When an ex finds your blog

by singlemomseeking on October 20, 2008

After obsessing about whether to meet the ex for coffee — and trying to heed your warnings — I went.

Seeing Adam (no, not his real name) after so many years caught me off guard.

Of course, I thought he’d still be good looking, but why the heck was I so buzzed? (Was he better looking than I remembered?) I was buzzed for sure. I hadn’t even had any caffeine.

Within an hour, there was an email:

“Hi Rachel,
First of all, please allow me to humbly thank you for your allowing me to blubber my way through our coffee (or my coffee) this morning.

I must admit that I definitely didn’t expect to feel so comforted by your voice and so taken by your presence. So, if you think you can handle spending some time with me, I am certainly up for it.”

I held my breath.

The truth is: I hadn’t expected to feel so attracted to him again, after so many years. Help.

But it didn’t end there.

Within 24 hours, there was another email:

So, I ‘found’ your blog,” he began.

“Well, actually I already knew about your blog, but I hadn’t taken the time to fully explore it. Today however, I sat there at my desk with my cup of coffee and smiled. I smiled as I read–”

Oh my god.

“First of all I am flattered to no end!” he went on. “Only slightly shocked. I’m also flattered by the fact that you ever decided to meet me, considering all of the warnings you received from your readers!

But he didn’t stop there.

Apparently, all of your comments have inspired him. (He’s very curious about a select few of you.)

He explained that after spending the morning browsing single parent blogs, he made a decision:

“I decided that I too might make a go at a blog site so that I may impart my own experiences and stories and see if I can get a dialogue going.”

This guy has balls.

Are you curious?

Do you want to see how hot he is, for real?

Go to: “Who’s Your Daddy?”

