The ex and I had dinner

by singlemomseeking on October 21, 2008

If you’ve read Adam’s blog, then you know his side of the story: after no contact for years, I agreed to meet him.

“We sat, we talked, I was obviously emotional,” Adam described that first coffee date. “I was happy, she was skeptical, I smiled, she laughed, we hugged, and we parted. God, someone get me a cigarette!”

No, he’s not an addict.

Yes, he’s just out of an emotionally abusive relationship.

No, he’s not a stalker.

Yes, he’s a little boy, hidden inside a tough macho shell.


At the restaurant on Friday, he pulled his chair to turn towards me. “I want to face you.”

And he really did. He looked at me, that way, and I couldn’t look away.

But let me stop here and be very clear with all you:

I know the kind of relationship I deserve to be in. Finally, I know.

I’m in such a good place right now — thanks, in part, to all of you here. The door will open when I meet that open, honest, respectful, intelligent, reliable, present, good-looking man.

Is it Adam? I don’t know.


It was really fun to tease him at dinner. When the waiter came up for our order, Adam explained that he didn’t eat dairy, red meat or pork.

“I’m really sorry,” I told the waiter. “I hadn’t realized that my date was so difficult–”

The guys laughed.

You’d be amazed how many times that you — my readers — came up during our dinner.

He pointed out, for example, that many of you are so protective of me.  (So true!)

He asked about a couple of male readers, too.

Him: “So, who’s Phil?”

Me: “Phil?”

Him: “Yeah, Phil from your blog. He doesn’t like me–”

Me: “Oh, Phil. He’s a dad who comments on my blog. He lives nearby, we had dinner last month–”

Him: “He took you out to dinner?”

Adam kept asking me questions, encouraging me to talk. But every 10 minutes, I caught myself, open. He was looking at me. That way. I shut the door.

This time, for the record, he only cried a few times. Mostly when he talked about his daughters.

More than once, he paused and said, “I just want to be with someone who loves me as I am.”

(Me, too. Isn’t that what everyone wants?)


Outside the restaurant, we walked.

I was hurt once before by you,” I said. “You need to be honest with me.”

“I will,” he said, stopping. Then he held my face. “And you need to be honest with me.”

“I will,” I said.

Then he drove me home. We stood next to his car and held each other. I could have stood there all night.

But I went inside. Alone. I couldn’t sleep.

And I decided this: I want my blog back.

I also want to see where Adam and I might go, offline.

And I want to know, from all of you:

What if I stop blogging about him/us, for now?

Will anyone protest if I ask him to take a leave of absence from the blog?


Photo of yours truly, here I come world… I’m open

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

pisceshanna October 23, 2008 at 12:43 pm

Heck yeah claim your relationship! Its way more important than your readership!

pisceshanna´s last blog post…Uncanny


GLSD October 23, 2008 at 11:35 am

HI Rachel,
Just getting back after going away for 5 days, so catching up! Sounds like everything is moving along 🙂 Baby steps for sure! Enjoy your privacy, but keep us posted! Wishing you the best! take care!


Anna October 23, 2008 at 9:18 am

Best of luck Rachel, I will enjoy reading whatever you write about. Keeping a budding relationship private is your RIGHT as a person. Just please be careful, if he hurt you once…….(also I have read Adams blog, I don’t know him but think its a bit strange that he started his own blog on seeing how successful you are with yours). I have had experience with men who want to suck-in all of my creativity and energy in order to feel better about themselves. That said, this is purely an outsiders observation. Best of Luck.


David Silver October 23, 2008 at 7:50 am


We love the blog and we love you. We want your happiness above all else. There is plenty of time to write about the happy ending when it comes. In the mean time, enjoy, explore, have fun, be private, be open, do whatever makes you the happiest.


Kat Wilder October 22, 2008 at 11:18 pm

You mean you want your own life .. away from the blogosphere, without US?

Wow, I’m … stunned.

I thought this was all there is …


Kat Wilder´s last blog post…Baby, it’s time to split


NappyKitchen October 22, 2008 at 7:01 pm

Privacy is a good thing.

I certainly understand why you would want to take it offline.

I can’t wait to read other topics here.

NappyKitchen´s last blog post…The Case Against Hair Grease


Julie October 22, 2008 at 6:57 pm

I think you should do what feels right for you….

Best of luck whatever that is!

Julie´s last blog post…Oh. Dear. God. No. Or, as I like to call it, Bachelor #6


Lori October 22, 2008 at 6:34 pm

Yes, I will miss you!! But you deserve this!!You are an amazing women. I’ve so enjoyed reading your blog…
Get out there girl!!!


Lori´s last blog post…Random


Kari October 22, 2008 at 6:16 pm

I actually think that since you both know about each others blogs that typing about your versions of the date was a bad idea to begin with. It has disaster written all over it.

So take your blog back woman!!! See where your new found relationship goes and then if you feel like sharing something do. You know blogging is just a passive-agressive way to let each other know what you are thinking at this point and that can’t be good.

Kari´s last blog post…Let the games begin… or not.


judy October 22, 2008 at 6:06 pm


I care about you not him. I can tell how you are doing if you return your blog to varying topics.


gail October 22, 2008 at 2:34 pm

THIS is your next book… e-mail me!


Leah October 22, 2008 at 1:37 pm

Way to go for knowing what you want and letting us down gently, hahaha. I can imagine it must be a little challenging to let go of writing about dating. But as you can see from all these comments, your readers totally support you in doing whatever feels right and healthy in your life. I wish you both the best in finding the love and companionship that you deserve. And I would read anything you wrote, even a post about socks! 🙂

Leah´s last blog post…Unconditionality


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