Is your ex getting remarried?

by singlemomseeking on January 11, 2009

A single mom recently wrote to us at Singlemommyhood to let us know that her ex-husband is getting remarried.

Unfortunately, this mom got the wedding news second hand — from her daughter:

“My eight-year-old daughter came home from her dad’s this weekend and announced, ‘Daddy is getting married!’”

“I didn’t even know that he had a girlfriend!” CoastalGal99 wrote to us.

“My daughter explained that she was introduced to ‘Daddy’s new wife.’ Then she asked me if she should call her ‘Mommy, too.”

Have you ever received news like this second hand?

Has your ex gotten remarried? Have you recently gotten similar news?

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{ 93 comments… read them below or add one }

Deborah Dooley August 29, 2015 at 11:03 am

I am from united state. I have been married for about 3 years and a half. My husband kicked me and my daughter out after 2 years of marriage. We were separated for about a year with not contact. I have prayed so hard for my husband to seek to love me again like he always do, for him to resist temptation and to love me like he is called to do. he left me for another woman i even saw there post on social median how they are loving each other, i cry all day and night i love my husband and i want him back in my life, i search the internet until i meet with a spell caster call doctor ebolo, he assure me that if i can do what he will instruct me that in 48 hours my husband will come back begging me to forgive him, wish i did what he said i should, i am glad to let every body know that my husband and i are living like never before i show love and respect to me i love you he say all day. thanks to doctor ebolo, if you think you need his help contact him on email ebolospelltemple@gmail .com


Laura Elizabeth July 6, 2015 at 7:36 pm

My husband was having a two year affair with another man’s wife; both homes are broken and now they’re getting married. My children are adults and I’m crushed that they’re celebrating with their dad and the other woman, and extremely insensitive to me. In my kid’s eyes, I seem to be out of line because I’m hurt and horribly unforgiving because I’d feel better if my kids wanted no part of their adulterous remarriage. My children have always loved their father–he works hard at being well loved by everyone he chooses, but they are adults and you would think they would be upset with him for how he’s treated me? He screwed me over financially, lying in trial, and my kids are clear with me not to talk about their dad, yet they listen to him talk about me. It feels like I was an abusive mother or something, but the kids all say I was a wonderful mom. They have never confronted their dad or the other woman, just accept all the injustice and pain to me, and they want me to accept it too. I feel like my kids are betraying me now, and all I want to do is distance myself from them until I can heal.


lisa October 6, 2015 at 5:02 am

sweetie, I have been there, email me if you ever want to talk. Hang in there it does get better


Lindsey May 4, 2015 at 8:53 pm

Hello, my ex is getting remarried soon. We have a 4 year old together. In starting to have a rough time with my kid now going to have a step parent. Can someone please help me cope with this, how do you deal with it? I like his girlfriend and she is good with our son. .I just didn’t think it was going to be this hard.


stepmomandbio January 8, 2015 at 12:32 pm

I feel both sides of this complaint! I am an bio mother who has remarried and I have soul custody of our daughter. My new husband has two children by two other women, that sounds harsh but he was married and thought for the longest time that he could not have children so when they split to his surprise he could. We are in the middle of a paternity test for one of the children who the mother has been on the run with for two years but her habits have caught up with her. CPS now has the child and we are fighting for full custody. Now to my problem the other mother is one that knows best, even when I am potty training her child she puts the child back in pull ups with some excuse or another. I teach the child to read and send a word list after she requested one when I ask how the words are going the bio mom decided not to do the words. She never holds up her end of the deal and we have 50/50 joint custody. One year on one off, we live in different states. We always try to communicate but never make common ground with her. I honestly do not even know if she can keep up with her own lies. She is remarried with a husband who has offered her two children which she personally can not stand. I am at a loss of what to do, this puts a huge strain on my relationship, her husband has cheated on her several times, I think the only reason she stays is because she has no wear to go. So even though we request no money when we have the child the bio mom always requests money when she has her. She even has her on food stamps when the child does not live there. I understand supporting your child but it goes both ways. She claims her the year they have her and vice/versa. It may not be the best method for the child but honestly I do not even feel that the child is important to her. I feel she is merely trying to avoid moving back in with her mother and being seen by her peers a failure it doesn’t matter if she puts 4 girls in 1 room to share 1 bed. Honestly we do not make much more than they do. I do not understand and I am venting a little. I do not look at her like she is my step child more like my sweet innocent baby girl and I hate it when she leaves. Nothing I do makes the bio mom happy, her life and relationship is a wreck after being told for years that it would be me and my husband that would not make it. I guess it’s pride that she keeps pulling for her year, she can not even pay for the trip when we meat half way for exchanges. I know she is going to ask for child support this coming up year exchange and I do not want to pay it. I already pay to many extra expenses with no help from her the year we have this amazing little girl. So being a step mom maybe someone can help me understand.
bio/step mom in need of help


quantum84 October 6, 2015 at 5:53 am

Stepmomandbio your story is so similar to mine, in that of the potty training and things like that, something me and my partner did then she would send him back with pull ups on then have the nerve to talk down to my partner saying he needs potty training thats what we’re doing! She is now finding excuses to call up when my sd won’t go to bed or something phoning saying do you let her do this or that, knowing we don’t, we don’t call her when the kids act up we deal with it like she should. My partner doesn’t get what she is doing till after the fact normally, which can be frustrating. i am now pregnant 4 1/2 months and since finding out she has been horrible with me, and bad mouthing me to my ss, she won’t communicate with me at all now, its ridiculous. i do a lot of my step kids which I’m happy to do as i love them, but their mum is so selfish she will moan when we bring them back saying well I’m having a dinner with friends so you can’t bring them back now, even though its pre arranged, the money we give goes on herself not the kids and will turn up demanding my partner help her out with thousands of pounds of money. its been 2 years since they split, even then they had not been together properly for 2 years and she still seems to be jealous and not properly moving on. we found out she has a bf out of town as one weekend she didn’t turn up my partner had to hunt her down asking what was going on and she played the victim saying he doesn’t want her to be happy etc but we don’t care what she does just want her home when she says she will be for the kids


