So, here I was, paused during a passionate kiss with my former UPS man in his car. He was turned away from from me, in the middle of texting his “young lady friend.”
And what was I doing? I sat there thinking all of you, my readers. I’m not kidding. I almost cracked up. It almost felt like you were watching me. Strange.
If he hadn’t stopped to text to his “young lady friend,” I probably would have slept with him. What can I say? It has been a long time. (When I’d run out to meet him, I realized that I’d forgotten my lipstick. But I had remembered a condom, Just in Case.)
It would have been easy to sleep with him. Right here in his car. Or, I could have led him into my friend’s brownstone, where I was staying. There was a cozy music room downstairs, with a big sofa.
But he’d blown it.
“I’m tired,” I said. “I’d like to go home.”
“You would?”
“Yes.”
It’s amazing what happens to my body when I get turned off. I suddenly get tired. I wasn’t pretending. I wanted to go to sleep. Alone.
SMS Reader Karen nailed it in her recent comment:
“You built up a fantasy about this guy based on very little information. In reality, you know almost nothing about this guy’s character or how he lives his life. So of course, he was very likely to turn out very different from your fantasy.”
How true.
I was staying just 10 blocks from where we sat in his car. We drove in silence. In front of my friend’s home, I gave him a quick hug and hopped out of the car. He looked disappointed. I felt just right.
The next day, he called and left a message.
“I’m just calling to check up on you,” he said. “My day was a little rough. I was totally exhausted, but it’s fine because it’s Friday. I’ll get some sleep tonight. But most of all, I had a good time with you last night. I hope to do it again sometime.”
Does he know that he f-cked up? I think so.
But I still need your advice about one little issue:
Remember when he asked me to please send him a copy of my book? (I know, if he really wanted to read it, he could go out and buy it. But he clearly he wants a signed copy.)
He even gave me his mailing address. Actually, he gave me his parents’ mailing address. Ironically, he works such long hours that he’s never around to get packages.
Susan Courtad gave me this advice in her recent comment:
“Don’t give him a copy of your book — and the satisfaction of reading your in-depth fantasies about him!”
But I was thinking otherwise: if I DO send him my book, he’ll see what fantasies he missed out on… What do you think?
Should I send him my book — with Chapter 1, “UPS Man at My Door” — or not?
Photo by Frankie P.
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Hey Rachel,
I’m a lil bummed out at the outcome! I’m with you, send him a copy and let him read and see the fantasies he missed out and how bad he f***d up! With that said, have you talked to him since he left you that msg?! Just curious
Have a good wkend!
Sorry it didnt end well!
But things work out like they are meant too!
I wouldnt send him the book! One look at you and he KNOWS now what he missed out on!
If he REALLY wants a copy then he can make the effort to go and buy one!
If you send him the book he might try harder seeing at what he missed out on. In my opinion he’s a stupid, stupid man for not paying more attention…
HELL NO! He does NOT deserve anything from you–not even an autographed one!
But, yet, but I”m proud of you—you left him–instead of allowing him to take control of the situation. Girl, you DESERVE only the best!
Does he know that he f-cked up? I think so.
Probably. But he also might have figured he was going to get some from you regardless. I mean, you guys live on opposite sides of the country, it’s not like either of you was going to move to the other coast. It was a booty call, period.
I think you both set the bar pretty low, and he tried to limbo under it and failed. (Hey, I like that metaphor!)
Don’t expect much from a booty call.
Let it go. The fantasy is shattered. If he wants your book, he should pay for it.
I promise that he would not have lived up to your personal hype.
They never do!!!
Definitely do NOT send the book. There’s no point to continuing contact; his level of care is not good enough. Note he did not apologize, at the time or the next day. Even though he knew he was being an ass. His comfort mattered more than yours. You deserve better. I’m really sorry it didn’t work out.
Send an autographed one to him, AND one addressed to his “lady friend”.
From reading one of your first installments of this UPS saga
it seemed like he got awful defensive…makes me think this has happened to him before. SUCH a turnoff, and not worth the time nor the booty.
He gave you his parents’ address? Maybe I’m being overly suspicious but doesn’t that seems strange? Are you sure he’s being up front with you about his living situation? I guess it doesn’t really matter at this point… Sorry you didn’t get a night of fun at least!
