I’d be skeptical, too. If he wasn’t interested in you then, why would he be interested in you now? Sounds more like he’s in AA or something similar. His “confession” about wanting to right the wrongs of all the people he’s hurt in the past is very much like one of the steps in the Twelve Step Program.

So if you do agree to see him, constantly remind yourself of his purpose for this meeting, and don’t read anything else into it. That way you won’t be disappointed or hurt (again)when nothing comes of it.

P.S. I have a somewhat similar situation. A guy I “met” on one of the dating sites that I no longer use e-mailed me tonight about wanting to “talk more and go out one weekend this month.”

When we first started corresponding last year, we e-mailed, exchanged photos, and talked on the phone quite a bit. But he didn’t seem too understanding of my single parent status and we therefore never hooked up. (He never tried too hard, either.) But he’s been in touch twice in the last two months and all of a sudden he wants to get together, and this month at that. Urgency after several months of nothing? I am SUPER skeptical, almost feeling like he hasn’t met anyone else so he wants to try it again with me.

He is single, attractive, has a good job, and he lives super close to me. But I’m not too thrilled with the idea of him right now! Sound familiar?

Hmmm. Does sound a little strange, but more like maybe he had some type of addiction and needs to make amends. I’d consider meeting him to let him say what he needs to say. If you don’t like what you hear, there’s no need to see him again. If you do, well…

GG’s last blog post…Sunday musings

I have an idea… let’s live a parallel life as we seem to be doing right now… lol

My ex? A recovering alcoholic who fell off the wagon and I kicked him out… two months ago he emailed me. Out of the blue. I hadn’t spoken to him in two years.

He’s sober now but facing a lot with court dates and the like to face the consequenses of his drinking. We emailed back and forth a few times and then chatted online.

I wasn’t ready to see him. In my mind, I know how an alcoholic works, so I figured he was looking for someone to pass the blame, to fix it or who knows what and like you? I’m drama free and I like it that way.

After about a month, he asked if I would meet him for coffee. I didn’t know what to expect. I had already told him that I was not getting back together with him, but at the same time, I was supportive. I knew that most everyone else had bailed on him.

Last night we had coffee again. There are no hugs at these meetings between he and I, just conversation and lots of laughs.

I’m reminded of why I fell in love with him.

But I’m also haunted by everything that was thrown away because of his drinking.

I was hurt and I’ve not really dated since. here and there, but nothing serious.

I say go for it. I couldn’t not say no. I’m nosey and would die trying to figure out what it was that he wanted to see me for.

However, as Legal Editor Mom said, remind yourself of his purpose for the meeting and don’t read into it.

After you’re around him, you might feel differently.

Regardless, now I can’t wait for Thursday because I’m nosey and I want to know what he wants.

Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity’s last blog post…My letter to the New Kids… continued…

If he looks like the guy in the picture - I WOULD DO IT ;-p

Seriously though I dont know. If something doesnt feel right then maybe dont? But it is weird that he contacted you NOW after so long - so based on that I would go for coffee - just too see what the story is?

laurakim’s last blog post…Weekly Winners 27 Sept - 5 Aug

I’d be skeptical, but nothing to gain, nothing to lose. See him for coffee and take it one day at a time. Let’s see why he has to come clean and find the people from his past that he’s hurt. I can’t wait to hear all about it! Good Luck!

Tough one. But maybe you should go and ask him, why did he call you now, since he obviously wasn’t interested in you years ago. Then, if he answers that, you wouldn’t have to wonder about it anymore.

Maybe back then he was in the place where he didn’t want to date anyone?

Meh. Go to satisfy your curiosity, if nothing else. I’d have to agree with Heather’s comment re the recovering alcoholic phase.

If your gut says “fishy” then listen to it.

If you feel uncomfortable in any way about a meeting, skip it. Even if it means no blog fodder!
Yes, voting on the cynical side here.

