Well it’s definitely not going to hurt to ask around and find out if he’s in a relationship…that’s what connections are for!

Then go from there!

Am I detecting a pattern where you put people from your past up on a pedestal? Is it sentimentality?

Many single guys do cook…it isn’t always spaghetti-O’s straight out of the can. Pumpkin pie in September is a bit odd, I don’t know any married guy who would be making that.

Thank you Phil…so UPSish isn’t it.

Rachel, it’s great that you make yourself so vulnerable to us. It allows me to tisk-tisk this from afar which can make me stronger when I am up against it.

Old boyfriends on pedestals is an easy way into a dead end relationship while fulfilling the romantic in us when there is nothing else going on….

Remember “he aint that into you”…Guys know how to ask for numbers and know how to dial phones.

“he did let go of his cart and open his arms”…He’s in Trader Joe’s of course he’s going to hug you however as a female why do I believe you have conjured up the images of the ginger/fred embrace..

Or the “I am a female and will fill in all the blanks to make his story fit my needs…” We are so good at that.

Anyways, he will find you if he wants and it is always so much better when they come to you.

ITMT keep shopping for produce and men..we only get better at picking them the more we………

Do I even need to type this? No, no, no.

You said yourself he’s in a relationship. He’s baking pumpkin pie. You do not want a man who is baking pumpkin pie with another woman. Especially one that hasn’t changed since high school.

Worse, he didn’t laugh at your pumpkin pie joke.

I’d let it go. I’m sure he got your message … he was being kind.

The pie? Yep, “she’s” baking a pie and sent him out for canned pumpkin.

Some of us can cook and we’re in the store all the time. I don’t make pumpkin pies, but I do make a very nice cheesecake and a pound cake that occasionally turns out perfect (great grandmother’s recipe). Both from scratch so you will find me from time to time toting heavy cream, cream cheese, flour, eggs, and sugar. I also can’t resist the urge to dispel your stereotypes and give you a little bit of a hard time. The truth is that if I did make them all the time, I would eat them, and then I would weigh six hundred pounds. I do usually only make them for special occasions.

Nah - let him be beautiful in your memories (and even telling us that, you told us a heap of heartache of him not communicating) and find some fresh slate who will ask for your number - or click on your profile - and make new memories.

I wouldnt make the effort. I think just the excitement of it all is possible making you feel like you do want to re-connect.

I also dont think the pumpkin pie is a girlfriend indicator though - maybe he just likes pie!

Phil called it: I’m very sentimental. It’s really bad. What can I do?

Judy, I’ll keep shopping. This is the hottest Trader Joe’s, but every time I spot a cutie… He has a ring on his left hand. I’ll keep my eyes out.

Nancy: You almost had me on the floor with “The pie? Yep, ’she’s’ baking a pie and sent him out for canned pumpkin.”

CCD: Thanks for clarifying that a single mom CAN make a pie. Give me a hard time. I can take it… if you send me your cheesecake recipe. Mmm.

Man! We need Trader Joe’s!!!

I say get his digits, SMS. And then play innocent. Let him know that you enjoyed seeing him again and that you did always wonder what happened to him. He will be flattered and you guys can catch up… innocently enough. Then you’ll have your answer on the relationship.

You know me. I always tell it like it is and ask lots of questions!!

Have fun! And tell Mae that I agree - spanokopita is the best thing EVER!!!

It’s comforting to know there are other people that still fantasize/reminisce about people from the past. 20 years later people are in such different places in their lives you might not have anything at all in common anymore. I think if he was interested he would have made small talk or something.

I’m at the grocery store several times a week. Sometimes with my twins, sometimes not. I can bake pretty much anything but I’ve never made pumpkin in Sept. Maybe if the kids wanted it. Their mom didn’t, and still doesn’t, cook.

I wouldn’t.

Reads like he’s happy to leave your relationship as a happy memory.

But what do I know, he could be a single dad, cooking pie for his kid(s), people often make that mistake with me when I’m out food shopping, but he would of probably mentioned that if he was. Especially when your child was right there for him to compare his with, age etc.

All my early ‘girlfriends’ were rubbish, though I do think about them from time-to-time. Then again I avoid them like the plague when I do spot them about.

Don’t call him. I have some great memories of ex boyfriends but there is a reason that they are exs. From reading about the exchange that took place between you two, there really didn’t seem to be that much of a connection now, only the memory of one. Leave it be.

SMS,
To this day I still think about my first LOVE sometimes. Not my first kiss, but my first love. We met in high school and despite being on and off well past our college years, we finally separated for good and ended up marrying other people. I do run into him occasionally, he with his two girls and me with my one. We’re always happy to see each other, and he’s even reminisced with me about good time past. Yet we don’t exchange numbers. He’s never asked, and I don’t offer. He was never shy before, so I do believe that he would pursue me if he was interested. My preference is to be the pursuee rather than the pursuer.

There are all kinds of possibilities surrounding his baking a pie, but the bottom line is you don’t know for sure; you can only speculate. What you do know for sure is that he didn’t express interest in reconnecting. I agree; let it be.

Rachel-
You DESERVE a man who will laugh at your cute jokes (because that’s part of who you are) and who is very EXCITED to see you! I’d let him go!

Noooooooo!

Do you really want an immature man (hasn’t changed since high school) who you already know has big problems with emotional intimacy? Who isn’t even into you? (obvs…he didn’t take your number)

It was nice to see him. Leave it there.

Now go out looking for what you really want.

You know what…I wouldn’t…just in case. I’d want to savour that memory of excitment, awkwardness, the memories….and if he’s single…he just may contact you!

ehh sounds lame. Don’t double dip in the honey pot. Put a lid on it and call it over.

