I know that many of you have tweens or teens. And I officially have one now, too.
As you might also know, my kid is a huge fan of pop stars like the Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez, and Miley Cyrus — all of whom wear promise rings, or “purity rings.”
In case you missed the Video Music Awards this week, a ‘promise ring’ debate was spurred after VMA host Russell Brand derided the Jonas Brothers for their purity vow.
That night, VMA’s host took a shot at the three Jonas Brothers and their vow to remain virgins until marriage.
In response, singer Jordin Sparks proudly showed off her own purity ring and shot back:
“I just have one thing to say about promise rings,” she announced to the audience. “It’s not bad to wear a promise ring, because not everybody — guy or girl — wants to be a slut.”
Will I buy my kid a promise ring in a few years?
I doubt it. I hope that our relationship is open and honest enough that we’ll talk.
When I put this question out to Facebook, my writer friend Ericka Lutz – mom of a teen — said:
“Uhhh, in a word or seven, ‘Are you out of your friggin’ mind?’ They don’t work and just lead to lies and hypocrisy.”
A single mom who reads this blog added:
“No way, no how. I’d rather my daughter know all there is to know about safe sex and feel confident in exploring her sexuality. Committing to a vow of chastity leads to…I don’t know…Bristol Palin?”
If any of you have tween or teen kids, I’d love to hear what you think about promise rings… Clearly, there are single parents all across the country who believe in them.
Photo of the Jonas Brothers at 2008 MTV Video Music Awards from PRPhotos.com
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I recieved a bunch of flack (mainly from my parents) because I’ve had the sex talk with my daughter (who was 7 at the time). It was a couple months ago and she was curious. I always felt that when she starts asking questions, then we should talk.
It’s one thing to make a commitment to remain chaste and to actually do it. (different topic, but same thing) I was in many sports in high school. We always had to sign pledges to remain alcohol and drug free. Everyone signed them, even if they knew that it was just a lie. Same thing goes with these “purity” clauses. If you keep that open communication with your child, plus try to remember what it was like to be that age (and realize the mega pressure added now), then things should be fine.
MC…you forgot to add stds.
I am in total agreeance with you on what you said!
I agree. Don’t go out and buy one, but I wouldn’t discourage it. I had friends in high school who got together and all went out and bought them. Half of them actually kept the promise, the other half may have just joined in as a trend, who knows. I read recently on vdateonline’s forum about a parent getting one for a promise to her. I think it’s a lot of pressure to make a kid wear that kind of promise, but if that’s the kind of relationship you want with your kid, maybe that works for you!
From my fav national paper: “Give her a real sex talk beyond ‘don’t’. Teach your daughter what to expect so that sex is a choice she makes, not something that happens to her” http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080916.wlwolf16/BNStory/lifeFamily/home/
Personally, I’d take my daughter to a sexual health clinic instead of shopping for a ring.
I am the mother of two teenage daughters, I have never considered buying them promise rings. The choice for them to have or not to have sex prior to marriage will be theirs….the hope of mine and their father’s will be that they will use what they have learned during their young lives to make the right decisions for themselves, both to protect themselves and to be smart about it. Let’s face it, sex at any age can be confusing, whether it be at 25, 30 or 16. But the responsibility does not fall upon the shoulders of the teen, it falls upon the shoulders of their parents until the children are old enough to understand the ramifications of their actions.
I did not read the other comments, it’s possible others said the same things. I think if other teens want to wear a symbol of their vow to not have sex, but it’s just a symbol, you either do it or you don’t….no one knows the truth except those that honor it….I choose to believe my daughters when they say they are virgins and hope that they remain that way until such time as they are old enough to understand the emotions behind sex and that there are far worse things in the world then teen pregnancy.
