Interesting post. I too started reading Random Esq for a while, but he wrote some things that made me wonder whether Randy Esquire might be a better name. (Comparing the feel of a mattress to a woman’s breast is funny on first read, but don’t you women deserve better than to be compared to objects of furniture?)

I do think Random Esq’s musings are sometimes funny. And I’m not saying anything about who he is in real life, because I don’t know him. But I see enough flirtatious players in bars who work their magical charms on women simply for sport, and I wonder when I’ll find a woman who sees through the BS and instead seeks out a grounded, quality guy. NOT that Random Esq isn’t a quality guy! I just find it interesting that 2 single moms are now questioning his motives.

But hey, we’re all just blogging.

Thanks “Dad”! I’m really curious about what other men — and women — think about this entry.

Apparently, we’ve hurt Random Esquire. That was NOT our intention at all. Ms. Single Mama and I have had some (a lot!) of experience in being charmed by single men who talk about wanting families… we figured this would creat a great forum. But no.

I’m afraid we might have taken things too far. Have we?

Sorry about the Randy comment - it was made in jest, and could easily apply to my blog. I chase after booty as much as the next guy (or gal). And I hope my blog posts come across in a non-chauvinistic way. As a dad raising a smart, talented, caring, compassionate daughter, I’d love to see the “stereotypical bachelor type who plays women” go the way of the dinosaur. (For that matter, the married players can leave my daughter alone, too!)

I don’t know Random Esq. and don’t suggest he’s anything like that. I’m sure he’s a great guy.

Meanwhile, I’m learning tons from reading Single Mom Seeking and Ms. Single Mama and other blogs that are enlightening me to the mysteries of women. Keep on blogging - everyone has something to say, and we all can learn something from each other.

Hi ladies,

I have probably been reading Random E. for roughly as long as you have (maybe shorter).

I have had the pleasure to chat with him and have email correspondence with him, and take it from me, he is genuine.

His only fault is that he is too charming, but can you blame him? His parents/role models raised him well. He has respect for women and that is such an endearing trait these days.

I may be the only one who saw this right off the bat, but I read him in seconds and came to the conclusion that he shares one very troublesome trait with me and that is of the ‘harmless flirt’.

He likes attention.

He likes LOTS of attention.

From women.

Is that such a bad thing? I don’t know exactly what he was telling you in his email, but you can be sure that he drops compliments left right and centre because he really sees the good and amazing in people, and he does not feel the need to withhold expressing such honest sentiments.

He may have been sexually interested in both of you, curious about single moms etc., but can you really blame him for liking BOTH of you? After all, birds of the same feather flock together. “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are”. This is what I feel, that both of you are more alike than you realise and he is probably attracted to the quirks shared by you two. It is your similarities afterall that made the two of you such good friends, is it not?

Another reason he might have been dropping the same line is because he is a lawyer. They learn very quickly to copy and paste It does not mean they don’t mean what they copied, it just saves them time.

He’s a good egg.

I am only typing out this reply because I have been on the receiving end of similar suspicious questions by people wondering about my intentions because I am such a lifelong flirt it does not even occur to me that I am flirting anymore. I flirt with men (and women, although I am straight) all the time. The point I am trying to make is that I love flattering people and all the comments and compliments I make are always genuine.

So, our Esquire could be engaging in just a bit of ego boosting harmless banter or he could be seriously sexually flirting with you, but they don’t have to be mutually exclusive now, do they?

Of course, I could be totally wrong…

x

Cara

PS: Singlemomseeking, I don’t think you went too far. If anything I commend you for looking out for the sisterhood. More women need to do that. I think Random will eventually come around to understanding your motives.

If I’ve not made much sense it’s because I suffer from insomnia and am in the middle of an episode right now. It’s almost 7a.m. and I have not slept since yesterday.

PPS: For the record, I don’t think he is remotely good looking. From the way he writes, he comes across as an average looking guy, maybe leaning towards the ‘plain’ side.

I’m not usually wrong about such things

As Ms. Single Mama said so well on her blog today, every single mom we know has come across the same conundrum. Here’s this really sweet, charming, intelligent man who says that he’s ready for a family… and who seems to be fond of single moms.

Is he ready? Dating us does not just mean dating a lovely, smart, assertive woman… who are in in a whole different league. That’s what Ms. Single Mama and I write about. And that’s why you all come here, right?

