Thank you, thank you!

I highly recommend keeping mulitple lines of communication open to all of your kids. Let them know that they can ask you anything and that if they want to talk to another adult there is (insert person’s name) who is a good friend and who would openly discuss these topics with them. The key is for them (both girls and the boy) to feel comfortable talking with you. This allows you to teach them how to be healthy in the world and how to choose what is right for them.

Also, let them guide the discussion with their questions. As far as the uncomfortable nature of some of these questions… well….at times, you may blush and you may be really embarrassed …. this lasts only for a short time. At least you will know where their most of their information is coming from and you will foster a trust and openness that will transcend this topic.

The next day she called her aunt with followup questions. I think girls do want a woman’s opinion at some point.

My daughter’s mother never felt comfortable enough to join in on the discussion. To this date, I think she’s never addressed the issue (my daughter is now 16).

My daughter and I have great communication and a fabulous relationship, all of which started young. I don’t pretend to know everything about everything (especially about dating, even though I’ve been doing that for 8 years post-divorce), but she respects and seeks out my views.

Talking with your kids is essential. Letting them talk to other adults is important, as well.

My kids are like sponges and will soak up information from all sources. I just want to ensure that they get the right stuff at the right times and it comes through me or a trusted resource before anyone else. We can all look around and see that times have changed and the world throws more at them then it did us “back in the day”. I just want to ensure I can adapt and provide them with the truth that will empower them to succeed…and some things just need a mother’s touch and a mother is just something I can never be.

Thank you Rachel for giving this topic some of your time.

I agree with Dr. Leah about being honest about your feelings and fully express how you’re feelin at that very moment.

Just a side note: my sister recently contracted herpes at 20–she was with her second boyfriend–both do not sleep around. Both are hard working students. I asked her what advice she has for me as a parent. Here’s her reply: be honest with your children. Tell them exactly what happens or can happen. Yes, schools have sex ed but they still hide facts–like herpes is forever and not curable. Talk to your own children–don’t have someone else do it.

Still, I imagine when the girls get older, they’d want to check in with a woman; I think that’s just the way it is and will continue to be. Having an aunt, friend, girlfriend, grandmother who is hip and honest, nonjudgmental and caring would be a wonderful resource.

She has a great book called “It’s So Amazing.” It has allowed her the chance to read and answer her own questions, but has also allowed us to have conversations that are important.

For me, the difficulty is ensuring that she keeps those conversations within the family rather than taking what she knows to school etc. Some parents are not as open about the names of body parts etc as I am – I don’t want their kids learning things from mine!

For me, the key is having an easy and honest way of answering the questions and handling the topic. There is nothing they can ask that isn’t a natural part of growing up. If it is made a “big deal” than it becomes uncomfortable or “off limits.”

I want my daughter to be very comfortable with her body and her sexuality – so for me education and honesty are key. I want her to understand the possible results of her actions as well.

But nothing before she is ready – and never more than she is able to understand.

Perhaps the daughters have a close aunt or cousin or other female relative with whom they feel comfortable just in case they would rather talk to a woman rather than a man?

(As honest and open as I am with my daughter, I am not sure that toys will ever be a part of our conversations)

My parenting time with my 8 year old is quite frequent, but my real issue is with the 16 year old (imagine that).

Her Mom told her to leave Wednesday & she moved in with me. Her Mom says she has been sneaking out & “screwing every boy she meets” & is manipulative, my daughter is acting innocent but is pressing me to go out. I did have a problem with her a few months ago. I chased her around town til 1:00 am, she did the “I am at my friends & we are already in bed sleeping thing.

So, I realize she is manipulative. Very defensive. She does pretty good in school & sports. Her Mom has tried to keep me limited to them since the divorce 12 years ago.

I want to keep my daughter with me permanently. Her Mom takes a sleeping pill at 7 pm & is out cold til 4 am for her work. This allows my teenagers to run wild. When I start to get a good hold on my 16 year old, she just goes back to Mom’s, where she knows that she can go back to sneaking out. Last night she went to work, supposed to get off at 10 pm, she didn’t get home til 11:30, had my truck, changed out of work clothes. I have been somewhat calm. I am trying to find out the people that she is hanging out with. I have a feeling it maybe her store manager, (adult) & some other people at work. Without jumping to conclusions, I want to get my daughter corralled & do the right thing.

I grew up with 4 sisters & was a teenage boy myself, so I have witnessed what can happen. Any help trying to keep my daughter celibate & out of trouble? I have a feeling if I am stern, she will run home to Mom, who threatened to throw her in a girl’s home next time. (my 8 year old is from another marriage, I have no issues with her Mom, we are separated & not sure if divorce is permanent).

I too lost my ex — about three years after we split up. My daughter was 2 1/2. You, however, not only have to deal with the death card, but raising daughters alone, and I feel for you.

My brother and I were raised by my father after our parents divorce (and subsequently, my mother’s disappearance). I was 13 at the time, and, as you can imagine, going through a whole host of puberty related issues.

My dad was THE BEST. He bought me tampons and pads when I was too embarrassed to. He never made a big deal about it — just made sure to have them in the bathroom every month. Come to think of it, I think he did this almost all the way through high school. When it came to any kind of sex talk, he was always very open and honest, and made me feel like I could go to him if there was ever a problem. The key is, he was proactive, and brought it up on his own. It’ll embarrass your girls, without a doubt, but they’ll be happy to know you’re there for them. Trust me.

Just the fact that you’re seeking advice is, to me, a pretty good indicator that you’re a loving and involved parent. I have a feeling you’ll do great.