Maria Lopez January 8, 2015 at 8:24 am

What really sad in this situation is the fact that at the end of the day, the most affected by divorce are the children, not only the fact that the relationship breaks down but custody fighting scenario is really bad for them. I just hope that parents should think of their children well being first before they think for themselves. I am not saying that parents should be trap in a unhappy marriage, but hopefully they will be more supportive to each other in dealing with the children first than go on world war 3.


Suz December 6, 2014 at 9:07 pm

I just found out from my daughter their dad got engaged. He owes me $21,000 in child support he is not paying (in December of all months) but has the money for a huge ring. My daughter tells me it’s larger then my earrings and they are two karrots. She is very upset, two out of three of my children don’t want to go to their dads anymore! They are in daycare from 7 am to 5:30 or 6pm if two older ones are not in school. They eat, do homework shower and are put to bed at 7:30 or 8pm so they can be together ignoring the kids. I have nothing against his new Girl Friend now Fiancé. She is great to my kids and the kids like her more then their own dad!

Why am I so angry, he evicted me and the kids out of our home and I am in a rental right now. I have been a stay at home min for 10 years, getting back on my feet slowly. He won’t pay child support, and he is abusive, manipulative and a compulsive liar. I feel horrible for her. I was in her shoes not long ago:( I was smart enough to get out even 18 years too late. He will do to her what he did to me, Make sure everything is in his name and leave her with nothing when done.
Why am I Angry? It’s December, I’m struggling to pay bills, had to borrow money from my parents to buy food for the kids while their dad buys his girlfriend a huge diamond! I don’t think this man has his priorities straight. I wish her the best of luck with this man, their is a reason why he is an EX!!!! Because he is a complete daft man who has no concept of anything outside himself- yes he is Narccistic!!!

I just feel better venting and writing this down. Hope it helps someone on the way. Good luck to all of you reading this.


Ashley September 4, 2014 at 10:00 pm

I’m usually more involved with posts among those similar to my situation (my husband’s ex wife has narcissistic traits) but I came across this and I too feel it is important that the ex wife should be aware of a new relationship and marriage to her ex husband. If she isn’t “toxic” and behaves like a caring mother and mature adult, then there should be no reason to hesitate informing her. A mature mother will only want for the best interest of their children… and it IS a major life change for them especially if they are very young. On the other hand, if the ex wife is vindictive, jealous, manipulative and tries to set the children against their father, than this is more difficult. You should still inform the ex wife of a new relationship or marriage if the children are minors, but you should be just as quick to set boundary rules that will need to be strictly enforced and dealt with.


Leanne Lee June 30, 2014 at 9:14 am

It is good to know that there is a site like this where we can share our thoughts. I had a 25 year common law relationship that ended one day with him moving out and telling me over the phone that “it just felt good to him” Well it is not all about him and now that I have had time to reflect relief has replaced grief. After less than a year of being separated I started hearing about Andrea. Widowed single Mom with 3 boys. So the “No more kids for me” adventure guy that I used to love has morphed into Suburban Soccer Dad. Yikes, that would be a nightmare life for me. I found out through my daughter and I realize that he is too scared to tell me in person. He is now evicting our daughter from out jointly owned condo so that he can fund the wedding and the honeymoon. On top of that he is asking her to be the photographer at their wedding (for free of course). She still loves her Dad and wants to be part of a “forever family” so I have backed off and just quietly support her. I just see him as used and confused and am grateful that he is Andrea’s problem now. As for me. I have never been happier, I went back to being Coastal Adventure Diva, the woman that I was before I met him and although I still feel the pain of being dumped by this jerk, I know that I am far and away better of for it. My advice to us all is to focus on what you want in your future, not on what is lost to the past. Keep your head up, keep your hearts strong.


Concering June 7, 2014 at 7:06 pm

Recently I was told that my ex hubby and his “new” girlfriend is supposed to be married. Which by the way, they had a child together; when he cheated her behind my back (when we were still married). He didn’t tell me about it cause it has nothing to do with me. Before that my daughter who is 6. She told me that she heard them talking about “marriage” and I thought that it wasn’t that series. Normally, he didn’t tell or talk to me but which is okay with me. His dad told me when I was walking to the kitchen.
Second is that when that “woman” is married to him. I understand that she become the “stepmom”. I only hope that she understand that she does not try to take or steal my kids away from me cause they are my children. I have the custody of the kids but we both have to shared the same information about the kids. I haven’t talk or connected with her cause she and I do not talk to each other. Now comes to the big questions is that should I talk to her in person so I can see for myself what type of person she is when she is around my kids? I feel that I should but then again not sure… it might be a very bad idea to meet her in person. I personally don’t like her cause in some case; she knew that he was married but still went on a relationship with him. I really don’t like those type of woman. What should I do?