Sorry to hear about what happened. I do know what it’s like not to sleep with anyone in ages, and wait for it, and get disappointed… But listen, he is a guy, they don’t always get these things. Really, they don’t (I know not all guys are like this). So why would you not send the book?
You’ve been in touch for so many years, and he’s been so nice. Even if he won’t be your boyfriend, you can keep in touch, right? I believe that some things are meant to be, and happen for a reason. Maybe this one too?
Even though he didn’t behave nicely, you could, by sending the book he asked for.
Yes! Send i! And never contact him again!!
Yes – send the book, and on the inscription, write, “This is what you would have experienced if you hadn’t stopped to text your young filly in the middle of our date. Have a great life!”
I wouldn’t send him the book…I agree that he had right in front of him what he missed out on and he screwed it up.
His loss.
Now you know.
And maybe you can find a hot FedEx guy.
Send send send send! With a personal note directing him to the page he can find what he missed out on at. What a schmuck he turned out to be.
I still stand by my comment and say: DO NOT be nice and send him the book! If he has time to text pretty young gals (while on a date with you, no less), he has the time and technical skills to order your book from Amazon. THEN he can read the chapter, come back remorseful and beg you for an autograph. I really am sorry the night turned out how it did, but you deserve better!
Wow. I find that remarkable that Otis has such TERRIBLE game. On what planet can you possibly rationalize that it’s okay to text a female prospect while on a date with a hot chick, esp. in front of her? I’ve seen guys blow it before but that takes the cake.
I was really hoping this ending had a twist, like it was his daughter texting or something.
Also, I wouldn’t bother sending him a book. That’s a bit vindictive, and there’s no need for that.
Why would you give him an autographed copy of your book?
He’s not a close friend–and won’t ever be I’m guessing. So why be nice to him? He acted like a jerk!
Besides, he might be the type of guy who would lie about where your non-fantasy interaction actually stopped, showing off your autographed book as “proof”.
First of all, I’m with Carrie. He probably gave you his parents’ mailing address for another reason. I’ll bet that if you had planned to spend the night together, it was not going to be at his place.
And I definitely would not send him a copy of your book, signed or otherwise. If he wants a copy, he can go out and buy one. He lost any special consideration when he disrespected you in the car. It’s sad that he doesn’t see it, but he will figure it out if you don’t agree to see him again.
I’m disappointed, too, but I agree that you deserve better.
Don’t send him the book.
Well, on second thought, you could – with a little note saying – “too bad you had to pick up that phone, otherwise this all may have come true!”
Torture seems fitting. What a moron (the guy). Total idiot.
When you feel “just right” (I’m glad!) hold on to that feeling and don’t do anything else.
He’ll buy the book all on his own!
in my 20′s I would have sent the book and forced a continued ‘casual’ relationship rooted in my fantasies
in my 30′s I wold have sent the book thinking it would really matter
but I’m in my 40′s and I say “DONE”
“OVER” “FINISHED” “FINI”
You are so worth more than his treatment of you and don’t forget it!!!
I absolutely would not send him a copy of your book. If he wants it, doesn’t he know about Amazon.com? And send the book to his mother’s house? His mother’s house? What, he thinks you will stalk him if he gives you his address to send the book to? This guy didn’t give you the respect you deserved.
Just came across your blog recently… haven’t had a chance to read all the history here but…the guy was totally inappropriate! Good for you for walking away… his was just tacky behavior.
And I’d send him a book. I think it might be good for him to see what he missed out on. Too bad you can’t add an additional chapter about the outcome of the date
For sure, the consensus here is DON’T send my book to him. Lance from http://www.honeyandlance.com is right: it would be vindictive.
Yes, Carrie, I agree that it’s suspicious that he gave me his parents’ address — not his own. If I sent the book, I’d do so by 3rd class mail (not UPS), and it would end up on his doorstep… he wouldn’t have to be home. Hmmm.
Hey there. I’m 32 weeks pregnant and single (father lives overseas) and I’ve been following your blog for a while. I say don’t respond to his texts and don’t send him the book. He doesn’t deserve any effort from you whatsoever.
