Awesome story! Same thing happened to me and to this day - Benjamin thinks he has two moms! Not too shabby. And no, it wouldn’t have been the same if I would have stayed with my Ex because he can’t stand my mother.

Yes, another reason why he’s my Ex.

But I have to disagree with some of those comments - I think Mother’s Day is also a Day for husbands to treat Mom extra special. It’s the entire family who is supposed to honor us.

I’ve pretty much always had a great relationship with my mom but you’re right, if I was still with my ex my little man would not have the bond he has not with his grandparents. He avoided my family like the plague!

I live/rent a section of my parents property so we see them every day. My son has an amazing relationship with the best male role model I can think of…my dad. When I decided to leave my ex and called my mom and asked “can we come home for a little while?”, they welcomed us with open arms…then built us a little place to stay. We have our own place, but it’s just a few steps away to nanny’s house.

After my divorce, my relationship with my parents suffered.They wanted me and my wife and kids to stay a family unit forever. This makes Mother’s Day an awkard time - the kids go with their mom to her mom’s house. At least my brother and his wife and kids can give my mom some grandmotherly love on Mother’s Day.

As time has passed, my parents (and neighbors, for that matter) have seen that I’m a deeply involved parent, more so than their mom in certain respects, and that has smoothed things a bit. But it doesn’t make Mother’s Day any less awkward.

Let me get this straight: It is a bad idea for me to give the single mom I have been seeing a card on Mother’s Day?

Really?

I’ll take any opportunity to tell her how amazing she is at being a mother. Pass up on the big one of the year? Not a chance.

I don’t know what I would do without my parents. When I found out I was pregnant, the father and I were already on the outs and I knew he was not going to help me, I was making about $6 an hour and going to college, and I was only 20 years old. Thank GOD for my parents, who let me move in with them, where I stayed until Casey was 2. Yes, it was trying at times (granparents love to spoil their grandkids, and then I got to be the mean mommy who had to discilpine her), but we would have been lost without their help.

12 years later, I own my own house and I’m very self-sufficient, but I still rely on them at times. They live 5 minutes away and we see them at least once a week. They come in handy as babysitters (she’s old enough to stay home alone now, but I don’t like to leave her at night), and sometimes if I have unforseen financial trouble (car breaks down, etc), they are always willing to help me out.

Mamas: don’t you think that Andy will really overjoy the single mom he’s “seeing” by giving her a card on Mother’s Day?

That comment is so super-sweet.

Andy, you might see if there’s something else she might be wanting? It could be something little, like a gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret or a yummy candle for her bedroom… Any ideas, moms?

SMS: I disagreed with Kat’s comment in your previous post. While I don’t think you should expect your beau, date, or male friend to acknowledge you on Mother’s Day (because it is truly about honoring mothers), I do feel that as Single Mama stated, it is an opportunity for dads to honor their wives and acknowledge everything that they do as moms. (If that’s the case.) Moreover, if it weren’t for moms, men wouldn’t be dads, so exes also should acknowledge their children’s mothers where applicable (as in the cases of many of us who do virtually everything with no help!), or at least assist the kids, if necessary.

In addition, I do think it’s incredibly sweet of Andy to do whatever he’s comfortable with for his girlfriend. I’m not going to solicit suggestions unless he asks, because while thoughtful, that’s just too presumptuous and again, not his responsibility. A card is thoughtful. The mere fact that he’s thinking of her and will acknowledge her on this day is awesome enough!

Sorry I digressed from the original question. My parents are simply incredible and I will never be able to pay them back for all they’ve done for us. They were there from the time my ex left up to now, and we spend virtually every major holiday with them. My daughter is extremely close to my mom and often confides in her when she’s upset with me. While they still would have been close if I were still married, their time would have been more limited because my ex-mother-in-law was very competitive with my mom and we had to divide the time a lot more than we do now. (Now since we’re divorced, she’s kept her distance, which is sad for my daughter, but just fine with me.)

To Andy: Yes, DO get your girlfriend a card. As a single mom who’s dated on and off for many years, I am enormously grateful for all of the little gifts, kinds words and hugs I’ve received from people in my life — even more so, if that person was someone I happened to be dating. I think mother’s day is a day to show appreciation and support for ALL of the moms in your life.

About grandparent/parent relationships — I also went home to have my first son when I was 20 years old and had been dumped in my 4th month of pregnancy by a man twice my age. My two boys are 12 and 9 years old now, and they have an incredibly close relationship with my parents, depsite the fact that they live a 10+ hour drive away. In fact, the boys are staying with my parents for a whole month as I prepare for a research trip abroad — it sure eases the pining to know that both kids and grandparents are overjoyed to be spending time together!

