A little hope?

by singlemomseeking on January 9, 2009

Some nights, I sit and remember the month I moved back to California with my sweet pea of a toddler. It was time for us to come home, to be closer to family. As much as I loved New York City, my baby needed more than the city could offer. So did I.

We’d just settled into the home of a single mom, upstairs, and we got to share her incredible garden where I took this photo. I was on a roll as a freelance writer and editor. I’d found a sweet, loving preschool near our home.

I was ready to date again.

First, I met a cute guy at the grocery store. We had a hot fling that quickly fizzled. But I was feeling confident. There was a man out there for me. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that I was really looking for a man to fill that hole inside me.

When I put myself on online, I was still heartbroken. But I dated and dated. I had a few short relationships, if you could call them that.

I dated some more. When I fell in love with the Israeli and thought, “This is it.” We were talking marriage and a baby.

But we couldn’t make it work. It was time for me to face my loneliness head on.

Jump ahead two more years — with lots of introspection and tears in between — and I’m back out there.  Initially, I decided I wasn’t going to blog about any of my dates. It’s time for me to have some privacy, to keep the details behind closed doors.

Still, I wish I could tell you I’ve felt a spark, a glint, a flicker… anything.

Give me a little hope.

Is there a confident, intelligent, sweet single guy out there who can appreciate me as a woman, mother — and blogger?

I’ll do the same for him. I will.

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Why you should say “yes” to a set up | Single Mom Seeking
December 11, 2009 at 4:21 pm

{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }

Alicia January 10, 2009 at 6:48 pm

In alot of the comments I’m reading, “be patient”, “someone will come along when the time is right”…But you know what? When a month turns into six, and six months a year, a year into two years, the lonliness gets old. Yes, we all go along living our lives, working and raising our children; however, I have found myself losing hope & wondering when I’ll find that special person. And no, I don’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. But I am strong enough to admit when I am feeling not so strong. Sorry if i’m rambling :-)

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Bad Mummy January 11, 2009 at 10:36 pm

The next person who tells me that the right guy will come along when I’m not looking for him can kiss my @ss.

I’ve been thinking about it a different way as of late. That is, do I want to risk changing the dynamic between my kid and I by introducing some guy into it? Especially considering my track record for so-not-the-right guys? That maybe it’s best for me to not be in a relationship because I really do enjoy my solo time and being a single mum to an only child, our own little team of 2, w/o wondering how to negotiate how to change that up if needed.

And, really, over all, I am starting to see that I attract the men that I do because my standards aren’t high enough. Yes, I have my list of what I want in a partner. but no guidelines on how to get there. And until I can get my head to a space in which I can recognize just how awesome I am and that any man would be lucky to know me, I’m off the market.

Bad Mummy´s last blog post…Family Matters

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Kelly January 12, 2009 at 1:05 pm

I try to be positive about this myself and also to enjoy the freedom and lack of drama that comes with being single, but you know… at least you have options. For some of us, who men don’t tend to look twice at (me likely because of being overweight), it’s even more challenging to find someone who is both interested and interestING. Sometimes I get disheartened when I see women complaining that they’ve had a million first dates but can’t seem to get past it, when just getting that first date is so rare for me. But I get it, I do! It’s frustrating for all of us who are out there trying to find love!

Kelly´s last blog post…The Weekend

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Leah January 12, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Oh wow. This post and these comments have totally blown me away.

Bad mummy, you crack me up: “The next person who tells me that the right guy will come along when I’m not looking for him can kiss my @ss.” The last time an (unhappily married) friend told me that I was
“trying too hard” I wanted to punch her.

Rachel, I wish you and everyone here who has commented luck in love. I have come to believe that there is not just one special person out there for us, but many possibilities. May we find them, with or without trying!

Leah´s last blog post…Impermanence

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Leah January 12, 2009 at 5:20 pm

p.s. Jack, I’m in DC too :) Hope it gets better for you…

Leah´s last blog post…Impermanence

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Alicia January 12, 2009 at 8:11 pm

@BadMummy: That was AWESOME!

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singlemomseeking January 12, 2009 at 9:57 pm

These comments have blown me away, too. Thank you! Thanks to ALL of you!

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NappyKitchen January 14, 2009 at 9:52 pm

@ Legal Editor Mom – I’m soooo sorry to hear about your dad. I’m sending prayers your way …

@ SMS – You are living my life … again. I keep meeting guys who expect me to settle.

Settle for them regardless of the fact that they are still legally married. (Separated is not the same as divorced!!!)

Settle for them because they are cute, yet broke. Did I mention broke? (Sorry, but I’m sure the utility companies are not accepting ‘cute’ as a form of payment! You can’t even use ‘cute’ to buy on layaway!)

Settle for them regardless of the fact that they are intimidated by my goals, accomplishments, or lack of neediness.

Settle by breaking my self-imposed celibacy for THEM (why in the h*ll would I do this? you’re gonna have to BUY THIS cow!)

moo …

*ok. rant over*

NappyKitchen´s last blog post…Dandruff in your Nappy Hair

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marge September 29, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Everyone loves what you guys are up too. This kind of clever work and reporting! Keep up the good works guys I’ve included you guys to my own blogroll.
.-= marge´s last blog ..learn hypnosis =-.

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