He sounds like an arrogant stupid man who doesn’t and didn’t deserve any attention from you. I can’t believe he texted another woman in the middle of a passionate kiss with you and told you that he was doing it to boot! What the hell was he thinking? Stupid stupid man! I hope he realises what a stuff-up he made and that just cause he is attractive doesn’t mean he can treat a woman like that.
I also say well done for not letting him get away with it and walking away with your dignity intact.
I have a quick question: Do you know if your book can be shipped to Australia from Amazon?
Absolutely do not send the book. He was playing dumb (in more ways than one); he has probably already read your book, and knowing the sordid details about how you have been fantasizing about him for all these years only boosted his already inflated ego and confidence to the point that it began to deflate his intelligence, and his sense of respect, decency, and chivalry (if he ever had any to begin with). And since he assumed adding you to his stable of young lady friends; he falsely assumed that he would still capture the prize even without keeping his eye on the ball! If it even matters to him, one day he will grow up (my guess is that he is younger than you) and realize that there are still a few lonely and needy ladies (who are not at all above embracing the occasional booty call) with their self respect and integrity in tact. I applaud you! I am certain he knows that he blew it and that this hot little prize got away from him. Perhaps your next book inspired by field work, should be searching for the perfect booty call. Undoubtedly you will have no shortage of men lining up for the task, after all… men really are pigs… but who knows… you may find a keeper along the way.
Moz, Wow, all the way from Australia, and you’re so close to delivering. Please stay in touch!
I hope Amazon ships my book internationally. If not, let me know. I’ll make sure you get a copy by ship or plane… not UPS (ha).
I tend to agree with those who say that Otis really screwed the pooch on this one. (It’s an expression!) Let’s count the ways:
1.) He answered a text while on a date with someone from across the country who had specially called to see him.
2.) He said that the text was from a ‘young lady friend’. Not his momma, GF, wife, Aunt, Bro, Uncle or Pastor. His ‘young lady friend’. No game there. And he then went ahead and answered it! In mid embrace. Game, set & match! Geez that’s just stupid on so many levels.
3.) He actually followed up the next day to say he ‘had a good time’. Well naturally, he wants to keep in contact too. But you’ve built up this total fantasy of this guy mostly based on his looks, and you’ve finally met with the reality. A good looking & evidently in demand ‘stud’ on the make who does not even have the time for current prospects, he’s too busy taking care of a would be harem of circulating prospects. Hence his Parents addy for all mail, so as not to upset GF 1-5+ who regularly stay on and off at his place, or theirs. SSDD. Player.
So yeah. Don’t send the book. It would be supremely silly to do so. And far be it for anyone to tell you what or who to desire. But eventually, by your 40′s say? You’ll probably be moving away from those ‘low information’ encounters. They’re too taxing on everything in the end. Too much trust invested. Too much hope. They’re good for scratching an itch. That’s about it. He’s undeserving of your fantasies, now or then. But now you know better. Sorry about that! Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
I waited to read all the installments before commenting. Sorry if it got too long.
At first, I felt like you should send the book with a sticky on his section saying, “this would’ve been better than a late night text” to get the point across. After thinking about it, it’s not like he’d care as he obviously has some waiting for him right there anyway, and it’d just be a waste of your money & time. Plus, he might see it as a way to try to get back in with excuses for his actions, which were totally unexcusable.
Then after reading about sending it to his mother’s house?! WTF?! SHADY!!!! That’s like the guy who used to give you a pager or work # instead of a home # (before cell phone became only phones obviously) with some excuse about never being home, but really he had a woman waiting for him there! Ick!
When I read the comment about him having read the book already, having an inflated ego, and thinking he was getting some so why make the effort, I could see that. He obviously was keeping all his options open with that booty call text and showed his true priorities. Even if you were just visiting, you deserved all his attention especially while kissing. Even if you could have been a potential ‘one night stand’, you deserve respect and attention.
So NO sending of the book to him! He can go to the library or the bookstore and read his chapter if he’s that interested. What a loser. I’m sorry your fantasy didn’t match the reality, but what wonderful closure and an opening of a new door to someone who deserves your time!