Um - all the time? I was more than willing to have more than one with my ill-fated partner, but he was not in the mood (or the bed or the house) and I suppose it is for the best that I only have the one.

Now I am repartnered there is the potential - but I am so much older and often wonder if I have it in me to do it all again 8 years later.

And yes, every single afternoon I wish she had the built in playmate that a sibling entails - and every single day I am glad that I have the one on one time with her that I would never get had she not been a single.

I really hope in the future that JL will have a few little playmates. I think about it all the time actually.

I’ve always wanted to have lots of children but as silly as it sounds I’m afraid I might never love another child the way I love him.. or that the fact that they would have different fathers would be a big problem between them.. or that if I were to marry the father of my next child that JL would feel left out.. or unloved by him..

It just feels so complicated..

If I was an only child but had the option to see how my life would evolve with siblings, I would choose to have siblings.

It was great to have people my own age to play with before falling asleep and bounce ideas off each other.

And ESPECIALLY to get into random mischief together. In my humble opinion, every child needs a full time partner in crime, not some friend they see once in a while or ‘organised visits’.

My goal is to have lots of children so they can enjoy the type of group kiddie fun I enjoyed and even took for granted as a wee lass.

x

Cara

You have great memories of growing up with your sister, but there’s a window for that. I have a brother who is 7years younger than me — and we do not share a lot of childhood memories at all. When I was in high school - he was a little kid! I think there are pros and cons to everything - but giving a kid a sibling when he or she is past 4 or 5 is totally different than having them closer together. My kids are 3 years apart - and until about 4 years ago - they did “play” together (they are now 16 and 13, son/daughter) and I’m hoping as they grow they will find new common ground.

Think of it this way - no siblings for Mae - but family close by. Many don’t have that - mine never have.

In the past I always wanted a son. But now, both my daughter and I are content with her being an only child. If I had married the right man (and started earlier), I would have been open to having more children. But it turned out for the best, and when I pose the question to her if she wants a little brother or sister, she consistently responds with an emphatic NO!

I know she likes having me all to herself, and I see how she admires me since we’re so close and spend so much time together. If she notices that I need something, she “shops” for it at my parents’ house and if I’m sick, she cares for me just as I do for her.

She’s also at the point where she often models herself after me (wanting to wear lipstick, jewelry, and she often parades around the house in my heels.) She’s even asked if she’s going to have big “boobies” like me when she’s older! We take Mother-Daughter baths, have “Girls’ Night” on the weekends, and enjoy each other to the fullest. While children are definitely a blessing, we’ve made the best of a bad situation and at this point I couldn’t imagine how another child would fit into this cozy lifestyle. So no, I don’t dream about another baby. I enjoy having only Mini Me.

P.S. I was an only child and I turned out just fine!

Well we just recently added two new people to our odd little family. My dad has recently married the woman he’s been dating online for the last year and she’s here with her 5 year old daughter.

The girls are getting along great so far. I’m getting along with the new wife as well. The problem is adapting from having time to myself (and her to herself) to having two somewhat clingy “others” wanting both of our attention and us wanting each others attention and time for ourselves and not having any time for any of it. …. ugh.

I’m certain we’ll be able to work things out, it’s just a matter of time. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Prior to having my one and only, ahem, princess, I had dreamed of having four girls. When the princess came along–I wondered why any mom in their right frame of mind want to go through pregnancy four times, change four different diapers, nurse four children for a minimum of three years–whew!

I did fluctuate going back and forth on whether or not I wanted more children. I finally decided that I love just having her.

I have a sister 13 years younger—we have nothing in common–no shared moments of secretiveness—and she’s slowly starting to enter my world of womanhood.

Now that the princess is 6—I think the age gap is too wide. Above all, I love just having her to raise.