Us social artists are big on connecting with people with no thought in mind of an interaction turning into a sexual relationship or just a friendship. Just connect, sister. There’s nothing wrong with trading emails and catching up, even if it goes nowhere.

My advice: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

My personal “fess-up” (stay with me, I promise to get to the point eventually):

I always had a thing, a major thing, for narcissistic bohemian artist types. Married 2 of them (sorry, I’m an idiot). Not surprisingly both marriages ended up as complete f*ckin disasters.

I finally learned (at the advanced age of (oof) 47) that it is OK to have expectations (or call them “standards” if you want) re men.

I realized that what I really want is (no duh) a man who is truthful, kind, mature, emotionally available, not drugged-up, and who doesn’t run around. A man who comes home at night, and who might even be a reasonable a role model to my children.

Unfortunately, the rock musicians I drool over are very unlikely (OK never) going to make me happy because they typically come up short in just about all these ways. I still drool over them of course, but I’ve been looking elsewhere for Mr Romance.

With some success! It has been an amazing discovery for me–who knew such men existed? Of course they did, but they were just outside my personal experience because I was stuck on my “type”. A man who enjoys talking with me, and doesn’t just complain that I talk too much! A man who takes care of his own ego! A man who is way into me and shows it, instead of the other way around!

My point—you seem to adore cute bu temotionally unavailable men who have a bit of a mean streak, like they lack empathy or something.

What kind of jerk (involved with someone else or not) doesn’t even take pity on you and laugh at your understandably nervous joke in that situation? And then presses you for a big ol’ semi-intimate hug (which was apparently kind of awkward)? It sounds a bit manipulative, like he was enjoying the impression he was making on you, but just as a way to boost his own ego.

There are men out there who don’t do this. Lose this loser and find someone who can give you what you really want–someone who is into you and not themselves.

No. Do not call him. That whole “he’s just not that into you” thing? I think it’s true. If he wanted to get in touch he would have asked for your number.

MC: I love how you came back to fess up. Here’s to being a “truthful, kind, mature, emotionally available, not drugged-up” man. Oh, “who doesn’t run around.”

That’s good.

Andie: “Don’t double dip in the honey pot.” You’ve got a book title on your hands, darling!

Lance: You know me a bit by now. I don’t do the “social artist” pick up thing. I’m interested in a real relationship.

To the rest of you who say “Let it be”…. Thank you.

Gee, I loving going into trader joe’s. Lot’s of pretty girls always line the aisles.

Really good post rachel, I’m going to start reading again more often!

-Brad

OK, u know the answer is a big NO!

From what you said.. he didn’t sound very interested. As one of ur readers noted: guys know how to ask for numbers.

You are way too sweet and educated to even give this guy a second thought… he seems very disinterested.

I’m a lil late on here, but i’d so NO… if he wanted to be in touch he would’ve asked for your #. Sounds like he kept it short and sweet. Move on! keep the good memories from the past. That’s what they are memories!

I just stalked a guy who talked to me during lunch at a sushi bar. I called his work and got his extension. Then I gave him my number. He hasn’t called. I think I freaked him out, but at least I had the balls to do it.

Single guys can cook. Come check out the recipes on my blog. I cook whether my kids are here, or not.

every time I spot a cutie… He has a ring on his left hand. - try changing your mindset! Use “the secret”…

As a guy, I think he’s interested. The reason he didn’t take your number, is perhaps a bad experience, or, he is looking for someone to make the initial contact in that way. I’d say his previous experience left a scar, so he’s looking for someone so interested in him, that makes the intial contact. Getting phone numbers is not difficult for us guys, sometime howevere, we make some decisions, that the outcome is very narrowed, and thats what we’re looking for, an exceptional woman…

Go with your first instinct, which is that he is involved with someone. Men DO NOT make pumpkin pie unless a woman is helping and she is craving it.

Andrea, I’ve never had any help in the kitchen and I’ve made many, many Thanksgiving dinners for my entire family. I happen to enjoy cooking.

I will admit I’ve never made a pumpkin pie just for myself though and when it comes to cooking for women I only make apple.

What can it hurt to call him? All he can say is “I have a S.O.” Call him…. This reminds me of a guy I continued to run into after my divorce. We had dated in college and he was so fine… also not much communicating was going on back then… but he was a great kisser! Each time even now in my thirties that I run into him (which is a little weird) I get so nervous I can barely think straight leave alone get words out in that moment. It is so unreal how guys from our past can still have that kind of affect on us… mature grown women, even still.

Rachel, if you can not read him and he does not have a sense of humor — that’s a VERY bad sign. Believe me, you don’t want to open THIS can of worms. Just remember him fondly in your dreams. You are like me.You are naturally very curious. So I feeeeel your pain!

I have no advice but a guess.
He perhaps be gay.
Just figure I’d throw that out there.

I’d be sad he didn’t ask for my number but he didn’t ask if you were involved either or ask much of anything.Not sure I’d want to pursue that.
If he wants to find you he will or fate will intervene and you will see each other again.

I’m still friends with my first ever girlfriend from September 1979. I’m her youngest daughter’s godfather.

As soon as I got home, I’d be Googling him. Any marriage license? Divorce records? Any sign of a girlfriend?

I don’t know what I’d do without Google. My current boyfriend, Web MD, is actually jealous.

mommypie’s last blog post..Gettin’ busy in the afterlife.

Mommy Pie, you know me well. I Googled him, Facebooked him… as soon as I got home.

But nada. Not a mention of him.