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A contest and the winner is… | Single Mom Seeking...
November 10, 2008 at 12:16 am
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November 12, 2008 at 11:54 pm
A little hope? | Single Mom Seeking...
January 9, 2009 at 12:36 am
Will you ever get married again? | Singlemommyhood.com
September 25, 2009 at 3:32 am

{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }

SDMktg October 28, 2008 at 3:37 pm

I had to laugh at Julie’s comment as well. When my ex decided to move on her comment was that she “felt trapped” to which I responded “you do absolutely anything and everything you want to how could you possibly feel trapped?” and she said “I can’t date other people.”

She definitely tore my heart out and it’s taken some time (coming up on 4 years) but I do believe that I will get married again and I am seeing a wonderful woman who’s very understanding about taking things slowly. I am very sad for the day everyone gives up on marriage because weddings are all about hope for the future and building/sharing lives together.

SDMktg´s last blog post…Sweet G’s Shot of the Week – Scooby Snacks

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motherflower October 28, 2008 at 3:45 pm

I want to start by saying that this is a great question,one that has been on my mind for a long time. The truth is I would love to find a supportive, loving, trust-worthy man. But, I believe that it is impossible to start over unless you have allowed the wounds of a divorce/ break-up to heal. I personally have found it very difficult to trust again and my fear of being hurt has extended itself to fears of how it will affect my daughter. I do want to find a man who will love and respect me. I miss the love, and warmth and support that comes with a healthy relationship, but I’m still in the process of healing.

BTW- this is a great site, so glad I found it.

motherflower´s last blog post…Love and Marriage and the Single Mom

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Solomother October 28, 2008 at 4:32 pm

You know, after having been married probably because it was expected of me rather than because it was a good idea, you’d think I’d be sour on the whole idea.

I’d like to find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I won’t settle for anything less. I want a partner who loves, respects, and supports me. That doesn’t have anything to do with control or smothering. Far from it. But if I find a man who respects my life and complements it? Yes, I’d marry him. I want my son to have a good man in his life, preferably with siblings… and since I don’t want to have more kids…

I’m just sayin. There’s a man out there if I want him. And he’ll have kids of his own. And a life of his own. And we will be a partnership.

Solomother´s last blog post…Eight year old accidentally kills himself at gun show

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Wondermom October 28, 2008 at 4:43 pm

I’m not sure. I like the idea of marriage but I’m still at the point where I’m not really sure I was a good wife. I’m not really sure I’m wife material. I’m not-dating someone right now who I think does want to get married (not necessarily to me, but who knows) and would make an awesome father to my children but I’m just not sure what I want. I do want more children…I want the white picket fence…but I’m not sure that’s possible. Sadly, I don’t have too many role models of healthy marriages to look at. I do know that if I ever marry again, I will be smarter about it than I was the last time, but that brings me back to my self-analysis and whether I’m really willing or able to be the happy wife behind that white picket fence.

Wondermom´s last blog post…More progress…

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tanasie October 28, 2008 at 4:58 pm

I’d like to at least give it a try.

tanasie´s last blog post…Six Feet Under

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Amy Nathan October 28, 2008 at 5:20 pm

At this point, I’m not looking for someone to help me raise my kids — actually — I don’t want help with that. Like you I don’t want a joint checking account or someone else on the deed or the mortgage. I like the idea of a committed relationship, so does that mean marriage? Probably not. I would never live with someone though, unless I was married, at least not while I still have kids in the house. Down the road, maybe. I like my independence, my space, my own place.

Although I like the idea of a wedding! LOL

Amy Nathan´s last blog post…In general, do you like things to be specific?

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Crazy Computer Dad October 28, 2008 at 5:37 pm

:-) I used to think I would, but now I’m not so sure, thanks to all the single mom blogs I read. :-)

The idea of being with someone that I adore, admire, love to share things with, and love to be with is great. I’m not in a hurry though. I’m learning (at nearly 40 that is no easy trick) that there is more to me and much more I want in the person I want to share me with. Single parenting is a lot of work, as is a relationship, as is a job. I know that right now I don’t have the energy to do all three, so parenting and job have to come first.

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Avigail74 October 28, 2008 at 5:46 pm

Yes, yes, yes I want to get married again.

Despite my awful marriage–like many of you experienced–bankruptcy, compulsive lying, mental/emotional abuse and the lot–from this man. This man did give me the most adorable daughter who is thriving and is healthy. And, she rarely sees or hears from him.

Am I going to let this man control my fears? Because it happened once? Hell no! There’s no way I’m going to let him control my life. I have the power to choose how I want to move forward with my life. I choose to love and be loved back.

I have learned so many things from this horrid relationship–as they say, “From the ashes come diamond.” I have sinced learned to stand upright with pride, earned my MA and am a homeowner.

Most importantly, I finally know that I’m worth it–and will wait as long as I have to until the right man comes along (notice: not perfect–the right one).

