A single mom named Sharon wrote to me this week because she could really use some advice. Here’s the deal:
Sharon, age 33, was living with her boyfriend in North Carolina when she got transferred to a new job in Los Angeles. She and her boyfriend had had a rocky relationship for some time, so it seemed like the right time to part ways. Except that Sharon found out she was pregnant.
They decided to have the baby, and he wanted to be in their daughter’s life — “We decided not to force a relationship between us. He moved out to California and because I had a job, we moved in with each other.”
“It was obvious very early on that there we’d lost the love between us and we were destined for friendship and parenthood. After our daughter was born, I went back to work. He stayed home with her.”
“But every night, I came home in tears because I just wanted to be with her. He also cried because he didn’t really be a stay-at-home dad. So, we decided to switch roles.”
He landed a new job in Washington, D.C. and the three of them moved across the country. “We lived in the same apartment, but we had separate rooms. We were not intimate.”
In the meantime, Sharon went back to school, got her Master’s, and landed a great job.
So, what’s the problem?
Well, last fall, Sharon started to date again.
“I met a guy at a business conference out out of town and we hit it off instantly. It’s the first relationship that is void of insecurity. Not only do we both feel incredibly passionate, but we are so supportive. There is so much intellectual stimulation and a lot of fun!”
Unfortunately, her boyfriend lives in Dallas, TX.
“He is open to moving, although he has never lived outside of Texas. We’re talking a lot, just trying to take things slowly. I know that my company has an office in Dallas. I could move.”
But how about my daughter, who is now four? “I can’t deprive her the right to be as close as possible with her Daddy–”
“Her father and I thought we’d made the right decision to maintain geographic ties to each other. But maybe we’ve put constraints on our lives and can’t move on? We all deserve to have happiness in our lives, right?”
Does this resonate for any of you?
Thank you for any feedback.
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