Comments on: This guy needs your advice about dating a single mom

By: singlemomseeking

singlemomseeking — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 02:57:25 +0000

E: I’m so glad that these Super Single Parents helped you out! It’s so sweet that you went to the zoo.

Computer Dad: well said about responsibilities. Wow, so true.

Kim: Yes, here’s to thoughtful single men like E!

By: E

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:08:52 +0000

I would like to take this time to thank all of you who have left some incredible advice and suggestions. I was a little skeptical at first to ask Rachel for help and now I’m very glad I did!!

Everything is going well with us.

We went to the zoo over the weekend just the 2 of us while a friend of the family watched her son for a couple of hours. I haven’t been to the zoo since I was 7!!

Thanks again and keep the suggestions coming.

By: Crazy Computer Dad

Crazy Computer Dad — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 10:18:48 +0000

E. I don’t know that there are any hard and fast rules to go by. There are many varying circumstances and situations around each person. Some things to keep in mind is that as a single person without a child you may spend 8 hrs or so a day at work, but after work you can go workout, hang out with friends or co-workers, catch a movie, watch TV, volunteer work, etc. You probably have few actual responsibilities outside of work. A single parent doesn’t have that time. After work for them means coming home to another few hours of responsibilities in caring for their child, spending time with them etc. That person may get an hour or two a night to themselves before collapsing and having to do it again the next day. The weekends are filled with responsibilities for the child as well (depending on how involved the other parent is they may get some weekends off here and there). In the spare time that she has she probably wants to spend a lot of it with you. She probably wants to spend some time with her friends, and she needs some time to herself. It is the last thing that is likely to suffer through the first part of any relationship because there is a big desire to please and be with the new person. That is eventually going to put a big strain on everything else, including her relationship with her child. It is extremely tough to balance. While you have a lot of time to yourself, she does not, so make sure that when she asks (and like most people she may not know exactly how to ask for it…at least I know that don’t) give her some time and space to herself. No need to try and rush things with her child, and definitely don’t try to buy the child’s affection. A bond will form with the child over time if you are seriously dating the parent. Each child is different. Pay attention to them, be responsive and involved. You may be surprised how perceptive children can be and how they know they are being ignored when an adult says “Wow, that’s nice” to something that have done or created. Ask questions, show interest, and try to really appreciate what they did. All of us like to feel appreciated right?

By: Kim

Kim — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 12:50:39 +0000

Hi
Well this makes me feel optimistic when I hear about men like E.
My two cents would be: Take things slowly always recognizing that as a single mom she has a lot on her plate and anyone with whom she gets involved with will need PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING.
Otherwise, just be honest and realize that she probably isn’t looking for any drama in her life…. so always keep it real.
I don’t like the idea of paying for a sitter for her kid…. that is a bit too close to a ‘dad’ who pays for the sitter so he and wife can go out. Too much involvement, too fast.

By: singlemomseeking

singlemomseeking — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 22:39:29 +0000

Ms. Single Mama: Ah ha, you ARE the single mom of a toddler, that’s right! You would be the perfect go-to woman for this.

Lady Fox and Leslie: Thanks for reminding E. not to take things personally if she’s feeling exhausted.

Amy: Oh, girl, you are so right on! Why didn’t I think of that? Ask her what she wants/needs… sit and and listen. Thanks.

Dr. Leah: Thanks for reminding E. that this mama needs to make time and space for her friends, family… and, of course, sleep!

By: Ms. Single Mama

Ms. Single Mama — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:37:38 +0000

I could write a lot about this … and have. So guys – check out my tips on “How to Date a Single Mom here:
http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/11/15/tips-on-how-to-date-a-single-mom-for-the-guys/

And single moms, here are your tips:

http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/02/16/single-mom-dating-tips-part-2/

Thanks Rachel for bringing attention to this!!!

Just last night my boyfriend was over (he’s only over two days a week now). He was leaning in for a kiss and I was putting the cap on Ben’s sippy cup when all of the milk splashed all over us! So the best tip I can give is – patience! Ha!

By: ladyfox

ladyfox — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:38:11 +0000

I have only gone on one time dates never really dated just one yet, but yes communication from the start is good. Taking things slow is good and keep in mind that if she says no to a date …..its not you, maybe shes to beat to get all glammed up. So later on yeah why not offer to pay the sitter for a special day like a birthday or big date. Also a late night movie at home is always good.

By: A.

A. — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 19:37:20 +0000

Above all—ask her—ask her what she wants from this relationship. The more you two communicate—the clearer the message will be. Every single mom out there is coming from a different place–and we each want different things–so, the only real way you’ll know is by asking her—and assuming that you both have good communication skills, she’ll be able to tell you…and you tell her what you want as well—then it goes from there….

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:59:13 +0000

Leslie: Wow! I love what you said. If a SM shared a “typical day” or just her worries of the moment, most guys would feel overwhelmed by the “fix-it” urge. A sympathetic non-judgmental ear would just be so welcome. Thanks so much! Dr. Leah

By: Leslie

Leslie — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 14:13:43 +0000

I’d love to know how someone has time to fit in that much time together in a couple weeks – I’m jealous!

Looking back I wish I’d taken advantage of dating when mine was that age, it does give you plenty of time after they’re asleep or on a fun night at grandma’s. Mine never really cared what I was doing if he was having fun so it does afford you a little freedom without questions.

But I’d be wary of getting too involved in their everyday life too soon, in a few months things may feel different and this little guy will already enjoy having you around even as a buddy. Everyone is different but I’d guess mom’s going to need her space too, and totally agree with the above, needs to keep up those friend bonds with those who probably have been or will be lifesavers.

I’m never sure how or when to “break someone in” on how single mom life works. (Blogs are good for that though huh) When to be really honest about the financial struggles, stress, worries. Remember that if she does share her “real” day, don’t worry about trying to fix things, just listen. And if she doesn’t want to share it, remember life may still be tough but she’d rather forget it and enjoy time with you. Neither reflects on how she feels about you or what depth she wants the relationship to go.