Linda’s last blog post…Leaking, Spewing, and Random Stuff

Caution is definitely called for here, but I disagree with Legal Editor Mom. Six years is a long time, and a lot could’ve happened to him…like growth, or the gaining of wisdom, perspective, insight. I doubt he’s the exact same person now that he was the last time you heard from him, anyway.

Most definitely go. But yes, cautiously. Seems to me there was always the potential for something pretty cool there that never got realized. Maybe it wasn’t the time back then…maybe now is.

Couldn’t hurt to hear what he has to say, right?

Trish’s last blog post…Swirling around in my head…

This is about him - not you. He has thought a lot about you, he says. He wants to reconnect with people he has hurt. Sounds like someone is looking to make himself feel better or maybe in some kind of therapy, self-actualization or recovery program. If you want to be part of that, then meet him for coffee. He’ll apologize for hurting your feelings and dropping off the face of the earth, and he’ll walk away feeling better about himself. Well, whoopee for him!

Did he ask if you’ve thought of him? Did he ask anything other than if you’re dating someone? Did he ask about Mae? OK, if he did all these things I’d feel better about it. Maybe he wasn’t just thinking about you, maybe he was wondering about you, and there’s a difference.

It’s intriguing for sure, but if he knew you had a thing for him, maybe this is his ego at play. Maybe he was dumped and wants someone in his life. (I’ve done that to men, sorry, you know, someone who will always be there - I don’t do it anymore)

If you see him, please keep your eyes and ears wide open. Listen to him with your heart, not just your heart and libido.

When someone pops back into your life after years like this — it’s a huge red flag.

Amy Nathan’s last blog post…What if?

I would be super skeptical if I was you. The sense of urgency after so long is enough to be worrisome. Either he is just lonely or horny and neither case will work out for you.

I don’t want to get into steriotypes reall, but I have an ex who is an ex-cop. He was very good at manipulating situations and people. He would ‘open up’ and be sensitive and I would cry over what some other woman had done to him… and pretty soon I’m in the same boat that woman was in and trying to figure out how to get out (although, in my case the only way out of ‘that boat’ was to do what she did and call the police and have him arrested and get a restraining order) Turns out she wasn’t the psycho .

Now, I would say that there is nothing wrong with coffee AS LONG AS you are 100% sure that you won’t be fooled by him and that he can’t charm you into something that isnt good for you or your kids.
It is possible that he just needs someone to talk to and remembers you are a great listener… still, I don’t like the way he has gone about it. Drama free and not dating is so much better than whatever he can offer.

I would tend to agree with Trish but - have no expectations. Go for coffee and curiosity, nothing else.

That said, you are the only one who knows the whole story - his tone, his words, a bit of his personality… Trust your instincts.

The Exception’s last blog post…KMAB Classes Begin

I’m not sure how old he is, but it sounds like he wants to go back and say i’m sorry.. or clear his conscience. I wouldn’t expect too much past that.

Eathan, The Exception, and Trish:
Now I’m all worked up just hearing his voice. Deep breath. No expectations? Easier said than done.

Heather: Yes, just hearing his voice haunts me. And the strange thing is, I emailed him back to say, “Thursday is perfect.”
And I haven’t heard back from him!
What is going on?

I’m nosy, too.

I really hope that your recent encounter is helping you deal with old feelings. Hug!

Who says it’s all about him? Maybe since you have made the decision to stay away from relationships for awhile, to take care of your mind, thoughts, and soul …this sudden appearance is just a temptation from the powers that be to see how strong in your convictions you are?

Actually, I think it’s a 10 step mission. And where will that leave you once he’s righted his wrong with you?

Me? I’d probably leave the door closed.

Nancy’s last blog post…Promoting Beer McCain

Nancy: I had the SAME thought! Maybe this is lesson the universe is trying to teach me?

I’m with every darn ounce in my body to have boundaries… am I being tested?

Yikes! This is what women do so well — analyze, overanalyze, process, etc. All this prep work!

