Hot single dad is landing!

by singlemomseeking on November 18, 2008

It’s done: RJ Jaramillo, founder of SingleDad.com, is flying up here!

Seriously, how could I resist?

I’ve never seen the word “adorable” used so many times on my site.

Even RJ’s barber left a comment to say that he was “driving out from Orange County to cut RJ’s ‘do’ this weekend, I think I will give him the mullet he ’s been asking for–”

Ironically, I got my hair cut the same day!

Here’s the scoop:

I will pick up RJ at the airport this Thursday morning.

We’ll head back to my place… and get straight to work.

We’ll spend the whole day — 10 hours total — making videos. G-rated, folks! (Okay, maybe PG. Okay, maybe a bit PG-13, but no pirate-and-wench costumes!)

As RJ says on SingleDad.com this week, “We will be recording several video blogs about what matters most to women when it comes to dating and relationships. What do I ask her?

And just as importantly, what should I ask him?

On SingleDad.com this week, one dad asks if single moms prefer to date men without kids? (Do you, moms?)

And one mom wonders when it’s okay to introduce her new guy to her kids–

So, dear readers, what would you like us to cover? (Or, uncover?)…

Do you have any pressing concerns? We’ll be dishing about parenting, dating, exes — and the upcoming holidays. Let’s hear from you. Thanks!

Photos of the adorable RJ!

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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

Single Mom November 18, 2008 at 10:02 am

Awesome !!! Cant wait to see the videos…

Personally I would prefer to date someone who does not have a child. I know that sounds so biased, especially since I have a child, but it is just my preference. That being said, I do date dads. I dont decline a date simply because they have a child. Actually my dates the last couple of years have been with dads.

I would like to know a single dad’s view of single moms- do they really think all of us single moms are waiting to be “rescued” and our only agenda is to be married ? Personally that could not be further from the truth in my situation. Yes, I would love to eventually get married, but not really what I am looking for now. I could have been married by now, but I want a wonderful happy marriage and a great husband, not just a marriage certificate and a so-so husband.

Single Mom´s last blog post…Extra Money for Christmas !!!

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Nancy November 18, 2008 at 10:12 am

Whoot! Yea you two =) ..errr, I mean professionally cheering here *wink*

When I had small kids, I’d only date “Dads” … kidless men just “don’t get it”.

Now that my kids are young adults, I prefer men without “dependents”. Grown kids or no kids now work best foe me =)

Nancy´s last blog post…Looks as Good as it Tastes!

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Tracey November 18, 2008 at 10:20 am

I think I prefer to date dads because they understand my priorities better. But here is my question: do single dads prefer to date women with similarly aged kids? I have found that some single dads with teenagers are not interested in seriously dating a woman with a preschooler. They don’t want to marry a woman with a young child and “start over” parenting a little kid. Is that a widespread feeling, or have I just had bad luck?

Tracey´s last blog post…It Was Bound To Happen

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Kelly November 18, 2008 at 10:39 am

I prefer to date dads because they usually know what they are getting into. They understand the priorities of a single parent.

Good luck with the videos! He IS adorable!

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Angie November 18, 2008 at 10:49 am

I prefer to date dads…if I had a choice. They know I cannot be available on a whim, know that dates must be scheduled, understand the kids come first, and have already been “tested” as dad material. However, my kids are 5 & 8 — I may think differently in 10 years like Nancy!

I want to know if dads look differently at moms who are single by choice and were never married. This is a weird conversation with many guys, they don’t understand at first why there is not ex-husband and I feel they look down a little on me after that is said. Am I being hyper-sensitive, or do they really feel differently?

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singlemomseeking November 18, 2008 at 11:36 am

Nancy: that’s such a great point about your kids’ ages. Very perceptive!

When I had a wee-little one, I found myself dating men without kids… Perhaps because I was open to having another one.

Now, as Angie points out, I’m only drawn to men with kids. Yes, they “get it.”

Anyone else want to chime in about how your kids’ ages might play a role about the kind of person you’re drawn to?

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singlemomseeking November 18, 2008 at 11:40 am

Angie, re: “no ex-husband” and feeling like “they look down a little on me”… I used to feel that way, too.

Yes, people often want to know why you never got married. Without telling your life story on a first date, you might keep your version simple and short.

Actually, I’ve found that many men seemed relieved when the learn there isn’t an ex in the picture. Although it can be challenging to carve out time to date — because I don’t have shared custody — there’s no drama or conflicting schedules!

Anyone else want to comment on this one?