A Solder’s Wifes last blog post..Deployment……..living in denial
Seriously, as CC Dad points out, there is nothing safe about sex. The health issues and/or likelihood of pregnancy are the least of your problems. How do we convey to our youngsters that promiscuous sex is just not good for you (and I mean, specifically, emotionally)? We can’t. We can talk to them about it. They can talk to us about it. But when it comes time for them to make their intimate choices, they do it on their own. Many, many factors come into play. Many things have influenced them up to that point. Religion, culture, upbringing. It’s just a matter of character and who they are becoming.
The fact is that teens need our full, unconditional support. They are going to make mistakes. We can’t stop them. But they need someone who tells them, “I know you are getting all grown up and making choices that are hard. There are consequences and we’ve all experienced them. I’m here to help you work through them.”
It’s just part of life.
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..This…
I have educated my children about sex. And suggested they wait, most kids are just having sex becuase its the thing to do. I’m thinking of starting a program at my sons middle school. Most of these kids are looking for love in the wrong way. I think educating them about safe sex plus making a commitment would be a great thing.
Im 16 and and a christian.i asked my mom for a promise ring, not only to keep pure but to be closer with god. My mom was proud of me makeing a very important decision on my own. Right now i trying to find one.
I just finished reading all the comments and realized that most of the commenters are against waiting till your married to have sex. Why do you guys make it seem so bad? my mother told me that the best thing you can give to your husband is your virginity. I plan to wait. No matter what you or any of my peers say, i am going to stay clean and pure for my husband.
I am seventeen and I chose to wear a purity ring after I was sexually assaulted. I had never thought very much about whether I wanted to remain a virgin until marriage until after this incident. I felt so miserable afterwards that I realized my virginity was something special that I only wanted to share with the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with.
This being said, when I have children, I will not give them a purity ring and make them wear it. This should be a personal choice and not something you are forced into doing.
Ellen: I wanted to thank you for visiting and sharing what you’ve gone through. You’ve opened my eyes. Thanks.
LaToya: Please fill us in about what’s going on at your son’s school. If you start a group, what will be the focus? Good luckT
What is the big fuss. Who even said that these kids parent are forcing their children\ child to wear a purity ring. We don’t know what kind of relationship these children have with their parent(s). We are just assuming and assuming is not proof.
Of course, we ought to talk with our children and give them freedom of choice. But that decision will be base on the influence of the parent(s).
As a parent, If I am practicing sex without being married first, then without a doubt I will object to anything that oppose that. In other word, I will defend it and find everything that wrong with purity before marriage.
Now, If I’d practiced purity until marriage, I will teach my children, not by words but by actions, that practicing celibacy is the right thing to do. I will talk with my children and give them that freedom of choice; through my own life I will set that example for them.
Everyone is entitle to give their opinion about a subject or topic, but lets not be confidence of what we believe as the truth. At the end of the day, our opinion is base on our experience, view, attitude and belief. So if parents give their children a purity ring, so be it. And if parents don’t, so be it. Lets just support one another for raising healthy, intelligent, and mature kids in this corrupted world.
I am a teenage girl and I asked my parents for a purity ring. They never forced me to have one or asked me if I wanted one. It was a decision that I made by myself. I think it is a choice to wear this ring and in the future it will be my children’s choice. Saving my virginity for my husband is the best gift I can give him. The ring won’t keep me from having sex but will rather be a reminder of the promise I have made to myself, God, and my future husband.
Alot has happen to me growing up and I really want to stress how important this really is. I’m 16 turning 17 and I have ALWAYS grown up with the understanding of sex and what it means to stay abstinent. But only after finding God did I fully understand what it means to wait for the one that God has chosen for me. God created sex to bond a husband and wife together on a higher level of communication. A love language that doesn’t complicate life with words. It’s a precious gift that has been manipulated into a “good time”. The “feel good” attitude is really going to affect people later on when they finally do find the one God as chosen for them. Those that feel that they don’t want to wait until marriage, they just want to find someone that they “really like” are cheating themselves out of more then good sex. Because there is no such thing as “good sex” until you are fully able to give yourself to one person. Completely free from any guilt or uncertainty. You can’t make choices for your teens but you can do your job by informing on the subject. I have had several friends of mine that have fallen under the pressure. I am in 11th grade and I have been dating the same guy since 7th and am CONSIENTLY confronted as to why I want to wait, not by him but by others. It is my choice and I make the commitments I make to others as serious as the ones I make to myself. So far he’s been by my side through and the choices I have made. Will he continue to be here for the next years of my life, maybe or maybe not? It all depends where he stands in times of controversy. Either way I would have guarded a gift so precious to me.
