Dating
Why having sex toys mailed to your home is a bad idea
Tuesdays are my “late” nights: my dad takes Mae to ice skating class, then they go out for burritos, and back to our place to do some homework. When I got home last night, I didn’t even notice the opened cardboard box on the floor, near our shoes. I was overwhelmed with bags, which I plopped down by the door.
I walked straight up to my dad, gave him a kiss, and then sat on the sofa, where Mae climbed onto my lap. It wasn’t until my dad left that I noticed the box.
I froze. The box was from Babeland. Damn. They’d emailed last week to let me know they were sending me a “Heartbreaker Vibe” to “review.” (Yes, I do have a P.O. Box, but UPS doesn’t deliver to P.O. Boxes.)
So, I casually tried to pick up the box, during which the vibrator fell to the floor. It was like finding out that someone had eaten my porridge — only this was a giant red dildo.
“Grandpa said I could open that,” Mae said. “He said it’s for the bath. What does it do in the bath?”
“Uh, it massages,” I fibbed, taking a deep breath, thinking, Let’s hope Grandpa learned his lesson about letting his granddaughter open mysterious brown boxes from now on.
We were off to bed, and I hoped that this morning would be a new day. But within five minutes after getting up, Mae said, “Can I take a bath and use that new toy you got?”
“No,” I said. “Now, would you like Koala Crisp cereal for breakfast?”
And that was the end of that. Single parents: let this be a lesson. I can’t help but wonder, however, if this could have been a “teaching moment.” I kind of fibbed. I could have said something along the lines of, “Adults have special toys, too, for adults only–”
Photo of the Heartbreaker
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Tags: Babeland. Babeland.com, child finds sex toy, Heartbreaker vibe, sex toys, single mom, Single Moms Discussion
13 comments for “Why having sex toys mailed to your home is a bad idea”
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LOL….well, you didn’t lie, it DOES massage! But seriously, answers need to be age appropriate and I think yours was. As this age and stage, I’m pretty sure that Mae does not need to know what a vibrator is/does…but be prepared for the day when she IS ready to know. I think your answer was more than fine!
Now I know why my parents ALWAYS kept their bedroom door locked!
I’m sure she’ll forget about it… for about 20 years. Then she’ll see a red phallic type thing somewhere and go “OOOOOHHHH!!!! Wait a minute! That’s what THAT was!”
I”m laughing over the mental image of your dad letting your daughter open the box. What a surprise for him!
Oh My Goodness! Great job diverting attention! I don’t know if I would ever be so inventive!
No way! You did the right thing. Not until she at least gets her period. You know? No reason to believe that a giant vibrating carrot is for mommy to play with down there.
Does anyone else look at that and think - giant carrot?
Hilarious.
Of course, I called my dad later and said, “Sounds like you had quite an interesting evening!”
We were both kind of embarrassed. And then we laughed.
That’s hysterical!
If it makes you feel any better, I sat down to read your blog while working in my not-so-private cubicle and (gasp) had to immediately close the window when the picture of a big red vibe filled the screen!
HOLY CRAP!! That must have been SO embarrassing! I can’t even imagine! You, as always, managed to handle it with grace. I would have died right there.
Will you be posing reviews of your “review”? LOL
I needed a good laugh today. This was it. Thank you for, um, sharing.
Oakland Momma - This would be the reason I don’t read ANY blogs or click on any links in personal email at work.
OMG! That’s hilarious!
1….it was not a full lie
2….it was age appropriate answer
3….I’d be MORE embarrassed with my
dad than my daughter
4….full circle blog..In “This
Christmas” a PG-13 movie there
is a totally innocuous vibrator
scene
5….thanks for the laugh
The best part about this is that it was RED!!
OMG! Good save, she’s a smart cookie! I’ve had one of those “what’s that” moments and said it was for fixing hair - the first thing that came to mind. Thank God he was too young to remember then - now I’d probably die of embarrassment.
Being a full-time dad my primary focus is the well-being and emotional health of my kids…I tend to gain a lot of insight and share some of the pains that many single mothers do. This pain is one that I am glad that I will never have to experience, well at least the embarrassment of being caught with one of my own.
It does raise another question that I’d like to raise to this wonderful community of modern day mothers. I was raised where sex is a private discussion and kept behind the closed doors of a relationship. Today we see a culture that is more open with it. It is one where women are embracing their sexuality and “toys” are part of the “popular” world view. I have two daughters (oldest is almost 10) and I have my concerns about addressing certain things with them. I am ok with the birds and the bees conversation as well as the puberty conversations. I do wonder how to approach this topic of female toy use. I wish I could assume this type of exploration would wait until they are out of my house; however things are moving a whole lot faster pace than they use to. Some may tell me to involve another woman…Now that mom is gone who should it be? My sister? A SO in my life that may or may not come at the right time?
Maybe I am just thinking too far in advance or maybe I just need to cover more things that were hidden from me by both parents and society. Any advice?