Many of you got a glimpse of the entry I posted a last week, called “Anger, Relief” — which I promptly deleted.
It described what happened last week, when a man with a gun slipped inside the home of one of my best friends, a single mom, and tried to rape her.
I wrote that post from such a raw, shaken place that I had to delete it. I needed to calm down. But I’m not very calm right now, in light of this morning’s U.S. Supreme Court ruling to overturn a ban on handguns.
My friend — who lives in a comfortable, family-friendly neighborhood — left her door open the other morning to wait for a play date that was due any minute. She was in the kitchen having a snack with her boyfriend and daughter.
This is when the man must have slipped into their home. It was her daughter who said, “Mommy, someone just came inside.”
My friend got up and walked around the corner, into her bedroom, where a tall man was pointing a gun at her. He’d been hiding. He was wearing a mask over his face.
Her boyfriend and daughter came out of the kitchen, wondering what was going on. The man ordered them to get down on the floor. He threatened to kill my friend and ordered her to cover them with a sheet.
Then he led my friend into her daughter’s room, and attempted to rape her. People have asked her she knew him, if she recognized anything about him. No, no. This was a random act of violence.
At one point, he held the gun in her mouth. Then he ordered her to turn around and face the wall — there was a split second when she didn’t see the gun.
This is when she swung around and pushed him as hard as she could.
She ran out of the room, pulled the door shut and yelled for her boyfriend and daughter to run. After hearing them run away, she ran after them.
She got away. Unfortunately, this man got away, too.
What matters right now, at this moment, is that my friend saved everyone. She saved her daughter, her boyfriend, and herself. She is my hero. She is your hero, too.
~~~
This morning, after dropping M off at camp, I was listening to NPR on the radio: the Supreme Court has ruled that Americans have a right to own guns for self-defense and hunting.
Say what?
In other words, gun ownership is now an individual right. If you want a gun, go ahead and get one. The judges just made it easier than ever.
What happened to feeling safe and sound, for real?
As a single mom, I want to shield myself from feeling vulnerable. Let this haven be stronger than I can ever imagine, let me be able to walk into the sun with my child and not get burned. Same goes for all of you.
Photo by Mohammad Jobaed Adnan
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As a Canadian I again find myself in a position of difficulty to say much about American law…but as a person with a personal opinion, I can say that the whole thing just scares me.
I am truly sorry that your friend had to be put through such a terifying experience and sincerly wish her the very best.
Like littlemansmom, I’m Canadian and, even better, living in Toronto where our own mayor is spearheading a Canada-wide movement to ban handguns. Check out the petition here: http://www.toronto.ca/handgunban/index.htm.
I am Australian, and so I just remain perplexed about the US, especially in this area. I know it is part of the history of the US, this right – but in this day and age, surely the right should be with those who may receive the threat?
What a horrific experience for your friend. With or without the gun it would have been traumatic – the gun thing made the balance completely out of whack.
Canada and Australia. I fantasize about moving to either country. I’m so glad to have you here.
Americans out there, what do YOU say?
I am terribly sorry for your friend and what happened to her, random acts of violence like this are just terrible.
But, banning gun ownership will not stop violent crime.
In DC, there has been a ban on individuals owning guns for 32 years, and DC has the highest crime rate in the entire country, more murders happen there than pretty much anywhere else in this country.
My sons Big brother was a detective in that city for 25 years, the ban on guns did not ever stop criminals from obtaining guns, it simply made law abiding citizens unable to buy and own a gun, keep it in their homes and protect themselves and their families from random acts of violence.
Here in Florida, every citizen is allowed to own a gun for personal protection. We are allowed to conceal carry, and we are allowed to shoot to kill anyone who enters our home to hurt us or our families.
Our break-in and kill crime rates here are very low.
There’s a large billboard just as you enter the state, it warns people that Florida homeowners are allowed to protect their homes and persons. It’s pretty blunt, but effective.
And guns don’t kill people on their own.
People kill other people with them.
Banning the right to own a gun by law abiding citizens will never stop criminals from obtaining them on the black market.
As a single mother myself, I am in the process of obtaining my CCW, and I will be buying a handgun for my home.