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Legal Editor Mom November 18, 2008 at 11:44 am

I used to prefer to date men with no kids, until I had my own. Now I’m just the opposite, for all the reasons Angie states. Men without kids generally just don’t get it! And as Angie/Nancy, stated, when my preschooler is older, I will probably prefer a man with older kids or none at all. Then we can devote more time to each other…

I have a good handle on what type of mate I’d want if I got married again, but we can always learn from each other and these videos sound so interesting. I’m looking forward to them; thank you both. (And he definitely is adorable.)

I always love to hear about wonderful dads who are committed to their children. Hey, maybe RJ can write up something on this and I can send it to my ex? LOL.

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pisceshanna November 18, 2008 at 11:51 am

This is a touchy subject, just cause my daughter’s father left me for another single mom (so obviously HE didn’t have a problem with it).

I would have no problem dating someone with kids, unless HIS KIDS WERE MY AGE! Thats a little too sitcom for me.

pisceshanna´s last blog post…Kabbalah, Ellen & White Bug

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Tracey November 18, 2008 at 12:09 pm

I am a single mom by choice, and have never been married.

I have found guys to be generally happy that there is no ex drama to contend with. But, scheduling time is hard with no shared custody. On the whole, I have gotten positive responses to doing this completely on my own.

But, I know some other single moms who have said that the positive reaction I get may be related to the fact that I adopted my daughter, because they feel more judged for having given birth single. i don’t know if that is true, or just their perception.

Tracey´s last blog post…It Was Bound To Happen

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Kelly November 18, 2008 at 12:14 pm

By the way, when the heck are you going to tell us your secret? Tease!

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singlemomseeking November 18, 2008 at 12:57 pm

Kelly: I vow to tell the Secret on Monday, Nov. 24! (Can you wait?)

PiscesHanna: You crack me up!

“I would have no problem dating someone with kids, unless HIS KIDS WERE MY AGE! That’s a little too sitcom for me.”

(Although, seriously, I’ve had that conflict with my own father, who has dated women my age… Dad!)

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T November 18, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Yay for videos!!! ;)

Well, after dating (or whatever you want to call it) Soldier, who was only married once and for a very short time, it would be nice to know that the next guy knows what it takes to have a long term relationship. Whether or not he has kids? Hmmm… it would be crazy if he had 3 or more. If he had two, plus my two, that’s not too bad. I don’t think it’d be too bad if his kids were the same ages. Instant friends, right? Even if they were older, instant babysitter, right?

Also, it would be nice to have a man that understood that my kids and I still have a good relationship with their father. Soldier seemed bothered by that. He wanted to be “instant hero” instead of sharing the spotlight with their real daddy. I would prefer if the man had a decent relationship with his ex too, if he had kids.

Gosh, quite a bit to think about!!

My only concern would be how to blend those two families. He’s always going to be partial to his kids and I’ll always be partial to mine, right? Very complex stuff!

T´s last blog post…Spirituality behind the sex

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Mommy to the Monsters November 18, 2008 at 2:33 pm

Another single mom by choice through adoption here…

I know this is completely hypocritical but I prefer a man with no children, although I would not completely rule him out if he did have children. I think it has more to do with with the whole “baby mama drama” thing than the actual kids though…

I have also found that some guys seem to admire the fact that I adopted and find it more appealing that they don’t have to “compete” because my kids don’t have a daddy…

On the topic of what I would like you guys to discuss is:

1. How do you know it’s time to introduce your kids to someone you are dating?

I am so cautious about this now after my kids were heartbroken by the ex….but I know it’s very unrealistic to keep my kids from meeting him for too long, it’s just impractical especially when you don’t have a shared custody arrangement…

2. How do you deal with jealous kids?

I think my oldest son would marry me if he could..lol He DOES NOT ever wnat to share his mama WITH ANYONE including his brother…

3. I would also love if you guys did something about avenues of meeting people to date as a single parent…(Online, church, clubs, singles events, newspaper ads, cruises, or travel trips etc..)

Mommy to the Monsters´s last blog post…Rugrats – All Growed Up

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Kari November 18, 2008 at 2:52 pm

Personally, I prefer a man to date without kids. I won’t rule one out with kids though. I think Nancy has it right for me. When the kiddo was little I sought out men with kids. Now that she’s almost a teen well I want a man who is unattached in anyway. Also, I have never ever been first in anyone’s life that I have been involved in romantically… call it selfish, but I’d like that for once. Right now I’m roped in by a younger man with no kids, no previous marriage. I’m such a cougar ;)

Kari´s last blog post…A night out.