heather March 25, 2014 at 6:07 pm

To all women who are entering a marriage with previous children involved from the prior marriage.
NO THE EX is NOT jealous of the “New” woman in her ex’s life. If you have half a brain, you may stop and realize that she knows him a whole lot better than you do and Im certain he’s not as “perfect” as you would like to think . There are ALWAYS two sides to every story. As far as being younger or skinnier, oh don’t worry honey…. cause one day when you grew up to be a “big girl”, the tables will have turned. You should never ever cut down his ex! For any reason! Its between the two of them and you have no idea what he says to her when you are NOT around. I can promise you that what he tells you behind closed doors is not the same thing that he is telling his EX! When you become a mother, the only concern is your children and not jealousy of a new lady who now gets to enjoy his stinky farts, laziness, lies, cheating, cruelty. HAHA…trust me the ex wife is smiling and very happy to step aside and let you have him…… You really have no idea. I have also worked with men who are on their second marriage and now complaining about number two and wish they wouldn’t have kept number 1. They realize it eventually, just usually after its too late.
Good luck number twos! If you want to know if hes really genuine after a divorce? Heres how….HE will NOT talk badly about his EX to you. IF you find this guy, you have a good catch!!


happy x wife May 12, 2014 at 9:47 am

These comments are so true. My divorce was finalized in October of last year. My ex introduced his girlfriend (who he cheated with me on) as his “friend” to his family at his aunt’s funeral and to my daughter on a trip to the zoo. His mom passed away and insisted on bringing his “friend” to his mom’s funeral because she was close to him. I told him that was up to him and that I was bringing our daughter and would stay with her and bring her back home after everything was over. The “friend” was screaming at him the day his mom died because she didn’t want me there. By the way we were still married (separated) and ironically it was our anniversary :) We were married for 17 years and I was close to a lot of his family. When my daughter and I got there, the “friend” ran out of the room and my daughter sat by me and other family members during everything since she didn’t feel comfortable sitting by her dad and “friend”. Two months later the girlfriend and her 2 kids started spending the night at his apartment. Five months later he said he is moving to another state in the girlfriend’s house. My daughter started having a lot of issues and it turned out the girlfriend screams and yells all the time. She yelled at my daughter one time really hard because she wasn’t asleep when the girlfriend thought she should be. I talked to the ex and told him that if that happened again I would be over there to “yell” at the girlfriend.
The ex then got married 2 months ago and didn’t tell ANYONE. I noticed he had on a wedding ring and asked him the next day about it in a text so my daughter wasn’t told like that. He was and they had been for over 1 month but he kept taking his ring off so no one would know. He forgot this time. He told my daughter then so she wouldn’t think she was an after thought. A couple of weeks ago he told me while picking up my daughter that him and his wife are having all kinds of issues. I told him that as long as it doesn’t involve my daughter it is not appropriate for him to talk to me about it.

I started dating someone without kids 4 1/2 months ago and he is very understanding with me and my daughter. My daughter now is with me all the time except for every other Saturday during the day and every wed night for an hour. This is per her dad. My daughter is not happy there and his wife is very controlling. So in answer to the ex being jealous that is so not the truth, I am doing everything to make sure my daughter is ok.


KJ March 18, 2015 at 8:49 am

You can not speak for all ex wives and say they are not jealous. I stand by what I said, that indeed many are. I don’t know what it is, the ex didn’t want him but doesn’t want anyone else to have him either syndrome. It’s more likely that the ex does not like seeing him happy with someone else, when the marriage she had with him failed. I’ve seen ex wives make trouble way too many times for there to NOT be some kind of jealousy, and for many it was not about the kids. Although some may use the kids as an excuse. HEATHER, I have a whole brain, and you do not know my circumstances and I guarantee you that when my husband married me, his ex was bothered. She may say she isn’t pretend she isn’t but she is. I am under no illusion that my husband is perfect, not am I. We have been together now 6 years. I don’t know how old you think I am but your comment about me growing up to be a big girl was stupid. I was at one time much heavier and I lost the weight. And his ex is fat because all she does is sit around, drink beer and draw disability for no apparent reason that I can tell. Don’t tell me not to cut down his ex for any reason. It’s not just between the two of them when she does bullshit like talking about me to the kids, grandkids, and doing passive aggressive crap. It started out with me being cordial to her. But as soon as we got married, things started happening that clearly indicate she has issues. I know exactly what husband says to his ex: Not a damn thing. My husband does not SPEAK to his ex, not does she speak to him. Their children are grown, they have no need to discuss anything. Some women’s only concern may be for their children (grown or not) but not this woman. She is not there for her adult children or grandchildren. Drugs, alcohol and a live in boyfriend have come first. As for me the WIFE because I am not second, I fart more than my husband, he doesn’t fart in front of me, per your childish comment. You don’t even know my husband to make such idiotic comments. Your ex husband may have been a farting, lying, lazy, cheating POS, but not my husband. If you were attempting to make me jealous with your comments about men complaining about this wife, wishing they’d kept the 1st one: epic FAIL. You however, despite all your rants claiming not to be jealous, sure sound bitter and jealous!


Mi July 28, 2015 at 10:06 am

Well Said. Heather you sound bitter and jealous

quantum84 October 6, 2015 at 6:03 am

third that! Heather comment was vile jealous and bitter just like so may of these ex wives

D February 10, 2014 at 9:54 am

My ex left us a year ago. I just found out that he remarried. He didn’t tell the kids and they have never met the woman. Personally, I think it’s completely selfish and irresponsible as a parent to not at least talk to your children not to mention leave them out of an occasion like that. I had to reassure my children for days that I would never do something like that.


phyllis January 30, 2014 at 8:31 pm

My situation is really hard on me and I don’t know if I can deal with my ex I think I am going to cut communication with him. Everyone says deal with him for the sake of your kids, but how do you deal with someone who constantly hurts your feelings. My ex and I was engaged 10 years and had 6 kids together, 5 months after we broke up he got married and treated me like dirt. He spend time with his kids whenever he feels like and never helps me financially. He has no respect for me he only seems to care about himself and his wife. I feel like cut him off completely. If anyone has advice please share it.