If someone comes in and tries to rape me or threatens to kill my children, they may very well be the one who ends up shot.
Well said post. Very thoughtful. And I am sorry about what happened to your friend, though relieved she got away.
Another Canadian–completely mystified by this right-to-a-gun thing.
I am sorry about your friend. What a traumatic experience.
I say that Americans also have the right to not be scared in their own homes! I live in an area where most people disagree with me on this issue. I live in Michigan and even people who don’t own guns believe they should have the right too. It really is scary and after reading this story I was up most of the night thinking about it. I have often done the same thing and well we rarely lock our front door during the day.
My thoughts are with you and your friend.
I realize my last comment came out wrong. I meant that, I believe strongly in gun control and I disagree with the Supreme Court decision. I thought our rights were within reason and so long as they don’t get in the way of the rights of another.
Rachel I’m so sorry about your friend. Personally I think guns should be banned on a global basis. Only then can peace start…
Rachel, important post. Thank you President Bush for stacking the Supreme Court so that they can deliver these conservative decisions.
I worked in Japan for many years. Guns are banned there and the ban works very well. If you want to kill someone you have to get them with a knife.
For the USA, it is significantly more challenging to change the rules after there are so many guns in the country and it would seem that then only bad guys would be able to procure and use guns. But emotionally I am very much for banning guns.
I am personally very anti-gun ownership. I was raised with a distaste for all of it and my politics are proudly liberal. I do not date gun owners, or personally spend time in places where there are guns.
For non-Americans here though, it is important to point out that in the American politic, the Supreme Court’s job is NOT to decide whether we “get” to own guns. Their job is simply to interpret the constitution, and nothing more. In this, I believe they actually have done their job.
I find it impossible to believe the framers of the constitution (Great White Men, TM) intended what we see today. But – - I actually do believe the constitution was interpreted correctly in this instance.
And I am perversely relieved they took the issue up finally.
I think we should be able to own a gun in order to protect ourselves.
Rachel, i’m sorry to hear about your friend’s ordeal, but so glad they all made it out safely!
Have a great wkend!
I completely agree with Kat! Great post. I’m a single mom of 2. My father and brothers (2 of which is 20+years of Air Force) have always hunted (bow, shotgun, rifle). I have the right to protect myself and my family. I have guns in my home and they are safely out of my kids’ reach. I even keep a handgun in my bedroom.
I once had a friends ex-husband come to my home to make trouble. Long story short, my father gave me a handgun with explecit instructions not to use it until I got my FOID card. The very next day I sent for it and have carried it for 10 years and have never needed to shot the gun.
Who’s to say that if your friend had a gun in the house that her boyfriend couldn’t have accessed it and stopped the rapist? Who’s to say that the gun would have made the situation better or worse?
The right to own a gun has responsiblity. There are so many FREE gun safety courses, both online and off. Instead of being afraid of what a gun COULD do, become confident in the handling of it. Guns are only what you perceive it to be.
Here is a completely different perspective from most of the comments to this story. I am dating a single mom who owns a gun, belongs to a private shooting range, has a concealed carry permit, and is a strong proponent of our constitutional right to bear arms. Although I have always been a liberal and a proponent of Gun control, and had never dated a woman with a gun in her purse, her assertion that the “bad guys,” will always have and be able to get guns, even if they illegal, is absolutely correct. If that same intruder broke into her home and threatened her and her children (and me and mine if we are there), the “bad guy” would be lucky to escape with his life! Surely the gun control topic is a controversial and thorny one, but empowering single mothers to better defend themselves and their children in this crazy world of ours, in my opinion, is a good thing!
Jim, I was just brainstorming about how to write a comment similar to yours (above) — and you did it for me. Thanks!
If we’re all going to arm ourselves, maybe all single moms should be at the shooting range on weekends, learning how to hit targets.
I’ve had one offer so far: to train at the local range.
Thanks for this viewpoint.
Holy Cow! I cannot comment on gun laws until I can process the array of emotions your friend and family went through and are still going through.
