Mom-On-the-Edge, who is trying to save her marriage, examines the divorce cycle, and asks: Is it genetic?
Like Mom-On-the-Edge, my parents got divorced when I was little (she was one, I was three), in the 1970s. Like Mom-On-The-Edge, my sister and I had two houses, two sets of friends, two parents who loved us. We spent four days a week with our Mom, and three days with our Dad.
Like Mom-On-the-Edge, I figured out how to get by in such contrary settings: my mother didn’t allow us to have sugar, my father woke us up in the morning with chocolate cookies; my mother forbid me to get my ears pierced, my father took me to the mall to get the deed done.
Unlike Mom-On-The-Edge, I remember “the slamming doors” and “the alarming silence as they avoided each other while sitting in the same room.” Although my parents signed their divorce papers soon enough, they continued to fight through my childhood.
“Studies show that growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the odds that you will end your own marriage. It’s called the divorce cycle. As children we learn our relationship skills and marital commitment from our parents. So, the answer is yes AND no. Yes, I could be destined to repeat history. No, it’s not in my genes.”
I’m really curious: Are you part of “the divorced cycle”? How many of you come from divorced families?
Have you repeated the relationship patterns you learned from your parents? (I certainly have).
Although I may never remarry, one of my life goals is to teach my child that having lifelong loving, healthy, communicative relationships with others IS possible. I try to remember this every day. Your turn…
Photo from Matchstick
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