The man I hope to love

by singlemomseeking on November 10, 2008

The beautiful, spunky, bold blogger at The Quest for T put me up to this dare. Here’s what she emailed me recently:

“I’m making a list, starting today, of traits I have loved in men I’ve been with. I’m going to list the next perfect man I choose for me. It will be an empowering exercise…What about you? Are you in too? Make a list with me!”

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a sucker for dares.

First, thanks for reading our lists. Second, although I might print this list out and put it under my pillow, I’m not on a mission to check off these qualities in every man I meet. Check! Check!

Instead, in my own life, I’m striving to embrace all of these traits. As T puts it so well, “I am going to be this list. We only get what we give away…”

This is only the tip of the iceberg on my list…but here goes:


You help me carry my heavy baggage. I’ll help you carry yours.

You look me in the eyes, really look. Neither of us turns away. Well, except to blink.

You get my dry sense of humor… and actually laugh.

You hold my hand without letting go, even when we hit rough patches. You can hold both hands if you want.

You get along with your family — or try to.

You want to stretch alongside me, physically and emotionally.

You like to have sex (in the morning, afternoon, evening…?) You also love to kiss.

You are financially responsible.

You cheer me on. I have my pom-poms ready to cheer you on!

You like to cook, and feed me. (I make a mean lasagna!)

You make every effort to communicate, genuinely and respectfully.

You want to live a committed, open, and honest life.


Now, let’s open up the floor to you: men and women, yes YOU…

What are some of the top traits on YOUR list? Name just one if you can.

Read more single parent lists!

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Kevin January 13, 2010 at 9:45 pm

I’d say, the thing I’m looking for in a woman is someone who is interested in me, who asks follow-up questions and supports my interests (wine drinking, running). Notice, I said, “supports” my interests. They don’t have to run or even like to drink wine (though, who doesn’t like to drink?) I mean, I’m 41 and know my 20s and 30s are long gone, but still, I think its important I find a woman I can talk to, and vice versa, then that’s when I’ll now.
.-= Kevin´s last blog ..Hello, again… =-.


VJ November 13, 2008 at 11:26 pm

I really forgot to add the de rigueur requirements of serious sexual athlete & part time Cirque du Soleil trapeze/contortionist artist with a matching appetite and taste to the needs and requirements of the moment. Any moment.

But yeah. We’re all just commodities here. Just part of a list made up to fulfill everyone’s active fantasy life. Seriously. Life’s not about discovery. It’s not a journey. If you don’t arrive on the front steps with that same caddy, a ‘good name’ & family & and impressive resume (aka, suspiciously Like the Pre-historic 1950’s & prior) as your tall dark, handsome athletic self, well you might as well forget it. No matter how the Ex’s were acquired or how they might measure up by comparison. (But we’ve learned So much!) I could go on and get into the ‘other side’ by no need to bother. You get the drift.

I’d say I’ve been surprised by this development at the mark of the 21st century, but not very. Some things never change. But spouses & Lovers might down through the years. There’s discovery at work, wisdom gained, experiences shared & created. Suffering & loss overcome. Sorrows assuaged. No ones comes to your door step complete and ‘finished’. Not your kids. Not even your parents. No One. Why expect a Partner to come ‘Finished’ as to your Exact specifications of your desires? Yes, even the dog would scoff at that! Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’


NappyKitchen November 13, 2008 at 10:55 pm

A man who will:

Be the example of the type of man my daughter should marry.

Be the example of the type of husband my son should be.

NappyKitchen´s last blog post…What does ‘Kitchen’ Mean?


Cyrus November 13, 2008 at 9:17 pm

How are you always so relevant to my life when you blog? I have recently been told by a woman that she has a list, and I don’t meet the criteria. She admits that I could make her happy, but she’s not sure that’s enough since I don’t hit the points on her “soulmate list”.

I’ve thought about making a list in the past, but I’ve decided it’s healthier for me to figure out what I want through trial and error.

I thought I knew what I was looking for before, and that didn’t work out so well (hence, the single dad label I proudly carry today).

My list right now is pretty much one item. No lies.

Cyrus´s last blog post…Parenthood Magazine: Co-parenting


VJ November 13, 2008 at 7:58 pm

Realistically, if you’re being honest, the list changes not only with age, but with life experience. And when you get old enough, you really know that minimalism is the only way it can ever be truly satisfied. Pick the 3-4 things that are Essential to you & your being & well being. Good heart, gainfully employed, fit, no record. Intellectual, kind, loves kids, financially solvent. Anything more is just a bit too much to ‘fit’ into the frame of reality.

When I read through some of the typical responses on the question here & elsewhere I’m continually tickled by recurring themes:

Everyone wants that:

Younger Fit good looking hunk/gal with:

1.) The Soul & habits of a poet.

2.) The Romantic words and movement & timing of the best lyricists or a lithe dancer.

3.) The tolerance and patience of a nun/priest.

4.) The passion for work & work habits & ‘financial stability & solvency’ of a leading CPA.

5.) The understanding and empathy of a mother & a clinical counselor.

6.) The better taste of a classical European Epicurean.

7.) The reading habits, knowledge and retention of an English Professor. (Not the Reality mind you! Just enough to pick up some decent poetry every now & again.)

8.) One who loves us as selflessly, utterly& completely and wordlessly, always. Like our dogs do!

9.) Someone with the rationality of a machine when we need ‘figuring’ on some problem, but who’s connected enough to cry along with us when needed.

10.) Someone’s who’s always open to constant communication no matter the hour or circumstances, and is able to listen carefully and silently until we’ve finished.

Of course the last 3 are ringers. If this rings true for you? Learn to appreciate your dog(s) better. It won’t get any better than that for a love worthy of the name. Not in this lifetime! Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’


Infinity November 13, 2008 at 7:33 am

I think along with the other ones on the list, something that is important to me is being with someone who is willing to be fearless and take on a journey unknown, but knowing that I’ll be there to support them.

Of course being there for me when I go on an unknown journey as well.

Infinity´s last blog post…Demonstrating Higher Value


Crazy Computer Dad November 12, 2008 at 2:10 pm

I like your list. My lasagna is better than yours. You left out some times in your sex line.

I like what both Ruth and Honey said as well. You know someone has come a long way when they can admit when they are wrong.

I’m just kidding about the lasagna! I love my lasagna and would put it against anyone’s, but it certainly isn’t anything special. Now, my cheesecake…award winning, but it isn’t really mine either, just a great recipe.


Honey November 12, 2008 at 1:02 pm

The thing that I like best about the BF is that he admits when he’s wrong. It’s a good trait to have.

Honey´s last blog post…The Nicest Surprise


Ruth November 12, 2008 at 7:32 am

alright I’m working on a list, but my new #1 is “emotionally available.” meaning you are in a good place in your emotional state, completely over any exes you may have and ready to focus on moving forward with someone without comparing us to that relationship. I know staying hung up on someone is something men say women do but I’m finding guy after guy who isn’t really over his past yet and I’m NOT going there.


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