People change, and situations change. You wnated more than what he wanted, and so it was natural to part and end contact. It’s hard to be friends when you’re not coming from an equal plane.

If you’re interested in seeing him, sure, why not? If you think you still have hurt feelings, it may not be the best idea. You’d be meeting him with expectations that you probably shouldn’t have.

The “making amends” does sound like an AA thing. Nothing wrong with that, but I’m always curious why people want to make amends. It’s not really for the hurt person as much as for the person who needs to make the amends. But, that’s important, too.

Kat Wilder’s last blog post…Daddy grows up … fast

I think you are being tested. I have also learned that when you say, “I will never…” insert whatever here - the universe says, “Oh yeah? Try this!”

You are happy and drama-free because you are not in a relationship. It is when we are in relationships that our underlying fears arise and boy is it scary. But that is where the beauty lies! That is when we find that we still have healing to do! Think of it as another fucking growth opportunity (AFGO). This is something that has come back into your life to show you something about yourself. Maybe it will show you your strength. Maybe it will show you that its ok to be vulnerable. But it will show you something and it probably won’t be comfortable.

Get out of the comfort and welcome the growth. Take a chance. I would try to let go of expectations. It may be nothing more than a meeting for coffee. Open yourself up and see what happens. Maybe this is a moment of closure for you. You just never know, Rachel. So never say never…

T’s last blog post…Rediscovering Me

I agree with you Rachel that something does sound fishy—(BTW: listen to that gut instinct of yours!)–he sounded awfully anxious–why was he so anxious to meet you right away? If he didn’t sound so anxious–I wouldn’t feel as fishy…

I think it would have been enough for him to explain why he wanted to see you again over the phone–it doesn’t need to be said in person. However, I do agree with Legal Editor–if you do decide to meet him, have no expectations…but still, be careful not to get sucked up in his drama if there is one.

Why resist it? Yield to life. Embrace all that comes your way. Don’t read too much into this, either way.

You wrote, “Something was shady.”

I thought, “Why?” He seems genuine. He wants make things right. That doesn’t mean he wants to sleep with you.

Meet him, let things unfold, see where they go. You’re clearly smitten with him. So why not meet?

And all you readers who say he has ulterior motives because he didn’t sleep with Rachel years ago - come on, give me a break. Maybe he was seeing someone else back then. Or maybe he wanted a different sort of woman back then.

I agree with T - relationships allow us opportunities for growth.

dadshouse’s last blog post…How to Pickup Women, Dad’s House Junior Edition

I think you should trust your gut–it doesn’t sound an honest, “I like you”, interaction.

Instead, I agree with Amy Nathan, this sounds majorly “all about him”.

The reason he gave is classic 10-step (in which case, he wants to assuage his guilt/fulfill his program, not connect with you). Or he could be trying to sell you Amway. Whatever, it’s not what you are looking for, is it?

In addition to all this, he’s being flaky and pressuring you?

You don’t need this kind of crap, even if it comes in a pretty package. (and of course, it seems unlikely that he’s going to be sexual with you this time either, so why?) Walk away and find someone worthy of your time, I’d say.

PS Honestly, there’s no hetero man in the world who wouldn’t sleep (just once!) with a young woman he’s seeing regularly for date-like activities, and who obviously wanted to sleep with him! This sounds the most fishy of all. I’m guessing he’s been very closeted gay (police career, you know) who has been exploiting the women in his life for “cover”. Probably couldn’t go through with marrying his fiance and has decided to come “out” and apologize to all the women he led on, or etc.

