I’m sorry to hear it didn’t go so well. Maybe it just means that person that matches your list is a little closer now?

Well… doesn’t this sound familiar. I’ve been reading a book (that I will be reviewing on my blog) about unavailable men and the women who love them.

Upon reading I realized just how much this sounded like my soldier situation and how I was only taking crumbs too. (and yes I do realize a lot of it has to do with his being at war and all) I called him on a few things that I put up with (that I’m now realizing I don’t have to put up with) in an email this morning. He wrote back instantly and threw a fit acting like I was being dramatic.

He wants to keep me in his life… as a fallback girl basically. A ‘friend with benefits’.

I don’t know. These crumbs are starting to taste a little stale now.

I’m looking for the whole loaf. How ’bout you?

T´s last blog post…Relapse

Yet again, I can relate to this post in all sorts of ways! (And since it’s your blog, I’ll spare you from outlining them all!)

But Rachel I think it’s great that you know that you deserve more than just the crumbs. You deserve the whole damn loaf, and then some.

I will say that him calling and asking to make out says a lot. It’s one thing to have some sort of established friends with benefits situation but that wasn’t the case here. Which makes that request rather, well, ewwww creepy.

I think The Exception was right from the get-go.

Older here, maybe not wiser, but more trips around the block than you *wink*

I didn’t go back and read my comment to the post you are referring too, but I’m sure I side-stepped what I was really thinking.

I’ll be polite and just say (I’ve read a few of his posts) … you dodged a bullet =)

Nancy´s last blog post…Blog Bling and Blob Bling

I’ve been where you are right now. Karmal Sutra and spa day helps a little as does a little retail therapy and a night out on the town with the girls, all of it or some of it but usually all of it.

There is two men in particular I find it very hard to stay away from. One moreso than the other andI can’t explain it.

You are not worth crumbs anymore than I am, and I know others would recognize that about me more than I would myself and vice versa.

Kari´s last blog post…R-E-S-P-E-C-T.. and other things

That whole high-trail/low-trail thing has me really suspicious…almost like he knew she was going to be there…

For what it’s worth, I’m glad you took the chance. At least now you know.

Tricia´s last blog post…Nike, you can kiss my ass.

I am feeling all philosophical today so this is what you get:

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.

Play for more than you can afford to lose and you will learn the game.
Winston Churchill

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
Albert Einstein

You know what you want and what you need. As you told me “Don’t go back for more when there is only less”

goin-crazy´s last blog post…Today

You definitely deserve a lot more than crumbs. You should be at the head of the banquet table.

From the way you wrote your first post on I think you really always knew the deal, maybe you were just hoping it would be different. (Kind of like watching Casablanca and hoping maybe this time Ingrid Bergman won’t get on the plane.)

SDMktg´s last blog post…Need your vote! Our own "Sweet G" makes it to the Tostitos Tailgate Finals

wow. i ahve wanted to leave a comment so many times- i am in the throws of recovering from my first relationship in a long long time…i became a single mom and after my amazing daughter was born i enjoyed a 4 1/2 year drought. i reunited with an old crush from high school- we hadn’t seen each other for over 20 years and how much fun we had! it was suppsoed to be friends with benefits until we see what happens. he freaked every few weeks, he wasn’t in to playing house after a couple of months and what was presented as the ingredients for a whole loaf turned into crumbs. My question is, if it hurt so much and he obviously doesn’t want to be with me/us, then why i am still hooked on a feeling? so much of my list is about what he wasn’t…but he is still there damn it!

krizbell´s last blog post…The Best Friday- Xoxa’s birth story version 1

You are a smart cookie. No more crumbs, okay?

Amy Nathan´s last blog post…How much should you reveal?

Rachel, I call that good karma for you…That walk and seeing his ex-fiance…You saw everything you needed to see before things got too “hot and heavy.” You must be living good!

kevin´s last blog post…What women want? A runner?

Everyone’s been so nice so I’m not going to say I told you so. But how many of us warned you? When you KNOW that you’re vulnerable, that you get attached too easily, that warning signs are there, yet you often choose to ignore them, I do not agree that taking chances like this are a good thing. Unless you LIKE disappointment?

For me, crumbs are not an option.
I second SDMktg’s and Amy’s comments.

I’m not sure if I’m the 1st guy to comment in detail on this. So here it goes..

If and I say -IF he was truly in love with the ex-fiance.. that probably was a difficult momemnt. I have one ex that has the ability to confuse my mind.