Dee November 14, 2013 at 11:06 pm

the postings I have read it seems most the women ex-husband had cheated on them. and for that I can understand that anger the women may have it feels with their ex-husband and the betrayal the children from their father and his mistress.

On another note I feel sorry for a new wife sent because of anger and resentment from the ex wife against her husband. Teaching the children to disrespect her and when all she wants to do is love new extended family.

I would like to share with you the things that my sister is going through with her boyfriend , his ex wife and children. My sister met her boyfriend long after his divorce.
I hope that if anyone was to marry somebody that has children I hope that they would never go through the pain that my sister has gone through in the past 3 years.

my cousin ( which i call my sister) that I talk to everyday is engaged to a man she’s been dating for 3 years that she plans to marry in a year who’s been divorced for 8 years and his children that continuously disrespect her.

my sister is very smart and independent . she is also divorce and have a 21 year old son. My sister has a own home and is financially secure.

after a year of dating my sisters boyfriend introduced her to his children. The 3 children (18 yr old boy 21 and 16 yr old girls) has not said 100 words to her in two years. She has made attempts to meet the children’s mother. Unfortunately it never happened. She has no interest to meet my sister. She refers to my sister as “your black girlfriend”… you can see its an inter racial relationship. I am from Veitnam. I am adopted and I feel for my sister. knowing how loving and giving my sister is I am sure they could have been great friends. She is friends with her ex husband and his wife.

my sisters boyfriend also has a house. even though the children disrespect my sister., my sister prepare the home for the children’s visit. She make sure the house is clean and your clean linen is on the bed for the children. The children have commented to the father on how well the house looks knowing that it was done by my sister but never tells my sister thank you for all the hard work you put into making sure that they are comfortable and then my sister will stay away from his house so children can have quality time, ( I told my sister not to far anything for his children anymore) but she says that she wants to do for his children the same thing she does for her son

my sister have to go on a separate vacations with her boyfriend from the children because of the because of the disrespect .

Her son getsalong great with her boyfriend. And often they go on vacation as a family without his children. But my sister wishes his children were there with them.

my sister gets along well with every member of his family his mother, sister and cousins. my sister is a photographer and she made a photo album for her boyfriends mother. The photo album was actually a family photo album that she created from old pictures of his children and family and his parents and also include pictures she took of his children recently and ex-wife…..taken at one of the children’s basketball game. She photograph his children the most beautiful way. It was a beautiful family photo album ……
which thank you was never said to her. my sister had to photo album delivered to her boyfriend’s mother mother home. The mother called grandchildren and his ex-wife to see the photo album. Per the boyfriend’s mother everyone loved the book and commented on her talent.

many of my coworkers said that was a nice gesture of my sister and they would have wish someone would have cared enough about their children to create a photo album of the family. I myself and many people that I spoken to has said they would love to have someone who cares about their children as much as my sister cares about my sister’s boyfriend children.

II told my sister if the children don’t like her by now they will never like her and that she might be better off not getting married . she would never have a home as long as those children are disrespecting her.


chris June 6, 2013 at 10:26 am

My kids found out from their teachers, who were having a get together near X’s wedding. X’s family does not know either. I guess his new friends and her family were the only ones there. Teacher’s asked, how was the wedding? Not realizing the kids had no idea it had occurred! Dad’s weekend of “heavy project work” and “business trip” (honeymoon) kind of exposed him as a big cheat to his kids. When kids told me what they had heard I started googling and immediately found X’s wedding photos– sadly kids saw them too. Looked like quite a bash.


Mamap May 6, 2013 at 6:57 pm

I found out my ex is getting remarried by a workmate of his, so I checked the local county court website and sure enough, they had filed for their marriage license. It has not been quite two years since the divorce and yes, she is the woman he was having an affair with during our marriage. To make matters worse, he told our adult sons to keep it a secret from me.


jen June 30, 2013 at 4:34 am

I had a similar thing happen to me a few months ago. Would like to hear more from you, as the support is good between women that have been through the same thing.


Jamie February 4, 2014 at 1:19 pm

My ex just got remarried and he asked my two children to lie to me about it. He actually lied to me about it. Now he can’t figure out why I am upset. NO I do not want him back, NO I am not jealous. It was wrong to put our children in the middle of a lie and even worse to ask them to lie to their own mom!


