It’s time to ask a man out

by singlemomseeking on October 13, 2008

When a dating site asks you to be an expert, I’m not sure it’s exactly redeeming. “Hi, my name is Rachel and I’m a serial dater–”

So, here I am, a new single blogger at

In case you haven’t heard of, it’s okay. I hadn’t heard of it, until recently.

In short, is the only website entirely devoted to helping you find your “missed connections.”

Maybe you chatted with someone at the store but never got his/her email address, or you exchanged glances across a crowded coffee shot but felt too shy to approach.

So, instead of randomly connecting to someone online you’re re-connecting with someone with whom you’ve already made a connection in the real world.

There’s no registration. No forms. It’s free!

So, what does this mean for you? Once a month, one of my posts will start here, on my site, and eventually end at Kizmeet.

But where was I? Oh, yes, connecting

You can read the rest of the post here.

Be sure to comment here, or at Kizmeet, about how you reached out and touched another human being this week.

Update: If you haven’t read Kendall’s comment — No. 6 below — please scroll down ASAP. Wow. You can read the full story here.

Photo by Otjep

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Christy October 15, 2008 at 7:59 am

Leah- I think the Rules are a little out there. One rule is that the first time you sleep with a man – if he does not send you flowers the next day, end it. I think thats a little absurd. Sure, that would be nice, but not necessary.

If you want a really really good book about dating and relationships, check out “He’s Just Not That Into You: Your Daily Wake-up Call”, it is an abridged version and very quick read, but it really is eye opening and lays it out like it should be.

Some of the excerpts:

Men are not afraid of “ruining the friendship.

If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

I recently received this saying from a friend & thought it was great:

‘Never allow someone to be your Priority, while allowing yourself to be their Option’!

Christy’s last blog post…Yeah !!! hit the $550 in extra money !!


Celticsfan October 14, 2008 at 2:28 pm

I just found this discussion on men being asked out by women so thought I would give my pennies worth.

As a divorced/single guy I would be very flattered if a lady asked me out as I would probably miss the singing of karaoke, the flagging down in undies and lap dancing an earlier post wrote about. Ok, maybe not the lap dancing. Also I would not expect her to pick up tab for some fancy dinner.


Christy October 14, 2008 at 12:14 pm

dadshouse- agreed !! that is exactly why I dont want to be the one asking. I feel like I show enough interest for the man to pick up on it and ask me out (or for my number) if he is interested.

Christy’s last blog post…Yeah !!! hit the $550 in extra money !!


Matt T. October 14, 2008 at 12:07 pm

For the love of all that’s holy, please yes, women ask us men out. I know it gives me extra confidence when a woman does just because I get shot down so much.

Or, if you don’t want to ask us out, please, provide less subtle signals! 🙂


Leah October 14, 2008 at 11:56 am

Thanks for visiting my blog, Rachel. I’m so excited to be quite belatedly discovering the single mama blogging world. Single dads – I need to check out your blogs too but I am still catching up 🙂

I have no idea whatsoever if the Rules will work. I heard one of the authors is divorced, ha! But I’ve always been a ridiculous man-chaser so I’m thinking I will try something different. Not that I’ve had anyone to try it on LOL.

Leah’s last blog post…“Working” mom? and BlogHer 2008


Lance October 14, 2008 at 11:49 am

I’m done a lot thinking about this one, and even blogged about it:

Generally speaking, women throw off all sorts of signals that compel guys to ask them out. I call this “chick game.” Basically, you just have to not be clueless and realize that she WANTS to be asked out. It’s masculine and a fine tradition for the guy to make that step. In this sense, I agree with DM.

On the other hand, in theory, I think it’s fine if the girl does the initial asking out, but the guy has to maintain his masculine presence and lead the interaction on the first date.

Girlfriends ask their boyfriends out all the time…my gf asked me to go to a concert on Friday, and it’s perfectly normal and fine and doesn’t mess with the gender roles.

Lance’s last blog post…Lance De-Virginizing Service


dadshouse October 14, 2008 at 10:05 am

Men should do the asking out. If a woman hasn’t turned my head enough for me to bother, I probably don’t want to go out with her. There are dynamics to the flirting game. Play them!

dadshouse’s last blog post…Get Up Offa That Thing


Christy October 14, 2008 at 8:40 am

My longest relationship was 8 years- it ended for good about 2 years ago- we kept going back and forth, then I had to cut contact because neither of us wanted to let go. Then, a year and a half ago, I dated a man for about 3 months, who ended up being arrested for alleged raping his girlfriend. (And no, I saw no signs of any problems in our relationship- or else I would had ran)

I have since lost 70 pounds and my confidence is soaring, but I just do not have enough confidence to ask someone out !!! I really really feel for men over asking someone out ! For the most part, if someone asks me out, I will usually go on a date b/c it takes a lot of confidence to ask someone out, even if I don’t think I am interested. Something great could come of it in one manner or another – such as we could click or maybe we become friends and I met one of his friends.

