This weekend, a mysterious brown box was on my doorstep, with a return address from a local warehouse. Whenever there’s a box at our door, M assumes it’s for her. It usually is.
But I had a feeling that it was for me this time. That’s because Babeland had contacted me recently to blog about being a “sex-positive mom” for Mother’s Day — including giveaway contests for you. I knew that some “samples” were on the way.
M: “Can I open it? Can I? Can I?”
Me: “No, honey, it’s for Mommy.”
M: “But why can’t I open it?” The only packages I get are textbooks for work, which she often opens.
Me: “Because it’s for adults.”
Her: “What do you mean, ‘for adults’?”
Me, thinking fast, because I do want to be a sex-positive mom. I’m just not sure how. “Do you know how Mommy doesn’t want you to see R-rated movies because they are for grown-ups?”
M : “Yeah?”
Me: “Well, I think there’s something in the box for adults–” She nodded her head, more curious now.
I didn’t know what was in the box, and there might have been a vibrator, condoms, or lube. (As it turns out, ALL of these items were there, including a little flashlight vibe!)
I told M that I’d open the box in my room, privately, and see if there was something kid-friendly. As it turns out, there was “Bath Fizzy,” so she was very happy to use it in her evening bath — no more questions asked.
If you’re a sex-positive single mom, raise your hand!
We’re not alone. Kim at Hormone Colored Days just forwarded this post from Meconium to me, claiming that the recent study commissioned by pro-marriage groups to suggest “that single mothers were costing taxpayers $112 billion annually” is bogus.
Even if blogger G. Xavier is being silly, you’ve got to love it: “Revenue from sales from vibrators, massagers, and other sexual aides pump billions more into the economy, and offset any costs for services provided to single mothers.”
In other words, “Convincing these single mothers to marry would lead in a sharp decrease in tax revenue from sex toy sales.”
According to economist Dan Steely from San Francisco State, “It’s clear that the economic benefits of single mothers, whose vibrator consumption is easily 2-3 times greater than their married counterparts, suggests that an uptick in marriages could have disastrous effects on the economy.”
So, tell us, single parents: Are you helping the economy by putting your dollars into sex toys?
One of you here will win a bottle of Babeland bubble bath! Comment this week for your chance.
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Hells yeah! I’ve got a nice arsenal of toys tucked away in the drawer under my bed (one of the selling features of said bed) and some great erotic reading. I may have had a sex toy or 2 while I was the Former Mister, but nothing like the selection I have now. I love starting a Saturday morning, when kidlet’s away, with an orgasm or two!
In fact, if not for the toys, I’d probably be falling into bed with the unsuitable sorts, just to get some action.
Wait a minute! So you’re keeping everything else in the box? All we get is the bubble bath. Rachel Sarah!
You’re so damn cute.
Okay…do I have sex toys. No, unfortunately, I can’t find the time to shop for them. Never really find that I need anything other than my own imagination … and well… I’m going to stop now. Blushing.
You got me Ms. Single Mama! I’m giving away a few Babeland goodies this month, so stay posted.
Rebs: Hope those toys are tucked in a really good place… where the kidlet can’t find them. Good point about the toys keeping us satisfied so we don’t just run off with an “unsuitable sort” and regret it later.
thanks for the shout-out to Meconium. I was certainly being silly, but my argument was that I could manufacture bogus statistics just as well as the pro-marriage folks.
Are you kidding! I can’t tell you the last time I was with something that *didn’t* require batteries! LOL!
I just had to find a better place to hide them once my little man discovered my bullet and thought it made a great motor for one of his mini cars….(thank goodness he WAS only 5…minimal explination required!)
Yeah, I loves me some sex toys. You’re right about keeping them hidden. I have one that looks like a dolphin in my bed side table. I dread the day when one of my dolphin-loving children finds it. (Hmmm… note to self: hide toys)
I’m also one of those moms who teach my children the proper terms for their body parts. No “down there” in my house. They like to touch themselves too, which I think is perfectly natural. I just emphasize that it is to be done in private and with clean hands. I would like to instill a healthy image of sex when they grow up. We all do it. It is nothing to be ashamed of. At least that’s the plan. Of course, that’s a WHOLE other topic!
