Kate Hudson and her ex still living together?… Say what?

by singlemomseeking on September 12, 2008

Just after writing about that single dad who wonders if he should reconcile with his ex, the latest issue of Cosmo hit the stands, with Kate Hudson’s “sexy new views on relationships.”

Well, I wouldn’t exactly call her views “sexy.”

As you probably know, Kate and Chris Robinson — who’s dad to their four-year-old, Ryder — split in 2006 after six years of marriage. Kate has since dated dated Lance Armstrong and Owen Wilson.

While Kate was giving her Cosmo interview, her ex-husband walked in the door. He apparently didn’t ring the bell. Or, knock.

“Look, we’re still basically living together!” Kate said. “We’ve figured it out. I mean, obviously nothing’s perfect.”

They’ve figured what out?

This screams boundaries!

Are they back together? Sharing a bedroom? Having an open relationship? It’s not clear.

As you know, my ex isn’t in my life. But that’s not the case for most of my single mom friends — and I’m blown away by how many of their exes just walk right into their homes and hang out.

Granted, I don’t know any of my friends’ exes who actually have their house keys. But when Dad come over to pick up the kids, he might sit on the sofa, turn on the TV, or say, “I’m hungry.”

I’ve asked my girlfriends, “Do you do this when you pick up your kids from his home?”

“No, of course not!”

Does this ring true for any of you?

Photo of Kate Hudson from Fool’s Gold Premiere, PRphotos.com

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Ms. Single Mama September 12, 2008 at 10:49 am

Why so quick to judge?

This sounds like – if it’s fine with both parents – if they truly do have a platonic relationship – like it could be great for Ryder.

His parents don’t fight and bicker, on the contrary they must get along. And the thing is – even though he’s an ex-husband he’s still family. Because he’s the father of your child.

I would KILL for an ex-husband who I could be close friends with. And she said “practically lives with me.” And they’re millionaires. I’m sure their house is the size of a small city block.

The dream for any divorced couple is friendship on the other side.

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singlemomseeking September 12, 2008 at 11:00 am

MSM: I’m not judging their relationship/friendship. Kudos to them for having such a loving rapport — for their kid, too.

But it must be challenging for either of them to move on — if there are no boundaries.

I just watched the recent episode of Must Love Kids — when Vanessa’s ex-husband walks in the door. It just so happens that her date is sitting on the sofa. Uh oh. I felt for the guy.

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Eathan September 12, 2008 at 11:24 am

I don’t live with a ex..I live alone. And I’m not involved with my ex except for being a co-parent. I have done the house sitting with the kids while the ex was out of town. We have a day-time door tap, while walking in the door. This is mainly because we both live alone and we don’t show up unannounced. There is a common understanding between the 2 of us that allows this to happen. And the main thing is, we get along. This couldn’t happen if we argued or hated each other.

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Carrie September 12, 2008 at 11:27 am

Well, it sounds like you are judging their relationship because you assume that if he doesn’t knock on the door before coming into her house, then they’ve got no boundaries and neither of them is moving on.

How do we know what they’re real situation is, and frankly, who cares?

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Legal Editor Mom September 12, 2008 at 11:31 am

I think every relationship is different, and while you have to have boundaries when you’re no longer a couple, this doesn’t mean that you can’t have this type of situation–if you’re both comfortable with it, and if it doesn’t cause problems with your new mate, if you have one.

My ex-husband rings the door bell when he comes to see our daughter (even if the door is open), but he has been known to go into the refridgerator, use the phone, and make himself comfortable on our sofa. He’s also invited himself to stay for dinner, particularly when he’s not in a rush to go somewhere and I’m cooking something he likes (and remembers.) I don’t mind at all, because he’s never overstepped the bounds that I’ve set (like getting into my personal life), and it’s good for our daughter to see us getting along.

I must admit that I also like it because he admires the job I’m doing with her and the house and everything else that’s going on in my life. He actually tells me that he’s proud of me.

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Nancy September 12, 2008 at 11:34 am

My ex and I live less than a mile apart. We always had each others house keys because one kid or the other would always leave something (i.e. school related or sports equip.)that had to be retrieved.

We get along great and if he’d stop over at dinner time for them, I’d always offer him to sit and vice versa.

We are the exception, no bad feelings and our kids are the most important thing in our lives. Makes getting along so much easier.

Oh yeah, I think once when neither of us were dating anyone, we had a “friends with bene’s” moment … still laugh about it!

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dadshouse September 12, 2008 at 11:41 am

It screams boundaries to me, too, and my ex and I have that “dreamlike” amicable relationship. She used to walk in my house and wander back to the kids’ rooms. I asked her if she did that when she visited neighbors. “Of course not,” she said. Well…?

I asked her to stop doing that. She is not allowed to wander the halls of my house unless she is specifically invited to do so. Same courtesy she’d give any other home.

She does have a key to my hosue so she can get stuff for the kids if I’m not here, and I have one for her house. But we always call each other first before visiting the other’s house, out of respect.

