Googling for sperm? A chat with the author of “Choosing You”

by singlemomseeking on July 15, 2008

All her adult life, Alexandra Soiseth wanted a husband, children, dogs and cats, and a loving, home. But at 39, with no husband on the horizon, she decided to take matters into her own hands: she googled for sperm.

In Choosing You: Deciding to Have a Baby on My Own
, Alexandra shows that with a little guts, a lot of love — and the internet — almost anything is possible.

One of my favorite parts is when Alexandra is trying to decide whether Olaf or Boris will be the father of her child. Olaf is six feet tall, 140 pounds, blond, and left-handed. He has a Masters, but not a PhD. He likes German Shepards.

Boris, on the other hand, is 5′ 8″ and 170 pounds. He has brown hair. He’s working on his PhD. He includes a hand-written note in his profile about wanting to help families have children.

You’ll have to read the book to find out which guy Alexandra chooses!

Today, Alexandra’s daughter, Kaj, is four. I couldn’t help but ask Alexandra about the Daddy question. Has Kaj asked any questions?

“We were at the water park last Sunday and there were a lot of kids with their dads,” Alexandra says. “Kaj was playing with this little boy and his dad. The next thing I knew, she was going down the slide by herself, saying to no one in particular, ‘See Daddy!’ and ‘Look Daddy!’ ”

When Alexandra tells me, “This is how she was processing,” I get it. At age 4, M used to love to play with dolls. One of her friends would hold up a doll and say, “This one is the Daddy” and M often protested, kindly pushing the Daddy doll away: “There is no Daddy. She has a Mommy.”

Alexandra, like many of us as single parents, has created her own family with a loving, supportive group of friends who live nearby.

Nowadays, when Alexandra asks Kaj, “Who’s in our family?, she says, ‘You and me live in this house, and then there’s Pat’ [close friend]… She loves them so much, she talks about them as her family.”

Here’s Alexandra on the Today Show talking about having a “viking baby.”

Seal Press is giving away two copies of Choosing You

Tell us who’s in your family
. Perhaps your own father/brother has become a father-figure for your son. Or, maybe your best friend down the street is truly an aunt. How have they become your family?

This also reminds me of my favorite kid’s book on this topic: Who’s in a Family?, by Robert Skutch. It even has a photo album at the end to paste photos of your family!

Your turn! Who’s in your family, kin and more?

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Free Chat July 25, 2008 at 11:26 pm

I found this blog on a google search and boy am I glad I did. I thought I heard someone mention it in a free chat room.
Awesome read!


Dan July 16, 2008 at 10:33 pm

*Googles ovaries*


singlemomseeking July 16, 2008 at 1:39 pm

I took on a huge editing project this month, and at last I’m catching up with all of you.

Thanks for your inspirational comments! I’m really impressed by the ways you’ve surrounded your children with love.

Little Man’s Mom: I’m really touched that your sister’s ex has stayed in your child’s life. This is so wise: “… just because grownups don’t stay together sometimes, it doesn’t mean that they don’t see the ones they care for, that all men don’t leave.”


Reflections July 16, 2008 at 10:39 am

What a great site this is. I am a fan and simply love the way it looks. Incredible story.. Googling for sperm. You are a model to millions.


Amy July 16, 2008 at 3:40 am

I have two wonderful younger brothers. One is 32 and gay – although he doesn’t fit the stereotype and is often mistaken for straight. He is actually the one who would take Sadie should something happen to me. The joke is that he could fix her hair for the prom and beat the tar out of her date if he tried to go too far. What more could a young girl ask for? She has special “dates” with him even now at 3 years old. My dad is also very important to her and my 18 year old brother.


Mom2Maddie99 July 16, 2008 at 2:57 am

We live about 3 1/2 hours from our ‘family’, but we have made our own family here. My daughter who is almost 9 has lots of family connections here. Our friends have become our family.

She spends a great deal of time baking with Bob, the boyfriend of one of my best friends.

She also loves hanging out with Tim, the husband of my friend Kara. He goes bike riding with her and teaches her about country music.

But by far she is the closest with my parents …and although they are far away she speaks with them on the phone on a daily basis for about thirty minutes. As I type this…she is spending a week with them at the beach. A break for mom and a family tradition for my sweet girl!!


laurakim123 July 16, 2008 at 1:09 am

My kids have my dad, my brother and a few close friends hubbies – all who are willing to help out if we are with them!

They seem my friends and their kids as an extention of our family and we wouldnt be able to get through each day without them!


Heidi July 16, 2008 at 12:31 am

Abigail is extremely lucky in the fact that she has numerous male role models in her life. Not a day goes by that I do not hear about her Uncles.
Abigail’s father is Ugandan, and I’m American (and white). Luckily, I formed quick friendships during her father and my relationship with his friends and they have stuck with us until this day.
Her dad sometimes resents her relationship with her Uncles, but in my mind’s eye, I know that these positive male role models will help me to help her become the woman that she is capable of being.


The Exception July 15, 2008 at 10:57 pm

I would have thought about doing the same thing.

My daughter has my male friends and is increasingly close to my dad, but there is nothing like her dad. Ironically, I think she realizes that he isn’t perfect, but she accepts him for all that he is and all that he does. Her expectations of him are so low that it saddens me, but she is fine with it. I am continually learning to keep my hands off their relationship. It is theirs. I just hope that they can be friends as I believe it is important for her to know him. I also am working with her on communicating with him honestly as she has questions that I can’t answer. It is a struggle for her as he has not fostered such a relationship. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes all that he is missing in not spending time with her.


Shannon July 15, 2008 at 10:53 pm

B is also blessed with some special “family”. She has my Dad of course and my brother and her Dad’s brother and the stepsiblings etc…but she also has her “other mom”. My ex husband dated a woman with two children and my daughter fell in love with her and her two girls. After they split, I offered up that we should join a dance class for the girls together. And now, she’s my daughters “other mommy” and I’m her girls “other Mommy” and we love it! I trust her beyond words and her girls are the closest thing to my own that they could possibly be. And I love how inadvertently, my ex-husband brought us together.
We also have our beloved “Miss A”-the sitter that I found after painstaking months of searching for the right one, when B started kindergarten. We don’t live in that town anymore, but since I drive through it on my way to work, B still goes there often for days off from school and vacations. It’s another “home” to her.


littlemansmom July 15, 2008 at 10:38 pm

My littleman is extremely fortunate to have 2 wonderful male role models in his life, my father and UB.

My father has taken littleman under his wing from day 1. There is no mistaking the incredible bond between the two. Although my father is a very busy man, he always makes time for my littleman. It’s amazing to see them together and it warms my heart. Funny enough, my father is very young and when out with my little guy alone, people often mistake them for father and son…they both think this is quite amusing and never correct anyone.

UB is my sister’s ex boyfriend. He also has been in littlemans life for a very long time..about 5 years. They greated another wonderful bond and even though UB and my sister are no longer together, he continues to play a ‘big brother’ role to my little guy. They see each other about once a month or so and have a special day together. They talk on the phone and littleman knows he can turn to him whenever he is needed. It was very important to UB that my littleman understand that just because grownups don’t stay together sometimes, it doesn’t mean that they don’t see the ones they care for, that all men don’t leave.

I count myself very lucky to have two such wonderful men in my son’s life.


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