My daughter regularly sees boxes arrive in the mail and disappear into my bedroom. She just rolls her eyes at this point.
While I don’t broadcast what’s in the box, I don’t hide things in dark little corners either. My bedroom is my sanctuary and vibes, etc. often reside under my pillow, under my bed, in the bedside table drawers and in the giant (and I do mean giant) box of toys in my closet. There is also an ever-present bottle of lube on my night table
My son is only five so he accepts explanations like, “It’s a toy for grown ups” but I know it will get more more complicated as he gets older. Thanks for helping me prepare for what’s coming ahead!
And G. Xavier WAS kidding, right?!
Christen Clifford
Hmmmmm . . .toys are fun and all, but there’s just something about “the real thing” that’s just so inviting. And what got me into trouble here about 3 months ago. You can’t get knocked up from a toy . . .but it also won’t be paying child support, either.
.
Dammit.
My previous strategy had been to have a short list of ‘booty calls’ for my times of need . . .all discrete and trusted, no strings attached for the most part and friends at any other time than when, ahem, needed. Plus my kids aren’t walking yet, so their sleeping hours went uninterrupted & my night visits went unnoticed.
It was when I decided to finally give in a date someone that a actually got into trouble.
Anywho, going forward, it’s toys for me since I don’t need to become any more single or any more Mom
toys of every size shape and color all stashed in the antique wood milk box next to my bed that a few years back was the toy box of wooden blocks for her early morning ventures into my room.
I am a bit anal so theey are also sorted into different bags based upon their size and function. However, I do tire of them.
I also have an on/off booty call list aka “friends with favors” and we joke about it knowing that is why we are calling each other..”so where are your kids tonight? Right now the list is dry because the one friend’s life is too kid and ex complicated even for that.
What I fear the most of all this is that potential of getting yourself and your fantasies down so well that the real man will never live up to my expectations
I had a bout of drought for most of my thirties, but it took a few years to get over myself and into a shop – I decided to give myself a Mother’s Day present.
Well, it was worth it (even though I bought cheap) although when it did start to short I had to go back to the old-fashioned hands on approach – so I didn’t do much for the economy – but I sure was one single mother who did for myself.
I bought my own stuff and helped the economy.
I like to do my share. I also, like Judy, had somewhat of a similar arrangement with a friend with benefits, during a boyfriend free period. That’s tough though, because sometimes, one of you ends up liking the other.
First of all, I just love what g xavier robillard wrote — brilliant!
Sure, I have sex toys, and they’re not just for the times that I’m partner-free. I mean, hello!
And mine are in a basket by my bed — uncovered. The Kid comes into my room all the time, so I know he has seen them (um, the strap-on is hidden, though …) But he really doesn’t want to talk about sex with me; lord knows, I’ve tried (you can sneak in a little while watching TV or a DVD together). So I leave books all over the house to help him figure out puberty and other interesting things.
But I do like to ask him things, like what he thinks of girls who wear cropped shirts or show their thongs, or who wear lots of makeup or kids who are dating, etc. Guess we’ll be talking about Miley this weekend …
You mamas blow me away! Compared to you, I’m not doing a darn thing for the sex toy industry. I better change that.
G. Xavier wrote that post tongue-in-cheek. Because if the conservative, think tank men can gather certain statistics to back up their “facts,” so can we, right?
I agree, Kat: Brilliant!… You are certainly the poster girl for the “Sex Positive Mom.” Good going.
Are you kidding?? If I had enough money I would single handedly support the sex toy industry by myself! Though…right now…I have enough to make it through for now(God help me if one dies before next year!)
I LOVE this post!! Especially since I just made my first, erm, purchase of this nature (gotta take care of myself, folks) this last week and have actually wondered how I’m gonna sneak the package past my kids….stay tuned…