When an ex finds your blog

by singlemomseeking on October 20, 2008

After obsessing about whether to meet the ex for coffee — and trying to heed your warnings — I went.

Seeing Adam (no, not his real name) after so many years caught me off guard.

Of course, I thought he’d still be good looking, but why the heck was I so buzzed? (Was he better looking than I remembered?) I was buzzed for sure. I hadn’t even had any caffeine.

Within an hour, there was an email:

“Hi Rachel,
First of all, please allow me to humbly thank you for your allowing me to blubber my way through our coffee (or my coffee) this morning.

I must admit that I definitely didn’t expect to feel so comforted by your voice and so taken by your presence. So, if you think you can handle spending some time with me, I am certainly up for it.”

I held my breath.

The truth is: I hadn’t expected to feel so attracted to him again, after so many years. Help.

But it didn’t end there.

Within 24 hours, there was another email:

So, I ‘found’ your blog,” he began.

“Well, actually I already knew about your blog, but I hadn’t taken the time to fully explore it. Today however, I sat there at my desk with my cup of coffee and smiled. I smiled as I read–”

Oh my god.

“First of all I am flattered to no end!” he went on. “Only slightly shocked. I’m also flattered by the fact that you ever decided to meet me, considering all of the warnings you received from your readers!

But he didn’t stop there.

Apparently, all of your comments have inspired him. (He’s very curious about a select few of you.)

He explained that after spending the morning browsing single parent blogs, he made a decision:

“I decided that I too might make a go at a blog site so that I may impart my own experiences and stories and see if I can get a dialogue going.”

This guy has balls.

Are you curious?

Do you want to see how hot he is, for real?

Go to: “Who’s Your Daddy?”

(Hint: yes, that is the REAL him above, in the photo.)


But it doesn’t stop there, either.

He asked if I might see him again.

I said “yes.”

So, Friday night, we met at a really nice restaurant in my neighborhood.

We both knew that I couldn’t leave you, my readers, out of this. We even thought about making a little video of our dinner date. But we’re not ready for that.

So, we decided that we’d write about Friday night, independent of each other.

Then, we’ll share versions by posting them on our respective blog sites. (Hey, A., please don’t embarrass me too much, okay?)

Do you think we’re getting out of control here?

Stay tuned!

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Elisabeth October 23, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Too funny. I am still laughing.

Elisabeth´s last blog post…I’m sorry to hear that


LeAnna in MN October 21, 2008 at 7:18 pm

Not that I can say anything that anyone else HASN’T, but I think this is really cool. Talk about a tool for REALLY open communication. I’m all about that. And hey, this is better than reality TV. 😉


singlemomseeking October 21, 2008 at 7:05 pm

Nope, he’s not an addict.

But he clearly has some codependent issues (so do I).

I’ll fill you in. More coming.


tanasie October 21, 2008 at 6:47 pm

I’m baffled. I kind of can’t believe this. But have you read the book, “The Affair”? I grabbed it off my dad’s book case. A couple each kept a diary independent of each other during the course of their relationship. And then it got put together in a he-said-she-said book. Which is kind of what your blogs are.

I don’t want to be evil, but the first sentence of his blog about his abusive relationship made me say, “oh, God.”

I know you think he’s hot. And that it’s cool that he’s okay with you writing about him. But ….

tanasie´s last blog post…This is a crime?


Viv October 21, 2008 at 4:54 pm

P.S. What did happen to the other posts? I’d enjoy going back to them about now.


Viv October 21, 2008 at 4:45 pm

Leslie, a blogging man is great, IF he’s a sincere blogging man.

And I have a question. Did he ever answer whether he was a recovering addict? I don’t believe it was covered on his blog so far, and if that’s too personal that’s understandable, but I find it very curious that we heard one side of him initially, then when he discovered Rachel’s blog, he turned into a whole other person. (His comments here haven’t impressed me either.)

Fun is fine, but it’s all rather suspicious to me. Whatever his problems were when this all began undoubtedly didn’t go away this quickly, and I’m sorry but I agree with the others who doubt him. And I’m also wondering WHY you indulged him in the first place after all his flaky actions and mixed signals. You can’t be that bored with your life! He wanted to make amends, and surely by now he’s had the opportunity to do that.

I love your blog and look forward to your posts. But this just seems silly. SDMktg summed it up best for me: I’m not comfortable with this two-party business either. Hopefully you will move on to something else soon.


Leslie October 21, 2008 at 4:21 pm

*swoon* there’s nothing better than a blogging man 🙂

I’m so excited for this blog-mance and more, I actually squealed outloud.

Leslie´s last blog post…Hooray!


SDMktg October 21, 2008 at 1:02 pm

What happened to your blog layout? This is the only post that’s showing up. While I have my own opinions I’m not comfortable with both parties on the same post so I’ll just say good luck to you both. Looking forward to seeing some other topics.


Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity October 21, 2008 at 12:46 pm

I think it’s exciting. But this is coming from a woman who has fallen head over heels for a man in just two weeks… so i’m all about the love stories that are a little different.

Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity´s last blog post…How Tinker Bell Kept Me Sane…


Amy October 21, 2008 at 12:23 pm

Wow – Big Papa, Adam, “A” – whatever name is going to be used – I have to say that after re-reading Rachel’s account of your coffee meeting – I am having trouble reconciling that humble open guy she described with some of your posts. By the way – that is NOT a criticism – just an observation. There are obviously many sides to you- as there are to most of us. And you are correct in saying that most of this is mere speculation as none of us really know you.

And therein lies the point I tried to make above. You asked “Isn’t it more fun this way? You probably don’t want to know the true Adam anyway for that could spoil the fun and the fantasy”
I can only speak for myself but I don’t really check in for the fun and fantasy. And I do prefer to know the real “Adam” – or at least the parts that he is willing to make vulnerable.