Jim I don’t believe you are correct on the bad guys always having the guns. If we wanted to spend the money we could could prevent guns, drugs and ileagle aliens from entering this country. We just don’t want to pay for it.
I think there’s a study out there saying that if you own a gun (if there’s a gun in your home) there’s am much higher chance that you’ll get shot.
Rachel – she is our hero. I will hold on to this story forever. Thanks so much for sharing, I know it was difficult.
This is a very controversial issue for me. I do believe that people should have a right to protect themselves, particularly in their own home, but I am not a proponent of gun ownership.
And living in Chicago, I see firsthand how gun violence is ridiculously out of control. Since September of 2007, more than 24 people have been murdered, most of them shot. And these are all school age children!
I also had a 17-year-old cousin killed in a random act of violence, simply because he and his friends were the target of young punks with guns on the street, up to no good. He had just graduated high school and was going to college that fall. (The days of fighting with your hands is clearly a thing of the past, now that guns are so easily accessible.)
Statistics here also show that handguns create a hazard in the home. They have been stolen, used unnecessarily in domestic situations, used in suicides, and also lately here, used by small children who’ve gotten a hold of them, unbeknownst to the parents or adults in the home.
Of course there is something to be said for responsible gun ownership, but so far that doesn’t seem to be the case in Chicago, and sadly it’s done much more harm than good.
I have to say I agree with Jim, the bad guys will always have guns, because they are intent on committing crimes. I think if they had a doubt in their mind that they might come up against a victim that has, and is trained to defend themselves with a handgun, it might make them think twice, or at least give the victim a fighting chance. I have a concealed permit, and my gun saved me from a car jacking. There is no clear cut solution to this issue, there will always be pitfalls when dealing with deadly force.
Statistics and studies can be made to show just about anything you want them to say. As a gun owner and a law enforcement officer I see both side of this debate. But the truth of the matter is that Washington D.C. has the MOST restrictive gun laws in America and yet still leads the nation in murder and other violent crime. Banning gun ownership from law abiding citizens guarantees that law breaking criminals will have easy prey. Listen, these folks break the law for a living. The only people that abide by the gun laws are the people that abide by all laws. In Florida, where concealed hanguns are legal, violent crime dropped 40% the first year. The bad guys know that if the odds are higher that a homeowner may have a gun in the house, they will be very hesitant to break in. They seem to be addicted to breathing. I’ve owned guns since I was very young and have always taken care to educate my children about the dangers of guns. My kids are older now and we often shoot and hunt together. And having been taught the dangers of guns and now having thier own rifles and shotguns, they are always safe in handling thier firearms. But it was up to me to educate my kids. Not deny that guns exist in the world. The old saying curiousity killed the kat works for kids as well. Educate your kids and they won’t get curious about the strange box in the closet. Avoid disaster through education.
Reiterating some of the above comments…
Criminals, by definition, do not care about laws. My father gave me a gun last fall when I had a drunk man repeatedly try to get into my house. I live four blocks from the police station, called 911 three times (each time letting them know that I am a single woman BY HERSELF), and yet it still took an officer over four hours to respond. The gun that I now own was one that my (single mother extraordinare) grandmother slept with under her pillow for over 40 years. As Jim says above, I do feel empowered that I have an additional tool to protect myself and my children if need be.
I am pretty liberal, but I also realize that laws mean nothing to criminals. SM, your friend would have been looking into the barrel of a gun no matter what the law was. I think the real place for anger is with the clogged criminal justice system and the lack of appropriate and effective juvenile intervention. Not to mention our society’s fascination with violence in all media….
Whew!
I have always be of the opinion that “If you want a gun, you can get a gun… somehow, someway”
As a kid, I saw guns in high school… and no, these kids’ parents weren’t the owners.
They were getting them through illegal means…
I don’t personally own a gun for one reason: I don’t know if I could pull the trigger.
Because I do know this, when TWO guns enter the frey… somebody’s gonna die… you… or them…
Wow Rachel, I didn’t read that post. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I’m so thankful that she was able to stop him and protect the others in her house.
Guns aren’t the issue. It’s the justice system that is so screwed up. We are in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation now. You tighten gun laws the criminals still will get them and the law abiding won’t.
