Wow. Yeah, does sound like a lot of drama. Who knows what his intentions are? Maybe all of this confusing stuff before-hand is going to put you in a position to be stronger than you thought. I don’t think he means anything other than a friendly meeting with the mention of the girlfriend and all…

Still, I’d be curious if this “meet for coffee” ever even happens. His persistence is both intriguing and confusing. Hmmmm…

I’m stumped! Good luck and remember - no expectations!

Thanks for the link love though!
T’s last blog post…Random Friday Thoughts

“Don’t go! What a waste of time!”

Ocean’s last blog post…Poem of the Day

oh, i’d go just out of curiosity. maybe i’m a little bored right now. i’ve recently talked to an ex, and while i have no intention of going out with him it was a really nice conversation. maybe because i didn’t want anything anymore.

you will learn something, no doubt.

Bad news, hon. You deserve much much better…

His thing is a drag.

Why did you call him? You know about the girlfriend and the potential drama, and you made it clear in your e-mailed response that you didn’t want to get mixed up in anything like that. I would have left it at that.

He sounds like he’s confused and many need a shoulder to lean on, and perhaps a sympathetic ear. But why you? Who has he been talking to in all the years you were out of touch?

You’re not a close friend, and I know that you get attached easily. Moreover, while you’re very kind to give people the benefit of the doubt, you’re also likely to get your hopes up, only to be let down. Why go through that?

I agree that the meeting may never even happen, anyway! He clearly needs to get his act together.

YOU DESERVE BETTER.

This just smacks of a selfish guy trying to make a soft landing for himself! Call me cynical, but it’s a behavior I’ve found myself doing before . . ..

. . .a serious relationship goes South . . feelings of inadequecy and insecurity creep in . . .he’s asking himself if he’s still “got game” and HATES the idea of being alone . . .

who better to reach out to than a kind, caring, former flame that never really got off the ground?

If you’ve got the time and energy to deal with this - good on you, but if you really are on the path of avoiding drama - BACK AWAY SLOWLY, then turn, RUN and never look back!

Besides, who wants to be involved with a guy nursing a failing relationship with someone he was supposed to be marrying? This is serious stuff. But it’s also good fodder for a gal with an itchy keyboard

Keep us posted . . .I’m not above camping out to watch some fireworks!

BlueBella’s last blog post…Threeves

I’d go just to find out what the deal is. But Blue Bella and Legal Editor Mom do have a point - caution.

PT-LawMom’s last blog post…Torn Up

Approach with caution if you still have a weak spot for him.

I will admit, I have plutonic relationships with ex’s. It wasn’t immediately after we stopped dating..but it did happen. Now, we’re friends. They’ve tried to fix me up on blind dates a couple times. Who knows what will happen.

APPROACH WITH CAUTION.

Is this for real, Rachel? C’mon. You are better than this.

I said it before, it’s not about you, it’s about him. And that is always the biggest red flag of all.

For me, meeting someone like this for coffee would not add value to my day, let alone my life, and I wouldn’t do it. But like I’ve always told my kids, “Grown ups get to make their own decisions.”

I look forward to hearing about yours.

Someone once told me to be impeccable with my words. You wrote him and said you don’t need the drama, so I would not have called and ignored any emails or calls etc.. from this guy.

He sounds like he is a bad place, confused, plus he has a jealous girlfriend!?

He cancelled twice already! That is a red flag.

He doesn’t sound like he can offer anything positive to your life but instead add negative to it.

I wouldn’t go.

Let me be clear: I have no expectations, no hopes.

I’m writing this from the honest pit of my gut. But here’s the truth: a tiny part of me is curious.

We were friends. Oddly, I still have some of his stuff in my home (like this very chair “massager” I’m sitting on!)

And I’m sure my ego is at work, too.

If there’s one trait I have, it’s keeping quiet and letting others talk. (You wouldn’t know that from this blog, would you!)

Caution, indeed.

Wow, BlueBella, I’ve never heard this expression before and I LOVE it:
“I’m not above camping out to watch some fireworks!”

Denise, Amy, LEM:
Who knows, maybe I will wake up tomorrow and say, “What the hell was I thinking? I’m not going–”

Rachel, I probably wouldn’t go if I were you…but I know you are curious, just to see what he has to say, but my thing is: who cares. Wayyyyy too much drama..

Kevin’s last blog post…Writing update

In your first post I said I would go!

Now I wouldnt go!

Seriously that is TOO much work, TOO much effort and TOO much drama.

He is playing games! And weird ones at that!

The problem tho is that he doesnt look like he is going away unless you are prepared to actually tell him its not happening in those words. So you may just have meet him?

laurakim’s last blog post…Networking

Soooo not cool! This guy is a piece of work and playing both sides. I loved your email to him and think you should adhere to it…leave the drama before it finds you, cuz lemme tell you, it’s looking for you!

Initially, I thought you should meet with him, but you know what he wanted now so there really is absolutely no reason to hook up with him. The red flags are there trying to warn you to stay away. Put yourself in the ex-fiance’s shoes…

Paige’s last blog post…Tired of it all

I’ve dated this type of narcissistic guy over and over again. They get distracted by shiny objects (anything other than you) VERY easily.