Ggirl April 20, 2013 at 8:46 pm

I thought I was the only one who felt like the mature responsible one. My ex was and quite possibly still is a drug addict. We had our first child and I was unaware of his drug habit. The next six years we were on and off, but his drug addiction, his inability to keep a job or show me a paycheck, continued… He faced several serious issues because of his addiction. I, on the other hand, felt that I could change him and make him realize that he needed to get help. We lost two homes in the process (both of which were under my name). In 2007, we had our 2nd child. He seemed to be there for her more than he was for my son years earlier. When he was born, he left me in my hospital room and disappeared until the next morning. Anyway, I failed to mention that we did officially divorce after only 1 year of marriage. I caught him with another woman in our bed… Needless to say, he ended up driving his one-night stand home as I called the police. Back to the present, he finally sought some serious help in 2010. He spent time trying to recover from his cocaine addiction. In that time the kids and I had to move in with my parents. He lost touch with us for a while except for some sporadic phone calls. Then all of a sudden he calls the kids one day and says he’s moved into his own apartment. (He had been in a home for recovering addicts.) Not a couple of dAys later, he calls to tell me he has a girlfriend and for me to go and get in a relationship. Go figure! So here we are just a couple of months later and today he got married to his new girlfriend. My older child was devastated by the one week in advance notice and he refused to go, but my young daughter doesn’t understand what’s going on, so with an unbelievably heavy heart, I let her go. I can’t stand the fact that he has made no attempt to repair his almost nonexistent relationship with our oldest. He was so high throughout the years, he has yet to figure out how to be a father. But with mu little one, he and his new wife manipulate her and make all of these great promises to win her over. It makes me physically ill! I have not dated or allowed anyone in my kids’ lives. I feel like I owe them every bit of attention I can give them and when they are grown I will put myself first. Someone’s gotta show these kids how a good parent puts their kids first – always! It also helps that I have very supportive parents and ex in-laws that love my kids so much! But, in the end, when my kids are asleep at night, I can’t help but wonder how he can live with himself! Totally disgusted!


StepMomof2 April 3, 2013 at 8:59 am

I am becoming a step mom of 2 and I can see both sides here. BUT I am experiencing the lack of maturity in my situation. I was introduced to my fiance’s children only after she had a live-in boyfriend. We were trying to keep things separate for the sake of not confusing the kids, but clearly our sense of maturity compared to their mothers was evident. She didn’t tell their father about her new bf or that he was living with his kids, but flips out when we moved in together 2 years later and engaged a year after that. She knew we were dating and that was not a secret. It’s a double standard for the biological moms sometimes because THEY have the kids and THEY need to know. I think it’s more of a jealousy and sense of entitlement feeling. Dad has moved on, is happy, has a partner that gets along with his kids and takes good care of them and their mother hates that. I guess she’d prefer that I ill-treat her children…I don’t know. I don’t get it. But it’s ok for her to move on, have several bfs after that but its not ok for him to have one solid relationship since their split (over 7 years ago) and happily settle down.

I have attempted the ‘let’s get everything out there’ but she’s not mature about it. I have repeatedly spoken to the kids about not replacing their mom but just expect respect in Dad’s household, abide by house rules, etc. Nothing crazy that kids shouldn’t know. But the bitterness and bashing continues because the word ‘wedding’ is coming up more frequently. She gets financial support, they get clothes, food, school supplies, help with homework, activities paid for all by Dad…she just a scornful gold digger at this point.

I get where some of you are coming from as being the mother and wanting to protect your children, and that is your natural instinct, but attacking Dad because he has moved on is tasteless and makes you look like you are jealous even if you aren’t. I do wish that I was dealing with a mature human being to balance and coparent and coordinate schedules but that’s never going to happen. After 10 years, my fiance has told me not to hold my breathe. We’ll see what happens when I have a child with him and what monster will come out then. All I know is that our children won’t be results of entrapment and lies.


Kelly Dolan March 7, 2013 at 6:37 pm

My ex got his mistress pregnant during our divorce. Hid the pregnancy until she was 6 months along. When he did tell her, he did it by showing off the belly on Skype. So 2 weeks before the baby was born they got married. I found out from an old mutual friend. I asked him if it was true and to please tell our daughter. I told him it is his responsibility to tell her. Then before the next visit I want to have a talk with the new wife about respecting me as the mother and her husband as the father. I want her to understand that she should not be a primary disciplinarian ( I will talk to the ex). I know what I am talking about because I was his other childrens step mother. I have a great relationship with the other kids and get along with their mother. He refuses to tell our daughter about being married. and it has been 3 months. She suspects something has happened and keeps asking if I would keep a secret from her and do I think her dad married the other woman. I am mad I am in the middle and wish he would tell her. Especially before she goes to visit him. I am debating on telling him to tell her by a certain date or I will. Or do I wait and see what happens. I am a single parent with sole custody and I have our daughter 315 days of the year. I will be 2 years since he actually visited her (the use Skype a lot). It will really upset her if she finds out he has bee lying and hiding something like this. HELP!!!!!


Monica March 4, 2013 at 6:39 pm

Found out today from my daughter that my ex just got engaged a few days ago. Our divorce finalized about a month ago. I am not surprised I found out this way as my ex has not had the decency to do things the right way. It is hurtful sure but I am actually surprised and glad that I am not as devastated as I thought I would. If he wants to be an idiot and marry again after only a month of being officially divorced then more power to him. The only thing I wish is we did not have children that would have to go through his plethora of bad mistakes but in the end they are HIS mistakes. I do think an ex should have the decency to let their ex know of an engagement. It is just basic human decency. Particularly if you have kids this way you can be prepared for questions that may arise. But like I said I am not surprised my ex did not tell me. He is a coward and will continue to be one. Now he is someone elses coward, thank goodness!


