I asked one of my newfound single dad blogger friends to tell us his story. Boy, did he. While he prefers to remain anonymous, here’s where you can find more about him.
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“What’s your story?”
People often ask me this question when they seem me on my own with three kids.
“Are you sure you want to hear?,” I say, smiling. “Well, take a seat and I’ll let her fly!”
Too often I hear the words: “You are such a great dad…I don’t know how you do it”.
While it’s great to hear these words, I do no more than any parent would. I sacrifice myself for the benefit of them. I just do what any dad should do. I’m there for my kids, I give 110% to them.
While this wasn’t the journey I wanted, it is the journey I am on. So how did I get here?
Almost three years ago I found myself in a marriage to a woman who was “emotionally withdrawn.” That was the beginning of the journey. After three kids, and eight years of marital bliss, I found myself single again.
Yes, she left me. We were too young. We didn’t have a great foundation. We had baggage that should have been unpacked before we ever tried to “become one”. We were two people on a journey — but one of us decided to jump out of the plane. And to think I never saw her pack a chute.
So what do you do? I crawled in a hole and wept. I grieved the loss. Then I adjusted. I learned you can’t make someone desire you. So, I focused on being a dad and finding me.
My parents divorced when I was two and my dad was MIA until I sought him out when I was 14. That wasn’t going to be me. Even though I was part-time dad…the last thing I ever wanted them to feel was that I wasn’t there for them. No fear, dad is here!
I played by the rules: I paid my child support and then some, I bought clothes. If they needed it, I wanted to provide it. As for the ex and I, it got better over that year. We talked, we became friends. She let me back into her world and her in mine. After all, she knew me better than anyone else.
Then it all came raining down: one year, two months and seven days after our divorce finalized, the woman whom I loved, the woman who gave me three amazing kids…died.
The illness was sudden. She believed to have pulled a muscle; however the real culprit was a virus that attacked her heart. As her heart failed, so did the rest of her body. She was on life support for a month before we let her go. The hardest part was knowing she never got to say goodbye to the kids.
My world was rocked again as I became a full time single dad. Day in and day out, I’m Dad to the max.
So here I am, caring for my angels, hoping to raise them into healthy productive adults. I’m facing the same battles that many single moms face…bouncing through each day.
Photo from Cieleke
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
My goodness, I am sorry for your loss. It is interesting that when at least I look at a single dad I see someone who only has a couple of days to enjoy with their kids and then back to single life again. Thank you for sharing this story. I think sometimes we need to get out of that box asnd realize it’s not just women it’s men too. I have more respect for you. Thank you and keep on.
Great blog. Sorry about your circumstances to becoming a single full-time dad.
Now switching over to read your blog !
http://singlemompayingoffdebt.blogspot.com/
Wow. Now that’s an awesome daddy right there.
I feel for you my friend, I’ve lost two people with three kids involved. You do what you have to do. It’s amazing what the body can do when you have no choice…
What a story. As widowed daddy, I can appreciate your situation. But, three kids, man, that some daddying. Keep up the good work.
What a story. As a widowed daddy, I can appreciate your situation. But, three kids, man, that some daddying. Keep up the good work.
Wow. I felt quite a range of emotions upon reading this. First, my condolences for the loss of your ex. Even though you weren’t together, she was, after all, the mother of your children, the woman you loved, and it’s wonderful that you were able to get along after the divorce.
I’m with you when you get the reaction you do when people see a man with kids and no mom around. That irks me to no end, because there are a lot of awesome fathers out there, full-time fathers, and not simply ones who have the kids on weekends. But I give kudos to ANY man who steps up and is there for his children, not because of some court order or because he otherwise has to, but because he wants to.
You are blessed to have three beautiful children, and you will be blessed for being the man that you are!
Wow, what a story. It’s bittersweet that you and your ex became friends again only to have her pass. My heart goes out to you and your kids.
OMTK (or is it JAMJ),
Part of being a great parent is just being there, and you have been doing that. Single dads seem to get a lot of praise simply because it is unusual and men are generally portrayed as being incapable. I’d like to think that we are almost as capable as our Single Mom counterparts!
I’m so sorry for your and your children’s loss.
That comment didn’t come out formatted like it was supposed to.
OMTK (or is it JAMJ),
Part of being a great parent is just being there, and you have been doing that. Single dads seem to get a lot of praise simply because it is unusual and men are generally portrayed as being incapable. I’d like to think that we are almost as capable as our Single Mom counterparts!
{There is supposed to be a few lines line here)
I’m so sorry for your and your children’s loss.
This is such an amazing story and without revealing who this is… I know him; I read his blog. His story has always amazed me and I am glad I got to see it in full detail as he has shared it here on your site. He is a hero in my book, no question.
Kudos to you for letting him have a chance to share it.
Dude… you are an awesome dad and it seems that you don’t give yourself the credit you deserve. The journey you are on is exactly the journey you are supposed to be on regardless of whatever journey you may think was your destiny. Our culture and society, as a general rule, doesn’t appreciate the service and sacrifice that millions of single dads make to care for their little ones (as if this labor of love is still the exclusive domain of women as demonstrated when people seem surprised to stumble upon a truly warm, loving, affectionate, caring, and committed dad). The fact of the matter is, there are millions of single dads who are every bit as capable, and many who are more capable, of raising their children as their moms’. And you are not alone, you are facing the same battles that millions of other single dads face… bouncing through each day. Single dads… give yourselves a much deserved at-a-boy!
Just A Man — you’re just amazing.
Your children are very lucky. Don’t forget that!