My kids are older and grant it, I don’t date much, but when I do I never have the guy come to the house. With older kids I think you need to ensure you are serious with the man/guy before introductions occur. The “donor” is not in our picture it has basically been me raising them (20 & 14) and I choose not to introduce. It is very contraversial sort of like to breast feed or not!!!!!!

I think that is SO cool that Ryder’s dad was there too…that speaks volumes. If both parents are there than I can’t see how that is bad. And Lance’s kids too?

Very cool.

I think it’s all how you present the men to your children. Usually if Benjamin meets a man for the first time, it’s like this - in a party atmosphere. But he’s only two.

Curious to see what everyone else has to say … thanks Rachel!

Wow.

If they can all sit down to brunch together like that and have a nice time, I think that’s awesome. Her boy must feel so safe and secure knowing that his dad is ok with mom’s new boyfriend and that they are all able to be adult together.

How could anyone complain about this? THat is amazing. Just think, one day his two parents and their partners are going to be able to show up at his wedding and all be happy to be together, and be happy for him, and put him first. Isn’t that hte goal? Isn’t that what we’re all trying to do?

Sounds like it was just like a family get together.

Personally, I wouldn’t introduce my children to a boyfriend unless the relationship was a very serious one (and I would expect their father to do the same). Kids deal with enough issues regarding the fact that they are from a divorced family. Why add to it unless absolutely necessary?

I’ve been sucked into The Bachelorette this season. One of the bachelor’s has a child and will be introducing his child to the Bachelorette. The whole idea of it made my skin crawl. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but it just doesn’t seem right to me.

I think if they can all hang out that makes Ryder feel secure that everyone can be “friendly”.

Heidi, (watch me hide!), I’ve watched one episode of the Bachelorette and also felt my skin crawl when he offered to bring her home to his son. See, why wasn’t the media calling this guy out, too? C’mon.

I knew that you would all have intelligent thoughts to add here.

Yes, as Andrea, GLSD, Vinnie, and Ms. Single Mama point out: how mature.

Ryder got to see his mom and dad get along, and his mom’s new “friend” came with his kids too. No one was left out, there was no ex-bashing.

Respectfully, I couldn’t disagree more that it is OK to bring men into your children’s lives. I couldn’t care less about Kate Hudson but she is typical of most celebrities we read about; out and about on the terms that work for her. I think when we have kids we should put their needs before our own, in fact, their care and well being should be our first concern always. It’s not their fault that we are not w/ their dad and our need to be w/ a man should take second place if at all, until they are old enough to deal w/ it, maybe age 15 or older. When my daughter was young, her dad brought several women into her life, all of whom had kids who became her “friends” until dad and gf broke up. Then the friends were gone too.
This included another wife w/ 2 kids, now gone. When her dad and i broke up, my son (not his child) was left high and dry, he was 12. I learned from my mistake how devastating it is to bring someone into a child’s life unless you are as sure as can be that they are in if for the long haul.

I tend to write too-long comments when I only mean to make one point, so I’m going to sum up my two cents’ worth as succintly as possible.

I have several girlfriends and relatives who live out of state and whom we only see for a few weeks per year (if even that). So the question I ask is this: Should I refrain from introducing them to my son just because they won’t be around for long? My answer is a resounding no.

Why not introduce your kid(s) to the man in your life? I wouldn’t introduce my son to my boyfriend on the first date, but why not after the third or fourth? What is the difference between doing that or introducing him to a new friend? As long as you define and maintain the boundaries, I don’t see the problem.

This is a good question.

I agree about the double standard.

For example, why aren’t there any complaints about Lance Armstrong
introducing his kids to his new GF? It’s all complaints about Kate, for the obvious sexist reasons.

In another example, it’s very (very!) common for single men to use their young kids or babies as “chick magnets”. Instead of being criticized for using their kids this way, these men get props from society and women for being a “sensitive dad!”