(Hint: yes, that is the REAL him above, in the photo.)

~~~

But it doesn’t stop there, either.

He asked if I might see him again.

I said “yes.”

So, Friday night, we met at a really nice restaurant in my neighborhood.

We both knew that I couldn’t leave you, my readers, out of this. We even thought about making a little video of our dinner date. But we’re not ready for that.

So, we decided that we’d write about Friday night, independent of each other.

Then, we’ll share versions by posting them on our respective blog sites. (Hey, A., please don’t embarrass me too much, okay?)

Do you think we’re getting out of control here?

Stay tuned!

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{ 2 trackbacks }

Lost and vulnerable | Single Mom Seeking...
October 30, 2008 at 11:11 am
Friendship with the ex: it’s not working | Single Mom Seeking...
November 12, 2008 at 12:51 pm

{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }

goin-crazy October 20, 2008 at 8:08 am

I think this is great!

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jenn3 October 20, 2008 at 8:12 am

Haha. I would have been mortified at first. But it sounds like he’s really cool. And you haven’t written anything too embarrassing. So good for you!

jenn3´s last blog post…More Conversations With Shiloh

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Eathan October 20, 2008 at 8:15 am

haha! Your experience will be much better than my last date that found my blog. I do think it could be interesting. I’m sure it will help him work through his thoughts and actions also.

I think it’s possible that after reading a your blog it gives some insight on what he knows of you in person. If nothing else, it might strengthen your friendship and that’s a great place to start.

FYI.. he’s not a bad looking guy. If I’m ever in Cali.. I might need a wing man. ;)

I’m having to expand my blog reading every week. lol :)

Eathan´s last blog post…Polyamory

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Tricia October 20, 2008 at 8:42 am

Oh my gosh…CRAY-ZEE! I love it!

I can’t wait to see how this unfolds.

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Amy Nathan October 20, 2008 at 8:47 am

I think since you are Single Mom Seeking that this all fits very nicely with your blog and your identity! I don’t blog about dating or relationships, to me, it’s too private. I admire your chutzpah in putting it all out there on a regular basis.

Amy Nathan´s last blog post…The zen of punctuation

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Lance October 20, 2008 at 8:54 am

Cool, looks like fun. I read his latest post and he seems like a chill guy.

Lance´s last blog post…This Blog Post Is Fairly Traded

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dadshouse October 20, 2008 at 8:54 am

Out of control? Nah. I think it’s funny, in an amusing, impish sort of way. Go for it! I can’t wait to read what you both write.

Oh, and never take the advice of your readers. They haven’t walked a single day in your shoes. They might happen to offer some wisdom that is just right for a given situation. But they can’t make choices for you. You have to make your own – based on your intuition, experience, wants, desires, etc. Make the choices that resonate an “ommmm” feeling for you!

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singlemomseeking October 20, 2008 at 9:02 am

Jenn, Goin’ Crazy: I was mortified at first. But really, what did I have to lose?

Eathan: He would make a good wing man, I’m sure. (A., have you ever been a wing man?)

Amy: Yes, he clearly gets the blogger in me. I’m fascinated by this.

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singlemomseeking October 20, 2008 at 9:03 am

Update: We might not hear from A. for at least 24 hours because he actually went today to have surgery on his shoulder.

Send him good vibes!

And in the meantime, go and check out his blog. See what you think–

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The Exception October 20, 2008 at 9:13 am

I couldn’t have said it better than Dad so I won’t – Read DH for my comment! ;)

The Exception´s last blog post…Having My Cake And Eating It Too

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JulieR October 20, 2008 at 9:35 am

Well, the plot continues to thicken, eh?

I just pray my ex never finds my blog…

JulieR´s last blog post…Internet Dating Stories

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liz October 20, 2008 at 9:46 am

How fun! I look forward to reading the he said/she said of dinner.

But a question SMS: It seems like often you use the blog as an outlet for emotions, reflections, etc (which I think is wonderful, as I do it, too!) and solicit feedback. Are you going to blog about your feelings for A knowing he reads here, too? Or will we just hear the witty stories we’ve come to love you for?

Heading over to check out Who’s Your Daddy now…my reader is ever-growing.

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singlemomseeking October 20, 2008 at 9:51 am

Liz, you ask:

“Are you going to blog about your feelings for A. knowing he reads here, too?”

Great question. I’m curious how this is going to unfold, too.

For now, A. and I have given each other to blog openly. I admit: it is really odd and fascinating at the same time.

For the record, I did give him the heads up about my line: “this guy has balls.”

I offered to delete that line if he was offended… He wasn’t.

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pisceshanna October 20, 2008 at 9:56 am

OMG this brings dating in the modern world to a whole new level. Could we be a more “Documented” generation? I LOVE IT!

pisceshanna´s last blog post…Tarantulas & Legal Advice

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Eathan October 20, 2008 at 10:14 am

SMS.. Please make sure you still stay true to your thoughts and feelings. That’s what draws us to your site. We love having the connection with you.

Eathan´s last blog post…Top 5 Dates Under $25

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Allison October 20, 2008 at 10:24 am

I think it only becomes a problem if you both start using your blog sites to communicate things to each other that you wouldn’t say directly, and I doubt that will be a problem for either of you!

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Susan October 20, 2008 at 10:37 am

Ooh, I can’t wait! :)

Susan´s last blog post…Changing Seasons

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avigail74 October 20, 2008 at 11:10 am

You know what? It’s true, we bring our own experiences to the plate and somehow assume that the same thing is going on with the other person.