When you have a 2 women that you care about cross paths. The timing couldn’t be worse. I’m sure he probably has some unresolved issues. He could have some feelings or emotions that makes it confusing. He sounds like he’s not over the ex.(I’m not sure how long it’s been since their break up) The one thing I can say in his defense.. he was honest to admit it. It took a few hours..but he did.

I’ve had confusing moments before. It’s tough trying to make a choice when your heart is torn. He has work on himself and his emotional wellness.

As far as you, Rachel. You’ve done the right thing. I’m sorry that you’re left out. It seems like you made the best decision by not getting physical too soon. You can still be friends with him after he has taken care of all of his unfinished business. And you’ll enjoy it twice as much.

Once again… I’m sorry for the way this happened. And I hope you find happiness.

Eathan´s last blog post…Vodka Soaked Tampons

Admitting that a guy you were/are interested is only throwing you crumbs is a tough thing to do…Coming to terms with the fact that you deserve more is even more difficult! You seem to have things fairly under control. Good things come to those willing to wait (at least that’s what I tell myself every night!) Good Luck!

SS+1´s last blog post…The end of A Bad Night

LEM: If you hadn’t said “I told you so,” I would have been disappointed. (I know you too well!)

In seriousness, I’m grateful that I said “no” to more stale crumbs.

Thanks to Quest for T, Liz, and SDM for running with the bread analogy!

Here’s to the whole loaf, sweetened with honey and more!

SMS,
I definitely should have given you credit for declining his offer of intimacy. A year or so ago, I wouldn’t have expected or believed this. So for that, I am proud of you. You treaded cautiously with him throughout this exchange, so hopefully it’s only a sting and not a really deep hurt.
Much love,
LEM

Nancy: I really do feel like I dodged a bullet. Whew!

SDMktg: That Casablanca reference almost has me on the floor. So true!

Eathan: Thanks for the guy’s point of view. Yes, he was honest. But having the door slammed shut so hard, and so fast, did hurt. He was clearly trying to use me in order to work out his “stuff.”

I’ll admit, when I first read about this guy on your site, my alert system started beeping like my house was on fire.

But then again, I’m known for my cynicism, so I didn’t want to poop on the parade when it could have just been me being negative.

Just remember: we have to endure the bad things in order to get to the good ones which are headed our way. {{hugs}}

I want to punch him in the face. And make him cry for real.

He wants to make out with you and then HE says the physical attraction is what’s holding back the friendship he hoped for. Grrr.

But, at least you didn’t sleep with him before he flaked on you.

tanasie´s last blog post…Hanging Up

get a BIG knife…..cut the loses..then cut them again too be sure; you know the ones you thought you had cut many years ago.

He set you up, was rebounding, and I bet he comes back around.

Of course you will stay clear

I’m with Tricia on this….

The low trail/high trail seems kind of suspicious to me too…

He did you a favor….You definitely deserve more than just crumbs.

((((HUGS)))

Mommy to the Monsters´s last blog post…Response to Letters

SMS, I’m with the others who glimpsed those red flags when this all started, but I know you had to give it a try and see where it would go. Who can blame you for that? You have lots of company with the “hopeful romantics.” I’m in a similar situation with a crush from *30* years ago…and I’m determined to take it slow and steady… You’re a role model for me and so many others (and I have quite a few years on you, girl). Thanks for teaching us as you go. You’ll always have our unconditional love and support, while at the same time we will always watch over our sister. <3 Oh and keep this in mind: “Never regret something that made you smile.”

I didn’t like this guy in the beginning of this saga, and I really can’t stand him now. He clearly used you while trying to get himself together and from the sounds of it, he’s definitely not together.

The trail thing does sound suspicious, as does his wanting to make out when you were so clear about your feelings and your vulnerability. What a schmuck!

I’m hoping that as Legal Editor Mom says, this was only a “sting.” (And maybe he did make you smile with all his flattery and crap, but at this point, do you really believe anything he said??) JERK.
You do deserve the whole loaf!

Oh Rachel. I am sorry. But I agree with Kim - don’t regret something that made you smile. Boy - I bet he’ll stay away from here for a while. I think some of us are wrangling with the urge to give him a swift kick.

Amy´s last blog post…Journal 111: November 2008 Spring to Summer to Fall

Rachel, so sorry that you ended up hurt, but wow, what a sign from the universe! If you hadn’t been in touch with your own needs and suggested the walk, none of that would have happened. I am always amazed at what happens when we are true to ourselves. Hang in there mama… so much better is on the horizon for you.

Leah´s last blog post…Remembering Ricky

What an awkward moment for you all!

Sorry you had to go through that and sorry things didnt work out but you had alot of unresolved things with this guy which you can maybe let go now?