In the words of the infamous website of the same name: ‘Don’t Date Him Girl!’ (or have coffee
NappyKitchen’s last blog post…Barack Obama or Hair Weave?

on the one hand, I would be very curious - but I would be all about protecting myself because OBVIOUSLY he has no idea that you require any protection whatsoever - blowing you off, the ex-fiancee bs. He is intriged by the challenge when you said no dramas - make sure you have a very nice coffee, ask “what is this about” and walk away satisfied.

jeanie’s last blog post…‘Salina and her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day*

Yep, put your walking shoes on, sister. Make that, running shoes. If it requires that much drama to settle on a coffee date, he’s not worth your time, energy or use of make-up.

Walk on by!

Julie’s last blog post…Darlene aka Travel Girl…come here, sweetie.

This kid is FUNNY! For a mere guilty pleasure of finding out what “changes” he’s going through I’d go out of morbid curiosity. Sounds like you’ve pretty much written him off as a flake, which I would, but the kicker is that while he thinks he’s “changed” it really sounds like the same old indecisiveness. Plus, who couldn’t use a good cup of coffee!

He’s holding the ropes—it’s time for you to snatch the rope back and lasso him out of your life.

And, one more thing: YOU DESERVE ONLY THE BEST.

I figured Dadshouse would be on here defending guys everywhere but I guess I beat him too it. I was skeptical from the last post but with the girlfriend thrown in and it being coffee, I would throw out the possibility that the guy has some question regarding the relationship he’s trying to save that he thinks only a woman can answer. And maybe he doesn’t have a lot of female friends.

I also don’t see how meeting for coffee automatically leads to dating. That makes two pretty big assumptions.
1. That’s what he has in mind and he asks.
2. and this is a big one…Rachel has to agree to see him again.

Of course if he doesn’t show on Monday he’s passed the three strike rule. He’s already rescheduled twice and after the third time you have to figure he’s too busy or too inconsiderate for you to waste time with even if it is just a friendly thing.

SDMktg’s last blog post…Tailgating Menu for Oct 11 -12 - New England Feast

I’d go, but I’d go with a serious level of eyebrow-raising, arms crossed. As in, “FINE, what do you want already?” But, yeah, if he cancels again, that’s it.

I liked your response to him that your life was drama free and you liked it that way; plus from what he said to you, now you know that he’s not trying to resurrect YOUR relationship.

Good luck and of course we’ll all be waiting to hear what happens.

Seems like he does not know what he wants… trying to get back together with his ex-finance and cant meet up with you for coffee but then thinks a call would not hurt (i.e. gf will not know if we talk on the phone- it is a *safe* way to communicate) but then he emails and wants to get together. Not sure what his problem is…

If this was me, my curiousity would be eating me alive !!! I would have to go see him, although it does seem like you are being *jerked* around a bit with stuff coming up.

Little word of advise I read yesterday and wanted to share with all women- especially those not in relationships or those in new relationships : ‘Never allow someone to be your Priority, while allowing yourself to be their Option’!

Christy’s last blog post…Yeah !!! hit the $550 in extra money !!

Why just women Christy? That sounds like pretty good advice for anyone.

SDMktg’s last blog post…Tailgating Menu for Oct 11 -12 - New England Feast

Rachel, You said…. “Sounds like a lot of the drama. I’m in a good place right now – without any relationship drama. I really wish you the best.” I AGREE! You’re in a good place right now and you don’t need that. He’s trying to work things out with an ex-fiance. Emails as friends or phone chats are fine. You should stay away! And all this after 6 yrs of not contact?! It sounded fishy then and now it sounds fishier! If you go “good luck”. I agree with Christy: Never allow someone to be your Priority, while allowing yourself to be their Option’!

… sounds like trouble! However being human we often run from trouble the wrong way… right smack into it! However, there is no harm meeting this guy for coffee, especially since he really was a friend, but if coffee turns into more than coffee, then you insert yourself in the middle this guy’s messed up, drama filled life, and you clearly stated that you are currently happy without any relationship drama right now. Nevertheless sometimes a little relationship drama is better than no relationship or companionship whatsoever! Your call… as adult single parent dating is surely a contact sport and is not without risk! If in fact you want to jump this guys bones regardless of what is happening in his life (since things didn’t work out with the UPS man), it sounds like this guy would happily accommodate you, without much consideration of the x-fiancé who has him in such a quandary.

TROUBLE….you know that already.
CURIOUS….I am with you on that and would be tempted as well but so guard your heart. Give yourself a time limit you have to stay to such as an hour before picking up Mae and if you think you want more from him leave it with it being his responsibility to contact you

OMG Rachel why are you indulging him?? He’s already cancelled twice, you’re obviously his back up plan!! Don’t do this to yourself!!!

I don’t love that he keeps roping you back in and using your time, energy, cell minutes and blog space. I do understand your response…I would probably do the same thing. One of the things I have been working on really hard (thanks, therapy!) is to not feel the need to respond to every phone call, email or request. And maybe it would feel freeing to just release him (and his emails and jealous girlfriend and requests and non-committal-ness) to the universe.