As for MSM’s comment about killing for a man – don’t forget, there’s two sides to every coin. I’ve been in relationships where the woman told me to go away for no reason, then bemoaned her loneliness. Um, she used to have me around, at least as a friend? Nice men are out there.

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GLSD September 12, 2008 at 11:48 am

I think if both parties are comfortable w/ that type of relationship, why not, especially for the children’s sake. My brother and his first wife are friends. She has since remarried, and she and her new husband, visit my brother and his 2nd wife, and everyone gets along just fine! I think it’s great that they can all be friends and mature about the situation. Have a good wkend Rachel!

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avigail74 September 12, 2008 at 11:51 am

One of my fondest memories as a small child was my father coming into my mother’s house (yes, they’re divorced) late a night to give me a kiss good-night before heading on home to his other wife. My mother gave him the key to her house. The boundaries were very clear—it was for him AND me. It was convenient too—I would forget something at my mother’s and he would drive me to her house, and let me in to get whatever it was that I had forgotten.

I did get lucky–my parents had the “good” divorce—both were very involved in my life–they spoke to each other weekly to talk about–me. Every six months, they’d get together with their calendars to discuss future plans. I do remember looking at them fondly–they treated each other with so much respect!

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laurakim September 12, 2008 at 11:56 am

I cant imagine my ex ever doing this – EVER!

And to be honest, while I would like for us to at least learnt to tolerate one another eventually I dont know that I would want him in my space coming and going as he pleases.

I do think when you have an ex you do need to set very clear rules of what is acceptable and what not. Maybe this works for them? It wouldnt work for me!

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singlemomseeking September 12, 2008 at 12:03 pm

I don’t think that anyone here disagrees: ideally, each of us would love to have a healthy, respectful, supportive relationship with our ex.

This is the best case scenario for everyone, including our children.

When I read LEM’s comment, for instance, I wanted to ask: Does he ever invite you into his home? Does this openness and giving go both ways?

I hope so.

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littlemansmom September 12, 2008 at 12:14 pm

First of all…this doen’t happen in my situation. Ex has supervised visits at my house…and he rings the bell and waits for me to answer it!

BUT…if we were ever to get past that point …. NEVER would I allow him to just walk in (unless my house was on fire or pigs began to sprout wings and fly). I think it way too important and way too confusing for the kids in the situation. Many children harbour the secret hope that their parents will one day re-unite…this kind of situation (IMHO) feeds that hope. If you are amiable with your ex, you should be able to handle the respecting boundries part of it.

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T September 12, 2008 at 12:48 pm

Well, I agree that we would all enjoy a healthy respective relationship with the ex. I do have such a relationship however, I do not want my ex to walk right in. Yes, he feels comfortable in my house and vice versa. He invites me to stay for dinner when I pick up the kids and I do the same. I can’t imagine living with him however. I’m not sure I could move on (or explain that) to another relationship. No judgments here! Just interesting to see what works for some people.

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Legal Editor Mom September 12, 2008 at 12:50 pm

Little Man’s Mom,
You’re so right; this type of arrangement can give the kids hope that the parents will reconcile. Been there, done that. My daughter is only 4, but we’ve already discussed the fact that mommy and daddy are NOT getting back together, but we care about each and we’re friends. And most of all, we both love her. That’s why I’m even open to his being in our home. Believe me, he put me through so much that if it weren’t for her, I’d never speak to him again, and he knows it. So currently, everyone in my situation has a good understanding.

And SMS, regarding your question, my ex does reciprocate the kindness, but I’m not interested. He can come here and spend time with her, and that’s that. (We tried the her going to his house, but she was the one who wasn’t as comfortable and wanted their visits to be at our house.) So it works for all of us.

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Kitkat4real aka SOLO dot MOM September 12, 2008 at 1:09 pm

I like to think that an Ex could be civil and remain friends after the divorce. But “practically lives here” sends the wrong signal to the kids I believe. They should see a healthy relationship but with definite boundaries when their parents are no longer married. I would hope even as friends (if that were possible) my Ex would never consider himself at home in my house… if they get along that well… perhaps they should consider reconciliation. JMHO.

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Legal Editor Mom September 12, 2008 at 1:17 pm

I also want to add that the guy I’m seeing has 2 kids and his ex has a key to his house. At first I questioned it, because I knew she was still interested in him, and I definitely didn’t want any scenes or even uncomfortable situations. I’m too old for that type of drama.

But he explained that the key is only to be used when she’s picking the kids up in mornings when they’ve spent the night and he’s already left for work. Otherwise, if he’s still home, she rings the doorbell. Apart from that, the key came in handy one time when one of the kids left their homework at his house and she came to get it. But she still called him first.

I know a few relationships where the divorce or breakup was bitter, and this type of arrangement would never work. But it depends on the maturity levels of the adults. To be amicable to an ex’s significant other can also be difficult for some people, but again, it goes back to maturity. For my friend’s ex, for instance, I probably wouldn’t do lunch or go shopping with her, but she hasn’t done anything to me and their relationship was before my time. So there’s no reason not to be civil to her when our paths cross. And she seems to feel the same way. ;-)

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Amy September 12, 2008 at 3:54 pm

I can hear what you’re all saying about healthy relationships with the ex when kids are involved – and really there isn’t anyone in their right mind who wouldn’t want to do get along for their kids sake.

