How are you celebrating this Mother’s Day?

by singlemomseeking on May 5, 2008

grandpa-m-rachel.jpgMy first Mother’s Day on my own, I will forever be grateful to my father for coming to New York City to spend the weekend with us. He took M and me out to brunch. Then we walked over to the playground, where M, who had just turned one, piled sand onto Grandpa’s black dress shoes.

Mother’s Day has always been bittersweet for me. Whenever a stranger says about M, “She’s beautiful!” I want to plume my feathers. Nothing else comes close in my pride department. I often add, “She’s smart, too!”

When Mother’s Day arrives, it’s not like my kid is going to set her alarm, wake up, and serve me breakfast in bed. (Do you get that honor? Do tell!) The day will begin like any other Sunday: “Mom, I’m hungry!”

When my dad called this week to ask if he could take us out for brunch, I thanked him over and over. Maybe he’ll come and watch M play soccer; he hasn’t seen how fast she flies in her cleats yet.

There have been couple of Mother’s Days when I happened to be dating someone. Those boyfriends let the day come and go, and I tried to hide a tad of disappointment. Sure, Hallmark holidays annoy me, too — but don’t all moms want one day out of the year to feel appreciated?

Maybe it’s hard for someone “on the outside” — say, a boyfriend or a single girlfriend without kids — to appreciate what being a mom means. Or, maybe there’s something intimidating for a guy who took no responsibility for the fact that you’re a mom.

Tell me, mamas: How are you celebrating this Mother’s Day?

With family? Friends? Over hot cocoa in front of cartoons?

Is anyone getting a little break to go to the spa? Or, to dash off to see an adult movie?

Photo: Back in the day with M, my dad, and yours truly in NYC

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Tracy May 5, 2008 at 8:53 am

I am blessed in having a wonderful support network in my family. So as always, mothers day will be spent with them. My mom, my sisters, my dad, me and my little man. Mom and I will be treated like royalty, a late afternoon BBQ dinner ( maybe a few glasses of wine seeing as I’ll have a few extra eyes to keep watch) and lots of love and laughter.

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Shannon May 5, 2008 at 8:55 am

For some reason these things always fall on her Dad’s weekend. She’ll come back to me Sunday afternoon or around dinner. I’m not horribly upset by this anymore-I have full custody-every day is Mother’s Day. Her Daddy has to wake up every day without her close by. That sure sounds like a bad day to me. :)

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Bee May 5, 2008 at 10:08 am

After spending the day before mom’s day (this saturday) chaperoning for an all day field trip for 200 teens, we are going to do nothing. That’s what I want.

But I told my kid it’s going to be his night for cooking dinner (he cooks once a week for us). Which means we’ll probably be eating mac and cheese, but I’m totally okay with that. It means I didn’t have to cook. :)

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Leslie May 5, 2008 at 10:24 am

My own mom will be out of town so probably nothing special. I’m a little bummed because although he’ll make me something at school like always mine doesn’t quite grasp the significance yet. Without having a dad to go all out for he’s never really seen it other than cards for grandmas and grandpas.

Thanks for the reminder though, I need to remember to mail out cards tomorrow :P

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Kelly May 5, 2008 at 11:41 am

I’ll be working my weekend job until noon, and then we’ll go out to eat with my parents and brother. My mom usually takes Casey shopping to get me a few little gifts.

As for breakfast in bed, I do get that most of the time. Last year I got Crunch Berries cereal, a rice krispy treat, and some apple juice. LOL

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GregPeckFan May 5, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Very timely for me, your post today. This is my 3rd Mothers Day since I was plunged overnight into single parenting. My daughter is 7, my son almost 3.

I’m dating, these past 6 months. I’m so lucky, he is a really lovely guy. But as you say – - he’s not the one responsible for my being a mom. And the guy who *is* responsible is isn’t around for Mothers Day – literally, or metaphysically.

The past month Dating Guy & I have been spending time together with the kids (I kept him at arms length from the kids for months). Yesterday I gathered up the courage and asked Dating Guy if he’d take the kids on a quick trip somewhere so my daughter can buy a card and something small for me. This is Super Duper important for my sweet, loving, big-hearted girl. She’s like her Mom, she likes tchotchkes and wrapping paper. Last year, even though I gave her supplies to make me something, she was terribly disappointed she didn’t get to buy me flowers, or a small something to wrap.

He said sure, he’d love to. But…. it felt a little weird to me. Like I was pushing ownership on him of something that really isn’t his to own.

So interesting you brought this up, it’s been on my mind today.

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singlemomseeking May 5, 2008 at 1:05 pm

GregPeckFan: You “got” me!

This post had another layer to it — and I think you’re SO bold for asking your guy to take your daughter to get a little somethin’ for you. You go mama.

I casually gave the Biologist the chance to do something special with us for Mother’s Day –when he asked me last night if we could see each other next weekend.

