The ex and I had dinner

by singlemomseeking on October 21, 2008

If you’ve read Adam’s blog, then you know his side of the story: after no contact for years, I agreed to meet him.

“We sat, we talked, I was obviously emotional,” Adam described that first coffee date. “I was happy, she was skeptical, I smiled, she laughed, we hugged, and we parted. God, someone get me a cigarette!”

No, he’s not an addict.

Yes, he’s just out of an emotionally abusive relationship.

No, he’s not a stalker.

Yes, he’s a little boy, hidden inside a tough macho shell.

~~~

At the restaurant on Friday, he pulled his chair to turn towards me. “I want to face you.”

And he really did. He looked at me, that way, and I couldn’t look away.

But let me stop here and be very clear with all you:

I know the kind of relationship I deserve to be in. Finally, I know.

I’m in such a good place right now — thanks, in part, to all of you here. The door will open when I meet that open, honest, respectful, intelligent, reliable, present, good-looking man.

Is it Adam? I don’t know.

~~~

It was really fun to tease him at dinner. When the waiter came up for our order, Adam explained that he didn’t eat dairy, red meat or pork.

“I’m really sorry,” I told the waiter. “I hadn’t realized that my date was so difficult–”

The guys laughed.

You’d be amazed how many times that you — my readers — came up during our dinner.

He pointed out, for example, that many of you are so protective of me.  (So true!)

He asked about a couple of male readers, too.

Him: “So, who’s Phil?”

Me: “Phil?”

Him: “Yeah, Phil from your blog. He doesn’t like me–”

Me: “Oh, Phil. He’s a dad who comments on my blog. He lives nearby, we had dinner last month–”

Him: “He took you out to dinner?”

Adam kept asking me questions, encouraging me to talk. But every 10 minutes, I caught myself, open. He was looking at me. That way. I shut the door.

This time, for the record, he only cried a few times. Mostly when he talked about his daughters.

More than once, he paused and said, “I just want to be with someone who loves me as I am.”

(Me, too. Isn’t that what everyone wants?)

~~~

Outside the restaurant, we walked.

I was hurt once before by you,” I said. “You need to be honest with me.”

“I will,” he said, stopping. Then he held my face. “And you need to be honest with me.”

“I will,” I said.

Then he drove me home. We stood next to his car and held each other. I could have stood there all night.

But I went inside. Alone. I couldn’t sleep.

And I decided this: I want my blog back.

I also want to see where Adam and I might go, offline.

And I want to know, from all of you:

What if I stop blogging about him/us, for now?

Will anyone protest if I ask him to take a leave of absence from the blog?

~~~

Photo of yours truly, here I come world… I’m open

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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

liz October 22, 2008 at 2:12 am

Of course we love hearing what’s going on with you because we all care. But we also understand that the benefit in posting about something is really posting about it honestly and openly and getting feedback from others. And since he reads this blog, it will be difficult to do that.

So by all means keep things up with him, keep it between y’all…but every once in a while, would you just toss us a crumb?

liz´s last blog post…Pony Up, Ladies

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Kristiina October 22, 2008 at 2:48 am

No protest from here! Totally understandable, we’ll be here even if you won’t tell us anything about you, him and your story. Just keep on blogging about something else :)

As I commented before, I wasn’t sure if both of you could really be totally honest in writing, when you know the other one is reading about it as well.

So enjoy your privacy, we’re all entitled to it!

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Jim Everson (Depot Dad) October 22, 2008 at 3:35 am

By all means, take it offline. These things need privacy to germinate and percolate. And I think I speak for other readers too when I say you deserve every opportunity for happiness and magic. And you aren’t about to lose THIS reader if you aren’t spilling the beans on your romantic life. I’ll be here whether you write about your dates or post your grocery lists.

Jim Everson (Depot Dad)´s last blog post…Less Hair To Comb…

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Nancy October 22, 2008 at 4:05 am

If you really want to see where it goes, both should not blog about it.

Too many opinions will confuse/stir the pot of emotions.

Psssst …. Don’t let his hotness camouflage his need to heal. Decide if that’s a sandbox you want to play in.

[sorry "Adam" team Rachel here for a while,lol]

Nancy´s last blog post…Dancing in San Francisco

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Trish October 22, 2008 at 4:29 am

It’s your blog…you do whatever you want with it! If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of blogging about what transpires with Adam at this point, then don’t. Although you’ve become quite the superstar in the blogosphere, you still have your right to a private life, too. (Fortunately, having that private life is pretty much all in your control…unlike MSM celebrities.)

Go explore…see what happens…and when the time is right, you’ll fill us in.

Trish´s last blog post…And the hits just keep on coming!