But in this case – I think the source has to be considered. Kate Hudson claimed a couple years ago that she doesn’t believe monogomy is realistic.

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Kate-Hudson-Doesn-t-Believe-in-Monogamy-6100.shtml

I hope that link comes up right – it doesn’t look right. Anyway – you can Google Kate Hudson and monogomy. And I mean no disrespect to her – it is her opinion and I can respect it – whether I agree or not.

And how she raises her kids is her business. My point I guess is that when two people can’t live together as a married couple and make it work – then distance is often needed – hence the divorce. So normally I can’t imagine two divorced people to decide to live under one roof, raise their kid, and then just sleep with whoever they want on the side – but in Hollywood – maybe so. It sounds to me more like a marriage where affairs are allowed.

And I know I’m going to sound like I am bashing her – but I am really not – I actually like her. But she has been with like 3 different guys in the serious type of “I want you to meet and hang out with my kids” way in the past year alone. So her lifestyle is probably far far different from any of ours.

I if my ex and I could have continued to cohabitate- we probably would have stayed married.

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Viv September 12, 2008 at 7:34 pm

While I don’t believe Kate Hudson said anything about still sleeping with her ex during this relationship, there is something to be said for Hollywood marriages overall, and the fact that they are less likely to last. Being followed by the paparazzi and under constant scrutiny of the camera adds more pressure to the relationship. You’d think, however, that this would make these couples more determined to stay together, yet they account many divorces each year. I can’t even keep up with celebrity marriages!

Yet the fact that they, and other couples like them, are resorting to unconventional ways of parenting or co-parenting, at least says that they are committed to their children. I remember many years back when ex-Miss America Vanessa Williams divorced from her first husband, they both remained in their house for a bit, due to the three children they had together. Eventually they moved onto other relationships (and of course she’s now twice divorced), but at the time it was a big deal, even though it worked for them during that period of time.

I don’t believe that I could live with my ex now because I admit that I’m not “mature” enough as LEM puts it. I still harbor resentment towards him and for me, it is simply too hard to be civil to him apart from a curt hello and goodbye when he drops the kids off. But I do take my hat off to parents who are able to act as “friends” in what seems like unusual situations. As has been mentioned a few times, there just should be boundaries!

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Legal Editor Mom September 12, 2008 at 8:14 pm

Ok, just one more comment and then I’ll be quiet.

Viv, I want to clarify that when I mentioned being mature, I meant it in the sense of putting aside your personal feelings (for the sake of your children.) Naturally if a breakup is bad, there is going to be hurt, anger, resentment, etc. But the point I was trying to make is that you can’t let it consume you, or affect any possibility you may have to co-parent with your ex.

I of all people never thought that my ex and I would be where we are today. He used to say that if I could murder him and get away with it, I probably would have. As well, he disappeared for a while and only in the last year has he been a constant in our daughter’s life. (This is largely why she prefers that he visit at our house.) And I don’t blame her. Our home is familiar and more comfortable to her while they’re getting to know each other all over again, which is sad. At the same time, it’s exactly why I’m so flexible with him. I encourage their relationship and because I don’t want him to hurt or disappoint her, I’m likely to tolerate more from him than I otherwise would. But believe me when I say there are very clearly defined boundaries!

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Angie September 13, 2008 at 12:36 pm

My ex’s wife would kick his ass if he was chilling at my house! We all get along great, I would hang out at his house for 10-15 minutes when I drop her off – talking to his wife. But, he barely walks in my front door, I think he feels it crosses boundaries.

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Paige September 13, 2008 at 6:35 pm

You’re right, this arrangement screams of boundary issues. Of course, the two or three times a year my ex visits his child, he just honks the horn like a bad date so who am I to talk?

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Savored Life September 13, 2008 at 9:07 pm

Considering I barely even speak with my ex…(I “deal” with the girlfriend), I couldn’t even imagine this situation. If he were a person that I could be amicable with, he indeed would NOT have such freedom within MY home. It would definitely be a boundary issue. However, who’s to say this doesn’t work for another? I see it as a “different strokes for different folks” scenario.

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SDMktg September 17, 2008 at 5:25 pm

My kids’ mom (we were married for 9 years but I only refer to her by her name or “their mom”…that’s another whole discussion) and I are very cordial to one another and we both go to birthday parties, sports and school functions. She’d like to be friends but at this point I just don’t see that as a possibility. I prefer to wait in the car when picking them up but I do sometimes go in if they are taking a while or we need to talk about something. I’m always uncomfortable because it used to be my house and I miss it (the house that is). She rarely comes into my apartment. Most of the time the exchanges are at school and neither of us has keys to the other’s place, which is very inconvenient if someone forgets something. Most times they are out of luck or I have to go get it/drop it off. She once asked if I wanted to take a family vacation with her and the kids and stay in separate rooms. I don’t think that would be good for the kids or for me. For now the boundaries are fairly clear even they do get crossed from time to time. It’s all day to day and the kids come first.

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