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won November 18, 2008 at 2:55 pm

Whoa…now you’ve got me thinking. I’ve known something was off kilter for quite a while….hmm…. I am a single mom. Here is my dilemma.

My oldest child died four years ago today. So, a man with no kids would not have an inkling of a clue. Probably would want me to just “be over it.”

And a man with children? How couId I truly empathize with his his innocuous ramblings of his child’s escapades?

So, I sit here alone for now…waiting for the answer. In no particular hurry, just being in this time and space.

won´s last blog post…This is where it gets ugly

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SDMktg November 18, 2008 at 3:48 pm

My only concern with dating women with children has been teenagers because my kids are young (1st grade now) and I didn’t want any conflict with older kids.

My girlfriend doesn’t have any kids and hasn’t been married and it is a real struggle for me to balance out putting my kids and her first. I give all I have all the time. My kids are very accepting and love spending time with her.

SDMktg´s last blog post…Vote Early and Often

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keenkamsmom November 18, 2008 at 4:25 pm

I have to agree with Angie. I have experienced too many men without children who seem to think that I should be available at their whim and just don’t get the idea that the kids will ALWAYS come first. I also agree that men sometimes have a negative reaction when they find out there is no ex husband out there.

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judy November 18, 2008 at 4:38 pm

I have dated both and totally prefer men without kids. They can be more flexible when can’t, and foe me my one kid is enough that I don’t want the drama of more and the multiple sibling thing.

I also want it to be about me..oh I mean us when I am with him…not about his kid.

Perhaps you could video foot fetish/shoes/pedicures

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Viv November 18, 2008 at 6:41 pm

Men with kids seem to understand better how it feels to love someone unconditionally, and so much that it hurts. I’d like to be selfish and find a man with no kids, but a man with kids is just more practical.

I was married but have heard from single moms with no ex-husbands that men do seem to judge them differently when they find out they’ve never been married.

For topics, how about:

Date disasters?

What NOT to do when you’re trying to impress a potential mate?

Pointers on why it’s good not to waste someone’s time if you aren’t really interested?

Honesty 101 for Men?

Don’t Mess With My Kids If You’re Not Going to Be Around!

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GG November 18, 2008 at 7:16 pm

Yum – lucky girl!

I like dating single dads because they get my need to prioritize my kid.

GG´s last blog post…Orgasm Therapy

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Andrea November 18, 2008 at 7:17 pm

Wow! Have a great time! Can’t wait to see the vlogs!

Andrea´s last blog post…Have you read these?

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Kathy Riggs November 19, 2008 at 1:04 am

Well…I have to comment, cuz I dated this adorable guy for a while a couple of years ago!!! That’s right!!

Here’s what I have to say about Mr. RJ!

When I met him I was a successful exec making the big bucks, traveling all the time and a CRAPPY mother. He taught my kids to love salad and how we could make preparing dinner together fun!

He opened my eyes to what real parenting was all about. I ultimately quit my big job and became a great Mom (still working on that every day actually). He’s a huge romantic and a wonderful friend now. My life is certainly interesting as I re-invent myself around what’s REALLY important!

Thank God he entered my scene and called me on my crap! Today I really know my three adorable kids. He’s a great guy! And that face of his, I love that face! So create some great stuff, you’ve got an interesting Leo heading your way! I can’t wait to see the videos!

As for your question, I prefer men with kids but to be honest, blending families is huge issue that isn’t for everyone. Something big to consider.

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singlemomseeking November 19, 2008 at 8:25 am

So sweet Kathy!!

Jeesh, I’ll have to ask RJ what the secret is to getting your kid to love salad. Mine still won’t touch lettuce.

Of course, inquiring minds want to know… why didn’t you and RJ work out?

Thanks for the great comment!

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cate November 19, 2008 at 9:19 am

I have a hard time having dated both and I am considered a young mom (32) here in a big city.

The single dad’s whom I have dated are all over 40 and very set in their ways. The guys without kids near my age have little sense of real responsibility and family.

I have an eight year old with special needs. And I don’t want to have more kids. I would be thrilled to have a blended family as long as the guy was open to loving mine. I work with kids and so it is easy for me to love someone else’s.

But my question to single dads and single guys:

Would date a single mom that has a child with special needs?

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Legal Editor Mom November 19, 2008 at 9:35 am

If that testimonial from Kathy, RJ’s ex, wasn’t awesome, I don’t know what is.