For me personally with my 9 year old twins, I’ve gradually decided on the following policy: I don’t worry about having the twins meet my all my friends including BFs, but there’s no PDA and I don’t tell the children that I’m dating the BF until 6 months and things are serious.

Because when they know it’s a BF, my kids start to think he’s going to move in (because their Dad’s living with his GF), and my kids get attached and start looking to the BF more as a father.

Also, my kids’ ideas about BFs and GFs are naive and Disney-like: they think that the princess only has one true love and eventually they will get together and live happily ever after.

Thus my kids started to gently scold me with “you have too many boyfriends” when over a period of 3 years I had 2 fairly serious (serial) BFs! So I realized that I should be careful who I introduce to them with that label.

I think you have to be even more careful with the BF’s kids, especially if they are close to my kids in age. Because if we break up, then my kids get sad and ask when are they going to see their new friends (the kids) again? And I hate to tell them that we probably won’t.

MC
I have never, nor will I ever use my children as “chick magnets…”

I think we need to be careful not to be too judgemental. Most of us probably agree that it’s appropriate to be cautious about introducing someone to our kids, but there comes a time in a relationship when it’s appropriate to do so, and none of us are really in a position to judge whether the time is right with respect to someone we don’t even know. Maybe Kate thinks that Lance is “the one”, so the time is right. I don’t think that my kids would think that they are not my priority just because I introduce them to a woman. The problem with Susan’s prescription of waiting until “you’re sure” is that you can NEVER be sure. Anyone can quit a relationship at any time, for any reason. My kids met the last woman I dated, who I was with for a year. I thought she might be the one. She wasn’t. I don’t think that I made a mistake, and I don’t think my kids were harmed by it, but I’ll probably wait a long time before they meet the next one.

Celebrity or not, parents have to be smart about having a parade of dates come in and out of their kid’s life.

It’s not a good idea.

And, there’s no reason to.

Once the couple decides they’re a committed couple and interested in staying that way, sure, but that should happen in a natural way — not all sitting down to dinner at a restaurant.

Parents need to know their kids’ temperament, sensitivities, feelings about the divorce, etc., to get help in how and when to introduce lover and child. No need to rush it if it’s the “right” one.

I agree with Kat. There is never any rush except in your own mind and heart because you so much want him/her to be “the right one”.

From personal experience, you never regret waiting.

While I agree there is no reason to rush, I think there IS a good reason to introduce someone to your kid(s) before you make a final conclusion as to whether a relationship can last. Quite simply, how can you know whether another person can become a permanent fixture in your life until you see whether he/she can relate to your kids? I suppose some kids may be more sensitive, but I hardly think most kids would be traumatized if they spend an afternoon at the park with mom or dad’s adult friend.

[...] All I know is, there’s a comment awaiting moderation right now in response to my post about “Kate Hudson: “Boys, Meet My Son.” [...]

I have a problem with single parents introducing their children to men or women too soon.

My daughter who just turned six has met 3 of the mother’s boyfriends in less than 4 months. She has slept over their houses in the guest room while mom runs into the paramours. She is even set to go on a 9 day vacation to Hawaii with a man the mother knew for a few weeks before booking this trip and there is nothing I can do about it.

I understand that my case is the extreme, but it speaks volumes about society today and the lack of morality.

I would never bring my daughter around anyone unless it was serious. She has suffered enough disappoint to last a lifetime.

Andrea, I completely agree with you. While Vinnie, I once again completely disagree with you, although I admire the sentiment of never wanting to pimp your kids out to attract women. We don’t need to “use” our adorable young children as “chick magnets,” as they were born into this role without the need for manipulation or coaching by us… go with the flow dude and who knows when a truly amazing woman may be attracted into your life by the grace of god and the by the magnetic innocence and purity of your child. Here is what I know: my kids are way cuter than I am and they are completely and instantly irresistible to women. The good news is: I know that I am irresistible to women too… it just takes a bit longer! Perhaps you would feel more comfortable calling them “ice breakers,” or “my little wing man,” and “my little wing lady.”