whoa there, red flags. an email to say HI, how are ya, haven’t seen you in awhile, how are things- whatever- would’ve been nice and normal. An out of the blue I MUST SEE YOU NOW screams “warning” to me. Someone posted “this is not about you its about him.” Yes. Of course. Its all about him. Do we really need to go there? nope. Who needs that? Who wants to indulge someone who is all about themselves at the moment? He’s not relationship material if that is what you’re wondering. I wouldn’t go. I’d wait it out and see if his desire for contact is sincere or a conquest. I’m not going to be someone’s “mission.” I’ve had two exes who played that “I have to see you” card. Its because they can’t manipulate you on the phone. Whatever he needs to say, if it was that important and couldn’t wait, he would tell you any way he could. Phone, email, text, letter, card… if it was so important, such a revelation that he couldn’t wait to tell you he would’ve already told you. He wants to see you to drive the point home with the sexual tension and his charm that he knows you will be receptive to. Don’t set yourself up. JMO!

If you’re attracted to him, go for coffee and see what he’s all about. You can’t suss out his true intentions over the phone or by asking your blog audience. Recall my comment from another post, look at every these connections as networking opportunities, not as an automatic roll in the hay.

If you’re concerned about him being shady, tell him right off the bat that you’re not interested in him romantically. This is a good test, if he responds negatively then you know he doesn’t have the right stuff.

Well if he’s trying to make amends as many of us surmised, it doesn’t sound much like a networking opportunity to me. (Or very likely that he’s grown, or gained wisdom or any of the other possibilities posed.)He stressed urgency, yet didn’t get back in touch right away when you agreed to a day.

Whether it’s 12 steps or 10 steps, it doesn’t sound much like it will benefit you in any way. Sure it can’t hurt, but why bother? It will clear his conscience, but he was the only one bothered by it, so I definitely agree that it’s about him. (And his ISSUE, whatever that may be.)This is screaming recovery to me!

Oh good grief…we’re all to the point where we’re gonna start throwing money into the pot…what odds are the Vegas bookies giving it???

Now you HAVE to go just to settle it! Ha!

Trish’s last blog post…Swirling around in my head…

For pity’s sake go. Doesn’t sound fishy to me…AAish… Christian…getting older…getting married…incurable disease…..

I think this is about him not you and him which is ok.

Don’t get hooked by your crush (again)..it’s only coffee

Here’s my advice.

Hang up.

Ex’s are ex’s for a reason and should stay that way.

TRUST ME.

Julie’s last blog post…I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaack

If this is a test, it’s one I would absolutely fail. I could not resist the request and I would NEED to know what is up with him coming around all of a sudden after so long. That’s totally girly, right?! I say go go go and tell tell tell. I’m guessing he’s in AA or something and working on that apologizing step. Who knows.

Andrea’s last blog post…Crossing over to the DARK SIDE…

I’m with Nancy & Ruth. The universe is testing you and there is a definite reason he just HAS to see you RIGHT NOW! WARNING!

Seriously, unless you’re looking to indulge this little fantasy of his (and yours) don’t go there. Don’t respond anymore. You said Thursday is perfect and he didn’t respond immediately? WRONG!

It’s obvious you’re looking for something more - if he’s really got his heart and head in the right place he’ll be willing to bend over backwards to keep touch with you now and try to right his wrong.

My advice - make him contact you three times without a response from you, on the fourth - it’s your call if it’s worth it.

While it may sound harsh and calculated, why waste your time? You’re too amazing to not expect the BEST from any man.

BlueBella’s last blog post…Near Miss

I don’t see what would be wrong with coffee. Yeah, something sounds shady, and yeah, he probably realizes that you’d have been great with him back in 2002 and he is now having remorse. But coffee can’t hurt. It can’t be anymore dangerous than the UPS-man trip. See what this guy has to say, and as one of your readers said, if you like it, fine. If not, as Fleetwood Mac put it, “You Can Go Your Own Way!”

Sounds to me like your “drama” radar works just fine. I’d go for coffee continuing to trust your instincts.

single mommy’s last blog post…It’s been a year

I’m with Julie. Don’t do it, Rachel!

I’ve been in similar situations more than I care to count. Sometimes a man (or woman) will go through a lonely and rough spot. They then will decide to attach themselves to what is ‘familiar’ and on some subconscious level ’safe’ because they KNOW that chances are pretty good that they will not be rejected.

