Parenting

This was the first time I’d met another parent face to face, who had the same issues

I’m Mike, aka Crazy Computer Dad. Rachel asked me to fill in a post while she is gone and I feel very honored and privileged to do so. I hope it doesn’t bring down the quality of the blog too much.

Specifically, she asked me to write something because I have a special needs child and it is a topic that doesn’t come up much. So it begins….

I’ve been a single parent for just about seven years now. I’m also raising my son on my own.

Not too long after I assumed sole responsibility for my son, I realized that I had a special needs child. It just took six and a half years to get a really good idea of what that special need was. The latest diagnosis in our case is Asperger’s Syndrome, a high functioning form of Autism. It has been an interesting and frustrating journey fraught with acronyms, diagnoses, pharmacists, drugs, doctors, therapists, hospitals, HMOs, schools, jobs, and advice from friends and family. There were a lot of people offering assistance (i.e. advice), but no real help.

What I really needed was to hear that I was not a bad parent from someone else that has a child like my son. I needed to know that I was not the only person out there that had a child like this. I needed some ideas about how to cope with the tantrums and the day to day communication problems because after a few years you start to run out of both ideas and patience. HIPAA and other privacy acts prevent doctors, therapists, and school officials from letting you know who else has children like yours.

After running out of all other ideas I started blogging about it and searching blogs for other parents that might be facing similar problems. I found some like Monty and Married to Confused and Confused Husband.

I also found a larger community of single parents, all of whom were fearlessly writing about being a single parent, detailing the trials, the triumphs, and everything in between. What I found was that I wasn’t alone in my endeavors or my plight.

Married or not, dealing with special needs children is very difficult. No one wants to see a child suffer, especially his/her own. No one wants to be helpless while his/her child struggles day to day. While you — hopefully — have good doctors or good schools to deal with, you may not. I haven’t always had them, though I have the good fortune to have both currently.

One thing I truly wish I’d had early on was other parents to talk to, parents who understood. I would have loved to have had other parents to share information about doctors, schools, IEPs, and more. I have learned to forget about embarrassment, because I know that if I do not plainly state my issues, then I am guaranteed not to find any help.

I went looking through MeetUp.com for any groups locally dealing with special needs children. Surprisingly, and very thankfully, I found a few active groups in my area. If there weren’t any I was going to start one. I figured “If [I] build it they will come.”

Fortunately someone else thought the same thing a few months before me and they created an Asperger’s Support group. Now I meet with these other parents a few times a month for either activities or to share information about doctors, schools, IEPs, nutrition, conferences, seminars, and so much more. I’ll never forget that first Saturday morning when I sat down to have coffee with eight other parents and discovered that each of them had a child like mine.

After six and a half years of struggling, this was the first time I’d met another parent face to face, who had the same issues. If you are struggling with a child that is special needs for one reason or another, you are not alone.

Press your doctor and your school officials for information about parental support groups. Utilize tools like blogging and www.meetup.com to start a support group if you can’t find one. If you know of other tools and organizations, I for one would really like to know about them, but I’m sure other parents out there would too. If you are here at Single Mom Seeking, then you probably have already seen the value of sharing ideas and information in this community. Keep it up!!

Photo of Crazy Computer Dad and his son.

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