Comments on: Single Dad Seeking advice. He and his girlfriend have just split up

By: Sol

Sol — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:10:26 +0000

The child will be fine..:)…he/she is too young to remember ..your doing a good job dad..just keep doing the best you can and continue to learn from your experiences

By: Angel Broadaway

Angel Broadaway — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 13:05:58 +0000

I am 23 years old, have been a single mother of one for close to 6 years now. I recently found out that I am pregnant by my 50 year old boyfriend. He constantly lies, I’ve never met his parents, and I question if this child is a good idea. I don’t get paid much on my job, and can’t seem to get assistance. Any suggestions…?

By: avigail74

avigail74 — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:44:56 +0000

I absolutely agree with Kelly—wholeheartedly—I remember when I first started dating my last boyfriend, my daughter did call him “daddy” as he was leaving the door. I did explain to her that he is a good friend of ours–and a special man, more like an uncle and that we will keep calling him by his name. She graciously accepted that. Whew.

By: Angie

Angie — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:41:32 +0000

I just broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago that lived with me and my 2.5 year old for about a year. She actually used to call him daddy (yes, I know that was bad, but she was too little and everywhere we went people thought he was her daddy). She askes about him every once in a while, but not too much. He came by last night for about 15 minutes and she really didn't run and cling to him. She is beginning to view him as a friend that comes over to watch TV. And eventually, as he continues to fade away, she will easily forget about him. The only memories will be the pictures we have of all of us together. Angie´s last blog post...Updated: I’m moving on…Not to another man, just to another chapter of my life.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:58:50 +0000

Oh, one more thing. I am very much against letting your kids call your bf/gf mommy or daddy, especially when the child is too young to know the difference. It can really cause a lot of confusion, and I think it does make it that much harder if you break up. When I had a boyfriend (who we lived with for 2 years), my daughter always called him by his name even though her dad was not in the picture. Kelly´s last blog post...Brand New Day

By: clever beatrice

clever beatrice — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:20:41 +0000

I recently broke up with my first boyfriend as a single mom. there was a nothing graceful about it- he freaked and pretty much disappeared for the most part. i didn't make too much of a deal about it but told my 3.5 year old daughter that i was sad that 'JR' was not around. she is still sad about it. we all got together for brunch and a walk to check in, then he really freaked (his mood swings are a whole other story) and will not be coming back at all. rather than get into adults with possible mental illness and emotional issues i explained to her that sometimes people fit together and sometimes they do not- like shoes- you out grown them and have to make room for another pair. i told her it was okay to miss him and that he probably misses her too but it just doesn't work out everytime- it doesn't mean he loves her any less. we are also writing a letter to say good-bye. there is not easy way and it's a crap shoot everytime no matter how careful you are- you just don't know and you absolutely have to try. clever beatrice´s last blog post...we had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun-- sayonara summer love

By: Honey

Honey — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:17:36 +0000

Since the vast, vast majority of relationships (romantic or otherwise) DO end, and the vast, vast majority of people DO leave, I must admit to being a little confused about why a parent wouldn’t want their child to know that. Isn’t it better to know the truth as soon as possible and develop sound coping mechanisms?

Or maybe you’ll all just tell me it’s a good thing the BF and I are never having children

That said, I agree with the advice here. I don’t think I remember anything about being that age!

Honey´s last blog post…In Sickness…

By: pisceshanna

pisceshanna — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:04:38 +0000

Boyfriends/girlfriends come and go. Moms and dads are eternal. That is, unless your kid started calling your girlfriend "mom." Then you probably got some issues. My ex lives with his girlfriend and her two kids. They call him daddy. I'm sure they would be heartbroken if he left one day, but that's because he's so involved in playing the daddy role. I guess it depends on how involved you were with this girl, and how deeply your child depended on her. pisceshanna´s last blog post...Love, Logic & Laughter

By: Single Mom

Single Mom — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:33:50 +0000

Since there was no drama, a simple faze out should work well with the transition slowly to where the child does not have seperation anxiety. Single Mom´s last blog post...Extra Money for Christmas !!!

By: mc

mc — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:51:56 +0000

I agree with what others have said here….a child that young will forget the GF quickly, especially if the Dad explains in a calm way that she’s no longer living there and then leaves it at that.

Wondermom: A baby! OMG that must have been hard on you, too!

But many infants and older children in daycare get similarly attached to their “daycare mom”, and they still benefit from that love even though it obviously isn’t long-term.

My own kids were in a home daycare from age 3 months until 2 1/2 years, when their daycare mom (who they were very attached to) died from a heart attack. I explained the situation and gave them room to grieve and ask questions and express their sadness. 6 years later, We still talk about her fondly sometimes, like we would about a grandma who had passed on.

I didn’t take them to the funeral, but I went and it was very touching–all of her current daycare kids were there from 5 years on up with their parents, and also dozens of older kids and adults who she had helped raise over the years.

I’m sure the love you gave that baby made a positive difference. Children need that, even if it means they may experience a loss down the line. But that’s also a part of life.