Snapshot: Single mom wears a wedding ring to work

by singlemomseeking on June 6, 2008

This week, Kirstin — a single mom who works in corporate sales — writes at Single Mom at Work about the fact that she wears a wedding ring to business meetings, even though she is not married:

“I have learned that business acquaintances are much more at ease when they learn I have a child if I am wearing my ring on my wedding finger. It’s not that I lie and say that I’m married, but the ring creates the assumption that I am, and I’ve found, for surface-level business conversation, it’s easier that way.”

Say what?

First, I’m a huge fan of Kirstin’s blog, but when I first read this post, I wanted to scream. C’mon, babe, be proud of being a single mom! Don’t set us back another 10 years. Pretending to have a hubby at home will only stigmatize us further.

Then, I read the comments. Alaina says that she wanted to scream, too:

“Trade in the ring! Forget about what people think! But I work on the other side of the table… with a lot of closed minded/old fashion people who make it a hobby to gossip about sales reps. I wish it was different.”

Tamara says that Kirstin is “silencing inappropriate questions and by doing so, bringing the focus back to what’s important- the fact that she’s kick ass at both her jobs – being a mom and a sales person.”

Am I being too judgmental?

After all, I’m a single mom who runs her own business from a nook off the kitchen. I don’t go to corporate meetings anymore. I occasionally have meetings at corporate offices in San Francisco, but I never wear a ring on my wedding finger.

Do any of you single parents wear wedding rings to work?

What do you think about this?

Photo of wedding ring by Jeremy Sharp

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Loralee June 12, 2008 at 10:01 pm

I think that she does what she has to for her and her son. It’s her life. Why should Kirsten have to carry the banner of single motherhood if it isn’t what she wants to do?


Isn’t single motherhood difficult enough without your judgment? You are bashing people who are judgmental of single moms, but you seem to have a healthy amount of it ready to put on other people.


dadshouse June 11, 2008 at 6:43 am

Crazy Computer Dad nailed this one on the head. No one should judge Kirsten for her choices. No one has walked her shoes but her. I get the point some single moms are making here that you all need to walk the walk. That’s been a feminist cry for ages.

But putting Kirsten down for not being just like you isn’t exactly progress, either. As a single dad, I don’t put down other single dads who stay silent when the schools and their exes deny them communications – I simply point out the injustices I’ve faced, and keep trying to evolve.

We’re all in this together, and we all face different struggles.


mc June 10, 2008 at 10:52 am

Even wearing a ring doesn’t help keep the lechers and gossips away, unfortunately!

When I was far younger than I am today, and married, I wore my very traditional looking (diamond solitaire) wedding and engagement rings all the time. But I would nevertheless CONSTANTLY get hit on by random guys at work, or who I met riding the bus.

Even my PhD advisor was astonished when I told him I was married, because, he said, that people had been gossiping about how many men I’d been dating (?).

I think certain people will gossip about you no matter what. It’s just an illusion to think that a ring will protect you from that.


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