Single Dad Seeking…. advice about reconciling with his child’s mother

by singlemomseeking on September 5, 2008

This single dad‘s story might ring true for many of you. It sure does for me.

A 40-year-old dad whom I’ll call “Karl” fell in love with a woman last year, and within six months they were expecting a baby. Although becoming parents so soon was rushed, they were so into each other that it didn’t seem to matter.

But not longer after their son was born, they were arguing. All the time. Maybe this wasn’t so surprising: they’d become mom and dad before having any real foundation as a couple.

So now what?

“We can’t seem to agree on anything,” Karl says, adding that she moved out a few months ago. “I want to stay with her for our son, for whom I’d do anything. If I love my son as much as I say I do, it should be easy to stay, right?”

But it doesn’t feel easy. They see each other every week, to split time with their son. Whenever they communicate, they can’t seem to agree about anything.

“I wonder who many of the parents who read your blog try to stay in relationships despite their problems?” he asks.

“How long do they think someone should stay…because there is a kid involved?”

Hey, single parents — what advice do you have for this dad? Please chime in.

My advice for him?

Push the “pause” button on romance — and sex — for now. It’s time to focus on co-parenting with your son’s mother. Try to let go of any expectations you might have about your future with her — and focus on parenting. This is what matters right now.

I’m sure that you two have so many feelings — anger, resentment, disappointment. You might consider getting the help of a good counselor/therapist. If your relationship is really tense, this could be a good first step.

Your turn! Please help him out

Photo from Vivek

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