I seriously wish I would have had a mom to talk to me about this. I wish I would have had someone put the beautiful Idea of a purity ring into my head. Being abstinent is something I had to take upon myself because I didn’t have anyone to tell me about it. I think to many parents have the wrong idea about sex and teens. If your going to take the time and tell your teen to practice safe sex, why not abstinces? That’s what gets me. My mom has shown no interest in my pledge and it does bother me at times…
Believe it or not many other teens feel the same way.
Give them the sex talk and bring up the idea of a purity ring.
They may say things like “Oh god…” or “Not again”.
But the truly will appreciate it later on in life.
Hope that helped.
My 12 yr old daughter asked me for one and has shown that she knows the true meaning of a purity ring. I am not forcing her and she is not just following another celeb trend that she won’t stick to. Her ring says “One Life, One Love” and she truly believes that.
I am thirteen years old. I currently wear a purity ring. It’s not just a promise to my parent’s not to have sex but it’s a promise to myself and to God. A lot of people tell me it’s just a ton of crap but really, it means a lot to me. The idea of a purity ring was mine. My ring isn’t silver with an inscription or jewels. I used to use my brothers old class ring from his junior year. I had it for a while but the meaning only came into play bout two years ago. Recently, I recieved a new ring. My ring is the original wedding band my dad gave my mom. It’s simple and plain silver. My parents are going to have it re-sized for me and actually offered to put a diamond or something in it. As far as purity rings for your daughter, I would leave it up to her. This commitment is so much more than just a ring your parents asked you to wear. Casually bring up the topic but let her know it is completely her decision all the way.
I hope I helped.
I have been wearing my ring for nearly two years.
My daughter has a ring that says “love waits”. She chose to wear this ring as a reminder to herself of her committment to God to save herself for marriage. This does not mean she is ignorant of what sex is and the possible emotional and physical consequences of rushing into this type of relationship..Our daughters and sons need to realize that if someone truly loves you they can wait for that relationship until marriage.
A purity ring should not be something forced onto a person. If a child has been forced to where it, the ring has no special meaning. That being said, I have been wearing a purity ring since I was 15 years old (I’m 18 now). For me, this was a sincere choice that not only reminds me of the commitment I have made to my Savior to remain sexually pure, but also of my committing my life to Him. It is my most treasured piece of jewelry; again, because of what it means to me. My parents did not at all force me to wear this; however, they are in full support of my wearing it. Parents, please let your children decide. Forcing them to wear a ring–or discouraging them from considering it–is not the way to letting them make their own decisions.