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Angie October 22, 2008 at 4:44 am

Of COURSE I will protest!

* but, only if you never return :) *

Have fun!

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Amy October 22, 2008 at 4:57 am

You have every right – and maybe even responsibility to protect yourself and your blog.

And it is good to hear you say you know what kind of relationship you deserve to be in.

You are a gifted writer and I have no doubt that you will find a way to share your experience with your readers when the time is right.

Amy´s last blog post…Journal 109: October 2008 Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day

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Lance October 22, 2008 at 4:57 am

No sweat, just give us the highlights down the road.

Lance´s last blog post…Help! I’m Getting Laid Too Much!

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Amy Nathan October 22, 2008 at 5:36 am

I applaud you Rachel. I love the idea of single mom blogs but truly I do not like when someone is all out there about dates and relationships – unless it’s all very under-cover (ha, no pun intended). You know I don’t discuss these things publicly – and while it certainly garners alot of attention for you and your blog, it may at one point hinder something more in a relationship. Frankly, most of us are strangers to you. We are all well-meaning, and always want the best for you – but single moms seek more than just hot dates…so focus on the other stuff at least for a while and keep the dating private. You know I’m all for that. You don’t want your online persona to stand in the way of true happiness – if that’s what this might be!!! xoxo

Amy Nathan´s last blog post…Comic relief

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Legal Editor Mom October 22, 2008 at 5:43 am

I want your blog back, too! So my two cents is yes, get back to “normal.” And best wishes with the private stuff, which IMO, SHOULD be private. ;-)

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wandamd October 22, 2008 at 6:09 am

An analogy to live by: I have an ex boyfriend (who is a writer) that once explained to me why its not always the best to discuss a “story” you are working on. (I made a futile attempt at writing screen plays). He threw out there that when you talk too much about a work in progress somehow you convince yourself you are making progress. At some point you might need to evaluate what you’ve done and come to realize there is not much down on paper just a lot of thoughts out there in other peoples heads! Further, sometimes you loose sight of the focus when the ideas aren’t stewed upon enough internally.

I would in no way suggest that holding back feelings/events between you and Adam is “right”(goodness I would be lost the past couple months w/o my sounding boards to bounce my crazy thoughts off of), but perhaps as this fledgling relationship seems to be a work-in-progress for BOTH of you, keeping some of it to yourself might actually result in work accomplished!

Of course this is just a thought, but comes from someone who consistently in past relationships forgot to insert the “pause” occasionally and realizes that once the words are out there its difficult to take them back. Good luck!

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Eathan October 22, 2008 at 6:22 am

Wow.. That was awesome! I have to give you the Tiger Woods golf clap on this one.

To many of your readers you are the celebrity and we are TMZ. We watch, we are critical and we cheer. After we read and talk about it, but you are living it. It’s very difficult to have a personal life under the public eye.

I think you two are making the right move by going off line. It’s going to make my acting debut very tough, but I’ll step it up when the cameras are on. ;)

Eathan´s last blog post…Crossing Paths

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Kelly October 22, 2008 at 6:41 am

How dare you leave us out? LOL, just kidding. I totally get wanting to keep a little of this to yourself. Sounds promising so far. I’m glad you’re in a good, strong place. Good luck!

Kelly´s last blog post…My 2 Dates

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Phil October 22, 2008 at 6:46 am

It’s your blog and your life SMS, you don’t need permission from anyone.

For the record: I don’t dislike Adam. As he correctly pointed out, none of us readers know him. I’m critical of “macho” guys, which is how SMS described him.

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Leslie October 22, 2008 at 6:48 am

I think that could be good to see where it goes. Is he going to stop talking about it too? (ha in case I need to cheat and peek)

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Andrea October 22, 2008 at 6:53 am

You’re making an old married lady resort to romance novels, but I suppose I’ll keep reading whatever you write. lol Glad you had a good date!

Oh, and what’s with the dietary stuff. You must ask him if this is his way of controlling something in his life, anything, when it seems his ex had been controlling everything else. If she’s gone, he can start eating steak! lol

Andrea´s last blog post…Menu Plan Monday

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SS+1 October 22, 2008 at 6:53 am

As a new reader (I actually found Adam first…go figure!), I was intrigued and inspired by the story of you and “Adam”. I understand why you would have reservations writing about him, especially if he reads your blog. No worries, I’ll keep reading regardless. Best of luck with the dating world!

SS+1´s last blog post…Surviving Quiet Nights

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T October 22, 2008 at 7:04 am

You go girl. You so deserve to have some privacy. And a wonderful man. I guess we’ll see, won’t we?!?!