Not only is he good to his own kids, but we now know that he is/was great with someone else’s. And SMS, while I’d love for Mini Me to eat salad, I’d love for her to have CONSISTENT quality time with her father even more…

Now I’m serious. RJ absolutely MUST address all the deadbeat dads (parents) out there! Slap them into reality!

RJ, I will pay your airfare if you’ll consider flying to Chicago. I will drive you to my ex’s doorstep! ;-)

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Legal Editor Mom November 19, 2008 at 9:41 am

Ok, maybe just make video on the “deadbeat subject” and we’ll mail it to him anonymously, in a plain brown wrapper? ;-)

I know you can’t make someone be what he’s/she’s not, but a child DESERVES both parents whenever possible. (It’s totally different if the children are adopted or the other parent is deceased.) But to live nearby and not be a part of your child’s life (by choice) is simply ridiculous.

I feel better that I got all that out; I’ll get off my soapbox now.

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Kathy Riggs November 19, 2008 at 11:52 am

Oh boy…well I will always have a place in my heart for Mr. Jaramillo!

He is a TRUE Leo! There is just nothing that Boy can’t do – I wathched him lead 70 loan officers through this huge crisis and be a true leader which meant forcing people to move when they were stunned. Awesome to see!

Now, as for RJ and I, well I too have often been a leader in my life so learning to stand down is tough for me. Even when it’s the right thing to do. I have my own insecurities around needing to feel like the center of someone’s universe! RJ would often say to me, “Kathy, find your confidence”. That’s not as easy as it sounds. Neithor one of us belonged in a committed relationship, between us there were six kids that needed much of our attention and lots of insecurities to address. It just wasn’t the right match. He wil always be a good friend, someone I call when I need a kick in the pants or a shoulder to cry on…Be good to that boy Rachel!

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SDMktg November 19, 2008 at 11:57 am

I’d like to know how RJ was raised and how he got his values. A lot of times it is hard to put family before work and many workplaces do not support that. The question that always comes up is “why can’t mom take care of them?” “They’re my kids, what difference does that make?” is my answer. It’s not always easy but I always think of them first.

I was raised by a single mom and saw my dad a few times a year. He lived 5 miles away. She showed me the importance of consistency and putting other people first.

I applaud all dads that make the effort married or not.

SDMktg´s last blog post…Vote Early and Often

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rj@singledad.com November 19, 2008 at 2:14 pm

I just got off the phone with Rachel and Kathy… this is getting a little bit out crazy for me, (over 100 e-mails this morning) and I just want to be fair to everyone and say…

Wow, I am scared to death of tomorrow and I do not know what I am getting myself into?

Legal Editor Mom, I can make that trip for you and let your ex know that all roads lead to our childrens’ futures and how they remember us will last our lifetime…something he has to live with, not you. Stay strong and try to stay “neutral” when the questions are asked about him from your children. It’s easy to “bash” but the joy is temporary and you need to stay “classy and sassy”…

About My Parents:
I was blessed by strong, proud, and loud parents. My mother was the beautiful, intelligent, strong and loud one. At 4’10″ she was the epitome of leadership and hard work. I love my mother very much and growing up, she encouraged me to dream big and never give up on my passions. There is a mix of Spanish, Italian and Mexican in our family and so there is a lot of physical and emotional love in our family as I was growing up. My mother never made me feel poor or disadvantaged and I truly respect her for giving so much love in hard times. My mother taught me how to cook and it is my weekly goal to call her and impress her with my latest creations in my kitchen. she makes me laugh, she keeps me humble.

My father worked 6 days a week, but never missed a dinner as we all sat at the table together for our meals; something I still do today with my three children when they are with me. My father is quiet, calm, proud and handsome. He never missed the opportunity to see me in my school activities and I could always see him and my mother at every baseball, soccer and tennis event that was important.

My Dad and I still kiss and hug when we greet each other and it is a custom that I still practice with my son and family. My Dad and I have had several conversations about growing up and how he feels that he missed some of my years. I always remind him that he was with me in every step of my life, because he sacrifice so much for me to go to college and live the life he wanted me to have. I am grateful that my parents are still alive and have been married for over 47 loving years.. They are my inspiration and they give me hope.

I know I am not perfect, but I am aware of that fact. I have made mistakes and I have hurt people in and sought them out to apologize for my actions to them face to face.

I truly believe that there is something good that will come out of tomorrow and that we can all help each other understand what it’s like in “our single parent” world.

I am looking forward to a few laughs and some great material to share on what matters most to our readers.

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