Perhaps this is the case with Adam.

But … if he looks like the guy in the picture …. go for it! Just kidding.

NappyKitchen’s last blog post…Barack Obama or Hair Weave?

For the record, he DOES look like the photo, eerily so.

You can see my predicament.

I’ll let you know…

For mine - one comment he made was straight from AA.

jeanie’s last blog post…A dress, addresses and addressing life

He looks like that? Wow. You know how I love bald men…

T’s last blog post…Breathe

Something is fishy. Since he knows you wanted more then, maybe he wants more now… or maybe just sex.

I would be curious. You are in a great place- as far as not wanting a relationship. And if he wanted more, you don’t. It could be from the powers above to see if you are easily tempted.

And are you really a “wrong” he needs to “right”? Sounds like even though you wanted more, he was honest about not wanting anything but friendship from you.

I have had one ex come back from my past and no good came of it. If it was enough to end years ago, let that be enough to not go back.

You might be WAY to tempted to meet up with him.

Rachel: Have you heard from him since you emailed him back?

Christy’s last blog post…Great bonuses in addition to making extra money !

I guess he’s not very into you - the real you. He’s just lonely and remembers you being into him and available. I’d go very slow with this one.

The first thing I thought was that he was a recovering alcoholic too.

I say meet him, let him say what he needs to say, but the ball, ultimately, is in your court.

Paige’s last blog post…Drunk Bull Terriers who Laugh at Kathy Griffin

OK so this may be…

1.) The universe’s way of telling you that he reads your blog.

2.) Or has read your book and is intrigued.

3.) Or that he no longer looks anything like the picture.

4.) He has a court case for custody/support for his kids & needs you as a long standing ‘character witness’.

5.) Ditto for any other outstanding legal issues you may be useful to aid in.

6.) He’s in between GF’s/FB’s/FWBs and is going down a very outdated ‘little black book’/ email contact list.

7.) He too needs an job and has been a ‘writer’ now for a few years and is looking for an agent to sell his first book.

8.) Has a hot new blog/blog services/network services he’d like to sell or cross promote.

9.) Needs you as a reference to call his current flame/GF/FB/FWB and tell them what a swell guy he was way back when.

10.) He’s bored & horny.

There you go. Take to a bookie and make it a contest. I’m tending toward the mercurial explanations myself, but they tell me I’m too cynical. ‘but I can’t keep up!’ Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

For some reason, at one point or another all of my exes come back. Maybe they remember they had it good with me, or maybe it’s something else, but it happens, even when I don’t want it to. I know that your curious to find out what he wants and hell, so am I, so I say go and hear what he has to say. Be careful, because his reasons for not wanting to carry the relationship further at the time that he had the opportunity may still be there. He seemed very standoffish back then and for some men, it’s a challenge for the woman to pursue them and then they can tell them to step off. For others, they are just plain not interested. So, this begs the question of why he’s so interested now. I think that you should definitely walk in there a skeptic and if he wants to date or do something like that, remember that you don’t know him anymore. It’s been almost 6 years! People change. You have no idea what he could have been doing or what and vice versa. So, if you choose to, take a moment and get to know him and take it slow. I wouldn’t commit fast, in no way shape or form, because there is a past there and you want to make sure that he doesn’t say that he changed his mind and that he needs to take a break or some other cop out like that. Cute is one thing, but it’s what’s inside that counts. Don
t fall quickly, because you don’t want to get your feelings hurt, again. I look forward to reading your blog again!

Am I the only one here who doesn’t get your “shady” perception of this guy? I mean, reading your post, you say you liked him before, and you’re still attracted to him. What is so shady about him contacting you, perhaps with renewed feelings? Or perhaps without renewed feelings - maybe he just wants coffee.

The whole “shady” thing is really creeping me out. I feel like everyone is jumping to conclusions. Why is everyone reacting that way?

