Make Over for Mother’s Day?

by singlemomseeking on May 10, 2008

new-baby.jpgHeads up: for the past month I’ve been working on making this blog better — for you.

So, just in time for Mother’s Day, I’m re-launching in a new format, one that’s easier to read and multi-media (videos!). I hope the new blog will be more revealing, more real. Thanks for being patient with the changes as this baby “crowns,” you might say. I look forward to your feedback. (Legal Editor Mom, don’t be too hard on me, okay?)

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from the lurkers out there. I know from my stats that hundreds of you read this blog every day, but haven’t posted any comments yet. It’s time to say “hello”! I’d love to hear from you.

Are you a new single parent? What are your biggest challenges right now? Is there anything you’d like to hear about?

If there are any single parent bloggers out there whom I haven’t met, let’s hear from you, too!

Faithful commenters, please tell me your thoughts. Are there any issues you’re facing, which I haven’t covered here? Do you want more about how to date again? More contests? More single parent interviews?…. Tell me.

Thank you, thank you. I appreciate all of you, more than you know.

Photo from lightnshadow

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Single Mom Seeking May 13, 2008 at 6:49 am

Oakland Momma and MC: Welcome!! It’s so great to “meet” you.

Oakland Momma: if you’re in the SF Bay Area, the place is crawling with single dads! You’ll probably run into more of them this summer, at the park.

MC, I loved hearing your story… and keep us in touch about the policeman, okay?


Leslie May 12, 2008 at 11:31 am

Love the new layout Rachael! Plus the lighter color is less suspecting when I’m browsing at work 🙂

I really enjoy your perspective and honesty. I’m often jealous of those of you with a single mom posse, my posse’s turning into marrieds. The great opinions are so helpful from all the parents out there as well.

I’m always looking for ideas on balancing schedules for working and getting the kids to and from school, daily routines etc. The world seems to run on the idea that there’s a parent waiting at home to do those things when we know that’s often not the case!


mc May 12, 2008 at 11:06 am

Hi…I guess I’m a “lurker!” So I’ll respond to your invitation and say “hi”.

I’m another “single mother” (via divorce 2 years ago) to 2 young children. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog since I discovered it a short time ago.

Although I’m older than you (late 40’s), I can relate so well to the perplexing issues that you describe surrounding dating and life as a single mom.

Like you, I’m a feminist, maybe kind of overeducated compared to a lot of men, I’m given to self-analytical musings, I have high (but I think reasonable) expectations from any man I’m dating, but I also know that good relationships also requires both understanding and compromise. I’m socially competent, employed, well-informed, engaged with life, and not totally unfortunate-looking.

And dating has mostly baffled me, I’m afraid. Which in itself, has also been baffling.

So I guess I read your blog looking for some insight from someone going through some of the same things.

I especially like your attitude–that just because you have a kid you adore, you’re not sexless, you still have an ego, and you haven’t stopped looking for a partner worthy of you and your child.

You would not believe how many single mothers my age basically give up, even consider it “unseemly” somehow, to be dating or looking for a boyfriend. Somehow raising your children is supposed to be enough.

Of course, these women may have sworn off it after dating the men I have! Yep, I’ve sampled the best that online dating and membership in two “personal” (ie outrageously expensive) dating services can provide. And please God, I won’t ever date any more atheist, fundamentalist, catholic, “green”, or republican over-the-top zealots (one guy yelled at me for washing his dishes “wrong”–ie in a way that “wasted water”–while he was filling up his hot tub!), drunks or drug dealers, stalkers (yes, that happened to me), men without actual jobs (oops), men 15+ years older than me who lie about their age and then invite me to visit them so I can nurse them after their colonoscopy (I’m not kidding, unfortunately), wanna-be musicians who can’t play any instrument but are still convinced they’re going to make it big someday, guys who “don’t like jazz” (who doesn’t like jazz?), men who take me to Beatles tribute concerts (oboy), the guy who was into enemas (uh, no thanks), men who lie about everything from their income to their past and present, and the many men whose apartments hadn’t been cleaned, evidently at all, for at least 5 years (just, no. Too gross to stay the night, and why would I want to do all the cleaning myself if we ended up getting together?).

Now I’m debating whether to go on a second date with this policeman my friend fixed me up with. He was nice, but I wonder, a policeman?! Oh God. On the other hand, he probably isn’t a pothead, so that would be an improvement….!

Anyway, best wishes with your scientist, Rachel! He sounds nice.

mc in flyover country


Ms. Single Mama May 11, 2008 at 8:57 pm

One morning I plopped down at my desk. Tired, burnt out – and all because of a man. I had forgotten the “dating” rules since becoming a single mother and had forgotten how hard it was…and on top of it all I had a 12 month old.

I Googled something about being a dating single mom and found Rachel’s website and I immediately ordered her book. I needed help!

Her book is living and breathing right here on this blog. If you have read it, you’d understand why she feels the way she does and be completely tied to her story and this blog…

Rachel inspired me to start my own blog. And therefore … Rachel changed my life – in a very good way.

No matter what kind of single parent we are, no matter how many kids, where we live or our level of libido – we are ALL single parents.

And thanks to Rachel leading the pack – we all know we’re not alone.