Andy, I didn’t say it would be a “bad idea.” Nor, Legal Editor Mom, would I say that dads/husbands couldn’t or shouldn’t honor their wife.

But the holiday is to honor your mom and to be honored as one, and if there are any expectations around the holiday — manufactured as it is — at least let that part be genuine.

If we as moms expect our partner/boyfriend/lover /husband to “honor” us, at least let that honoring be a genuine appreciation of what mothering is all about and how good we are at it. Flowers and cards and brunches and jewelry are not “honoring” us. If they are, I’d rather opt out.

Andy’s desire to have the “opportunity to tell her how amazing she is at being a mother” is way cool. I imagine he’d want to be acknowledging that often. I love it when my guy tells me what a good mom I am, often when I’m sobbing about how I’m at such a loss to deal with what’s ahead of me with The Kid. I don’t imagine he’ll say much of anything — if anything — on Sunday. I already know that he thinks I’m a good mom, that my heart’s in the right place. But I’ll be with my kid on Sunday and I’ll call my mom, and my guy will call his mom and I think we’ll all be pretty damn happy.

But maybe that’s just me …

Kat,
If you go back and read what you wrote, (and what SMS quoted that you wrote) you’ll probably see why responses were the way they were. It is definitely a personal choice who should honor whom on Mother’s Day, as well as on any holiday. I was merely stating that as single moms we shouldn’t expect anything from the various men in our lives, but I do raise the bar higher for our husbands and children’s fathers since we are mutually responsible for their existence and more often than not, as single moms, we’re the ones with more responsibilities where our kids are concerned. Our personal relationships may not have worked out, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t give credit where credit is due. And for me, that goes for Father’s Day as well as Mother’s Day, and any other holiday where there is the opportunity to acknowledge wonderful people in our lives.

I personally don’t expect the gifts that I sometimes receive, but they are welcomed and appreciated!
LEM

Legal — I do agree with you in not having the expectations; thank you for reiterating that. I suppose when I was married, I did expect my kid’s dad to take him out to pick something for me or plan an outing. And I suppose that happened (although it wasn’t his strong suit. I loved him anyway, though, until, you know, I didn’t!).

When we first divorced, and the kid was younger, he did take him to get me a card. That has stopped now. But I always remind my son that dad’s day is coming up, and that he should think about making a card (still, the best gift for me) or something. And I do offer to take him to a store if he wants to buy him something.

But, and I plan to blog about this one of these days, unless our kid doesn’t have an actual living breathing dad somewhere in the world (meaning someone who at least participates in raising him/her at some level, no matter how minimal), I am wondering if we are “single moms” at all. Thoughts for another day …

Some of my most treasured compliments on motherhood have come from friends or even my ex.

For the question, he loves my ex’s parents “most” because they spoil him rotten haha. The closest relationship we have is with my grandparents who have treasured another grandbaby and have been such a support since my own parents moved a town away when he was a baby.

For a man dating a single mother, there are only two options, though: Mark the day or not. I think I will opt to do the former rather than do nothing. How amazing it is to see a woman be everything for her kids and do more than simply what is required, even when what is required of her is quite a lot.

The mothers in our lives deserve recognition - all of them. My girlfriend is, above all else, a mother of two girls. Her motherhood plays more of a part in both of our day-to-day lives than does anything else and I think that puts me in a position to honor her. Watching her raise her two girls and allowing me to become involved in that demands it.

Andy,
You are awesome. The world could use more men like you!

Getting back to the grandparents question, I think the bond between grandparents and granchildren is incredibly special. My daughter is blessed to have my parents in her life and it’s a joy to see how they dote on her, and how she relates to them as additional authoritative figures and also extensions of me. I feel sorry for my ex-mother-in-law more than anything, because she (as well as her son!) is missing out on so much. But it’s their loss…

I’m choked up just thinking about my special day with my child and with my mom on Sunday.

I caught your guest spot on Galmour’s STORKED! Your daughter is sooo cute. This is totally not on topic but you two are my favorite blogs. I don’t often comment because I am not raising my son and i have no insight to parenthood but I do have a son who’s life I am actively in that I gave up for adoption at birth. I sometimes fantasize about the life I could have had with him but I did what was best for me. You guys are awesome and I admire the both of you.

I can completely relate to that, but I have to admit.. I know how lucky I am to have parents this close to my son on a daily basis but it wasn’t until your comment about how lucky he was to have THREE people that love him as much as humanly possible around for his early years that I realized that living at home with my parents for the first year of my son’s life was the best decision I could have made..
I live at home and my son is surrounded by SIX people that love him more than anything in the world.

How could I get so lucky?