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Mommy to the Monsters October 28, 2008 at 5:51 pm

I definitely want to get married. I’ve never been married before, but I had one almost. When he left it did heighten my abandonment, rejection, and trust issues, but I refuse to give up hope that marriage or relationships in general can turn out successful.

I also want my children to have a daddy while they are still young. Because I adopted as a single woman, my children have no “legal father” and little to no recollection of their “birth father.”

They have my close friends and my dad who act as male role models, but they have no daddy. It is already becoming abundantly clear to them that “the daddy” is missing and they are only 2 & 4.

I think the older they get the harder it would be for them to accept someone in their life as “daddy.” I think the longer I wait to get married, the more they would see my husband as a “step dad,” as opposed to “their dad.” (If that makes sense)But I may be wrong!!!

Now don’t be mistaken, I wouldn’t marry a man, just so my kids could have a dad. I think it is just an added perk.

Now finding a man, who wholeheartedly welcomes and is in love with “the total package (Me and my kids)…THERE’S THE CHALLENGE!

If you know someone who fits that description..please send them my way..LOL!

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judy October 28, 2008 at 6:43 pm

My daughter is a freshman in high school. I have been raising her solo since she was 2 and have had 2 ‘serious’ relationships both lasting less than a year (if you can call that serious)

If I were to get married it would be after her graduation.

Do I want to get married? If the glass slipper fits……

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singlecustodialdad October 28, 2008 at 7:26 pm

Not sure if I’ll ever meet that special person but love is unpredictable so who knows…

But one thing I am sure of is that I would definitely have a prenup. Not so much for finances but so that if it were to happen again, it wouldn’t be turned into such a messy process just for money…if that makes any sense.

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Kevin October 28, 2008 at 7:52 pm

I don’t think I’ll ever get married again. I’m 40, set in my ways, and love coming and going as I please. Of course, I have a 15-month old son, so most of my comings and goings center around him. Still, I like where I am in my life and I don’t wanna subject myself or anybody else, for that matter, to my crazy (big word alert) idyosyncracies.

Kevin´s last blog post…After a 50-mile week? Well needed R&R

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Legal Editor Mom October 29, 2008 at 6:07 am

Thy guy I’d been seeing until recently actually did want to get married and asked several times. But he wasn’t the right one, and I am not about to settle.

Amy Nathan hit my sentiments on the head, EXACTLY, except for another wedding.

While I thoroughly enjoyed planning my wedding the 1st time and my ex played a huge role in it, I’m past wearing a white gown. LOL. And I think as I get older the next event, if there is one, will be a lot less “fuss.” Who knows, depending on my mood and partner at the time, we may just go to Vegas!

I tend to agree with the people who may wait until their kids are older. To change my view on that, he’d have to be a hell of a guy, and so far he hasn’t surfaced. So for now, Mini Me and I are enjoying our bachelorette pad. ;-)

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LeAnna in MN October 29, 2008 at 6:12 am

I certainly hope I’ll get married (or in a committed partnership) someday. I’m only 24, so I’d be pretty sad to consign myself to always being the end of the line, the buck stops here, I’m in charge. If it doesn’t happen, I’ll be okay with that, too. I mean, I have a lot of fulfilling friendships as a single woman, so it’s not as though I’m starved for social interaction, it’s just the practicalities and security of a committed partnership are very attractive to me.

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Lance October 29, 2008 at 6:46 am

It’s questionable whether I’ll get married in the first, and I’m not that “old.” I have doubts about that kind of covenant. I’d love to have a life partner, though.

Lance´s last blog post…He Ripped My Clothes Off!

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Vinnie Sorce October 29, 2008 at 9:45 am

Ever since I was little I wanted to be married. Perhaps becasue my parents weren’t very happy and I watched too much Brady Bunch and Happy Days.

When Lisa died all I wanted was to be married again. I rushed into a realtionship that was destined to go south and ended up hating women. Which was a total 180 from who I really was.

When Stacy died I swore I’d never get into another relationship again unless it was stricly sexualy, no strings.

Ironically through that I’ve got a complicated situation (eventually there will be a full disclosure post on this…) on my hands where I think about marriage a lot again lately.

I really do miss it for many reasons. Or perhaps it’s just the huge whole in my heart wanting to be filled no matter what…

Vinnie Sorce´s last blog post…The Roller Coaster and the Merry-go-round

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singlemomseeking October 29, 2008 at 9:49 am

Solo Mom: Our future life visions are so similar… I guess I’m not surprised.

LEM: Here’s to not settling… and to getting married in leather in Vegas, maybe?

Avigail: We’re old friends, and I never knew that you wanted to get married again. Glad you let me know!

singlemomseeking´s last blog post…Will you get married again?

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SoloMother October 29, 2008 at 12:49 pm

One factor that no one is talking about is the impact that separate households have on the environment… It’s not environmentally sound to have two households for one family. Perhaps we can ease the strain we put on our resources by forming non-traditional homes, with two single mother families combining households, etc.

