A single mom recently wrote to us at Singlemommyhood to let us know that her ex-husband is getting remarried.
Unfortunately, this mom got the wedding news second hand — from her daughter:
“My eight-year-old daughter came home from her dad’s this weekend and announced, ‘Daddy is getting married!’”
“I didn’t even know that he had a girlfriend!” CoastalGal99 wrote to us.
“My daughter explained that she was introduced to ‘Daddy’s new wife.’ Then she asked me if she should call her ‘Mommy, too.”
Have you ever received news like this second hand?
Has your ex gotten remarried? Have you recently gotten similar news?
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My ex and I were officially divorced in January of 2009, and he married his gf on Sweetest Day, with no advance notice to me or our six-year-old daughter. I found out about the marriage through the grapevine, and when I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he said he didn’t know how, since he didn’t think I’d be too happy about it. (He had just told me in June of 2009 that he was nowhere near making that sort of commitment to someone again, then they get married that October??) He actually met me at our daughter’s school for conferences, and admitted that he was going to take the ring off so I wouldn’t see it! What a schmuck.
The few times we’ve talked about the new Mrs. (who doesn’t want him to have anything to do with me or our daughter!) he is embarassed and apologetic.
Since then he’s also STILL talking about us getting back together and being a family again! Unbelievable. The kicker is that our daughter still doesn’t know that he’s remarried. She’s never met her and he never brings her around the new Mrs. When I’ve questioned this, he tells me that it probably won’t last long, so our daughter doesn’t ever need to know!
I have moved on, with someone much more sane (and honest, and loyal, and moral), so while it bothered me at first that he remarried, I realize that I am so much better off.
WOW! OMG it almost sounds like my situation. We filed for divorce in November of 09. We still had feelings and connection so you know, things happened. I find out Im pregnant in January. (After almost 10 years together and having fertility issues I get pregnant while were getting divorce, ay ay ay!) He is super excited about the baby and we put the divorce on hold. Then he wanted the divorce, turns out he met someone. So the divorce was finalized February 2010. After two months of no contact things did not work out with her and he was back on baby bandwagon and was discussing on taking baby steps for he still wants me in his life. By June 2010 he met someone else, by August they were engaged (2 weeks after my baby was born), turns out she was pregnant (Twice, she had a miscarriage and got pregnant again all within 2 months!!!) And by January 2011 they were married. He has BARELY any contact with my baby because from the beginning she does not want him to have anything to do with me, the baby even his own MOTHER! Supposedly he is unhappy and he said to someone he feels as if the girl trapped him and he realized that he lost me, the love of his life. Oh well! But he still insist on telling me hurtful things to get a reaction from me. Yes what he tells me are hurtful things but I act very stone cold; even telling me he cannot sacrifice his new family and he hates me ( I have NO IDEA why). I always tell him about important things involving the baby and he never shows up not even for my baby’s first Christmas. I am not seeing anyone for I am not ready but I am working on my Graduate degree now and am super happy to know that I am the mother of a gorgeous little girl and have a wonderful supportive family. AMEN to that!
Not only did my ex not tell me personally…..he did not tell our children.
His girlfriend moved in with him from another state and that is how our children met her. They had never seen or spoken to her until they were moved into a home with her and Dad. They married over a year later without telling our children and without involving them in the process.
The bottom line is (from my ex-sister-in-law’s perspective) is this: My ex’s girlfriend felt threatened by me and was very controlling and secretive…..and he let her call the shots. Ultimately, this type of behavior is hurtful to the children more than anyone else.
I let my kids see their father’s dad today, on my parenting time, as a courtesy. When they got in the car, my seven year old told me that “dad got married”. Their father let me find out the news via the kids. He married the woman he cheated on me with-they now have a baby of their own. I’m stunned. That is not the kind of news you pass via children. Of course, he told me she was pregnant via email, so what more should I expect. I’m sick and he has hurt me again.
@Lyn: How hurtful. Please surround yourself with good friends and love right now.
I am so sorry for all of you moms and hope the best for you all. I was not married to my children’ s father but, I feel that I fit in here. I met him when I was 20 years old, got pregnant and miscarried our son within the first year we were together. During that time he was mean and cheating on me.(when you have an agreement not to be with anyone else even with no marriage it still should be held and he was legally married to another girl in another state as well). The next year I got pregnant again, had my daughter in 2000! Few years later he picked up and moved with one of his dangerous girlfriends,gave me 8 hours notice and told me he was to marry her.They did. After couple years, he came back, we dated, I got pregnant with our son. Same thing not only cheated on me but moved a drug addict into his apartment while we were together, him giving me the key and wanting me to” walk in” on them. Next, after my sons birth things got worse, then he all of a sudden moved in with a chick and got married secretly.I found out by looking at the marriage records online. They divorce, he makes comments he wants to marry me for the kids, other reasons and is starting to love me again. Well, needless to say, he picked up at moved out of state. We were planning a family vacation,him, me, our kids and my father. Havent heard from him so I got an strange feeling and whala! He is married as of last week, ( via court records again in his state)no phone,no new address,no letting me know about marriage! He never told me he was serious with anyone let alone warning to mary and he is suppose to according to our legal court modified papers from his last wife- which was another dangerous marriage (just looking out for my kids).We are suppose to give names of the other “spouse” before marriage.Guess he was gonna surprise me when he didn’t show to our major trip or showed up with her there .He always has the kids around them before I found out..like usual! He also ruined my relationship in 2003 because he was of another race!Sorry so long! Why do they have no concern, emotion or respect?( not saying im perfect, but when does it end after so many chances?)
Sorry for all you girls. Sort of same happened to me. My ex got remarried and told my kids 2 days before christmas at his parents house. After that he took them to his house to to meet his new pregnant wife who he cheated on me with.
My children where hurt but showed o signs. I only noticed when their grades went down. He acts as if my children are stid and does not take responsibility for what has happened.
So far we have o other way as to believe he has done it to hurt me but hurt his children more in the process.
How to deal with my children now.
C.
I learned about my ex-husband’s engagement from my 12 year old daughter.
Last week, my ex husband picked up my daughter to have an outing with him, his girlfriend, her kids, etc. At that time, he told her that they had just gotten engaged. I found out from our daughter when she came home. She was upset; although she did not convey that to him.
I later told him that I wished he had not put the burden on her of telling me the news. I wished he had respected me enough to let me know. He just rolled his eyes and huffed.
About 10 years ago, my ex called me to tell me that our time together had always been very special to him, but that he was getting re-married.
It shocked me, because he was abusive, and had gone to prison for his abuse. I said, “Well, we’re divorced, and our time together was not all that special, so really, go on ahead and do what you’re going to do, but don’t try to bring a bunch of emotion into it that neither one of us feel.”
She is a controlling person, turns out, and when she gets mad, she loses control and hits him, and did this in front of one of our (grown) children. Ironic isn’t it? I suppose it is testimony to my own growth, because all I feel is bad.
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