Cara: I appreciated your comment on Ms. Single Mama’s blog, to Random. You said:

“These women obviously did not mean to harm you or shame you or even ridicule you. Not in the slightest. They are only looking out for single mothers and probably feel that they ought to ‘out’ any piranhas preying on the vulnerabilities and sensibilities of single mothers.”

“They are a very different breed in the sense that they come with a very special package that will remain in their lives forever, and these are cherished lives. A child is only with mom for a few years and then they are gone (out into the adult world). Mothers have but a few precious years to enjoy that growing and maturing phase with their children….The child is usually their number one priority.”

Thanks for this!!

Wow SMS, thanks for this (and your comment on my blog).

It seems staying up for almost 30 hours does good things to my brain.

Random Esquire is one of the few people who know I survive on just two fatigued brain cells

While it’s not unusual to draw conclusions about someone when you read posts online or even email with them, it’s not the same as meeting them. It’s very easy to stray away from the known and try to fill in the gaps as it’s human nature, but the truth is you can’t judge everything about someone from their posts and you certainly can’t draw a conclusion about what they look like

Every blog presents itself with a voice. It’s clear from this blog that you’re a single mother and you will certainly have a voice that will possibly draw in other single mothers as well. RE has posts that draw you to the funny banter that goes on in a cast of characters that you learn about in a few short sentences.

But I will say that no matter what you can’t judge a book by its cover. My wife was a single mom when we first met and I would say I had very little interest in becoming a dad or even getting married. I’m a firm believer that love happens, it’s not guided by a set of rules and doesn’t necessarily happen by looking for a set of parameters. My wife wasn’t a set of adjectives that could describe single mothers - she was someone who I first met (online actually) and I came to know in person and fell in love with. We’re very happily married and I love her to death.

Anyhow, just thought I’d comment. This situation has been both interesting to read about, but it’s also been fun to look at myself and others with.

Keep on blogging

Dear Rachel,

I looked through Esquire’s blog with single dad’s eyes and with guy’s eyes. Frankly, it looked like a regular guy pulling snippets of conversations out of his day and posting them. I can only imagine what we’d read if others posting here and elsewhere had blogs and did the same!

So when Esquire writes about boobs and butts and mattresses in the same sentence I just read it with a grain of salt — it ain’t no big thang. And when he talks about trading his black book for a family I assume that for that moment that’s how he’s feeling. Who here hasn’t thought of having their family back again at one time? And who here hasn’t secretly wished that he or she had their own little black book to get them through the rough spots (with that bottle of wine)?

Esquire said he didn’t write about his lean times when he as alone with his dog and his broken heart. It was too hard. So I’d say the guy has thrown on a pretty thick emotional coat after this breakup and is living his life in a place where he feels comfortable.

Part of that place includes writing publicly about what’s on his mind and on his sleeve from time to time. Selective piggishness seems to be on that menu, too.

Maybe he just needs more time to get it all out there in the universe. He’s already reached out for the Single Mom Sisterhood through blogs and emails — and the conversations continue despite certain misgivings by bloggers and posters alike!

So he can’t be all that bad, eh?

P.S. Thirteen years ago my best friend suggested that I should try dating a single mom. So I did. And I married her. And her three kids became ours and we raised them together. It was awesome!

Ah…spring time drama.

Lynch: Wow, what a story! Thanks so much for putting that down here. I appreciate the tips re: “love happens.”

CH: You’re right, I probably take a man’s words too seriously sometimes… men say things, and then forget. Ha ha. Really, it’s true what you and Lynch say: blogging is a moment in time, when you write something on your sleeve, and then you change clothes.

“P.S. Lastly, I can’t help but wonder how Ms. Single Mama got a spot on your Blogroll… but I didn’t? Do tell.”

I was just going to say the same thing.

-R.

I’ve put some thought into this over the last few days…and I’m going to get banned for saying it…and I may have misinterpreted something along the way…

My question is, if you are enamored with the charming single person the way they are right now, what will you think when they throw the little black book away and jump into or start a family? How is that going to change that person and will you be happy with who that person becomes? Will you be happy if they stay the flirtatious and witty person that they are, or will you be jealous and distrustful? Are you willing to change who you are for a family or do you want to stay the same person?

I’m not applying these questions to anyone in particular, but when dug really deep and thought about some of the relationships I have been in, this is what surfaced. Was I happy with who they were, but wanted them to change in some way? Was I happy with myself, but thought I needed to change to make them happier or keep the relationship together? I do not think that either one is a recipe for a good relationship.

CC Dad: You will never be banned… good questions. Really. Thank you.