Dating
Have your kids discovered you online?
That “hot single dad” — RJ, founder of SingleDad.com — is landing at the airport in just an hour, and I’ve still got a sink full of dirty dishes… help!
Here’s something that has been on my mind for a long time, I plan to ask RJ about this today for sure: both of us are single parents who talk openly online about parenting and our kids. We’ve also asked them to be in photo shoots for our sites.
But where are the boundaries here?
Some of you have blogs online. Do your kids know about them? Have they ever read any of your posts?
Some of you comment regularly online, too. Certainly, your children have asked you — as you type away — “Mommy/Daddy, what are you doing?”
What do you say?
The deal with Mae these days is:
1. She gets to approve any photos — if she’s in one — before they go live, that’s a rule we’ve made.
2. She gets paid, too. (I’m not kidding. That business-minded girl wants at least a buck per photo. Although, as she says, “If you can’t really see me in the photo, it’s 50 cents.” I guess she is my assistant over here.)
~~~
I know that many parents who read this blog have teenagers. Are your teens on Facebook, like you? Did you “friend” each other?
It can be tricky to keep your online life completely separate from your parenting life. The last thing you want to do is confuse your child. I’ll never forget the time that my kid caught me browsing men online:
She loves to draw, and one Friday night a few years ago, she was lying on the living room rug with her sketchbook. She seemed so engaged that I took this opportunity to turn on the computer. Three new emails were waiting from men online. I was glued to the screen. I was smiling.
But all of a sudden, she was right next to me.
“Mommy, is that you?” She pointed to my headshot on the screen.
“Uh, yes.”
“But it doesn’t look like you.”
“It doesn’t?” Maybe she was right; my smile looked forced. Was I too posed?
“Why is your picture up there? Who are those men?”
Yes, it’s important to have boundaries between your online life and your personal life. But for many of us, these worlds collide.
Please tell me: how do you manage to keep it all straight?
Photo by Jyn Meyer
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Tags: blog, boundaries, computer, Dating, Facebook, Kids, Meeting Men, MySpace, online, Parenting, personal, rules, single dad, single mom Discussion
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My kids are sooo not there yet!!! We are mySpace folks (I don’t like that Facebook shows my last name…now isn’t THAT paranoid!!!)
I have a mySpace friend who I hope to be similar to when my kids reach that age. She is 40 and has EIGHT kids (YIKES!!) Her oldest is 21 and has been her ‘friend’ on the Space for a few years. I think it builds a more open relationship. You are not doing anything you are ashamed Mae might read. And, being her ‘friend’ will remind her to not do things you would be ashamed of. It’s a very open relationship in a very scary open world!
The online man hunt, however, is more than they need to see. Although it wont scar her for life just catching you and having a conversation about it, it’s definitely something that should be separate. No - “Hey Mae, isn’t he just F.I.N.E?” Ha-ha-ha!! Doesn’t that thought make you chuckle!
Oh, I should mention that my mySpace friend (B) and her daughter both write and comment on each others blog. Some really deep and revealing blogs about B’s childhood and thoughts on marriage (in her third). Some people write better than they talk, and maybe it helps B’s daughter understand B on a deeper level?
Isn’t Mae clever! (doesn’t surprise me.) First, I want to address what Angie said about Facebook. I am a rather private person, so I don’t blog, and I refrain from commenting on certain topics on other people’s blogs. Yet I finally gave in and joined Facebook after relentless pressure from my family that’s out of the country. And of course now it has expanded to friends nearby, friends from high school, and even friends from elementary school. While it does show last names, I like that only the friends you approve can actually see your profile and what’s on your personal page. Also, I only link to colleagues and other work professionals on LinkedIn, NOT on Facebook. That way, I’m keeping my personal life and professional life separate. So far these methods have worked for me.
But on to SMS’s question, I am fortunate that my daughter is still too young to really know what I do online. She does tend to be interested when there are pictures or other graphics on my screen, or when there’s sound. But I’m very careful with what I expose her to, since I don’t want to pique her curiosity too much at such an early age. (She is very sharp, much like Mae, and doesn’t miss a beat.) I imagine that as she gets older, I will need to close my office door or limit my online time to off hours. But I do believe in an open, honest relationship with your kids, at appropriate ages of course, and talking things through with them, so they won’t have to seek answers to things outside the home!
My daughter knows I have a blog, but she has no interest in reading it. I’m sure she could easily find it if she wanted to and maybe one day she will. She would probably be embarrased about how much I talk about her, but I don’t reveal any big secrets or anything. She has said “Don’t put that in your blog!” more than once, in reference to pictures of her or something she said that amused me.
We both have MySpace accounts and we are “friends”. Her account is private. Her friends are a handful family and close friends, and I monitor it regularly. It’s one way she keeps in touch with her father and some of his other kids, in fact.
As for Mae’s reaction to seeing you on a dating site, it reminds of of when Casey saw me reading your book (I think I’ve told you this before). Because of the title she thought I was reading a how to book on dating and she was mortified. LOL
Kelly´s last blog post…Poor Little Fluffy
Hey Kelly,
I wanted to tell you that your blog/journal inspired me to keep an online journal. When I first discovered it, I liked the fact that you write about your day-to-day activities and your daughter. That was a good fit for me and since I’m a professional writer/editor, the thoughts just seem to flow easily and effortlessly. I just haven’t made it public yet, and it’s something my daughter won’t see until much, much later, since it details the hell I went through with her dad!
