When I was writing my book, I decided that I would skip over that part about falling back with M’s father — who showed up on my doorstep a year after he disappeared. It would be easy to skip over, since no one knew. None of my girlfriends, whom I’d been too ashamed to tell.
How do you explain slipping like that? By the way, I went to bed with the man who abandoned my child and me — I didn’t want to remember. But I had to.
I remember feeling split in two. There was the grown up in me saying, “Don’t, Rachel. Don’t do it.” But some young, gullible part of me longed for it to all work out in the end. Maybe I wanted to to feel safe. Maybe I believed that he’d really come back and be a father.
If you’ve slept with your ex, know that you are not alone. Is this your deepest darkest secret? Is this the one thing you could never tell your best friend?
If you’ve fallen back with the father/mother of your child — after splitting up — I’d love to know what happened. Sign in anonymously, if you want.
Photo courtesy of fretka.
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