I am certain Rachel has her secrets -and she is not an open book that we all know intimately – BUT she is a genuine gal. And if you are a genuine guy – then be THAT guy (whoever he is).

Amy´s last blog post…Journal 109: October 2008 Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day


Ruth October 21, 2008 at 11:31 am

you’ve got to be kidding! OMG 1) I can’t believe you indulged him 2) ITA w/ Nappy, mc, Judy and Legal Editor Mom. 3) and of course he had to pop up and defend himself “you don’t know me” blah blah. Now I know I’m kinda new here, so PLEASE PLEASE Rachel tell me you are smarter than to fall for this BS?! I was so happy to find a blog like yours, but I feel like you need a smack upside the head back to reality. He’s totally self centered, and of course most of us do know men like him and see the red flags a-waving. And “Adam,” some single parents actually do find lots of serious support and camaraderie online, else this blog wouldn’t exist. So I’d suggest refraining from telling us not to take our opinions too seriously.


Eathan October 21, 2008 at 11:04 am

I’m a little shocked. But I guess I shouldn’t be. There are quite a few comments who think he has alternative motives or he has a large ego. I’m not an authority on him. But I can speak from a man’s point of view. Especially one who wasn’t used to writing his thoughts or expressing his feelings on paper.

I think when newbies start to write/blog they are just putting raw emotions on paper. It takes time to develop a thought flow and pattern. For most men.. and I said most… we like sports, stats, and other factual type information. It’s tougher for us to be coherent writers.

I’m far from being an accomplished writer..but I do my best to convey my thoughts. I take my hat off to him for even attempting to dive into this tough crowd. This is almost a “Jerry McGuire” moment.

I say give him a break.. see where things go with caution. oh yeah..

Can I be “A” in the made for TV movie?? The whole swirl theme would be hot! haha

Eathan´s last blog post…When Sex Is Bad


singlemomseeking October 21, 2008 at 7:36 am

Rachel K: You’re perceptive!

After I that saw A. had posted his links within his comments, I quickly alerted him to blog etiquette.

He seemed embarrassed about having included links all over Dad’s House…. and fortunately, Dad’s House seems to forgive newbies out there.


Rachel K October 21, 2008 at 6:59 am

I read Dad’s House also and Big Papa had posted a few comments with his blog address in a comment and thought he was sort of pushy. Really seemed to want attention.

Then later realizing he is the same guy you were talking about I finally did go over to his blog.

I’d say very weird. But then it might only be a online persona and he could be completely different in person.

No offense Big Papa just my personal opinion.


wandamd October 21, 2008 at 5:30 am

the guilty-pleasure side of me is wondering how things will go down on both blogs after the first “fight”. I think its great and sounds like he’s now on a level of communication that is up to your par.


morecoldwater October 21, 2008 at 3:55 am

Here’s a test for how real this is: stop blogging about this guy and your feelings for him — and see how long the relationship lasts.


Kristiina October 21, 2008 at 2:41 am

Uh! I have no idea if this is very strange, odd, scary, fake (are they really the genuine thoughts, as you both know the other one is reading?) or the most brilliant idea – but sounds like true fun, and who cares, I’m hooked!

Bring it on 🙂


Big Papa October 20, 2008 at 10:54 pm

It is all so very intriguing: Open yourself up for public consumption, comments and criticism and you won’t be disappointed; I’m certainly not.

What I am finding most fascinating is that even though Rachel and I have offered up this voyeuristic entertainment by putting ourselves out there, the true colors of many of those who comment are nearly as revealing as to the pains, pleasures and experiences that are so appropriately human to us all.

Like me or not, trust me or otherwise, it can’t be more than speculation because you don’t know me; to simply use this forum as an outlet for mere projection, ranting, expressing and supporting is a completely appropriate use of the Internet, but I would suggest not taking it too seriously or too far.

Believe me when I say that I am a lot more than just this ego maniacal narcissist that have apparently portrayed myself as with my recent blogging violations. But, isn’t it more fun this way? You probably don’t really want to know the true “Adam” anyways, for that could spoil the fun and the fantasy.

So, keep ‘em comin’ folks and stay tuned, buckle up and hang on tight, ‘cause I think it’s about to get fun. Oh, and thanks for indulging me…

As Rachel explained, I am just beginning to heal from a recent surgery so it is not easy to type, let alone think, so I will be watching and chiming in as best I can…ooops, there goes my ego again.

Big Papa´s last blog post…I’m calling an Ex


laurakim October 20, 2008 at 9:03 pm

This intrigues me!!!

If you both totally ok with it then I dont see the issue!

I have a guy who I am sort of seeing who reads my blog – its weird in way cos he knows “more” about me right now than I do about him!

But it is nice that he does know that – makes it easier for him to understand things!


laurakim´s last blog post…I am taking a time out


mary pols October 20, 2008 at 8:34 pm

Rachel! We lose touch for a week and this is what happens? I can’t believe all this intrigue! I’m not sure what to think. i see the hotness factor — thanks for the visual aid — but what about the similarity to Locke on “Lost?” does that give anyone pause? The fact that he’s blogging on the same topic also throws me a little. but as always, i admire your courage, and i give him points for being dazzled by your eyes.

and your story about wanting more and getting unexpectedly cut out of the equation makes me reflect my own crappy recent romantic history. it would be nice to think that the someone who doused me in coldness before you and i hit the stage at litquake might turn up to apologize 6 years later. i’d like look forward to seeing tears roll down THAT face. but i’m dubious about the likelihood of that.

keep us posted. this is good stuff.


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