(my man list is up today btw)

laurakim´s last blog post…Facing my Fears

I wish I had something witty or profound to say like most of your readers but alas, I don’t. This is one more lesson in trusting yourself…you knew from the start that it would not end well but wanted to believe otherwise. For you, I’m sorry. For him, I’m even sorrier because he is the one who is missing out. I am proud of you though…you’ve grown a lot since you first wrote about him in Single Mom Seeking. And you’re still an inspiration to me, even if you stumble now and then. You do deserve the whole loaf…and a bag of chips on the side! I know it was particularly hard for you to share this so I thank you.

Wondermom´s last blog post…Counting down to the weekend!

Damn Damn DAMN. I remember reading that all of a sudden he had his own blog and I TOTALLY rolled my eyes as well. I almost posted that he’s a poser, but … I didn’t want to crush any happiness you may have had.

However, now, it’s different. I am glad he’s gone and that this got nipped in the bud before you threw your heart into anything. He sounds like an attention whore to me, and looks for the attention from women so he can comfort himself.

You’re better off, R. And you’re right, the whole loaf is what you deserve. *hugs*

QTMama´s last blog post…The Nervous Excitement

He requested a makeout session? Is he 12?

I’m glad you got out before it got serious. You deserve better!

Kelly´s last blog post…Dinner and a Movie

Glad to see you’re finally on the other side of this one. They’re none too fun experiences, but they get us where we need to go.
HUGS

BlueBella´s last blog post…The Little Things

It is always better when the inevitable happens sooner rather than later. People talk a lot about not wanting to “waste time,” well this saved you from wasting months and months! On to “the loaf” as it were…

Honey´s last blog post…The Nicest Surprise

I don’t get the “I told you so” attitude of some of the comentors. Is everyone clairevoyant? Rachel wanted to see him, she saw him, the universe was revealed to her. That’s perfect.

I bet she’s more glad she had the experience than if she’d followed the “I told you so” advice, not acted, and was left wondering.

dadshouse´s last blog post…High Cost of Company

I must say, that was a brilliant move to basically give him the rope to hang himself! At least now you know for sure what he’s made of! And you’ve immunized yourself against more of his schtick that he’s sure to try on you again later.

We all deserve the whole loaf of bread! Unfortunately, it always seems that have to bake it up ourselves. I mean, why does finding a great relationship always seem to require such hard work?

You deserve better. Way better. And I personally think it’s immature to email & ask for a make out session… It was all about what HE needed, not you.

It was a blessing in disguise to see the ex on that walking path. Leave this guy in the dust. He is not worthy of your time AT ALL.

You took a chance and made a choice…life is about choices… but you are worth so much more than crumbs… i mean the whole loaf… At least you didn’t go all the way with him and said NO. Follow your gut… you deserve better! xo

I’m so sorry to hear this.

But you know what, you can say that you tried, and you were brave enough to go and try. With love, men, women, feelings and the whole package, I’m not sure we can ever really learn and be wiser the next time. So often the emotions just lead us somewhere where sense would not. If you think about this, you and the ex could have worked out, as you never just know how things will go.

But you went and tried. Good for you! As it was mentioned here before, it’s good you know you deserve more. Because you DO.

You know? When I saw that he had “hidden” his old blog within a new blog, I had a hunch he was all about the drama. Plus, he himself even admit that he enjoys being a tease, even from high school days.

My biggest ewwww…. is the way he talks about his daughters. Too much information for certain!

Move on Rachel, for you are in a much better frame of mind and good things will come your way.

Hey Dadshouse,
From reading all of the comments,
I don’t think anyone was being rude or inappropriate with “I told you so” comments. It does sound like many of her readers saw signs and tried to warn her because they care about her and didn’t want to see her hurt. People on the outside often see things more objectively when they’re not close to a situation.

Then there are those who thought it was a good experience, and that simply alludes to when we fall down, we have to get back up. Was the relationship all bad? Of course not. Did it end badly? Sounds like it.

It’s all about the choices we make. And whether we make the same mistakes or not, we undoubtedly learn from any experience. The nice thing about this blog is Rachel obviously has a lot of support.

I am with Dad’s House on this one. Sometimes you have to do your own thing - no expectations; no regrets. And now is another of those times.

BTW - I am not sure that those words were mine (would hate to have someone else missing that credit). Thanks for the link though.

We can’t win if we don’t play the game. And we can’t even try a slice if we don’t buy the loaf. Don’t settle, but don’t regret!