Something needs to happen first to the criminal courts. Stop giving those ‘people’ rights! They are terrorists in their own right. They inflict terror and pain on the unsuspecting. The man who did that to your friend is no better than the a$$h*les who flew those planes.
Sorry for the language, but it gets me fired up when I see law abiding people have to pay while criminals get rights.
You have written a great post here…lots of comments all over the board…
I’m completely overwhelmed — in the best way — by your comments. Thank you. I have a child pulling on me right now… I’ll digest and get back to everyone this weekend. Thanks again.
These are all interesting comments and valid viewpoints. Thanks, Rachel, for posting this thought provoking issue.
Interestingly a whole section of my Sunday newspaper was devoted to this issue, with a caption entitled “Protection or Menace: Court Ruling highlights the bitterly split views on the role of handguns.” The articles varied from “wondering whose child will die next” to “I wouldn’t be here if not for a gun.” Although I’m still torn over the issue, I agree that criminals already have guns or atleast have easy access to them (and need to be stopped or when caught more severely punished), while law abiding citizens should be allowed to protect themselves when they or their loved ones are threatened. It’s the other stuff like irresponsibility of some gun owners and senseless tragedies that make them more dangerous.
Rachel, just back from a weekend trip. I’m so sorry your friend and her family experienced that. My thoughts and white light to all of you.
Many of you out there offer a number of quick fixes to curbing violent crime; however there really is no “magic bullet” to solving this complex problem which plagues our society. And the rhetoric offered by our politicians sounds good, but they have no more concrete solutions than I. I do agree that our legal system is inefficient and largely ineffective. Gun control is definitely not the answer even though there is rampant abuse and way too many gun related tragic accidents. Vinnie, it is clear by your comments that you live in a fantasy world. I could take you on a harrowing joy ride into the ghettos of any American city with money and drugs as our currency and within a few hours (if we live through it) we could amass enough black market guns to start our own militia! I don’t believe that all the “bad guys” will have guns, just the really crazy ones who intend to use them for all the wrong reasons like terrorizing people in their own homes! Wake up… “bad guys” getting guns on the black market is not even our worst nightmare; our worst nightmare is that the “really bad guys” will get their hands on a nuke or dirty bomb (big big really really bada bang big gun) on the black market and render 9/11 a minor historical first strike incident! And the government you describe which throws enough money and police power at gun control, banning illicit drugs, and stopping illegal immigration, is no country any of us enlightened, freedom loving, bleeding heart liberals would want to live in. Just imagine living in one of the places which has successfully implemented what you suggest: Libya, Iran, Taliban run Afghanistan, Saddam run Iraq, Syria, North Korea, Nazi Germany, etc., etc.. Get caught breaking the law and either be executed on the spot or taken away, never to return! And they have no legal or illegal immigration problems… no one gets in and no one gets out! Vinnie, I don’t own a gun or encourage anyone to get one without very careful consideration or proper training, but I still very much believe that empowering women to better protect themselves and their families is a good idea… a very very good idea, even if this means arming them all with semi automatic guns. And consider that women will most likely be more cautious, better trained, and more competent with their guns than most men. SMS, your friend is very brave and lucky to be alive, I’ll bet she is following this blog closely and seriously thinking of joining you and the other ass kicking single moms at the gun range soon. And ladies, Kevlar is the newest fashion statement in all the hottest spots! And I kid you not; my single mom girlfriend wears a pink mother of pearl handled gun with her designer Dolce & Gabbana boots making the fashion statement of the millennium!
I think the point of people obtaining handguns whether or not they’re illegal has been made, along with the point that the Supreme Court can’t just “decide” to nullify part of the constitution.
The problem isn’t guns. The monster who attacked your friend could have just as easily used a box cutter that he bought at Wal-Mart.
The problem is that someone, in our society, thought that he had the right and the ability to attack your friend and her family–that’s the probelm.
And, I think the point’s been made that there really isn’t an easy answer to this issue.
I’m so sorry that your friend was hurt–my best thoughts towards her healing and recovery…and for yours. That’s the thing about violence…it has this awful ripple effect.