Lance over at Honey and Lance recently dared me to write about intimacy. (Thanks Lance!) That’s a lot to tackle in one little post. And he knows that I’ve been tackling struggling with intimacy these days.
When I first started to date as a single mom, I was looking for safe, no-strings sex. Simple, right?
C’mon, when had I ever been able to take sex lightly? Uh, never. Back then, however, I didn’t know what I was looking for. Sometimes, I wanted to get my groove on. Other times, I just wanted to take a nap.
As it turns out, sex was easy enough to find. But what I really craved was a relationship. And that, my friends, has proved to be challenging.
Despite my longing for a man in my bed, what I really wanted — and still want — is an open, genuine, honest partner, a man who will come bed with me and stay for the long haul.
In the meantime, I’m trying to find new ways to be intimate. Dad’s House asks if you can “enjoy physical intimacy without an emotional connection? ”
Yes, you can, says Dad’s House:
“By revealing your essential sexual nature to another, but keeping all else private. Men tend to be able to do this more easily than women.”
But is it really possible to separate your sexual desires from your emotions?
Can you be intimate without having sex? I don’t know.
You tell me. This is very new for me, and a bit unnerving.
I might disagree with Lance about many issues, but we are definitely on the same page when it comes to defining intimacy.
“For me, intimacy is basically talking about your feelings,” Lance writes.
And Honey adds (I love this!) that intimacy is “a living, evolving, ongoing process.”
“Can you have a real relationship and not have intimacy?” Lance asks. “Can you have intimacy in a relationship and NOT have sex, and is that worth it?”
Can you?
I’m still figuring this out. Or trying to. I’d love to hear what you have to say.
Photo by Scott Snyde.
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
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In my experience, having sex is easy… being able to develop true trust with someone is not, and therein is where real intimacy lies.
My intimate friendships are far more powerful and long-lasting than my sexual ones.
Although obviously, of course, you want to someday find one that has both — but it makes more sense to me that it will be found only AFTER finding the right intimate partner, not after finding the right sexual partner.
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