The Exception´s last blog post…You Can’t Handle the Truth

Stef - in Rachel’s initial post, most of her readers said “oh, I have bad feelings. Don’t meet him!” But she met him anway. Now some readers are saying “see, I knew it wouldn’t work.”

Is that being supportive?

Or is supportive saying “Rachel, you’re the one walking in your shoes. You’re the one who needs to experience whatever you need to experience. We’re here for you, no matter what.”

Seems a world of difference to me. But maybe I’m just misreading some comments. Does that make me unsupportive? Ha

dadshouse´s last blog post…High Cost of Company

The Exception: Thanks for pointing out my error!

I just looked back through all my comments… and indeed, it was “MC” who gave the above advice. Thank you!

Corrected!

Rachel, congratulations for not allowing your fears to hold you hostage from seizing the golden opportunities (good, bad, and otherwise) that life presents. Growth comes from all types of experiences. A rich life requires doing, taking action and overcoming our fears. Let’s be honest folks, we live in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people, of which we and our potential future lovers are all a part of. Rachel, perhaps it is time for you to ascend one rung higher in this game of life, since clearly you are the more emotionally mature and stable person, between you and this guy, and reach back out to him and offer him a life line and some much needed help.

It seems to me that you were almost sucked back in. Be strong, you can now honestly say “I tried and it didn’t work” It’s better than never knowing at all.

The Girl You Don’t Bring Home to Momma´s last blog post…You Know How I Love My Keywords

I wasted most of my 20’s going back to failed relationships.

It just isn’t the way to go.

Have you read “It’s Called a Breakup Because Its Broken?”, if not I suggest you order it ASAP!!

It really helped me to realize you cannot go back.

Jim: Are you suggesting I offer him “make out” sessions when the need arises?

I hear your empathy. But seriously, although I’m in good place emotionally right now, I don’t want to be his therapist — his “life line,” as you say.

If you read his blog, he seems to be craving sex — and without any regrets.

No, we/they were saying, the guy has issues and isn’t ready for a relationship, don’t waste your time!

I agree about never knowing if you don’t try, but why try when all the signs are there saying that it won’t work? I don’t have that kind of time to waste. But maybe that’s just me…as I’ve gotten older, my tolerance is much less.

And no one said YOU weren’t supportive. YOU were saying that WE weren’t. I will always give my best advice, if asked. And it just may be not to give a loser or otherwise unworthy guy the time of day. This guy had issues when they dated previously and he has issues now. To me that’s a no brainer. But opinions are going to differ! That’s the fun of having a blog.

Ouchie. And I’d say you DEFINITELY have his blog pegged. Seems like a fun guy but really not in a place to have a relationship. You deserve the whole package and then some!

PT-LawMom´s last blog post…Big Ass Truck, Anyone?

good lawd woman, this makes me reluctant to get out there!

Giyen´s last blog post…Holy Moley!

Girl, I hope you’re ok over there. I agree… no regrets. Every thing happened exactly as it should have.

You rock and you know it. You deserve and will have better. This I do know.

T´s last blog post…Crossing that bridge with lessons I’ve learned…

He fitted the description from the start: FINE AS HECK, BUT FULL OF CRAP.

Yes, as someone else hinted, the low trail / high trail seemed too much of a coincident.

He obviously has some serious issues and he’s trying to pull you (and everyone else who will listen) kicking and screaming into the swirling vortex of doom which is his life.

I recently got a ’surprise’ from an EX wanting to return to me with more baggage than I sent him away with. WHAT THA???? I didn’t think that was possible. I’m in a string ‘um up mood …

* Breathe, Nappy. Breathe, breathe, breathe … *

I’m glad you realize that Gourmet Cookies and roach poop just do not go together.;)

NappyKitchen´s last blog post…What does ‘Kitchen’ Mean?

I thought the same thing when you said he asked you to come over to “make out”. How old are we now? I’m glad that he revealed his true colors to you before you got too invested in the relationship. I agree, you do deserve far better than what he has to offer you.

[...] dating as single parents, neither of us has been on a date in months. (No, I’m not counting dinner with the ex in who works in law [...]

Geez, Rachel, my heart just sank when I read this post. So many of us have been there; you try to take that step (ever so cautious) and then the other shoe drops in such a painful way. So glad you were spared now, rather than later. You don’t need the B.S. And I’m totally with you when you said “I don’t want to be his therapist”. How dare he come into your life and waste your time this way? Again, so sorry things went down this way.

[...] we start talking, I seem to have this uncanny sense for seeing a man’s pain right away. Perhaps this is because I’ve had my share of painful experiences — and the [...]