He was in Cancun for a month at his friends and supposedly working a lot.

The day I brought my daughter home from the hospital he came over to tell me he and his ex (who had recently gotten divorced) were having THEIR own baby and getting married the following month. The baby came 3 years later. sigh. It was a tough few months…

Angie´s last blog post…Busy Busy Weekend!


MindyMom January 11, 2009 at 5:34 pm

My kids did tell me about my ex’s plans to remarry. Although I figured it was coming, it was still devastating to hear the news. I guess I still ahd hope the relationship would end because he was marrying the woman that broke up our marriage – my former best friend. Oh, and my kids stood next to HER in the wedding. THAT was a tough one to swallow!

MindyMom´s last blog post…Women’s Intuition


Dr.Leah January 11, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Kari: So interesting! Life is easier now that he’s remarried.
Very encouraging and realistic perspective.

Things can change—and for the best!

Dr.Leah´s last blog post…Getting that “online sixth sense”


Kari January 11, 2009 at 1:29 pm

Yes, the dreaded news when you haven’t gotten there yourself stings in this form. I suppose it stings in any form really.

My ex got married, and thankfully he did as I get along WAY better with is wife than him. She also keeps him in line.

Oddly we all now have a weird relationship going and his wife and I often do things with the kids (my kiddo and her new sister), or we band together on this or that.

Life is much easier for me now that he’s married. Of course none of us would have guessed that a few years back that we’d be able to even sit in the same room much less the same dinner table and share a dinning bill or some other such thing.

Kari´s last blog post…Toothbrush Duty!!


Megan January 11, 2009 at 1:06 pm

My ex has been dating the same woman for about 18 months and I am waiting for the wedding news. He and I have a very friendly post-divorce relationship, but when the wedding bells start ringing it will still be a moment for me to take a deep breath.


T January 11, 2009 at 12:14 pm

Ouch! That stings.

I would hope my ex would be as honest and open with me as I’ve been with him.

I guess we’ll see!

T´s last blog post…Does it matter who has it worse? Really?


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