I think I am scared to death to ask someone out because for some reason I revert to being a kid and thing someone might laugh in my face or call me names ! I know this is so childish, but I really think this is what holds me back.

DATING sucks !!! Or should I say Trying to date sucks !!

Christy’s last blog post…Yeah !!! hit the $550 in extra money !!


Vinnie Sorce October 14, 2008 at 8:11 am

I can’t ask anyone out right now, I kind of fell into something in the past few months that I really can’t talk about publicly yet…


Legal Editor Mom October 14, 2008 at 5:41 am

Just because you haven’t had luck with waiting for the man to make the first move doesn’t mean that it’s time to start asking men out. Sure it’s fine if you’re comfortable with it, and it does take a lot of courage. As well, it seems like our male friends here are open to it and would enjoy it. I just wouldn’t come to that conclusion automatically. It could be that you’re looking for men in the wrong places (or looking at all!) Or, it could simply be that the time isn’t right.

I personally prefer to be the pursuee rather than the pursuer. That way there’s no doubt that he’s attracted to me and interested in me, and for me, it’s so much more enjoyable. Did I ever tell you the story of how my ex-husband crashed my mom’s wedding in order to get to me? (Of course we’re now divorced, but that’s another story. And if he didn’t have issues, we’d still be married.) But it was a great time in my life and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

As far as reaching out and touching another person (which seems like it probably should have been a separate blog), I do it on a regular basis. Nothing as touching as Kendall’s story as of late, but I regularly engage in the practice of random acts of kindness. It’s gratifying, and I find that because of it, I am blessed in other ways.


Eathan October 13, 2008 at 10:23 pm

I notice that several of the women are having bad experiences when asking the guys out.. maybe they are asking the wrong type of guy. If you have some kind of chemistry, you should go for it. I have several friends that are in relationships because of the woman being the aggressive one.

Eathan’s last blog post…Magic Poon


Kendall October 13, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Since I ignored the other half of the conversation, no, the woman in this story did not ask me out.

My girlfriend was the one to make the first move and to ask me out. I may be a bit stubborn and a bit dense. *shrugs* I’m flattered now, even if I panicked when she asked way back in May.

Kendall’s last blog post…Maybe I Really Am A Nice Person


singlemomseeking October 13, 2008 at 8:54 pm

Yes, Vinnie, please ask a woman out… and report back here!

And Leah, let us know if the Rules really work. I haven’t had much luck with the let-the-man-make-all-the-moves shtick.


singlemomseeking October 13, 2008 at 8:53 pm

Jim: I know this post is very confusing because of the headline, and the fact that it links to another site — but my main question was, “When is the last time you connected with another human being?”

Maybe you’re a woman who asked a man out.

Maybe you’re a man who helped a mom with a flat tire, on her way to the hospital where her sister was giving birth…


Leah October 13, 2008 at 8:25 pm

I have had nothing but a terrible streak of luck when I have asked a man out. I always thought they would be flattered and impressed at my self-confidence and courage, but then it always seems to end boringly or disastrously. After so much disappointment and failure, I am actually considering trying out The Rules (duck!!!) but I am open to being talked out of it, LOL.

Leah’s last blog post…“Working” mom? and BlogHer 2008


JimAKASydney&Hunter'sDad October 13, 2008 at 8:18 pm

Kendall, if I were gay or a chick, I would have tears in my eyes too, but I’m not. What does this story of gallantry have to do with the question at hand? Did the poor, scared, helpless maiden ask you out?

Judy, even though I love you, with all due respect I must disagree with you. Many a women have successfully asked men out, so it definitely does work. Consider making these minor adjustments to your tricks: did you lie naked on the tracks, if you waved Indy flags in granny undies you are right this would never work, and as far as doing karaoke while lap dancing (I can’t believe this didn’t work unless your lap dancing technique sucks). Vinne will surely volunteer to be the lap dance victim while you perfect your technique. Once you get this right, no man will ever turn you down for a date once you have rubbed him the right way. And you may want to rethink the karaoke part as I don’t think the professionals ever do karaoke while they fleece lonely men out of their last hard earned buck. Lastly, regarding the secret notes, they first need to be sent to men who can read, and secondly they need to be absolutely idiot proof and scandalous or they won’t work on “real” men. Sometimes little adjustments result in extraordinary results!

Vinne, if a woman hasn’t hit on you by now, it probably won’t happen. You better focus on taking the initiative or you may never get a date. Remember, there is someone for everyone.


