An ex is calling. Advice?

by singlemomseeking on October 5, 2008

An ex-boyfriend emailed me this week, after six years of almost no contact. Well, he wasn’t really even a boyfriend.

If you read my book, you might remember Adam. He’s the hot Jewish single dad who works in law enforcement.

In 2002, I’d seen him around the neighborhood. He rode a motorcycle. He was bald. I found out that his daughter was friends with my landlord’s daughter. So I asked for his number.

“That was very bold,” he told me when I cold-called him one night.

He asked if I wanted to come to his home for dinner — with our daughters, as friends. He was a great cook. Soon, we were having dinner once a week — with our daughters.

Sometimes, after eating, our girls watched a movie. He and I went into the hot tub together without the kids. But he never came onto me.

And I never came onto him because he’d told me straight out, early on: “I like you, I enjoy your company, but I don’t want to sleep with you.”

Well, okay then.

Maybe he was sleeping with someone else on the side. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to me.

I would have slept with him. For sure. And he knew this.

One night, after a glass of wine, we shared one long kiss. That was it.

But we weren’t dating. This was about keeping each other company over dinner, with our kids. Not more.


So, you can imagine my surprise when Adam emailed me this week.

“Coffee,” he wrote in the subject line.

In the past six years, I’d run into him exactly two times. One time, his fiance was with him. I later heard they’d broken up.

His email to me this week was one line:

“Any chance you feel like meeting me for coffee next week?”

Excuse me.

This guy hasn’t called me or emailed me for years — and now he wants to have coffee?

But I was intrigued. Some crushes don’t get crushed.

I wrote back: “Wow, is this THE Adam? I might have time on Thursday for coffee–”

He wrote back: “What are you doing this evening? Can I call you? I need to speak to you.”

On the phone, he told me that he’d burned a lot of bridges over the years. He explained that he was on a mission to find people from his past whom he’d hurt.

I’d never heard him talk so openly about his feelings. Maybe he was in therapy?

“Are you dating anyone?” he asked me.

“No,” I said. “I don’t want to be dating anyone right now.”

Him: “You don’t?”

I sighed. Something was shady.

Adam had never seemed interested in me like that. Why now? All of a sudden?

“I think about you a lot, still,” he said.

“You do?” I asked. “But we haven’t seen each other for years. Why are you telling me this now?”

“I really would like you see you,” he said. “Thursday should work. I’ll call you later this week.”

In my gut, something is fishy here.

I’m not sure if I should see him.

We weren’t able to remain friends: that’s because I wanted more back then. I remember how easily he let me go. We never spoke again. It hurt.

My life is drama-free, and I like it that way.

Should I see him?

Have you ever had an ex blast back into your life from the past?

Didn’t you feel a little cynical, too?

Photo by Steve Todey

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