Wishing you all the best. And thank you for your continued love and support through my mess as well…

T´s last blog post…300th post: Lessons and Aches

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Christy October 22, 2008 at 7:13 am

I can totally understand why you would want to quit blogging about this, especially since he he knows about it. Perfectly okay.

We have been critical of him, but the truth is we don’t know him. We know you and we are all looking out for you. We give suggestions and similiar occurances from our life and what we think. Sort of like a best friend conversation, all online.

Definetly take a break from blogging and see where it goes. You know what you deserve. Just keep that in the back of your mind and don’t compromise what you want and deserve for anyone.

Christy´s last blog post…Yeah !!! hit the $550 in extra money !!

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mc October 22, 2008 at 8:19 am

Definitely no problem about leaving this topic alone!

I think you need your privacy while you’re exploring the possibility of a relationship. Also,like others here, I was worried that he was liking the publicity all too much.

(Sorry to be so neg, especially when obvs I don’t know the whole story….but your A is eerily like my ex. Including the extreme charm and sex appeal, coming on like a freight train, frequent crying and apparent emotional “openness”, claims of past abuse, copying of your professional life, egotistical behavior (which actually indicates very low self-esteem), and ability to generate intense emotional connections just like what you describe at your recent dinner.

I married that guy and lived through bloody hell for 9 years.

Almost nothing he said was true (he even lied about having had a child who died young), and he had multiple affairs with both men and women. But he knew exactly what to say and do to get people to pity and fall for him. A classic narcissist. Watch yourself, eh?)

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justagirl October 22, 2008 at 8:47 am

yes take it oflline. I found you and then found Adam. I found his blog interesting because he was talking about single issues. Since the adam and eve I dont find it so interesting. I have to be honest when I say for me its a bit uncomfortable to read. You will always have commenters who can relate to eve and so the same with adam. Because of this you are setting your self up for bad comments both ways.

Be strong, Be careful. Remember the reasons why it didnt work the first time. I believe that people can change and for the better. But I also believe that when a woman and man break up, the man is also much quicker to jump to a rebound situation to rebuild himself. Make double sure you arent that rebound and truly ask yourself is he ready for this, if the answer is no make contact very little for now.

just my two cents

justagirl´s last blog post…I’m a Dirty Cheater

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SDMktg October 22, 2008 at 9:12 am

I think taking your blog back is great. I enjoy reading your thoughts on all sorts of topics and as many have pointed out it is hard to be open (both for you and the readers) if “A.” is going to be reading and commenting here also.

Trust your instincts and take care of yourself. Great photo by the way. Love the dolls on the couch and floor.

SDMktg´s last blog post…Long Weekend for this Parrot Head

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Andie October 22, 2008 at 9:33 am

definitely take it offline. I don’t think many relationships could survive an open blog. You need your privacy. GOOD LUCK!

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singlemomseeking October 22, 2008 at 9:45 am

Here’s to privacy!

For the record, listen to this irony: the above comment (about needing my privacy)… is from my book publicist. Thanks Andie!

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singlemomseeking October 22, 2008 at 9:48 am

What has astounded me this week is this:
I’ve learned just as much about ALL of you through this process, as I have about myself.

As I wrote this post, I KNEW who would applaud me for going private (LEM, Amy Nathan, MC, SDMktg).

Even if don’t blog openly about yourselves… I certainly learn a lot about you, here. Thanks.

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dadshouse October 22, 2008 at 10:05 am

Don’t blog about him! It’s totally fine to keep part of your life private, and respect his privacy.

I don’t blog about everything in my life… heh heh…

dadshouse´s last blog post…Halloween Holiday Decorating Gene

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Attainingme October 22, 2008 at 10:30 am

I love that you both have blogs. I think you now have all of us addicted to the story . . However, you must keep it private as it progresses. You don’t want every dinner or date to feel as if it is being performed on a stage for everyone to see.
Be sure to not get caught up in the amazing story of you two.

Attainingme´s last blog post…I am what I hate in men

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laurakim October 22, 2008 at 10:42 am

I think keeping it private is probably the smart thing to do actually!

I am glad things worked out in the end!!

ENJOY IT!

laurakim´s last blog post…If you met yourself 10 years ago?

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amanda October 22, 2008 at 11:58 am

Hmmm…only if he keeps it private too, right? I think when a relationship gets serious, to really give it a fair shot, if one party has a problem with a blogging you have to respect that. But I wonder if you or he couldn’t both have some fun with it in the beginning and act accordingly if it gets serious.

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singlemomseeking October 22, 2008 at 12:41 pm

I promise to give some of you an update on “Adam and Eve.” After a while.

Okay?

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