I did check out A’s site–and now it makes a lot of sense–I, too, was in an abusive relationship, so I now clearly understood why he was reluctant to meet Rachel and why he chickened out—I know that feeling well—with due time, he’ll be able to trust his feelings and perhaps, get them right the first time without doubting himself.

In addition, this is great because this is the first man who actually reads Rachel’s blog and more than that, got encouraged to start his own. That takes a strong, strong person.

Yes, “Documented Relationship” is on!

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Andrea October 20, 2008 at 12:05 pm

Things just got a little more interesting! Can’t wait to see how this unfolds. And thanks for another interesting intelligent daddy blog to add to my reader.

Andrea´s last blog post…It’s Sunday…

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Legal Editor Mom October 20, 2008 at 12:47 pm

I’m glad he wasn’t upset about your posts or offended by all of our comments. I’m with Amy–I could never bring myself to write about my dating or relationships online. The web has already become such an easy tool to find out virtually anything about virtually anyone, and I’m a very private person about some aspects of my life. But I give you both credit for agreeing to document future meetings and experiences. That takes a lot of guts. And definitely follow Eathan’s advice, make sure you do stay true to your thoughts and feelings. If it ever becomes too personal an issue, just stop.

Thanks for the update, and for sharing so much of yourself with us.

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SoloMother October 20, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Only you, Rachel. You are my inspiration. You go there so we don’t have to… LOL I’m definitely linking to this whole thing.

Loooove it!

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Jeff Mac, manslations.com October 20, 2008 at 1:20 pm

So THAT’s what this whole “internet” thing is good for. Congrats — that is one seriously kickass turn of events, Rachel!

Jeff Mac, manslations.com´s last blog post…How should you respond to “I have been soooooo busy”?

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mc October 20, 2008 at 2:16 pm

hmmm.

Sorry to throw cold water, but I think the whole turn of events is more than a little bizarre.

*and* he’s suddenly got a blog! (eyerolls).

His blog isn’t very old, you might have noticed. Probably dates back to when he first contacted you. Doesn’t mean what’s on it is necessarily true.

He wants attention from you, alright. but why?

I think it’s kind of weird that he’s going to such lengths.

Like when a guy I used to date wouldn’t take “no” for an answer and tried to get a job where I work. The blog has kind of a stalker feel to it, is all. Ditto with his being “thrilled” that you and everyone is talking about him.

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singlemomseeking October 20, 2008 at 2:22 pm

MC: I can always count on you to be the Devil’s Advocate here. Oooh, that water was cold.

I was initially weirded out, too.

Yes, you’re right:
He started writing his posts AFTER browsing my blog, but BEFORE he’d discovered that I’d written about him.

He’s not a stalker. I think he’s finding his way, like the rest of us.

He is a man who LOVES attention, you got that right.

He seems to be basking in it. (But I thought men loved attention?)

Anyone else find his actions weird?

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Manic Mommy October 20, 2008 at 4:52 pm

Hey there, just got your email regarding BettyConfidential.com and so of course I had to pop over here and read more about you and I get this STEAMY fun stuff! I am all over it!

And now, I have to go see what Daddy’s got to say!

Manic Mommy´s last blog post…iS iT WRoNG?

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judy October 20, 2008 at 5:24 pm

mc has it right in my book.

I think his ego is big enough….I’d cut my loses now

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Legal Editor Mom October 20, 2008 at 5:32 pm

This definitely seemed weird to me. But I was giving you the benefit of the doubt since you and only you know him, and for me, it’s been entertaining. But when you think about it, how open can you really be, knowing the other person knows about your blog and is going to be following what you write about him/her? And if it’s ABOUT him, why not say it TO him? Interesting turn of events, yes, but also on the verge of being silly. My guess is the charade isn’t going to last too long, anyway.

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NappyKitchen October 20, 2008 at 7:17 pm

SMS – Just so you know, I am actually a helpless romantic.

But …

Here’s some more cold water (at least, it’s not hot grease) hahaha

mc, judy, and Legal Editor Mom are right. It just smells wrong. I don’t think he’s a stalker or necessarily dangerous, but this has the feel of being PLANNED, SCHEMED, and PREMEDITATED.

And yeah, he’s fine enough to make you want to slap your mama. But, I digress … ;)

NappyKitchen´s last blog post…The Case Against Hair Grease

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Amy October 20, 2008 at 7:22 pm

Does he have a healthy self esteem or just a big ol’ ego? I am guessing that you, Rachel, are the only one that can answer that for sure. I popped over to his blog and read some.

I am not going to lie – my first impression was BIG ego. From the “come hither” look he gives in his picture to the way he tells the the story of your meeting in his post “I’m calling an ex”. And even though I am sure he was being funny – to be quiet honest I think I threw up alittle in the back of my throat while reading it (especially the 4th paragraph that details why he contacted you). I noticed he does make it clear that he had a reason. And did I read correctly that he says he was from Venus (instead of Mars)???

But…I could be wrong. And really – there could be alot more going on there. He certainly is attractive and very charismatic. That would get him pretty far with me. As for what lies underneath – if he doesn’t reveal it himself – then you’ll have to do some digging and let us know what you find.

He seems fun and fun is good. And you like fun. Have fun…but keep your wits about you.

Amy´s last blog post…Journal 109: October 2008 Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day

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Leah October 20, 2008 at 7:40 pm

I think it’s hilarious! I have to disagree with some of the previous posters: OK, it’s ever so slightly weird, but in a cute, quirky way, not a disturbing way. Why do we need to take ourselves so seriously? We live in such a strange time in which it’s hard to know where the virtual world ends and the real one begins. So let’s just have fun with it!

Leah´s last blog post…I keep writing no matter what.

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