But thanks…
LEM
My son is 12 and he is not allowed to have a myspace or facebook account. I have told him when I decide to let him have one, I will have the passwords and I have to personally know his friends before he is allowed to add them to his account.
Single Mom´s last blog post…Extra Money for Christmas !!!
My daughter knows the rules - no communicating with strangers online, no using her real name, no telling personal details… but she sees me playing with facebook and reading blogs. I don’t write anything that I would not want her to read/or be okay with her reading at some point. She could access my blog any time she likes, but because she can… she probably doesn’t. It just isn’t a big deal!
The Exception´s last blog post…If You Can’t Say Something Nice…
Whew! That’s a good question.
My kids do see me online and ask what I’m doing but I don’t post any photos of them on my blog.
I am who I am. On my blog and in real life. I would hope they wouldn’t be too shocked by what they read on my blog one day. Although, sometimes I guess my blog can be rated R… but mostly its PG-13, isn’t it?
Since my girls are still little, I suppose we’ll cross that bridge later.
Its cute that Mae’s so involved. I love that.
T´s last blog post…New friends, single parents and chocolate cake sex
Did you read Jennifer Weiner’s new book, Certain Girls? In it, the character had written a book when her daughter was a baby. And now her daughter is 13 and reads it. And it’s one of those not-so-totally-fictionalized books…. Kinda reminded me of if a kid finds a mom’s blog.
tanasie´s last blog post…Maybe Fozzie?
My kids are young adults so they and I are pretty good friends. We’ve always had an open relationship since they were little, so they are pretty open to ask anything. We all have facebook and we are all friends. There’s no privacy there. I love our relationship…it’s so real…and they know first and foremost I am their mother. I think it’s cute how Mae is involved, after all if you meet someone special she’ll have to feel comfortable with this someone
This is a great topic. I have kept my boys out of the limelight. My work has revolved around the computer for several years, even before I started blogging. They don’t pay much attention to me when i’m on the computer.
As some of you know, I have 2 myspace pages. One for my friends & family and the other for the blog. Alpha Boy is on my personal myspace.. but other than that I keep my blogging away from them for now. I’m sure there will be a time when we talk about it, just not now.
Eathan´s last blog post…Top 5 Hottest Interracial Couples
I’m kind of torn on this. I vent about a lot frustrations with my daughter’s dad on my blog. I really don’t want her reading that until she’s older and has perspective. Obviously I don’t act on these frustrations in real life, but they are still there. I want my daughter to make up her own mind about her dad, but I’m afraid if she starts reading my blog she may have resentment towards my negative thoughts about him. Hopefully by the time she is old enough to get on the internet, I will have resolved a lot of these issues and my blog won’t just be about venting.
pisceshanna´s last blog post…Preparing for the worst
I have PiscesHannas fears! While I am not overly negative about him it is more than I share in real life!
So once they are old enough to read it and understand where I was at - they can!
As for FB and stuff like that - not sure I can really stop them - like Kelly though I will monitor it somewhat and make sure their security settings are set etc etc
laurakim´s last blog post…We need help
Wow LEM, that’s so awesome! Thanks. It’s become a bit of an addiction for me. I can’t imagine not typing out everything that happens in my life on a nearly daily basis!
Kelly´s last blog post…Poor Little Fluffy
My kids are 7 so they are hardly ever online or even on the computer. When I do get a computer for them to use it will be in the living room facing the room and when they have Facebook or whatever else comes along I will be one of their “friends” so I know what is going on. The Internet is never “private”. Everything you type is recorded somewhere and you should assume that anyone could potentially read it someday. I don’t blog about myself for this very reason. It would get complicated quickly. When I do comment I try to only write stuff that I would say in person to anyone in my life.
Tailgating Times is my work blog and I just try to keep it interesting to our audience. Irreverant at times but hopefully never offensive.
SDMktg´s last blog post…All Summer Long - Warewolves of London
Great topic! As a single mom for the last 7 years this has definitely crossed my mind more than once. Although I’ve tried to keep it hidden, my kids have caught me “dating” on line and didn’t mind cuz they want me to be happy.
My oldest two are in highschool now and one is a FB friend while my oldest, a senior, is not. As far as I know they haven’t read my blog and it hasn’t come up. I figure if they have a question or comment about it they will speak up. This poses another question I’ve had too; what about the ex finding you online? Guess we have to know we are taking that chance, and maybe it will be good for them to read it!
MindyMom´s last blog post…His Ex
Great topic!! Pumpkinhead is far too aware. He’s 5 but he reads at a fourth grade level and I often catch him standing behind me reading what I’m writing. I was IM’ing with a friend the other day and he actually came up and started reading word-for-word as I typed, including the “F” word. At that point, I told him he needed to go watch TV. Good Mom.
Anyway, my son is not on Facebook (obviously!) but my mother is, hence my decision to get a second Facebook account for my blog persona so I can link up with my blogging buddies and be real without compromising my career and my family. That said, it now suggests to all my real-life friends that they might know “PT-LawMom” so it probably won’t be long. Geez.
My ex-husband knew I blogged. He thought it was stupid, even when the American Bar Association recognized my blog in their ABA Journal. Bah humbug. Blue Eyes, the guy I am seeing, knows I blog and reads occasionally but generally thinks it is fine and doesn’t really read.
That “hot single dad” — RJ, founder of SingleDad.com — is landing at the airport in just an hour, and I’ve still got a sink full of dirty dishes… help!
Hide the dishes in the washing machine! The dirty clothes can always be stashed in the back of Mae’s closet.