Karen July 12, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I found out on facebook that my x-remarried back in March and never told his teenage children until a week ago. I went for a college visit yesterday with my daughter and he was there and hide the ring from me the whole time. When he broke the news to the kids, he got married, my 18 year old asked him who he married. It was really funny watching him eat and try and hide it. Talk about screwed up. I feel sorry for her and I am happy for me that I donot have that to deal with anymore


Janey July 12, 2012 at 10:49 am

I have nothing but compassion for everyone here. But I have to disagree with KJ about parents not informing their ex’s about endgadgements or marriages to a new partner. Telling the other partner is not for the parents sake, but for the kids to adjust to the idea and reality of the situation. Breaking them in slow with the support of both biological parents is healthiest for the kids. I am a single mom. I have my kids 90% of the time and my ex lives out of state. He told the kids by phone he has a girlfriend but when they went for the visit they found out she is living with him. Younger kids may not get the reality of it, but teenagers know whats going on and they feel lied to if it’s just sprung on them. It also encourages the kids to dislike the new gf/bf because they found out under such sneeky circumstances. I did things differently, I slowly brought in the man I was dating and eventually married. My children where part of the process the whole way and I did tell my ex husband I was dating and when I got remarried. My kids love their stepdad and don’t feel like they didn’t have a say in the whole process. But, my oldest child is very angry about dad’s new girlfriend and the first impression is not to like her at all. It just put another nail in the coffin for him when it comes to how he feels for his dad. This just goes to confirm my opinion that not telling the kids or springing things on them only brings resintment and dislike for the new person in their parents lives. Why hide it from the kids/other parent if it is such a happy thing? Kids can move on from the divorce and develop strong relationships with step parents or live in gf/bf. But, only when the biological parent has taken the time to talk to the child and help them understand all that is going on. Grades won’t plument and behavior problems would be at a minimum. The term co parenting certainly applies to this topic. But as it seems so many still think their kid will just have to deal with mommy or daddy’s new mate. Sad only for the kids sake, and the honest parent gets stuck with the not only the label of being difficult or other names that can’t be mentioned here, but stuck with cleaning up the emotional damage it caused to the child(ren).


Tammy December 12, 2012 at 5:45 am

I could not have said that better myself. I am currently going through the same situation, I have a 9 year o who is very affected by this. My ex from point of separation until now, has been an 18 month duration. He did not introduce the kids to his wife until two weeks before we got divorced. For almost a year the kids stayed at my inlaws house with him when they visited on the weekends, then in Sept the boys started staying at her house. Every other weekend they came home with new news, dads engaged, dad got married, dads having a baby girl, this past weekend my oldest saw the sonogram pictures, and did not do well with it. Began feeling like dad was not going to love him. I txt my ex to try to work together on this, but his new wife reads his text, and decides to tell me I am being negative and insulting about her and the baby, all I have done is ask him to be a father to his son. I am far from jealous of this woman. She is not younger, and is not at all skinnier, but that is not the point. The point is I have two emotionally damaged children that I am constantly trying to help. am disgusted by both my ex, his wife. For them they are selfish, they think its all about them.


quantum84 October 6, 2015 at 7:06 am

Tammy i wish you were my partners ex lol me and my partner continuously put the kids before us and his ex seems to think its all about her never the kids, and because i get on well with my step daughter her and myself seem to be punished for it. i am pregnant with my first partner s 3rd we told kids carefully and he did tell her before we told the kids (which turned into her sending 10 texts msg trying to emotionallymmake him feel bad about it) and my step daughter is looking forward to having a half brother/sister, but we did it gradually and made them feel like they were involved every step

KJ June 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I’m not sure why you ladies are so concerned that he remarries, and feel you should be told personally. Really? Why? you still have feelings for him? He may be the fathers of your children, but you don’t own or control him. Sounds typical. This man and you are divorced, he doesn’t have to report to you. he told his kids, that’s all that matters. maybe he doesn’t CARE what you think?
As my husband’s second wife, and they have grown adult children, I am experiencing what I can only interpret as jealousy from his ex, and his kids side with mother, as usual….nice to my face but passive aggressive. And she walked out on him after 29 years and I believe cheated on him. She never was happy and still isn’t but I think wishes she had him back now that someone YOUNGER and skinnier has him.


Motherof 3 September 13, 2012 at 9:25 am

Its not controlling to want to know something as big as a new relationship in your ex life when you are CO-PARENTING with them. Any new relationship is a big deal to a child and both parents need to be aware of whats going on to help the child cope. Grown children are a totally different story.


anothersinglemom December 5, 2012 at 7:14 pm

KJ, I agree with Motherof3 and Janey. (other moms here as well) And it is a big deal to the kids. I can deal with my ex being married, dating or living with someone. (I’m not jealous) But, not to make lies up and hide the situation.. it has effected our kids, his other kids and other people I know and read about. Its not about control or owning him, its about respect for our kids. So the kids learn to hide things and lie as well when the other parent plays games like this. My father gave my sister and I time to meet and spend time with my soon to be step-mother ( now ex-stepmother) after he sat us down and told us about her. He said he loved her very much, she is nice we should get to know her and we will still have our one and only mom in our lives still. They did not move in together or spend nights until marriage. He also spoke with my mom before he spoke with us. We were able to deal with it and be a part of it. If he pulled it like these fathers are, I would not have a relationship with my father. Plus, if we the women pull what they do, we would be put down, but it seems like its ok for men? Sometimes you never really know what happened in the previous relationships, she could be jealous your right. But in most cases, that’s just not the case. Sorry so long, take care :)

Jamie February 4, 2014 at 1:12 pm

Let’s have you spend 20+ years with a man, have his children, be his partner and then have him leave you for another woman. ONLY then will you ever understand.


