Comments on: Learning how to parent 101

By: BlapherMJ

BlapherMJ — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:04:22 +0000

This is a great post. There are sooo many issues single parents face, and it's so helpful to read posts this like. Thanks! BlapherMJ´s last blog post...Fabulous Fridays

By: BlueBella

BlueBella — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 03:13:58 +0000

My first job out of college was at Boys Town in NE working for the Common Sense Parenting Program. Even though I didn't have kids then, it really taught me a lot about raising them, along with my parents of course, and gave me some options I use with my kids today. You may want to check out any resources/books they have online. I used to have all my materials but they vanished with the last move. Anywho - I'm in agreement with the other parents of twins . . .parenting twins as a single Mom is straight up disappointment from the beginning. And I don't mean that in a bad way. Someone nearly always has to wait, or cry, or get used to whatever circumstance that cannot be handled immediately. Sometimes it's a guilt ridden lifestyle from a Mommy's perspective, but the kids survive, adapt and thrive. I believe boundries are the single most important gift you can give your children, along with lots of love, devotion and kindness. And if you read my post today, it's definitely addressing the disappointment issue - on both sides:) BlueBella´s last blog post...Breaking An Ornament & Slashing My Wrists Seemed Like a Better Option

By: Phil

Phil — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 20:17:21 +0000

It’s very difficult to balance praise and entitlement. I think this generation of parents and teachers (especially elementary school) have been trained to constantly encourage their children and tell them how wonderful and special they are. It’s a good thing, but the consequence is that they grow up believing it and expecting everyone to think they are special and wonderful no matter what they do. The old-fashion traditional home where the mom praises and the dad punishes probably helped raise a more balanced child, but that model seems to be going away.

I don’t know what the answer is. Also, I was raised without having to do chores and was constantly praised, yet I’ve always been extremely responsible. So you’ve also got genetics playing a big factor too.

By: wandamd

wandamd — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 20:02:49 +0000

Even though my daughter is close (emotionally and physically) to her Daddy, it was clear to me very early on that he had no will power to set boundary’s with our daughter. Now that we have separate homes and there is no one to “run to” when I say no or have to enlist dicipline her and I do have a very close relationship that is loving and sometimes respectful. When she’s with her Daddy it totally chaotic and he is exhausted when the visits end. He complains that she is always whining and very demanding with him. It made it very clear to me that while it is painful sometimes to set boundary’s when you want to give in to all their demands…in the long run you are teaching them how to cope with the real world…and they will love you for it.

By: pisceshanna

pisceshanna — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:41:42 +0000

I asked the Judge to send both me and my ex to a Love & Logic class. He didn't show but I went to the entire 5-week session and learned a lot. ITS HARD! Its WAY more painful for the parents than for the kids. I really respect their whole "let them make mistakes when they are young and consquences aren't as bad." They also tell you that enforcing rules will seem like the COMPLETE WRONG thing to do, because the reaction is so awful, but it will get better. Yeah, definitely taught me alot, even if I don't agree with all of it. pisceshanna´s last blog post...Christmas Tree Euphoria

By: singlemomseeking

singlemomseeking — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:34:15 +0000

Again, thanks to all of you! I really appreciate your honesty here.

I also noted what this parenting expert — who has worked with kids for three decades — said:
That adolescence has sped up two+ years this generation.

This means that your 10-year-old is behaving like a 12-year-old, etc. True for you?

By: T

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:37:02 +0000

Oh VJ! I love your comments! How funny!!

Yeah, I’m pretty tough on my kids. I didn’t have boundaries but I did have discipline. My lack of boundaries were in other areas… I’m learning them now.

My dad was a hard ass on me especially. I’m probably as tough as he was. I’m the disciplinarian between me and the ex too. He lets them get away with murder and then giggles about it with them!

Ya know, I’m harder on my kids than my sister is on her kids. I really think its because I am the oldest and Dad was different with me than her or my brother. Interesting…

My kids aren’t perfect but they definitely know better than to feel entitled. (Well, ok… at least most of the time.)

T´s last blog post…Velvet AND Steel

By: Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)

Katherine (SOLO dot MOM) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:25:02 +0000

I agree that kids today are conditioned and “taught” to have a sense of entitlement… mine included! Sometimes I wonder as single parents if we don’t “over-indulge” giving our kids things to make up for the single parent complex we have. I do set some boundaries… my budget requires it… but as they get older it gets harder. We did discuss the other night that at age 15 they will be allowed to have a cell phone and we decided when each of them start high school I plan to invest in a laptop for them to use… but we currently have two nice desktop computers at the house and numerous game systems… well you get the picture… so where does it end!? And with all this “stuff” they also seem to think they “never” have anything to do fun… or it’s boring at home… um yeah they have so much more than I ever did growing up…and we have their friends over ALL-THE-TIME so I want to work on this as well.

Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)´s last blog post…Holding on to Hope and Faith in Uncertain Times

By: Kelly

Kelly — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:13:44 +0000

Oh the entitlement! I’m definitely feeling that these days. Mine is months away from becoming a teenagers and already acting like one.

The laziness is amazing. She will sleep until 4 PM if I let her, and getting her off her butt to do anything is nearly impossible. She will do anything she can to get out of work (pretend she didn’t hear me, take an extra long time on homework since she knows that’s a priority, etc.) I could really use some help around the house, but she’s so busy cleaning up after herself (eventually, after I’ve told her 40 times) that she never gets around to helping me out.

And nothing is good enough. Our house is too small, her phone isn’t nice enough, her flute is crappy, we never do anything fun (we always do fun things… hello, we live in Orlando and are at one theme park or another every other month! not to mention other things we do like the movies, skating, etc, and the sleepovers she goes to almost every weekend), etc etc. I think it’s just the age she’s at right now, and it doesn’t help that most of her friends are better off financially than we are, but the child wants for nothing, and it drives me nuts that I work so hard for her to have a good life, and she just constantly complains that it’s not good enough.

But I suck at setting boundaries and saying no. I have to work on that. For me it just seems like too much trouble to argue with her. But I know we as parents just have to suck it up and do what’s necessary.

She’s a good kid though… gets good grades, altar serves at our church, is a girl scout, is kind, etc. But OH laziness and lack of gratitude! That goes away eventually, right? In about 10 years?

Okay, rant over. LOL

Kelly´s last blog post…Buffyfan30′s Tweets

By: mc

mc — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:02:12 +0000

Paige: I have a nanny and I’m not a celebrity–she babysits the children while I’m working. And I do take parenting my children seriously.

Parenting was hard when my kids were babies, but I can’t say it’s agony now—it’s really fun. However, I’m bracing for the teen years….!