I am the oldest of four boys. Really the oldest of two boys, and two step brothers. My father remarried right after his divorce from my mom when I was seven, and my step mother had two children from a previous marriage too. Complicated, but the four of us are very close in age. My brother is a year and half younger than me, the next is two years younger than him, and the fourth is a year younger than his older brother. My step mom is not very good with children. I am often amazed the four of us all made it to adulthood. If our parents weren’t going to kill us for something they caught us doing, they certainly would have for the things they didn’t catch us doing. I’m amazed we didn’t kill off each other…cause there were moments we tried. It was always 3 on 1, 2 on 2, all for themselves, or four against the neighborhood. We’d play, we’d fight, chase/catch animals (snakes lizards, frogs, and one alligator). When you see movies like the sandlot, that was us and the other neighborhood kids. I do miss it. When we get together now we kind of revert back to the way we were back then. We joke, play sports, wrestle, etc. The yard isn’t big enough any more though. Let me tell you, it takes a whole grocery store of food to feed four teenage boys for a week. It may sound kind of funny, and we have lot of stories to tell, but there were things we missed out on. It takes a lot of time and money to raise four children. When other kids and families were out taking trips, etc…the four of us boys were usually doing chores and then getting out of the house before our dad could think of something else for us to do.

Do I think my son is missing out? I do. However, his life is his own experience, I can’t try and put him into my mold. He has his own. This is the way things are for us right now and it has it’s own benefits and rewards. If I wish and wish that things were different, then I miss his uniqueness and the opportunities that are right in front of us. It isn’t what I had planned, but it isn’t necessarily a loss either. He’ll have a life and life experience all his own. I found a story called “Welcome to Holland” that is about raising and living with a disabled child. It really applies to all of us though. It seems that even the most meticulously laid plans can go awry. Sometimes it is better that things don’t work out like we planned.

This is way too an emotional issue for me to respond to with so many variables, predictions, regrets, joys, fears, controversies; all lacking a glass ball revealing the truth or at least the sordid outcome of my decision.

I am on of six. And I the idea of my son never having a sibling drives me nuts…but I’m no where near ready to have another one.

If I ever do…I’m going to tell the potential father - alright, I’ll have one - but you have to wake up every night and do all of the hard work or at least split it with me 50/50 because there is no way in hell I’m doing this again by myself.

Don’t get me wrong - I wouldn’t trade being a single mom for the world but, it’s not easy.

Very much. I’m still relatively young so I’m sure I’ll have more kids some day but even thinking about the soonest that’d be if I met the man of my dreams tomorrow- my kid would be at least 11. They’d never grow up together. My closest sister is 9 years younger so it’s all too familiar to me. But at least maybe when they were adults they’d get on okay.

I grew up with a brother just 22 months older. We were best of friends and best of enemies. The greatest example of this would be scrapping with each other at school, but then getting home before our parents to (together) erase the message the principal had left on the answering machine.

My mum likes to remind me that one day, when our parents are gone, we will, at least, have each other. While we don’t always get along, he took me and my kidlet in for 2 months when I left my ex. Yes, friends would do this too, but there’s something about the blood ties and history that siblings share.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and I’m not quite 30 and I absolutely want her to have siblings. This is my main mission in dating right now - I want a man who has a similar parenting style and perhaps his own kid(s) and the want for another child, either biologically or adopted.

I love 1-on-1 time with my daughter. SHe’s my partner in crime and I will always cherish this time we have together, but adding more kids to the dynamic would be a blessing.

Sometimes it seems like my daughter and I act more like sisters than mother and daughter, so it’s almost like I take the place of her having that built in playmate. Which is good in some ways (we’re very close), but not so good in others (like when it comes to respect). Fortunately she’s come into her own now that she’s in middle school and has a lot of girlfriends her own age to relate to. I worry about how lonely it’s going to get for me when she reaches that stage where she no longer wants to hang out with me. I do have plenty of grown up friends and family that I spend time with, but I know I’m going to miss that bond we share when the evil teen years arrive and she starts hating me!

I would like to have another child, but I’m not sure if it will happen for me. I really need to get married or somehow make a lot more money if I want to really do that, and I’m nowhere near either of those things at the age of 33. It’s too late for Casey to have a silbing she can really relate to since she’s already 12, but at least if I did have more she could help me out with them.

hi,

thats a good post on parenting.

Hi, this is something very close to my heart. As the youngest of four kids in a large extended catholic family, a lot of my rage around the divorce was that my daughter would never get to be a big sister. Will not have that sibling support, especially when I am too old to understand or dead. I had a bit of a catharsis last year, when I finally grieved for the other children I would never have - she was 9, I was 41, I had to realise it wasn’t going to happen. It truly felt like a death. Now I just need to make enough money to adopt!

I too am conflicted by the thought of having more children. My daughter in 9 years old, to me that seems too big of a gap for another one. But my biological clock continues to tick for just one more. Am I ready to do it all over again