Andrea, I completely agree with you. While Vinnie, I once again completely disagree with you, although I admire the sentiment of never wanting to pimp your kids out to attract women. We don’t need to “use” our adorable young children as “chick magnets,” as they were born into this role with absolutely no manipulation or coaching by us… go with the flow dude and who knows when a truly amazing woman may be attracted into your life by the grace of god and the by the magnetic innocence and purity of your child. Here’s what I know: my kids are way cuter than I am and they are completely and instantly irresistible to women. The good news is: I know that I am irresistible to women too… it just takes a bit longer! Perhaps you would feel more comfortable calling them “ice breakers,” or “my little wing man,” and “my little wing lady.”

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 weeks, I knew she had a son when i met her, I have no kids and I have no problems with kids. I have never met more awesome qualities in another person, sounds cliche-ish but shes got what i’ve been looking for. Were both students, we both have alot of friends and lives out side of each other. Her family has raised and touched an unconscious issue and despite what her and I feel, it seems like the cogs are ticking backwards as of now. I fear introducing the child into our relationship is too early, she agrees but the family doesn’t and seems to be pressuring her, which is making me feel more than pressured in a variety of ways. I mean, its only been 2 weeks and there is still, I feel, a relationship to establish in a variety of ways first. were both worried about too early an introduction, what if her and I dont make it it now affects the kid. too long and perhaps the kid and I don’t bond immediately, all arguments are fair but now I feel rushed and gasping. I fear setting a date so -to-speak is inappropriate and it should be natural as the relationship flows. But now i fear even doing this and things going wrong and I feel like a contender against the odds in the face of a multitude of irony’s and what ifs. I dont wanna lose her, I dont wanna give up, I do wanna establish a good foundation first, i dont wanna hurt her or the boy. both her and I have nothing but a record of meeting horrible relationships but are very smart about this one and care very much about each other. we both want it to work but the family has proved to provoke problems with her and my philosophy, outside of this, should there be a set-date of when to start introducing the boy? or just go with the flow of the relationship. one seems to think I may resent the boy for taking ‘time away’ form what used ot be just her and I, which is understandable but its not me. I just want the relationship itself between her and I to be well built, school to be good and social life as well…and yes, i don’t know how this works but I do also still want her and me time of course. I feel like i’m about to juggle impossible irony’s.
i know it can be possible and can work out but….

We can’t assume our children have adult feelings regarding our relationships. How accepting can they be? After my divorce (over 7 years ago!), I didn’t date for over 3 years. When I did, it was just a handful of dates, they never met my kids. I met one man who was so incredibly sincere, my son said he wanted to meet him (he was 15 at the time) on our second date, so he & my boyfriend’s son came along for ice cream. I was happy he wanted to come on my date with me, we have always included the kids since day 1. However, 3 years later, my son still tells me I should be single, & should remain single. He’s 18. My boyfriend & I have dated exclusively for over 3 years,& my son still feels this way. I always put my kids first; we decided not to marry, have kids, or move in together to keep the focus on the kids until they were grown. Apparently keeping things the same doesn’t work either, according to my one child I shouldn’t date at all. He says his father can date, because he doesn’t see it. But I cannot. It’s very difficult…

[...] dated a couple of single moms who didn’t wait very long before introducing me to their kids. After a few dates, they wanted me to meet their children. And then, they would ask, ‘So, when can I meet your boys?’ I felt [...]

[...] Single mom celebrity actress Bridget Moynahan did. [...]

[...] Do tell: who’s your favorite single mom celebrity? [...]

[...] a restaurant, like Kate Hudson? Hint: not at your home, or his. So, [...]

[...] If you haven’t watched the video with Single Dad RJ about when to introduce your child to your girlfriend or boyfriend, please watch it below. Let us know your [...]