1mommy March 17, 2014 at 5:25 pm

KJ, although this is a reply around a year and one half after your post, I have to reply. I was reading here as my ex husband and father of our six year old is getting married and moving homes. My six year old told me. I asked my ex for the new address and wedding date. Nothing more, nothing less. I wanted to know for a few reasons; 1.) where my son is during visitations. 2.) to help answer questions my son has as he’s confused. 3.) to prepare my son for a big transition in his life as needed. 4.) to be prepared myself in regards to things like school plays, sports/activities, parent-teacher issues, medical, etc. It has nothing to do with jealousy. It has to do with making it as easy as possible for my son and all (even the new step mom). However, my ex has told me it’s all none of my business. How is this not my business? And I’m sure if the new or soon to be wife has questions he probably tells her I’m crazy or something along those lines. How is this behavior good for the child, me as the bio mom and the stepmom? Nevermind my son’s new extended family (if there is one), teachers, coaches, etc.?
I don’t think money or looks has anything to do with it. Wrong is wrong.


keeton823 April 28, 2015 at 9:54 am

I agree. my ex husband was emotionally abusive and very controlling. I wanted the divorce but he filed for it. We have a son together who is almost 3 now and he doesthe same thing to me. He has lived with this woman for almost a year and my son came home from avisitaiton weekend telling me that daddy is getting married. They all hid it from mw which really upset me and then they planned the wedding on a weekend that I had my son and expected me to bring him to his father so he could be in the wedding. But I had to lie to him just to get him to give me his dang mailing address. I am al ittle hurt because he only waited 9 months after the divorce was final to remarry. but Im not sure why I’m hurt. I definitely don’t want him back because he’s not good for my son or myself but it doesn’t make it easy to coparent when the father is telling you that most everything is none of my business. I’m just trying to help my son and myself figure things out. I wish I knew why I feel so crappy about him getting remarried. she is a good woman and is nice to my son. he even likes her.

Ashton March 14, 2015 at 6:20 pm

I realize as well that this topic was posted some time ago, but I also felt an inclination to add a perspective. I am in a similar situation as KJ, although I don’t quite agree with some of her comments comparing her physical appearance to the ex wife, sorry, I do think that is a bit tacky and doesn’t set off a very good sign of maturity on her part. Although, I do agree with her on certain accounts. There is an astronomical amount of toxic ex wives who on the most part, were the reason the marriage between their ex husband and themselves ended in the first place, usually because it was the EX WIFE who had affairs, etc, not the ex husband. These type of women seem to fall into a pattern that suggests their highest and most destructive problem is being overly and unreasonably jealous not only throughout their prior marriage, but they also act out with vengeance mostly using their children as pawns without considering their mental health and stability after the marriage is over. I’ve come to understand, not only in my situation, that this is not at all uncommon and is growing at an alarming rate. I feel that it has a lot to do with child hood based insecurities along with an unending craving to be the center of attention that realistically, can never be really filled. And when their ex husband moves on with someone else, most of them feel more that they are losing their “property” than losing a human being and they don’t like that.

Some of you are upset that your ex husband moved on with someone else. But you also must realize that these things DO happen after a divorce. If anything, if this was something that was so important to some of you, why didn’t you discuss it with your ex husband at the time of the divorce instead letting time pass (no matter how short or long) and bringing it up after hearing they are getting remarried. Because, in reality, do you know what that sounds like? It sounds like you have some unresolved issues yourself that realistically, have nothing to do with the children.

One thing I do know, those that keep a good, civil relationship with their ex husbands for the sake of their children, usually don’t have problems like this. And many welcome a step mother into the family instead of resenting them.

Another source of love for a child is always a good thing and as long as a new stepmother shows that, then, what’s the problem?


Cyndi June 6, 2012 at 8:07 pm

My ex and I have been divorced for a year and a few months ago, when I dropped off my son for his visitation with his father, I noticed he and his new girlfriend are wearing wedding rings. I asked it they were married and they said no, just engaged. He is telling the court that he is homeless, jobless and broke. That he has to live with his parents to survive. I did some investigating and found out his “fiance” owns a 4500 sq ft house. He is driving her BMW around like he just won the lottery. He pays less than $100 per month in child support and I had to pay him spousal support for a year! I can’t afford a private investigator but really need to know how to prove he is not “down-and-out.” I’ve tried to find out if they are married but haven’t been able to. Any advise?


debby April 21, 2012 at 10:25 am

About 10 years ago, my ex called me to tell me that our time together had always been very special to him, but that he was getting re-married.

It shocked me, because he was abusive, and had gone to prison for his abuse. I said, “Well, we’re divorced, and our time together was not all that special, so really, go on ahead and do what you’re going to do, but don’t try to bring a bunch of emotion into it that neither one of us feel.”

She is a controlling person, turns out, and when she gets mad, she loses control and hits him, and did this in front of one of our (grown) children. Ironic isn’t it? I suppose it is testimony to my own growth, because all I feel is bad.


Maggie April 10, 2012 at 8:01 pm

I learned about my ex-husband’s engagement from my 12 year old daughter.
Last week, my ex husband picked up my daughter to have an outing with him, his girlfriend, her kids, etc. At that time, he told her that they had just gotten engaged. I found out from our daughter when she came home. She was upset; although she did not convey that to him.
I later told him that I wished he had not put the burden on her of telling me the news. I wished he had respected me enough to let me know. He just rolled his eyes and huffed.