I’M 15 AND I WEAR A PROMISE RING AND SO DO MY FRIENDS
YOUR VIRGINITY IS THE MOST SPECIAL GIFT YOU HAVE TO OFFER YOUR HUSBAND
AND ANYONE WHO THINKS SEX IS JUST SOMETHING COMMON THAT EVERYONE JUST ‘DOES’ IS A TOTAL BERK AND NOT WORTHY OF BEING A PARENT
my ring is a silver claddah[can't spell it] but its an official promise ring from galway and you see them everywhere these days, its a heart with a crown thats being held by a pair of hands
but it means so much to me
its my promise to god and to myself
I am so proud of the teenagers who have made the decision to wear a purity ring. I think your comments prove that you are mature and sincere in your commintment.It really grieves my spirit to read some of the comments posted by some parents, who I believe have a misunderstanding of the spiritual ramifications of pre-marital sex. When two individuals lay together or have sex their spirits become intertwined. There is a transfer of spirits that is why the Bible says “and the two shall become one”. Therefore whatever demonic activity/involvment or generational curse that a person has can be transfered during sexual intercourse not to mention STD’s. There is alot entailed when a person has sex outside of marriage. There are some people who are unable to move forward after hooking up with others sexually. Having pre-marital sex just complicates things because now you have other people of whom you had sex with to compare your spouse to which affects the quality of the marriage sexually/emotionally. I don’t understand why some parent’s would leave such a weighty decision up to their teenagers. If so, then the same should apply to taking drugs,alcohol or smoking. GOD knows best and any desicion made shuuld be made through the wisdom and council of the Holy Spirit, not apart from GOD. When humans are left to their own devises we are totally deprave apart from GOD’s direction. Pre-marital sex primarily leads to unwanted pregnancies/STDs.I say do it GOD’s way, and abstain until you marry and remain faithful.
Can’t help but notice that every young person on here who says they are wearing a ring happen to be doing it because they feel like it’s something they are doing for their God or future husband. Seems a bit delusional and immature. Why not just for yourself? I would hope that there is a teenager out there that made the decision to wear the ring because they just wanted to wait until there is someone they loved enough to take that step with–married or not.
I’m seventeen, and I really thing a purity ring works well, because you use your hands for several things, and if the ring’s on your finger, you’ll always be reminded about your promise to stay pure. For me, I use it for more than just a promise to stay abstinent. It’s also a promise to stay pure from sinful things and not indulge in things that will distract me. Sometimes it’s hard for a teens to remain abstinent, especially if they’re surrounded by others who are always having sex. The purity really helped me remain pure because I saw it every day. It’s a wonderful thing to have.
On another note, if your kid doesn’t want to wear the ring, don’t force them to. If it’s because rings aren’t their style suggest something else that will remind them to stay pure. It really helps.
As I read in a book, “You can only be a virgin once.” Why break your virginity to someone you may not even marry?
Coming from a teenager that does not have a purity/promise ring, I honestly wish I did have one. In my eyes, having a symbol of my purity on my finger, would make me want to save it until I find the right person to give it to. My parents never gave me a ring, nor do they really care about the whole “waiting until marriage” deal, but it’s a huge thing for me. I’m definately going to get my children one, and even my little sister.
My 16 year old daughter has been asking for this ring for her birthday. She is not following any trend. She really feels that you should wait to have sex. We have had many talks about sex with both daughters. My 14 year old hasn’t mentioned it and I will not force her to wear one. I’m proud of both of my girls. They are not falling into that everyone does sex and I need to so I can fit in. They don’t care about that. I do plan on getting my 16 year old one since she really wants one. She has a boyfriend who is also a virgin and knows where she stands and supports her. He’s not ready either to have sex. She made a comment this morning that what they experience they will experience together. They think they will get married some day. It could happened you never know. I also told her that. Don’t expect you will be with him forever because you really don’t know. I married the guy I dated at 16 and we are still together. So it can happen. she mentioned that many people in her school wear promise rings from there boyfriends meaning that they will get married and her and her boyfriend talked about it and agreed that they aren’t ready for that commitment yet. I don’t think anyone should force the ring on anyone. It should be the tween or teens decision. Just because they don’t want one doesn’t mean their out there having sex. I’m glad my husband and I bought our girls up that they feel comfortable enough to talk to us about it.
I’m 14 and I’m thinking about getting a purity ring. I’m just afraid to know what my parents will say… But I really think it’s a good idea and a reminder to what God gave you. Virginity!
hi i’m reaaly a tween and i’m thinking of wearing a purity or “promise” ring once i get my period i think if you have already gotten your period then you should wear a promise ring so your reminded not to do it
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