Kendall October 13, 2008 at 8:03 pm

I don’t know what to say. I had no idea what happened would affect anyone that strongly. I feel humbled that it would.

I don’t see what I did as that amazing which according to those who now know the story only makes it more so.

Tears and goosebumps ma’am?

I don’t know what to say.

Oh and thank you for the e-hug.

Kendall’s last blog post…Maybe I Really Am A Nice Person


Vinnie Sorce October 13, 2008 at 6:23 pm

Kendall that was a great story, I’m glad you stoped to help, I would have done the same.

Rachel I’d LOVE to be asked out by a woman. I’ve never had that pleasure.


Vinnie Sorce October 13, 2008 at 6:21 pm

Christy now you know how we feel all the time… lol


singlemomseeking October 13, 2008 at 5:14 pm

OMG, Kendall, here’s a virtual hug for you! Wow, tears in my eyes.


judy October 13, 2008 at 4:39 pm

It never works when a women asks a man out.

I will lie down on the tracks, wave Indy flags in undies, karaoke while lap dancing and send secret admirer notes in such a way he knows it is me but stop short at asking out because if none of the above works he isn’t interested.


Eathan October 13, 2008 at 1:37 pm

I have been asked out by women in the past. I’m not offended at all. I am always flattered. I love it when a woman asks me out. It’s one of the ultimate compliments a man can get.

From my personal experience, I know that as a busy parent, if you see someone who you’re interested in.. just go for it. I love being asked out for coffee or a drink.


JimAKASydney&Hunter'sDad October 13, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Men loved to be asked out. And most men, most of time will be flattered and grateful even if they are not interested. And if the guy responds inappropriately, be thankful to be done with him so quickly and cleanly. Imagine if he asked you out and messed with your heart before showing you what a schmuck he is! Ladies… let your hair down, grow some balls and just do it… you may be pleasantly surprised. Don’t hint at it and play animal magnetism games, just get down and dirty fearless and ask him out on a date… after all it is just a date proposition and just a conversation between two people… it is not a matter of life or death!

I do have a ditzy blond (male) question though: if you ask a man out, does that mean you have to pick him up and take him out for a fancy dinner? If the answer is yes, I am available on Thursday and Saturday nights… just don’t forget the three date rule!


singlemomseeking October 13, 2008 at 12:29 pm

Men: speak up, please!

How would you feel if a woman asked you out?

Fine, you might say “no” (because you have a girlfriend, or you’re not interested)… but wouldn’t you be flattered?

Encourage these women (above)to ask a guy out!


Kendall October 13, 2008 at 10:41 am

I was driving back to my apartment this morning when I see the jeep in front of me turn on its hazard lights. They pull off to the side and so I stop and see if there is anything I can help them with. It was a woman with two crying toddlers in the back with a flat tire. At first, she looked freaked that this random guy had stopped behind her and was looking around for something to have on hand just in case. I walked back to my car, popped the trunk, and brought back my spare tire and a car jack. I introduced myself as I worked and found out that her sister was having a baby and she had gotten lost trying to find the local hospital. I told her to just follow behind me.

Kendall’s last blog post…When In Doubt, Look To The Books!


PT-LawMom October 13, 2008 at 10:02 am

I’m a big flirt but can’t quite get to the asking out stage. And since I am such a flirt (yes, I am the mad winker on, I then doubt whether the guys are *really* interested since I made the first move. Crap. 🙁 Quite the conundrum.


Allison October 13, 2008 at 9:47 am

I’ve asked out a lot of guys, but I usually don’t have any luck with that. I’m starting to think that if they’re interested, they’ll ask me out (or I just have a knack for being interested in guys who are involved with someone, or who turn out to be gay.)


Christy October 13, 2008 at 9:18 am

When I do meet someone I am interested in, I do everything in my power to show I am interested, except ask them out. I guess I feel like I give them enough *hints* that I would say yes to a date, for them to ask.

Christy’s last blog post…Yeah !!! hit the $550 in extra money !!


laurakim October 13, 2008 at 9:13 am

LOL I am trying very hard NOT to ask a man out 😉

How have I reached out to someone? Not really sure to be honest. I am so busy at the moment it doesnt seem that I have time for much!!

Which is sad ;(

laurakim’s last blog post…Weekend Woes and some Photos


Christy October 13, 2008 at 8:49 am

I wish I had the nerve to ask a man out. I just would hate to be rejected. Although I always feel bad for guys because I am sure they have the same fear ! I would like to do the online dating thing, but I am so paranoid that I will attract the crazies !!!

Christy’s last blog post…Yeah !!! hit the $550 in extra money !!


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