Carmen February 7, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Sorry for all you girls. Sort of same happened to me. My ex got remarried and told my kids 2 days before christmas at his parents house. After that he took them to his house to to meet his new pregnant wife who he cheated on me with.
My children where hurt but showed o signs. I only noticed when their grades went down. He acts as if my children are stid and does not take responsibility for what has happened.
So far we have o other way as to believe he has done it to hurt me but hurt his children more in the process.
How to deal with my children now.


anothersinglemom October 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I am so sorry for all of you moms and hope the best for you all. I was not married to my children’ s father but, I feel that I fit in here. I met him when I was 20 years old, got pregnant and miscarried our son within the first year we were together. During that time he was mean and cheating on me.(when you have an agreement not to be with anyone else even with no marriage it still should be held and he was legally married to another girl in another state as well). The next year I got pregnant again, had my daughter in 2000! Few years later he picked up and moved with one of his dangerous girlfriends,gave me 8 hours notice and told me he was to marry her.They did. After couple years, he came back, we dated, I got pregnant with our son. Same thing not only cheated on me but moved a drug addict into his apartment while we were together, him giving me the key and wanting me to” walk in” on them. Next, after my sons birth things got worse, then he all of a sudden moved in with a chick and got married secretly.I found out by looking at the marriage records online. They divorce, he makes comments he wants to marry me for the kids, other reasons and is starting to love me again. Well, needless to say, he picked up at moved out of state. We were planning a family vacation,him, me, our kids and my father. Havent heard from him so I got an strange feeling and whala! He is married as of last week, ( via court records again in his state)no phone,no new address,no letting me know about marriage! He never told me he was serious with anyone let alone warning to mary and he is suppose to according to our legal court modified papers from his last wife- which was another dangerous marriage (just looking out for my kids).We are suppose to give names of the other “spouse” before marriage.Guess he was gonna surprise me when he didn’t show to our major trip or showed up with her there .He always has the kids around them before I found usual! He also ruined my relationship in 2003 because he was of another race!Sorry so long! Why do they have no concern, emotion or respect?( not saying im perfect, but when does it end after so many chances?)


Lyn August 6, 2011 at 10:56 pm

I let my kids see their father’s dad today, on my parenting time, as a courtesy. When they got in the car, my seven year old told me that “dad got married”. Their father let me find out the news via the kids. He married the woman he cheated on me with-they now have a baby of their own. I’m stunned. That is not the kind of news you pass via children. Of course, he told me she was pregnant via email, so what more should I expect. I’m sick and he has hurt me again.


singlemomseeking August 7, 2011 at 7:38 am

@Lyn: How hurtful. Please surround yourself with good friends and love right now.


singlemom2 June 9, 2011 at 6:54 am

Not only did my ex not tell me personally…..he did not tell our children.
His girlfriend moved in with him from another state and that is how our children met her. They had never seen or spoken to her until they were moved into a home with her and Dad. They married over a year later without telling our children and without involving them in the process.
The bottom line is (from my ex-sister-in-law’s perspective) is this: My ex’s girlfriend felt threatened by me and was very controlling and secretive…..and he let her call the shots. Ultimately, this type of behavior is hurtful to the children more than anyone else.


Legal Editor Mom May 26, 2010 at 10:49 am

My ex and I were officially divorced in January of 2009, and he married his gf on Sweetest Day, with no advance notice to me or our six-year-old daughter. I found out about the marriage through the grapevine, and when I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he said he didn’t know how, since he didn’t think I’d be too happy about it. (He had just told me in June of 2009 that he was nowhere near making that sort of commitment to someone again, then they get married that October??) He actually met me at our daughter’s school for conferences, and admitted that he was going to take the ring off so I wouldn’t see it! What a schmuck.

The few times we’ve talked about the new Mrs. (who doesn’t want him to have anything to do with me or our daughter!) he is embarassed and apologetic.

Since then he’s also STILL talking about us getting back together and being a family again! Unbelievable. The kicker is that our daughter still doesn’t know that he’s remarried. She’s never met her and he never brings her around the new Mrs. When I’ve questioned this, he tells me that it probably won’t last long, so our daughter doesn’t ever need to know!

I have moved on, with someone much more sane (and honest, and loyal, and moral), so while it bothered me at first that he remarried, I realize that I am so much better off. 😉


Jennifer Q. May 7, 2011 at 3:18 pm

WOW! OMG it almost sounds like my situation. We filed for divorce in November of 09. We still had feelings and connection so you know, things happened. I find out Im pregnant in January. (After almost 10 years together and having fertility issues I get pregnant while were getting divorce, ay ay ay!) He is super excited about the baby and we put the divorce on hold. Then he wanted the divorce, turns out he met someone. So the divorce was finalized February 2010. After two months of no contact things did not work out with her and he was back on baby bandwagon and was discussing on taking baby steps for he still wants me in his life. By June 2010 he met someone else, by August they were engaged (2 weeks after my baby was born), turns out she was pregnant (Twice, she had a miscarriage and got pregnant again all within 2 months!!!) And by January 2011 they were married. He has BARELY any contact with my baby because from the beginning she does not want him to have anything to do with me, the baby even his own MOTHER! Supposedly he is unhappy and he said to someone he feels as if the girl trapped him and he realized that he lost me, the love of his life. Oh well! But he still insist on telling me hurtful things to get a reaction from me. Yes what he tells me are hurtful things but I act very stone cold; even telling me he cannot sacrifice his new family and he hates me ( I have NO IDEA why). I always tell him about important things involving the baby and he never shows up not even for my baby’s first Christmas. I am not seeing anyone for I am not ready but I am working on my Graduate degree now and am super happy to know that I am the mother of a gorgeous little girl and have a wonderful supportive family. AMEN to that!


jennifer quill January 26, 2015 at 9:50 pm

Happy you are happy….I shared the same experience with the father of my 2&3yr old. He bought his brand new$ 50000 lexuslexus and deliberately turned into a 16yr old show off over nite. I threw him out for him showibg no interest in me or his kids and totally showing signs of someone else. He left septeber2013 and was engaged december2013 .hes now married and expecting their daughter any day and he pays no child support. He makes me sick…but my babies are my first priority and we are so much better off

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