Maybe it’s just me, and I totally missed something you wrote. Or maybe I’m sensitive to a bunch of women piling on against a guy for no reason I can discern.

dadshouse’s last blog post…College Daze

Dad’s House: More will be revealed.

I’m furiously trying to write about what happened next… And you’ll see.

Wow . . . Now I am engaged and anxious to find out what happened. Get that post up!

Attainingme’s last blog post…What I want in a man

When exes call mysteriously, it’s because they’re lonely. He is probably interested in you now.

p.s. where are you getting these random stock photos of men?

On a mission to find people from his past whom he hurt? Sounds like he’s in a 12-step group. My parents are in 12-step groups and they circle through the steps and I cannot tell you how much I hate it when they get to the make amends step. Ugh.

Weirdly, I have had like five Jews from Christmas past who I haven’t talked to in AGES e-mail me this week to send a little happy new year note. Maybe it’s because Rosh Hashanah is a time for reflection. Or maybe their mother’s were on their case as to why they can’t find a nice Jewish girl. A guy I went on one date with 1 1/2 years ago e-mailed and another guy I dated three years ago… And another guy I dated many years ago now wants to come visit me. We live across the country now. I asked him why he didn’t want to date when we lived in the same town. He said “Bad Timing.” I’m not sure why the timing is better to him now that I live far away. But maybe the 1,400 mile space between us appeals to him.
It doesn’t sound like you guys had a BAD relationship before, so I would probably meet him for coffee. It’s not like you dated and he cheated on you and stomped on your heart. Then I would tell you to tell him to go away.
Go get coffee and let us know what happens. It’s hard to find a hot, Jewish guy who doesn’t annoy you.
But, I do think he’s in AA or something. So, be careful.

tanasie’s last blog post…Avocado Matzo Balls

Tanasie: That’s because it’s Yom Kippur this week! This is the Jewish holiday following The New Year, in which you say sorry and forgive.

That’s amazing that FIVE Jews have connected with you again this week. What good Jews.

I’m going to post an update now about…. the Hot Will-You-Forgive Me Jew.

[...] I asked for your advice about an ex who was calling (thanks to all of [...]

Didn’t you say that he want to meet you for coffee on Thursday — aka Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. Maybe he’s reform. (Or maybe he forgot it was Yom Kippur. I rsvp’d yes to some women and journalism event thing when I realized I had to go pray.)

Or maybe he didn’t want to bother to ask God’s forgiveness — he just wanted YOURS.

Maybe.

tanasie’s last blog post…Let’s Play a Game, he said.

[...] obsessing about whether to meet the ex for coffee — and trying to heed your warnings — I [...]

As one post stated, he could be gay. I mean, you were in a hot tub with a hot guy,drinking wine and he didn’t come onto you? Very strange.

Frankly, I wouldn’t meet him. Blow him off like he did you and then went six years to call or at least several weeks. I dated this guy over the summer fir 2 months who “acted” like he was head over heels for me, then I went on vacation and after I came back he ignored my texts and nothing since.If he calls now I would deal with him cause he didn’t have the decensy to let me know he didn’t want to date anymore. That says a lot about someones character. Take contol and don’t be so accomadating and jump. He’ll think you’re needy and you’d be feeding his ego. Maybe you’re in a serious relationship for all he knows. I wouldn’t trust this guy.

On the phone, he told me that he’d burned a lot of bridges over the years. He explained that he was on a mission to find people from his past whom he’d hurt.>>

He’s doing the atonement thing and it’s bs….he’ll do the same thing next year and the next and the next….I got a note from a jewish guy that had done about the same thing and thought ” don’t make me make you feel good a hole”

There’s other fish in the sea and his story isn’t going to be worth the shampoo you wash your hair with before you go have coffee…..

[...] he’d first tried to contact me again, after so many years, I knew he was acting from an unconscious place. He’d sounded so [...]