SoloMother´s last blog post…I don’t know if he’s ready to be president, but I want his marketing team

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MomToLuvlis October 29, 2008 at 2:36 pm

First, I love Avigail74′s comments. I think you have got the right attitude.

I have always had a strong belief that I would marry again someday. And complete confidence that it will be an amazing marriage. On the other hand, I am in no rush to be married. I mostly love the independence I have now. My first marraige was very difficult. I could have many reasons to not trust men but I really don’t harbor those feelings.

I will not allow screwed up belief systems around fears about someone cheating, spending all of my money, etc. hold me back from my destiny. (And all of those things and more happened in my first marriage.) Until we let go of those old wounds you can’t find love. There is a theory which says any belief you have can be supported by different reference points. So for instance, if I could have the belief that a man will cheat on you given the opportunity. I certainly have enough references with my ex. However, I chose to believe that there are plenty of wonderful, caring, intelligent, compassionate men out there and I will find at least one to make a life with.

The other thing that comes to mind on this topic is that a relationship is where you to go give and I know that I have a lot of love and support to give someone. And I will find that person and marriage will likely be the natural progression.

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Jim Everson (Depot Dad) October 29, 2008 at 6:48 pm

Wow, so many comments! I’ll chime in as well and say that I am open to the idea. I don’t want to go through life thinking that what my previous marriage was, is what all marriages are. I’d like to be shown that it can actually work and be rewarding and enriching. But I’ll take it one step at a time. First I have to meet someone who will return my phone calls. ; )

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jeanie October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

Well, considering my wedding is in 16 days, I can only get off this question on a technicality – I wasn’t married last time!!

jeanie´s last blog post…This Gross will Post You Out

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Kat Wilder October 29, 2008 at 9:19 pm

Yikes! I don’t like to talk in absolutes — never, always, etc. — but I don’t think so.

It’s not that I’m against marriage per se; I just don’t like it the way most of us think it “should” be.

That said, I want to have a wonderful life loving a wonderful man who loves me back, and who is as willing as I am to allow each other space while demanding that we be the best we can be — for ourselves, for each other, for our kids, for the world.

What is that called? If it’s called marriage then, yes, I’ll get “married.”

Kat Wilder´s last blog post…Shrinkage; it’s not just for men

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Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) October 29, 2008 at 9:48 pm

I do not know the answer to this. But I hope to find once again the gooby, head over heelsy, confident, crazy, laughy, intellectual, big time love I once had and then released into the universe.

And please God, if marriage is in my future, let it be that and really, really amazing sex.

I do want another child. And I do love the intimacy of one love. But my standards are much higher and so are the stakes. So we shall see.

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass)´s last blog post…And so the divorce becomes a quest

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Leah October 30, 2008 at 8:29 am

You know, it’s weird. I was thinking about this very thing this morning. I thought about how wonderful it would be to find a partner again, yet there are so many things about this 24/7 single mama lifestyle that I will be loath to give up. Mainly this amazing sense of independence and freedom. I’ve always cherished independence so highly. Can that be found within the institution of marriage? I don’t know.

Leah´s last blog post…Blogging and Bloglytizing

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Honey November 3, 2008 at 4:28 pm

I never really thought that I would get married…but now that the BF and I are on that track I’m quite excited, not just to live with him (which I already do) but to intertwine our lives and also to have a wedding that celebrates our committment. I never imagined a wedding before him, and now I’m addicted to “Say Yes to the Dress!”

Honey´s last blog post…Into-Me-See: A Couple’s Guide to Intimacy

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Susan November 9, 2008 at 8:43 am

I’ve been a single a parent for 7 years. During that time I never wanted to re-marry. My focus was my children, earning my education and securing a job so I would not need a man. Now I have all that….and have been dating a wonderful man for over a year. We are committed to each other and can’t imagine life without him. I am actually thinking of marriage again…but would like to try living together first. I have a 9 and 11 year old, he has a 8 and 10 years old… and we want to do what’s best for them. I realize in todays society committed relationships without the marriage certificate is common…but I don’t live in Hollywood…How would this affects our kids?

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Badly Hurt January 13, 2009 at 4:48 am

I do hope so. I loved being married, and I was a great wife! I’ll provided that person stops dating other women after we get married and especially if he don’t sleeping with his own sister. LOL

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Katy January 29, 2009 at 7:13 pm

I completely agree with you on everything you said! I got married at 19, separated at 26. My soon-to-be ex and I split a little over a year ago (hard to get the $ together for a divorce) and I’ve dated, and dated, and dated, too.

I understand the whole “I’m never getting married again” thing. Having 2 little girls, I feel especially protective of them and wouldn’t want to put them through another divorce. I look at celebrity couples like Brad & Angelina, or Golie Hawn & Kurt Russell and think…damn…they’ve got it right! I think you can give yourself to someone else completely without all the paperwork.

But, maybe we’re just not ready yet. And that’s ok! I am happy finding out who I am as a woman; something I didn’t ever get to do. And, one day, hopefully you and I will both find a partner who makes us happy. Obviously you’re not ready right now, so don’t stress it, girl :)

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