P.S. Nice site! Brad rocks. Mine is next. : )


GregPeckFan May 11, 2008 at 3:41 pm

I thought of a couple things the other day. Maybe you’ve covered this – how do single moms handle vacations? Disney by myself, with two kids? Uh…I can’t even figure out how the line-logistics would work. Plus mine are 5 years apart, and I have 2. So, I’m just in trouble. Also, I’d like to hear about other moms and balancing self care (hair, waxing, running, working out – I mean, is it crazy to even bring this up? Is it laughable?).

I like the new look of the blog.

Also, just checking in. I post occasionally but read faithfully. I like this blog because of Rachel’s accessability, and introspection. I am attracted to introspection.

It’s OK to be malleable. It is wise to be teachable. It’s even OK to be swayed by the majority. If we define ourselves by contrarianism, ultimately we’re still letting the herd call the shots.

I can personally ‘get’ with the libido piece. Also, I have Supersized Life Dreams for myself still – they’re just more work now that I’m solely responsible for two small children. I *do* want love again, I want to be with a man again, in a real partnership. I want a fabulous career, I love to work. Maybe I want a PhD someday – and lots of travel. I don’t want to focus on “mini me” (or two in my case) for the next 15 years and then look around and wonder “what now?!” I like the idea of turning around, and gently stepping back into my own life.

Yes, arguably the moral high ground is to subjugate all your needs for your children. But for me personally – it is a strong value to focus on myself as a whole woman (yes, including sex. Good sex with any luck, and more of it).

THATS what I love about Rachel’s focus.


Legal Editor Mom May 10, 2008 at 9:36 pm

I’m sorry that you think I’m hard on you. I enjoy your site a great deal and find it interesting and thought provoking when different viewpoints are expressed and ideas, beliefs, and feelings are shared. I learn a lot about myself as well as others, and as was mentioned, while we may be similar in the single parent aspect, we’re quite different as well, in a number of areas.

My only pet peeve with you is that you post a topic and then tend to go whichever way the general majority goes, often easily agreeing with someone who opposes or disagrees with your initial view. I realize that you’re looking for “answers” for a lot of your questions, and your role should be the moderator if you will, but you’re well within your right to maintain your own opinion, belief, or position, and not be swayed so easily just because someone disagrees with you! I think you can rest assured that you have a lot more fans than you ever will enemies or “haters.” So continue to stand up for yourself. (Or at least don’t be swayed so easily.)

I may not agree with some of your choices or understand your ongoing struggle with your libido, but that’s just me. I was raised in an entirely different culture with a totally different set of values and beliefs. I’m hard on MYSELF more than anyone. (And I couldn’t care less if I never marry again, never have a traditional family, or even never find the man of my dreams or a soulmate.)I’m content with it being just me and mini me, if that’s my destiny. But again, that’s just me. I work in a legal profession, but I’m no one’s judge and jury! And I’m far from perfect…

In closing, I think you’re an absolutely teriffic single mom and the new look is fabulous. It’s fresh and much more appealing to the eye in my opinion, and I look forward to future posts. And I love the parking lot idea!


Nico May 10, 2008 at 6:25 pm

I love your blog. I too blog about being not only a single mom, but a person with a myriad of different feelings, interests, desires… everything that anyone else has… just with kid, sans partner! Mine is just getting started, so if you have any tips or advice on making it appeal to more than just myself and my close network of peeps, let me know!


jeanie May 10, 2008 at 4:47 pm

Wow – much more grown up, although on my stone age monitor its always hard to get the whole picture.


GLSD May 10, 2008 at 3:17 pm

Hey Rachel,
I’m not single, but read your guest spot at Storked! and read the excerpts from your book! I love to read, and I love your writing style! I like the combination of serious and sexy. I have family members that are young, single and have a child. So I will send them this way. Your daughter is gorgeous! Keep doing what you’re doing!


Oakland Mamma May 10, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Okay okay, your post was the push I needed to leave a comment. As a newly single mamma with two kids, this and other single parent blogs have been an enormous source of inspiration and encouragement while trying to build a new life. Thank you!

Now if only I could figure out where to meet all those fantastic single dads I keep hearing about…


Judy May 10, 2008 at 10:58 am

I like the combination of fun, serious, political and sexy on this site. I do sometimes think “if it were my blog I would be posting……” but it’s not my blog is it.

While there is an implication that we single moms (and dads) are all coming from the same place we all know better. Sometimes Rachael will start a blog and as I am reading it it goes off in a different direction than I would of gone. That is because we all write/read/live with our own filters..single moms who don’t want to be single, one child vs multiple kids, healthy kids vs kids with challenges, renters vs homeowners, working from home vs offices, supportive exs vs absentee exs and on it goes.

I love the contests..nothing like an intermittent extrinsic reward.

Why interview the “famous/published” single moms when you have a wrath of singles here to interview.

I would love to have my name in red with a link to my blog/web site however with the daily priority juggle that item of creating my blogging place seems to drop to the bottom of my list.

I know there are cruises/resorts/ranches etc that cater to planning vacations for single parents and their kids. Any stories on these?

Rachael perhaps you could create a “parking lot” where people could post topics that come to mind then you can incorporate these topics however you see fit…..interview the poster perhaps…


Amy Nathan May 10, 2008 at 10:22 am

I think you’re empowering, Rachel. But I would love to read more about women who are single mothers – but perhaps not by choice. Doesn’t mean they (um, we) aren’t making the best of it and doing a great job — not just surviving, but thriving. But frankly, it’s not what I wanted and not at all what I signed up for.



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