I said, “Sure!” Then I said, “Let’s see, Sunday is Mother’s Day–” and he quickly jumped in, “Oh, well — then, Friday or Saturday, of course.”

It was an opportunity for him to jump in and say, “Let’s all do something.”

But he didn’t. I was kind of bummed, but didn’t show it… I’m grateful to have my dad nearby. I can see that those of you with family close are grateful, too.

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singlemomseeking May 5, 2008 at 1:09 pm

Tracy: Here’s to being treated like royalty!

All of you deserve that for a day.

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Liz May 5, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Yes I think this Mother’s Day will be a little tough for me… It will be my “first” alone, but then again when I ws married last year, Mother’s Day was spent mostly alone since the hubby was out of town conveniently and secretly with his girlfriend [don't ask], then off to a baseball game… Yes Happy Mother’s Day to me- but my guy was just a wee 7 months, and it was a perfect day spent in the park, at home, just being mom and baby… Sunday, he’s with his dad and coming back to me a bit early… I’ll take the time Sunday morning to enjoy reading the paper, savoring a second cup of tea and scone…For me, Shannon says it perfectly- I have primary physical custoday, so every day I look forward to my little guy bright and happy in his crib- that is the best gift of all… wow that was a tome of a comment. sorry.

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judy May 5, 2008 at 4:45 pm

I’m on the fence.
Either I will spoil my girl rotten in silly ways moms usually have to say “no” to like baking cookies for breakfast, dressing identically foolishly and having photos taken, skipping in the downtown fountain fully dressed and writing a note to her teachers excusing her with ONE day late homework because it was MY fault on Sunday it was not done.

Or I will set her up with a friend for the day so the moms can go out on their own for brunch and cocktails…..(I am a mom every day I don’t need Hallmark to remind me.)

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Rebs May 5, 2008 at 4:55 pm

On Sunday The Mook will be with her dad, so I will be able to sleep in. But I’ll meet up with her dad and her at her ‘nastics’ class and she and I will grab lunch, then home for a nap. In the afternoon my mum and grandma will arrive for a wee visit.

I will likely get a card from my best friend, who stepped in after that first and only Mother’s Day I was with Mook’s dad, for which occasion he gave me bedsheets and NO CARD.

An ideal Mother’s Day with be a day with the Mook in which she eats her dinner, doesn’t hit or bite and doesn’t once say “I don’t like it”.

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Wabi Sabi Me May 5, 2008 at 6:02 pm

Mothers Day is getting easier, as time goes by. This will be the third Mothers Day that the children and I have been alone. Honestly, life has been such a whirlwind that I haven’t thought to make plans. We will probably have dinner with extended family, which always helps take the edge off :-)

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Kat Wilder May 5, 2008 at 9:31 pm

SMS — Mom’s Day is a day for your kid to honor you, not a boyfriend, not your father, not your kid’s dad. And a day for you to honor your own mom.

In some ways, I miss the days when school made kids make something for their mom. I have a closet full of odd, misshapen ceramics and cards that The Kid made for me. But, honestly, the best mom’s day isn’t a “day” — it’s moments that happen throughout the year, spontaneously, genuinely. Like when I get home from work and he asks me, “How was your day?” Or when he just wants to be with me. Those are the real moments to treasure …

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singlemomseeking May 5, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Thanks for the gentle reminder, Kat… you’re right.

M’s school celebrates “Parents’ Day” — and I treasure anything homemade. I get what you mean by those genuine, spontaneous moments. I hold onto them. Thanks.

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Susan May 6, 2008 at 8:26 am

I’m going to do a similar post on this subject, Rachel. This day continues to be bittersweet for me, even 5 years after divorce. But it has gotten better because now my kids can actually tell me how much they love me. That does count!

As for plans, believe it or not, my parents, kids, ex and his mom and stepfather are going to go to brunch. (His mom will be in town that weekend.) It wasn’t my idea; it was my mom’s. At first I was really upset she would try to mention it, but then I realized that we can celebrate 3 moms at the table, not just 1 or 2. Should be interesting…and I’m buying myself a spa treatment!

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LAUREN P May 11, 2008 at 6:14 am

My ex never did anything for me for Mother’s Day when we were married. He told me I wasn’t his mother, so he just did something for his mother every year. My kids never really thought of it as a special day since they had no example to follow. I decided to come to work for Mother’s Day so the other mothers whose families actually celebrate the day, could have the day off.

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Jen G May 11, 2008 at 12:28 pm

This is my first mother’s day! My situation is unique as I was never married and have never known life as a mom outside of being single. So.. the day should be interesting. My little boy’s dad took me out to breakfast, but we are just friends so there wasn’t a big hoop-lah made over it…

It’s kind of hard not having a signficant other who really appreciates what I do every day… making ends meet completely on my own.

So, I’m celebrating myself today by playing with the little boy I created.. what could be better?

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