As a good friend reminds me often, “Your life is bigger than one man.”

Amen, right?

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass)’s last blog post…Lil E Explains: What Mommy should wear

I want to stab him in the eye with a spork.

When he cancelled. And then cancelled again. And then sent the explanatory I’m-trying-to-get-back-together-with-my-jealous-ex e-mail I wanted to hit him.

It’s fine to go for coffee. I just hope you don’t have a pet rabbit.

It sounds to me like he isn’t feeling so sure of things definitely working out with his ex. He didn’t say that they were getting back together for sure. Just that he was trying. And he still keeps thinking about you, since you’re not a potentially bunny-boiling-psychopath…. And so he wants to have a plan b. Plan A is get back together with the ex. But maybe she screamed at him and he realized that she’s a little bit too crazy and there’s a reason she’s his EX fiance and he decided he wanted to see you. Especially since he’s telling you flat out that you are not his first choice, and he’s seeing if you’re okay with that.

You don’t want to be second choice, do you?

But, part of me is still curious to see what he says. So definitely let us know.

tanasie’s last blog post…Let’s Play a Game, he said.

Don’t do it, you have a responsibility to yourself to stop the cycle. What do you want to accomplish from this? What is the best thing that could happen? What is the worse? Go with your gut. Something is obviously telling you it smells fishy, that is why you are posting for advice. JUST SAY NO.

Send him an email, telling him “something has come up…Although I would still like to catch up and hear how things are going with you, I have since been focused on a diligent attempt at rescuing my relationship with myself. I am pretty sure that she would not be too excited about you and I meeting and reminiscing, and I know a phone call or two would be out of the question; she gets pretty uneasy about people like you. Thanks for your understanding and just to let you know, I’m not up for a phone chat, please remove me from your contact list. Hearts and shit, Rachel”

It’s a form letter, copy paste as you see fit, It’s copywritten with a creative commons license. Swear!
Love yourself first, you are better than this. ~Shell

One more thing…ever heard of:
Curiosity killed the cat…

Not worth your time, space or energy. Let him go. You are so much more than that!

Far away…stay far away.

Treemama’s last blog post…Twitter

I kind of agree, I wouldn’t waste my time with this. I’d make the appt and flake on it just to get back at him for flaking on me twice.

Unless you want more blog material, that is, in which case you definitely SHOULD do the date!

Lance’s last blog post…I PWNed this Blog, Bitchez!!

Eh, you already have Mae taken care of…just go. Find out. Settle the curiosity.

And make him pay for your coffee.

Trish’s last blog post…Oh, how I love the Longhorns!

I don’t quite understand the “you deserve better than this” comments. The guy is struggling, and for whatever reason, he finds you a sympathetic soul. He’s not asking to sleep with you or to get back together with you, and you’re not expecting to, either … um, right?

So, if you want to see him again and care about the relationship you have, however tenuous, or honor the one you had, go. And if you still have feelings from the past and can’t go with an open heart and mind, then don’t.

Kat Wilder’s last blog post…The good wife?

I think he’s up to no good and that you can do better, but I hope you went anyway because I’m extremely curious!

Kelly’s last blog post…Pics

Boy this really doesn’t add up. At all.

Hard to believe that he doesn’t see what a jerk he’s being with all the canceling, the weird and inappropriate “confession” that he’s getting back with his ex, blah blah.

Hard to believe that he’s doing it on purpose, either.

The other alternative: he’s seriously lost his marbles and has some kind of psychotic break thing going on.

What if he’s planned something bad for your meeting, then he changes his mind and calls it off, and then his demons get the better of him and he reschedules?

What worries me is that none of his behavior seems to bear any relation to you, at all. It’s all about him, what’s going on in his head. I wouldn’t be flattered–he shows no sign of having heard anything you said to him recently! Does he even remember the previous coffee dates?

Please seriously consider that he might be nuts. Be careful! Do not meet him alone (why not bring along a big male friend?), don’t let him know where you live, where your daughter’s daycare is, etc.

I’d be curious too by this time. But this guy sounds a little too “off” to trust even for a curiosity coffee.

I just wanted to reassure everyone that I’m back safe and sound!

I greatly appreciate all of your concern.

I will write more soon, but I’ll just say for now: he’s in a really emotional place (I’ve been there) and he’s reconnecting with people from his past.

He didn’t want anything from me… other than to have a friend to sit with him as his tears fell.

Well that’s a relief! Glad everything’s OK.

I’m just paranoid due to having had stalkers etc. Also that picture freaks me out!

Very cool of you to meet him after all that weirdness. It reminds me that we are all human and subject to all kinds of foibles and inconsistencies.

Leah’s last blog post…“Working” mom? and BlogHer 2008

I’m glad you were able to be his friend. I, of course, agree with Kat’s comment above.

I’m happy to hear that you went with an open mind and listening ears. I can’t imagine he’s anything but grateful for you!

T’s last blog post…Three

This guy is having second thoughts about his fiance. He wants to go into a marriage with no questions of “What if…?” Sounds to me like he wants to either check you off his list for good, or end things with his fiance for good, because he can’t seem to give up thoughts of you…

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